two days passed slowly.

it was now the day of taehyung and bogum's date.

previously, taehyung had been excited. however, taehyung hadn't even cracked a smile since the fiasco with jeongguk.

jeongguk was avoiding him and he didn't blame him.

taehyung hated himself for what he said to jeongguk. he knew he didn't mean it because he was angry. the words that came out of taehyung's mouth when he was mad were never pretty and, most of the time, utter bullshit.

jeongguk knew this too but he just couldn't bring himself to face the other boy. even if the words were empty, they were still said. they still hurt.

taehyung thought about just calling off the date but he decided against it when he remembered that bogum was actually a really good person and he didn't wanna drop him so last minute without a good excuse since he wouldn't be able to tell him the real reason. he also decided that maybe just getting off campus and hanging out with a friend for the day was exactly what he needed at the moment.

that still didn't change how sad he was, though.

jeongguk hadn't even slept at their dorm since their fight. the only time he saw him was by coinsidence around campus or when he came to pick up clean clothes from the room.

when taehyung saw him, he wasn't expecting him to greet him with so much love like how he did before. however, when he saw him around, he wouldn't even wave. not even a little nod. he'd just completely divert his eyes away or just pull his phone out and start scrolling on random social medias.

it hurt.

jeongguk was the only person that taehyung fully trusted. sure, the other five boys were his best friends too, heck, namjoon was his brother, but jeongguk was always the closest with him.

he grew up with jeongguk since they were barely toddlers. you know how most people have that one thing from when they were a baby or a child that they'll never let go of? like a little blanket or a special toy? well, for taehyung, jeongguk was that. jeongguk was taehyung's support mechanism as well as all of his other roles in tae's life.

now that taehyung didn't have that little protective sheild, he felt weaker than normal. he'd always been sensitive but, without jeongguk, it was worse.

because of his emotional nature, he'd cry easily. when jeongguk was still on good terms with him, he wasn't afraid to cry because he knew that he'd have that shoulder to lean on. but now that jeongguk hated him, he was scared to cry in the fear that he'd never stop for hours.

despite all this and more, taehyung refused to feel sorry for himself.

what jeongguk said would replay in his mind every single time he thought that he was starting to pity himself.

"don't try and make me feel sorry for you when you don't fucking deserve sympathy!"

he's right tae, you don't deserve sympathy. it's all your fault that he hates you now so just act like a grown man for once in your fucking life and stop being such a crybaby bitch.

that being said, taehyung stepped into the shower to get ready for his date.

something about calling it a date made him uncomfortable now. he knew what the "something" was but he pushed it to the back of his mind since whatever hope he had for that was already washed down the drain at this point.

he washed his hair slowly and sighed, holding back tears as he thought about the person he'd been thinking about everyday for two days- hell, for years now.

once he was done, he stepped out of the shower and finished getting ready in his room.

considering the fact that it was a "date", taehyung put little to no effort into his appearance since he didn't even care if bogum liked him after this or not. he only cared about one person's opinion and that person was ignoring him so he didn't really give a fuck anymore.

as he brushed his hair, he thought about a fairly recent memory with the same person his mind seemed to love travelling to.

"i'm your taetae?"

"yeah, you're my taetae."

"and- and you're my ggukie? my best friend? and you- you won't ever leave me?"

"yeah, i'm your ggukie and your best friend ever and i'll never ever leave you."

a tear rolled down taehyung's cheek and he groaned at himself.

he looked into the mirror and pointed at his reflection.

"stop fucking crying for once! what is wrong with you? this is why your parents think you're a disappointment! you can't do shit right! you can't even keep a stable friendship, for god's sake. stop being such a crybaby and feeling sorry for yourself."

after that, he put his shoes on and glanced over himself in the mirror once again.

he sighed.

if i don't feel cute at least i look kinda cute. he thought before leaving the dorm to meet bogum outside.

as he walked, looking miserable, everyone who passed by him could tell.

they sent him sad smiles and greeted him with little waves but taehyung didn't care for any of it.

remember, you don't deserve sympathy.

"taehyung!"

he turned around and saw bogum jogging towards him.

he smiled sadly and greeted him, "hey gummie."

"you ready?" bogum asked.

"yeah..."

and so they made their way off campus and to the local cafè on the corner. it was taehyung's favourite place and he used to visit there a lot with his friends but it still didn't excite him.

once they were sat in a booth, they began conversation.

"so, what have you been up to? i haven't seen you around for the last couple days." bogum asked, already looking at him with consoling eyes.

everyone on campus noticed the lack of daily vkook content. it had started ages ago but it was worse since the big ordeal.

no one knew what happened apart from a few people from neighbouring dorms who heard the arguing or people who heard jeongguk shouting and kicking shit in the corridor.

their college was like a highschool in the sense that gossip spread fast. so, it didn't take long for everyone to know that the school's iconic duo were on very bad terms with eachother.

