Jungkook was buzzed.

He felt drunk; not that he knows what being drunk feels like, because frankly, he's a bit of a loser. But still. He felt drunk.

He walked with a little bounce in his step back to the barbeque area. Saw Jimin rush up to him. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's great," Jungkook said, a smile on his face, staring into the distance. "Everything's fucking amazing."
"Um. Okay. I don't want to know why Youngjae looks so freaked out- anyways; Yugyeom's looking for you." Jimin called out, and Jungkook walked away, feeling just a little floaty, a little lost like he could start dancing like he was on clouds. Fucking clouds.

"Jungkook? Youngjae, is he high?" Jimin asked the boy, who shook his head.

"No. You're high. I didn't see anything. Shut up Jimin." Youngjae stammered and then ran off. Jimin rose his eyebrow in confusion.

"Hey!" Yugyeom called, running over to Jimin. "Is Jungkook alright?"

"Yeah he's- um- swinging around that lamppost," Jimin said, pointing at Jungkook who was swinging around a lamppost.

"Damn, did he get some of that alcohol that's going around?" Yugyeom snickered, and Jimin shrugged. "And where's V?"

"I don't know..." Jimin trailed, and then looked away, wondering if Taehyung disappearing and Jungkook looking so happy had some sort of correlation.
Yugyeom rushed up to Jungkook, who was stood gripping the lamppost, looking into the distance with a small smile on his face. "Hey man... you good?"

"Great," Jungkook said, and Yugyeom hummed, and then scratched the back of his neck, a nervous instinct. "Where'd you go?"

"Oh... y'know.... nowhere," Jungkook said, smiling to himself.

"Right," Yugyeom said after that dumb response. He snickered awkwardly. "That was weird, huh? What V did back there-"

"V?" Jungkook said, suddenly snapping his attention to Yugyeom. "Is he here? Where is he? I-I thought he left- he- he's here?" Jungkook asked with big eyes, and Yugyeom's breath hitched.

"Yeah. Um- you know what! You go find V. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends." Yugyeom mumbled, turning around and walking away, hands in his pockets.

Jimin walked up to Jungkook and grabbed his arm roughly. "What is wrong with you?"
"Huh?"

"Yugyeom's a perfectly good guy who seems to be into you- and you're brushing him off for that dickhole that took advantage of you?? Get over it, Jungkook! I'm really sorry, but it's never going to-"

"Jimin," Jungkook said, and then grabbed Jimin by his shoulders. "V kissed him."

Jimin paused. "He what."

"He kissed-"

"What?! When?"

"When we ran off! I started yelling at him, but then he-" Jungkook started, and then leaned against the pillar, biting his bottom lip while looking away shyly. "Pushed me against a wall and just started kissing me and- oh- it's so romantic," Jungkook squeaked, hands against his face. Jimin rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, Cinderella. What did he do after he kissed you?" Jimin asked.

"Youngjae saw us so V ran off. If he didn't- I'd be under him right now." Jungkook said, pointing his finger up righteously.

"Ew," Jimin shuddered and then sighed. "Look, Kookie. I love you, I really do. You're like a little sister to me. But do you really want to restart that cycle with V? Haven't you been happy with Yugyeom? That guy's nice! And- and he doesn't bully people, and isn't homophobic, and isn't, like, an asshole, and-"

"Look, Park. Something is clearly up if he kissed me. My stupid plan of making him jealous worked! He's clearly not over me." Jungkook said, and Jimin sighed.

"I'm gonna be honest, Kook. You sound really annoying right now."

"You sound really annoying right now!" Jungkook snapped.

"He was an asshole to you! Just let him go! He's doesn't deserve you. I don't want to see you go through all that again-"

"I won't, Jiminie. I felt it when he kissed me. That- that longing. That hunger. He's wanted me from the start, he just doesn't know it." Jungkook said, voice going soft.

"He doesn't know it because he's a homophobic asshole who-"

"Shut it, Jimin. You don't know him." Jungkook said, and then turned. "I know what I'm doing," Jungkook mumbled. "Tomorrow we'll talk things out, and everything will go back to how it was. Or maybe better than how it was," Jungkook said softly, butterflies in his tummy.

