Lachlan

As we descended the stairs toward the party Magnus' pack was throwing, he grew visibly more anxious. In fact, Magnus looked about as nervous as I should be feeling. Somehow, his obvious distress soothed my own. If there had been any doubt about Magnus taking my safety seriously, his furrowed brows and wide, watchful eyes would have shut it down.

We reached the bottom of the staircase and I could see people bustling around, getting everything set up. People carried chafing dishes, bunches of balloons, and what looked like a long roll of tarp.

"Magnus, where have you been? The grill's ready and waiting for you," a bushy-bearded man called. He laughed jovially and Magnus, even as nervous as he was, joined in.

The man moved on and I looked up at Magnus. "What's the joke?"

He waved a dismissive hand. "The tradition used to be that the alpha would work the grill at pack events... until my first barbeque. They didn't believe me when I told them how hopeless I am at grilling."

"And it went badly?" I asked when he trailed off, scanning the room around us the soft look of nostalgia.

His eyes snapped to me and it was like he snapped out of a trance. "What? Oh, yeah. It went badly. We ended up ordering a truckload of pizza and I haven't gone near a grill since. Mel wouldn't let me live it down for almost a year."

I smiled at that. "You know, I can work a grill. I can teach you if you'd like."

Magnus clapped a hand over my mouth, his eyes wide and panicked while they darted around the room. "Not so loud! Do you have any idea how much work grilling for this many people is?"

After all my slip-ups with the no-touching rule, I could hardly be upset that he forgot. Better to just enjoy a nice moment with my boyfriend. I pressed my lips to his palm before pulling away. "Baby."

Magnus and I smiled at each other for a lovely, warm moment before anxiety filled his eyes and erased his smile once again. He reached for my hand and snatched his back at the last second. "Come on, follow me," he said urgently.

We went down the long hallway near the stairwell, past loads of closed doors, until he stopped and opened one. I followed him into the room and looked around. It was a suite, a pretty nice one that looked completely unlived-in. There was a little kitchen area with a small refrigerator, an electric kettle, and a toaster oven. A small sitting room was across from the long island dividing the room. The couch faced huge windows that revealed a stunning expanse of forest.

"Why are we here?" I asked.

"I need to know exactly what dangers supernatural people pose to you," Magnus said, facing me with the most serious expression I had ever seen him wear. All traces of light and joy were tucked somewhere deep within him. It struck me as so wrong that I would have told him just about anything in that moment just to end this conversation and put a smile back on his face.

Still, werewolves had very good hearing and we weren't so very far from a hoard of them. Not to mention, this place was obviously not lived in, but I didn't know about the adjacent units. There was no telling who could hear us. "This isn't a conversation I can have here," I said.

Magnus' brow furrowed before smoothing out. "It's okay. We soundproof each residence. No one would want to live here if we didn't."

Made sense. "Can we sit?"

I followed Magnus to the couch, where he sat down and watched me expectantly. "The biggest danger is blood," I said. "If supernatural blood gets into my body through a cut or something, I'll change." My stomach twisted in knots just thinking about it. I had seen plenty of my family get through the change and come out the other side still themselves, still happy with their lives. I had also seen the cases where a species change erased the person I knew before and replaced them with a stranger. It was like that with my own mom, a woman who used to be a devoted mother and who had abandoned me within weeks of turning with hardly a look back.

"You're safe with me," Magnus said softly. His eyes were pleading when I met them.

"I know that, Magnus. It's just hard to talk about this."

He nodded slowly, still pleading. "I'm sorry, Lach. I need to know so I can protect you. I should have asked sooner, but I kept putting it off. You said blood is the biggest danger. What else is there?"

Now I couldn't help smiling. "You don't have to worry about protecting me from the other danger. Not at the party, anyway," I amended hastily. He looked adorably confused until I elaborated, "Sex, Magnus. Unprotected sex would turn me, too."

His cheeks and ears went vivid pink and the flush crept down his neck while I watched. I couldn't resist teasing a little. "Are you going to be okay?"

Magnus' blush deepened and he wouldn't meet my eyes as he nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for explaining." He glanced up for just a second before his eyes focused on his fingers, which were twisted together. "We should get back out there."

"Okay."

And I found that I wasn't all that worried about it at all... not with Magnus at my side.

--

The party lasted for hours. It started mid-afternoon and hadn't disbanded yet even though it was growing dark. There were several fire pits scattered through the field behind the pack house. They were all lit now, along with several tiki torches. The perishable food had been put away hours ago, but every so often a few people would go into the house and come out with trays full of some new treat.

Magnus and I were sitting next to each other in lawn chairs by one of the bonfires. He had spent most of the afternoon and evening darting through the press of people, chatting with each of them and occasionally giving advice or answering the odd question. It let me see another side of Magnus the Leader: the side that really cared about each of his pack mates. He knew these people, knew so many details about their lives, and when he asked them how they were doing you knew he really cared about the answer.

I didn't know what, exactly, being an alpha meant. I knew he was in charge, but just how much power did he have over these people? His interactions with them didn't give much away. He treated every person like a good friend and they tended to treat him the same way. Yet when he made a quiet suggestion, his words were taken to heart.

Magnus and I weren't the only ones around this fire, but we were sitting far enough away from the others that I had no trouble pretending we were. Everett, Felix, and Griffin were here with us until recently – they had to go put Griffin to bed. Meleri was sitting on the ground near a different bonfire, chatting with people Magnus had introduced earlier as warriors.