"oh nothing just..."

painting and crying.

"painting and chilling at my dorm, that's all." taehyung answered.

"well, you never take a break from school stuff so i think that having time to relax is good for you." bogum encouraged.

taehyung smiled at him softly, "yeah, maybe."

"speaking of school, how's your project going?"

"it was going pretty good but i just haven't really been in the mood to continue it as of late..." taehyung confessed.

"awh, that's a shame! but make sure you finish it eventually because it's really good."

"i will! i did a painting yesterday actually since i had nothing to do and i was feeling... down? yeah, down."

"well, they say art is one of the many keys to happiness. besides, sometimes sad art is the best art." bogum smiled with a look of pity for the boy in front of him.

taehyung chuckled sadly, "i guess so. i took a photo, d'you wanna see it?"

"sure!"

taehyung pulled out his phone and showed bogum the painting he'd spent the whole of yesterday, without breaks, doing.

(a/n: art credits ---> a watercolour painting called "fragments" by username "skjnik" on instagram!)

"wow, taehyung... that's beautiful. how long did it take you?" bogum asked, in awe.

"i lost track of time while painting it. all i know is that i started in the morning and finished late at night." taehyung giggled.

"that's one thing i admire about your art, y'know." bogum admitted.

"what?"

"you take your time and you never rush. that's why all your pieces are so good."

"all of yours are good too! you're just too impatient." taehyung snickered.

"ugh, i know~ but it's hard because when i start it i'm always so invested for the first half and then i get annoyed and i wanna hurry up and finish it!" bogum groaned.

"so that's why you have a ton of half-finished paintings and pieces that look like you never gave a fuck in your dorm!" taehyung realised.

"exactly!" bogum laughed.

taehyung was suprised that he was actually enjoying himself. maybe he was right about needing to get out of the house with a friend for the day.

at least i was finally right about something.

the waiter soon came over and took their orders.

"umm, an iced americano and blueberry waffles, please." bogum said.

"i'll have a caramel macchiato and strawberry shortcake, thank you." taehyung ordered after.

"alright, i'll be back soon." the waiter said, bowing before he left.

"so, i wasn't gonna say anything but... what's up with you and jeon?" bogum said, not wanting to ruin their hangout which was going well so far but still being curious as ever.

taehyung sighed, "nothing's up."

"c'mon tae, i know you're upset. just because i haven't known you for very long, doesn't mean i can't tell that something's on your mind."

the younger boy huffed, "well... we had a fight. but i'm pretty sure everyone knows that by now..."

"go on..." bogum encouraged.

"we argued about... well, i won't say what it was but it ended up with me calling him a bad friend and him going rage mode on me..." taehyung admitted.

bogum winced, everyone on campus knew about jeongguk's slight anger issues, "oof, that's tough... why'd you say that to him?"

"i never meant it! remember when i told you that i say dumb shit when i'm mad?"

"yeah?"

"well that's what happened. it just slipped out in the moment and i regretted it as soon as i said it. now, he's ignoring me and i'm not even mad at him for it. i almost want him to be mad at me because i deserve it for what i did to him even before the argument." taehyung said, looking down at the table.

"well, if you want jeongguk to forgive you then you need to learn to forgive yourself, tae." bogum said.

"what d'you mean?" taehyung questioned.

"when you and jeongguk make up-"

"you mean if we make up." taehyung interrupted.

"no, i mean when." bogum corrected with a smile.

taehyung sighed.

bogum continued, "as i was saying, when you two make up, jeongguk won't want you to be still beating yourself up. sometimes you have to forgive and forget, even if it takes time. sure, there are some situations where the relationship between two people is broken and can never be restored but, in your case, it can be. you and jeongguk have been together through thick and thin and you love eachother. are you really gonna let one argument ruin that? sure, you two bicker a lot but you never fight this bad. that means that this is probably the worst fight you've ever had right?"

"yeah..."

"exactly, the worst fight you've ever had was over who's a bad friend or not. think about that. can you really not work through that? your friendship has lasted over a decade and a half and your gonna let a word slip-up break all of that apart? really? i mean, i know there was more to it than that but you know what i mean."

the more bogum talked, the more taehyung thought about it. then he realised just how precious his friendship with jeongguk is. sure, he treasured their friendship, but hearing the way bogum expanded on the situatuon really made him realise that he hadn't lost his bestfriend yet and that he didn't want it to get to that point. ever.

"you and jeongguk need to talk. to be honest, seeing the two of you around the school looking so miserable makes me sad. heck, the whole class has seen it." bogum admits.