///

"Mommy mommy look!" A loud squeal emerged, and the sounds of heels clicking against the marble floorboards increased. "I got an invitation to Michi's birthday party!"

The young woman walked into the room, ponytail high, a flowy dress on her as she saw the 6-year-old boy standing by his bed with tufts of his brown hair.

"TaeTae got an invitation to a birthday party?" Seoyeon, Taehyung's mother, said warmly with a smile, wrapping her arms around her son and picking him up.

"Yes, Mumma. Look- he gave it to me in school." Taehyung squeaked, and Seoyeon gave him a feathery kiss on the forehead, fondly staring at her son.

"Who is he? Is he the boy with the curly hair?"

"No no. He just moved here from Japan! He's very nice." Taehyung said giddily, his big eyes glimmering in the sunlight, rosy cheeks chubby.

"I'm glad to see you making friends, honeybear," Seoyeon whispered, placing him onto the bed, where he began jumping, hair moving back and forth.

"Yes. I really like him, Mumma! He's very nice and- and very pretty." Taehyung said, holding the invitation tightly in his hands.

Seoyeon chuckled, picking up strewn toys and putting them in their place. "Really?"

"He shares his lunch with me too! Mommy- remember that movie we watched where the boy gave the pretty girl a flower?" Taehyung said excitedly, looking at his mother brightly. "Miss Tai helped me pick out a rose and I gave it to Michi!"

Seoyeon turned to look at Taehyung, to ensure he hadn't fallen off the bed, and to talk to him clearly. "Oh. And miss Tai allowed that?"

"Yes! She said it was fine for boys to give other boys flowers and other things. And then Michi told me his mommy always kisses his daddy on the cheek at night, so he gave me one too!" Taehyung giggled, pointing at his cheek. "Right here, mommy! Look!"

Seoyeon's smile faded. She looked down, a little hesitant, a little worried. Looked back at Taehyung. "Taehyungie," Seoyeon said, sitting down on the bed. Taehyung jumped onto her lap. She took the invitation out of his hand, holding him tightly. "Promise me you'll never do something like that again?"

"Like what, mommy?" Taehyung asked, tilting his head.

"Look little one, this-this could be confusing... but boys don't like boys. Boys like girls," She said in a soft voice. "You... you must like girls, okay? I don't want you giving Michi flowers and- and I definitely don't want him kissing your cheek."

Taehyung looked confused, upset, a lot to take into his little mind. "But... why mommy? You said I should love everyone." Taehyung squeaked.

"I know- and- and you should, darling. But... there's a different kind of love. You won't understand. Just- promise me you won't do something like this again?"

Taehyung looked hesitant, so Seoyeon kissed his forehead. "Hey, listen to me," She whispered. "You're small. I just- I-I just want to protect you. Daddy will get very angry with you if you do, okay?"

Little Taehyung's eyes grew big at that, and he shook his head, hugging his mother tightly. "Daddy's scary!"

"I know... he's mean and scary. You don't want him being a meanie, do you?"

"N-no, mommy."

"See! My good little boy. Now go play outside for a little," Seoyeon whispered, and Taehyung nodded. He jumped down her lap and ran out of the room, squealing in excitement, a little confused, but knowing his mother's word was more important than anyone else's.

///

"Did you hear?"

"I know! It's so crazy! Didn't expect it from V, if I'm honest."

"Right? All the girls must be really upset!"

"I think it's just a phase, to be honest. It's not going to last."

Jungkook's eyes were widened as he walked down the hallways, every word blurring into an alarm in his head. What was going on? It sounded an awful lot like.... something that Jungkook thought Taehyung would never do. He rushed into the cafeteria, saw his friends sitting in the middle as they usually did.

"What's going on?" Jungkook asked frantically and saw Jimin snap his head towards him in an instant.

"Nothing. Nothing happened Kook, let's just go-" Jimin said, and Yoongi pulled him down, and then looked at Jungkook with a smirk.

"It's about V," Yoongi said, and Jungkook sat down beside Jimin.

"What about him?" Jungkook asked, feeling a weird nervousness in his stomach.

"He finally decided to come out-" Namjoon started, and Jungkook's eyes widened.