A shriek sounded from deep in the woods. I was so startled, I tried to jump to my feet but ended up tangling my feet in the legs of my chair. I would have fallen if Magnus hadn't caught me around my waist and set me back down on my feet. Even once I was steady again, he didn't release me.

"It's okay," he said quietly. "That's just Callie. Her first shift started."

The girl shrieked again, and it was a sound full of terror. "Is she okay?"

His thumbs swept over my hips in comforting arches. "She's fine. It can be scary your first time, and it hurts some. She'll be okay, though. Her parents are with her and the beginning's the worst part."

I couldn't keep my eyes off the woods after that. Though I listened hard for more, they were ominously silent.

Just how much did shifting hurt? And how scared would you have to be to make sounds like she had?

Magnus and I waited in silence, though maybe he was just tired and not anxiously waiting to see what happened next. It couldn't have been more than ten minutes before he suddenly sat up straight and looked at me with bright eyes before staring intently at the tree line behind us.

A tiny wolf strode out with two larger ones flanking her. When she missed a step with her front paw, one of the adults darted forward so she fell against him instead of to the ground.

This had to be her, the girl who just had her first shift. She was undeniably clumsy in this form, but there was no missing the joy in her eyes or the excited wagging of her tail. The only thing that could have ripped my eyes away from her in that moment was Magnus when he took off his shirt.

I stared at him as his hands went to his waist and he unbuttoned his jeans. His thumbs hooked into his boxers before he looked at me uncertainly. "I need to shift," he said. "It's tradition. You're not pack, so no one will think too much about you staying human even though you smell like one of us. Just stay close to me, okay?"

My heart pounded in anticipation. Maybe I should have been afraid – a quick glance around at the crowd of stripping people was enough to confirm that everyone was about to shift – but I was too excited. I had never seen Magnus in his wolf form before and it was a little surprising how badly I wanted to.

"Okay," I said.

Magnus smiled hesitantly and toyed with the edges of his boxers before he pushed them down, standing before me completely nude for just a second before his form blurred and changed. I blinked and missed the most crucial moments – Magnus was already done shifting when my eyes opened.

He sat down in front of me and watched me expectantly, clearly waiting for something. Trouble was, I had no idea what he was waiting for. It was frustrating enough that the mind link Magnus had told me about – the one bonded mates shared – started to sound less invasive and more appealing.

Magnus whined and I instinctively ran a hand over his head. His fur looked soft and fluffy, but it was almost wiry to the touch. The fur behind his ears, though, felt incredible. His eyes half-closed in pleasure and he leaned into my touch, startling a laugh out of me.

I was petting my boyfriend.

The thought was surreal, especially since any petting I ever expected to do with Magnus involved a lot more privacy and a lot less clothing.

All too soon, Magnus stood up and headed for the wolves that swarmed around the newly-shifted girl. He looked back every few steps to make sure I was closely following him until I resigned myself to walking with my hand on his back. It was a little awkward since I had to bend down a little to reach him, but it soothed him, so it was worth it.

Dozens of wolves were running through the clearing in all directions. Some stood in small clusters or laid down together. Most of the wolves were jumping around with the girl, the smallest of them all. Whenever she stumbled or swayed, several wolves jumped to help her. Magnus looked as excited as a puppy as he took it all in.

If it weren't for me, he would be in the throng, I knew. Playing like only a child or Magnus could, maybe even tripping over his four paws the way he sometimes tripped over his two feet. I hated that I was keeping him from joining in the celebration, but he seemed happy just to stand at my side, taking it all in.

Even in his wolf form, I could see how much he loved the people here. His pack. Even though I was surrounded by predators who could rip through me with little effort, I wasn't scared for even a second – and it wasn't just because of Magnus at my side. No, it was impossible to fear them when they played like this, with such abandon and joy. We stayed there on the fringes for a long time, watching.

Later that night, Magnus dropped me off at home. He got out of the car to give me a tight hug and to press a kiss to the top of my head and then he was gone. It hurt, watching him drive away. It hurt more when I walked into my dark house and looked around at the empty life I had built.

Magnus might not have turned his house into a home yet, but it was clear he belonged with that pack. He had people in his life, so many people, who cared about him just as much as he cared about them. He had a family he was close to, so close that he trusted them with dangerous secrets without a moment's hesitation. And I might not understand all of Magnus' responsibilities, but it was obvious he was important to his pack. They looked to him for guidance.

And I...

I had a house that might as well be a hotel suite. I had a no relationship with my family except for my father and two cousins who were too forgiving after the years I spent distancing myself. I worked alone and if something happened to me, my clients would find a new web designer and move on without a thought.

I had left this town years ago seeking independence and a human life, and what had it really gotten me?

I always knew Magnus was a light... I just never realized how dark my life was until I met him. He had shown me what it was like to exist in that warmth. Now, after spending a whole day basking in it, I wasn't ready to be in the dark again.

I almost called Magnus and asked him to come back, but I put down the phone just before hitting "call" and got on with my night. It was late and we both had work in the morning. Besides, I rationalized, I would see him tomorrow. We hadn't made explicit plans, but I thought we were past the point of needing them.

As I got ready for bed, I told myself I was fine alone so many times that I almost – almost – started to believe it.