"i know... everyone keeps on giving me pity glances." taehyung chuckled dryly.

"as they should. look, i know that jeongguk is, from what i assume, more "in the right" than you... but that doesn't mean that you don't have feelings too. you're both hurting right now."

the waiter set their food on the table and the boys thanked him.

"can we drop this? this is supposed to be about us anyway." taehyung suggested, trying to stop thinking about jeongguk.

"i'd rather talk about this. now, how do you feel about jeongguk?" bogum asked, smiling as usual.

"what are you? my therapist?" taehyung rolled his eyes.

"no, i'm your friend. now tell me how you feel about him." bogum argued.

"how do i feel right now?"

bogum nodded and taehyung thought for a second before he replied.

"well, i miss him. a lot. we haven't hung out together in like a month. and i love him. a lot. he's my best friend and he always has been. and the fact that i didn't really realise that i was treating him like shit until he screamed it in my face makes me feel so bad because i didn't mean to hurt him. i just want him to hug me and kiss my forehead like he always used to do but i know that i ruined that from being such a bitch. and the worst part is that i want to make up with him but i don't know how to approach him, where to find him, what to say or how to even begin my apology for being an asshole. it's hard because i know i'm in the wrong but i don't know how to make it right. and even worse than that is that i feel like he hates me since he hasn't come back to the dorm in two days, he didn't answer the texts i tried to send him and he's not speaking to me. he's acting like i fell off the face of his earth and i-"

taehyung stopped, tears welling in his eyes and some falling down his cheeks.

"it just- it hurts. physically. my chest hurts when- when i think about him not- not loving me anymore. i never want that to happen but the way he's acting... it makes me feel like that's already happened." he sobbed.

bogum rubbed circles on his back and handed him a tissue, "it's alright. don't worry. he still loves you, trust me, there's no way he hates your guts in just two days. once you two work things out, it will go back to how it was before."

"are you sure?" taehyung says, sniffling and wiping his face.

"i'm sure. now, c'mon, lets eat this food and then get back on campus." bogum smiled.

"okay." taehyung smiled back at him.

~time skip~

"thanks for dropping me back, gummie. this was nice." taehyung said as they approached his dorm.

"no problem tae. remember what we talked about." bogum replied.

"yeah, i will. by the way, you said that this was a date when you asked me but you didn't really treat it like one... why?" taehyung questioned.

"well, i honestly thought that you and jeon where dating at first until you kept on adressing him as your best friend so then i thought i'd ask you out since you're single and adorable but now... let's just say that there's a different person that i think you should be on a date with." bogum smiled teasingly.

taehyung blushed and punched his arm lightly, "shut up bogummie. i'll see you around."

"of course, see ya tae."

and with that, bogum walked up the stairs to his own room.

as taehyung walked inside, he was suprised to see the exact person that he and bogum were talking about.

his eyes widened to see him just casually sitting on the couch as if he hadn't moved out for two days previously.

what turned his shock into sadness was the fact that jeongguk heard him come in but didn't even say a word to him. he didn't even look up from his phone.

taehyung knew that he had to say something but he couldn't bring himself to. the longer taehyung stood there and stared at him, the more afraid he was to even approach him.

so he ran.

instead of even trying to apologise, he just ran into his room and shut the door. after he locked the door behind him, he slid down against it, breathing heavily.

actually being in the same room as jeongguk, alone, made him realise how difficult talking to him would really be. yeah, he knew it was gonna be hard, but not that hard.

what if i never get the courage to make up with him? then i'll lose him...

he knew that jeongguk had a spare key to unlock the door so he stood up from sitting against it.

he needed a hug.

unfortunately, the person he wanted a hug from had apparently forgotten his exsitence.

he sighed and bent down next to his puppy who was sleeping in his dog bed on the floor. he petted the puppy's long hair who subconciously leaned into his owner's soft touch.

then he walked to the closet, took his shoes off and then pulled out a pair of sweatpants and one of jeongguk's hoodies before putting them on and laying in his own bed.

he curled up in a little ball and inhaled the scent of the hoodie's fabric. it wasn't as comforting as the real jeongguk, but it was close enough for him.

suddenly, he felt something rubbing against his leg and looked to see his dog, yeontan, who had obviously woken up from his nap.

the pup tilted his head at it's owner as if to ask "why you sad, broski?"

taehyung picked up yeontan, layed it next to him and stroked it's fur once again as the dog licked his nose.

sure, yeontan was a rude bitch sometimes. but he was also a softy if his taetae was sad.

it reminded taehyung of jeongguk in a weird way, which made him even more upset.

a tear rolled down his face and he cursed at himself because, once the tears began, they would never end.