"What?!" Jungkook let out rather loudly, and Jin glared at him. "Let the boy finish, damn."

"He finally decided to come out of his little 'fuckboy' phase." Namjoon finished, and Jungkook tilted his head slightly in confusion.

"What?" Jungkook asked softer, and Jimin put his hand on his back securely.

Suddenly Jungkook heard a loud familiar cackle. Jungkook turned his head to two tables in front of them, and his eyes widened.

"It's V," He heard one of the boys say, brain too fuzzy to comprehend who. "He asked Eka to be his girlfriend."

Jungkook froze for a few seconds, staring straight ahead. It was Taehyung with Eka on his lap, kissing her with- with that passion Jungkook saw in his eyes the night before.

And for a second, he felt that again. Felt his heart crumble like it did when he saw Taehyung with Eka the first time; except this time, it was different. Why?

"Kookie," Jimin almost pleaded. "Let's go now."

Jungkook sat where he was, staring into Taehyung and Eka. His insides caved into themselves, heartfelt wilted, confused, questioning- why, why, why?

Why did he kiss him?

Why did he ask Eka out?

Why- Why was Jungkook so goddamn stupid?

To get his hopes up again? To act so foolishly towards Taehyung- to think the grey-haired boy would ever think about Jungkook or how anything affected him?

Didn't it bother him Didn't he get a glimpse of Jungkook in his mind? Didn't he- didn't he care? Even the slightest?

What the fuck was wrong with Jungkook? Did he make all this bullshit up in his head? All the desire, the longing, the deep-rooted gut-wrenching stupid fucking feelings. Did he make up all of it in his mind? None of it was real, was it?

Jungkook didn't even realize Taehyung walked over to them. Jungkook couldn't help but look at him. How he cockily smirked and walked with such confidence; you wouldn't think he'd just broken a heart.

"V! Settling down, huh?" Hoseok laughed, and Taehyung snickered.

"Guess so," Taehyung mumbled, and Namjoon nodded. "Good job, man. She's hot."

"Oh shut up, Namjoon. V, how'd you ask her out?" Jin asked.

"On text," Taehyung mumbled, and Yoongi snickered. "When?"

"Last night. After the- um- the barbeque thing."

"Is that where you went off to?" Jin asked, and Taehyung nodded, and god, it felt like another stab to the chest. Jungkook mattered that fucking less to him, huh? That he didn't think, didn't mull over it, just asked Eka out the moment after he kissed Jungkook.

Another regret to add to his list.

"You must really liked her." One of the boys asked.
Jungkook looked up and saw Taehyung looking at him with a look on his face which Jungkook couldn't read. But he'd given up. He's never be able to understand how Taehyung feels. Not now, not ever. He's tired of assuming how he feels and then getting let down. Taehyung never cared, and he never will.

"Yeah," Taehyung said, and Jungkook looked down, trying his hardest to hold it together; but fuck, it was hard, it was so fucking hard.

"V!" Loud voices emerged, and Jungkook felt himself weaken on the inside. It was all the other football guys, all crowding around their table to talk to V or laugh or whatever- whatever. Jungkook couldn't hear a thing.

"Jeez, I guess you can be an asshole and still get a girlfriend."

"Nice guys really do finish last."

"Oh shut up. You're all assholes."

"Says you. Saw you flirting with Jennie by the lockers, being a proper gentleman and all that loser shit."
"V was the last one to have a girlfriend before high school ended, we did it! All of us have had girlfriends!"

It was all like white noise at this point, as loud as sirens, and he felt like he was sitting on a dirt road, watching the loudest of ambulances go past and past and not stop for a second.

"That's not true! Jungkookie here hasn't had a girlfriend yet, has he?" One of the guys said, and Jungkook felt a hand ruffle his hair.

"That's right! Jungkook, when are you getting a girlfriend, man?"

"Yeah. Don't even see you looking at girls. I mean, that's some fucking self-control right there."

"Shut up guys." Jimin snapped, and then tugged on Jungkook's arm. "Seriously Kook, let's get out of here-"

"Stop being a fucking wanker, Park. Let's find Jungkook a girlfriend!" Another guy said, and Jungkook was lost. Lost looking straight ahead of him, into nothing.
"What kind of girls do you like anyway?"

Loud, blaring white noise.

"A lot of the girls are into you, dude. You just need to stop being so scared,"

Nothing. It meant nothing. All their words were bullshit. All of Jungkook's words were bullshit. Everything Taehyung and he were; it was all bullshit. It never meant anything. Not to Taehyung, it never did.

"I'm not getting a girlfriend," Jungkook said dryly, words around him feeling like a tsunami which was drowning him; Jungkook was drowning.

Jungkook looked at Taehyung. Saw him looking down, uninterested, bored, and god fucking damnit, Jungkook felt angry. Raging. All these months of pining and kissing and fucking and it meant absolutely nothing to him! All that time Jungkook wasted over abso-fucking-lutely nothing!

"What're you so scared of, man?" One of the guys said, and Jungkook finally let his breath hitch. It's when he realized.
MEET THE WRITER BEHIND THE WORDS
That's all they ever were, and all they could ever be. Just two bodies using each other for sex. Nothing less, nothing more.

There were never any feelings in the first place.

Jungkook felt himself riling up. What was he so scared of?

"Seriously bro, are you gonna go all of high school without getting a girl?"

"Yeah," Jungkook said, and then felt something rushing through his veins. Anger. Pure fucking anger that caused him to go crazy and be spontaneous. "I'm not. You know what, Yoongi? I'm not gonna get a girlfriend. Ever." Jungkook said lowly, and Jimin looked at him with widened eyes.

"Why though?"

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, who now seemed to be looking at him with peculiarity.

Jungkook looked at him. All the 13 other boys on the table. Words began swirling in his stomach like a tornado, going up and up and up- until it was right at the tip of his tongue and all he needed was a little push to let it out, and-

"I'm gay!" Jungkook said loudly, hands balling into fists.

There was a silence.

"I'm super! Fucking! Gay! And I don't like girls!" He shouted.

Jimin had his hand against his face, covering it. Namjoon's eyes widened. Jin gasped. Yoongi's eyebrows furrowed. Hoseok looked at him in confusion. The other guys all looked surprised. Yugyeom just looked a little pleased; and Taehyung?

Expressionless. As fucking always.

"Y-you're what?" Namjoon let out.

"Homosexual." Jungkook articulated angrily, looking at him with his piercing eyes. "I'm fucking queer. Gay. A faggot, whatever you want to call it!"

Jungkook must've not realized how loud he was, because every single person in the cafeteria was looking at him with widened eyes. Some looked disgusted, some looked shocked, and some looked delightful but hid it well.

Oh, fuck it. He's already out now, what's the worst that could happen? "Did everyone hear that??" Jungkook said loudly, reaching forward and climbing onto the cafeteria table, until he was standing up high, with everyone looking up at him.

"I'm gay!" He shouted into the skies (ceiling of the cafeteria), and the silence that came with the words was odd... mystifying. He felt powerful. So fucking powerful. Felt like he had the whole world in his palms at this very moment.

He felt so free.

"I'm gay. I'm really really gay." Jungkook said a few times, and then realized he did it. He said it out loud. Everyone knew. Every single person now knew that Jungkook was gay. He grinned. "I'm everything you fear! I'm a man, and I like men! I like boys! I like dicks!"

"Jungkook, w-what're you doing?" Taehyung let out softly, and Jungkook looked at him with a certain intensity.

"I'm doing what's right," He snapped lowly, so only Taehyung could hear.

"Get off the table," Jungkook heard Jimin mumble in embarrassment. Jimin grabbed his ankles and pulled him off.

Jungkook climbed onto the floor, and then looked around. Everyone was still looking at him, wide-eyed, shocked, silent. Jungkook gulped. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he shouldn't have.

But then, just seeing Taehyung's face was enough. A look of... guilt? Fear? A yearning for something he hasn't understood yet?

So Jungkook walked up to him, looked closely at him; and then whispered. "Fuck you."

And then Jungkook turned around and walked out of the cafeteria, not caring that he just dropped a bomb onto all of them, not caring that the next days, weeks, months would be full of homophobic side comments and awkward distancing.

After all. He was free, wasn't he?