yeontan licked the tears off of taehyung's cheeks and snuggled into his side to comfort him through his crying.

he felt so pathetic.

i hurt my best friend and i need to apologise to him. he's in the room nextdoor and what am i doing? i'm sitting in here crying like a baby, again! god, i hate myself.

he cried in silence. no sobs or whimpers. just tears and barely audible sniffles. the walls were thin and he didn't want jeongguk thinking he was even more of a trainwreck than he probably already did.

the light was already off and, soon enough, taehyung fell asleep despite how early it was.

meanwhile with jeongguk,

jeongguk was still sitting there, just thinking.

i know i'm an asshole for ignoring him but i'm stubborn, okay?!

he felt like a bad person but he was still too hurt to bring himself to confront tae about the situation.

tae was right, i guess i am petty.

he sighed and turned on the tv.

~time skip~

a few hours later, he went to open the bedroom door but noticed it was locked. he sighed before taking the little key off of the counter to get in.

he walked into the room and was met with the adorable sight of taehyung, snuggled in one of his hoodies, curled up into a little roll with his cute demon-dog sleeping next to him.

he mentally cooed at him before getting changed and laying in his own bed.

he thought that taehyung was sleeping but the boy had actually woken up a few minutes before he entered the room. he just acted asleep to avoid confrontation. even though he was 99% sure that jeongguk wouldn't speak to him anyway.

the sounds in the room stopped after about ten minutes so taehyung assumed that the other boy had fallen asleep.

he sighed loudly and spread out across his bed like a starfish, yeontan jumping off of the bed and going to lay in his own dog bed.

he stared at the ceiling and his head flooded with thoughts. were they sad thoughts? mostly.

maybe the reason he's ignoring me is because he's found a good reason to cut me off...

what if he never talks to me again?

what the fuck would i do?

mental breakdown and an early midlife crisis? probably... he means too much to me.

he's the reason i even survived these past few years and he's been with me for basically my whole life. how the fuck can i live without him?

god, i love him so much.

but i hate him for doing this to my mind.

to my heart.

but i hate myself for hating him because it's my fault that he hates me.

fuck my life.

his thoughts were moving so fast that he didn't notice the fat tears rolling down the side of his face, onto his pillow.

he rubbed the tears away, sniffling, and groaned in exaustion.

and now look, i'm crying for the third time today. nice.

i'm such a waste of tears. what is wrong with me?

why can't i just act my age instead of saying dumb shit and crying about it. that's pretty much all i do, at this point.

no wonder he hates me. he had to deal with all of this.

i'm happy that he's been relieved of my presense. i've always been nothing but a burden to him.

taehyung remembered what bogum said to him earlier that day, "he still loves you."

he breathed out slowly to calm his quiet sobs.

he layed on his side, facing the wall and tried to stop his crying by whispering to himself.

"he still loves you, he still loves you, he still loves you..."

little did he know, jeongguk was awake the whole time. just listening to the almost silent sobs, sniffles and heartbreaking whispers.

it almost made him want to shed his own tears.

taehyung still hadn't stopped and jeongguk couldn't bare to listen to it.

it hurt his ears, not because it was annoying, but because he didn't want him to cry.

he's crying because of me again. i keep making him cry. i am a bad friend.

jeongguk couldn't take it anymore. he couldn't listen to it. so, he got up and walked quietly over to the other boy's bed who had his back turned to him.

he crouched down next to his bed and caressed his shoulder.

taehyung was shocked but still didn't look at the younger boy or say a word. his body completely froze.

jeongguk whispered, "don't cry please."

taehyung sniffled and wiped his tears with his sweater-paws even though the other boy couldn't see his actions.

jeongguk then stood up and leaned down over him, kissing the side of his head, before walking back to his own bed to lay down.

taehyung only had one more thought before falling back to sleep.

he still loves me.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

•3889 words
•not proof-read or edited
•wow, i actually updated, even though it's been like 5-6 days, that's better than the mini hiatus lmao XD
•did i make you cry? i feed off of misery so i hope i did >:)
•just kidding, i love you all so don't cry :(
•i woke up at like 6am today (i always wake up between 5am and 8am because my natural body-clock said so) and i listened to EIGHT and i literally just had a mini crying session that early in the morning because that song is so sad for me :) :) :)
•i've been listening to back-to-back alec benjamin songs for like 2 hours now cuz his voice is so fucking pretty omg i love him so much. i wanna get a vinyl of his latest album for my record player! ♡
•dude, this is the longest outro i've done so far lolz
•i hope you're loving life as much as you possibly can right now! <3
•stay fucking safe!!!!
•i love you ♡

peace out xoxo,

nixy.