Mahigit isang linggo na akong nag-iisip.

Walang oras sa trabaho na hindi ko iniisip si Silas at anak namin. Alam ko naman na makakabuti ang desisyon na ipakilala na si Vince sa Ama niya kaso may risk factors pa rin siya.

Saka iniisip ko rin kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ni Silas. Malakas kasi kutob ko na hindi niya tatanggapin si Vince! Dahil kung tanggap niya anak namin, he wouldn't have left us in the first place.

"Ano ba dapat gawin ko, Mom and Dad?" I whispered to myself while looking at the sky. Bigla namang nagkaroon ng shooting star at agad ako tumayo nang maayos at humawak sa railing ng balkonahe ko.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ipikit ang aking mga mata as I made a wish.

Sana tanggapin ni Silas si Vince.

Hindi na muna para sa akin... Para sa anak ko na muna.

After ten more minutes of contemplating, I finally got my phone and dialed his phone number. Si Rienne ang nagbigay sa akin ng numero niya, at pansin kong iba na ang number na gamit niya kaya baka hindi niya ito sagutin.

Hindi naman ako nagbago ng number pero sigurado ako na hindi na ito naka-save sa contacts niya. Pinindot ko na ang call at pagkatapos ng pitong ring, sinagot niya ito.

[Hello? Who's this?] Tanong nito at napa-kagat ako sa aking mga labi. Hindi na nga naka-save... Pero wala na dapat akong paki roon.

"This is Clementine..." Nagdadalawang isip na sambit ko. I probably shouldn't have called because he's probably busy working late.

[Clemen... tine,] he said. [Do you need anything? Why'd you call?] He asked softly at gustong gusto ko nang magpa-lamon sa lupa dahil na-miss ko boses niya at nanlalambot tuhod ko.

"Kailan ka free? Kailangan nating mag-usap," diretsong sambit ko.

[Tomorrow, after lunch. Ikaw ba kailan ka free? Ako mag-a-adjust,] he said and I shook my head as if he's going to see that.

"I'm fine with tomorrow. Just send me the location," I said.

[Alright...] Tanging sagot niya. Ibababa ko na sana ang tawag nang tawagin niya pangalan ko. [Clementine...]

"Bakit?"

[Ano ginagawa mo ngayon?] Kumunot naman ang noo ko, bakit niya naman biglang natanong? Ang random niya ha!

"Nakatingin sa mga bituin, bakit?"

[Wala lang... Uh.. G-good night,] binaba niya naman ang tawag. My brows furrowed before placing down my phone on the table. Ewan ko ba sa lalaking 'yon!

A few minutes after the call, he texted me the location, and it was the coffee shop near my apartment. I guess advantage na 'yon para sa akin dahil hindi ko kailangan maaga mag-ayos. Not that I need to wear makeup pa dahil siya lang naman ang kikitain ko.

The next morning, pinag-luto ko muna si Vince at Leah ng almusal bago ako maligo. I decided to wear a plain CK jumper and Balenciaga shoes before getting my tote bag to place my laptop and wallet dahil wala akong planong magpa-libre kay Silas!

I want to show him na may kaya na rin ako ngayon.

I arrived thirty-minutes early doon sa coffee shop at dalawang tao lang ang nandoon kaya makakapag-sagot ako ng mga emails ko and do some script reading just in case hindi ko gusto ang nandoon and make some revisions.

Noong ala-una, wala pa rin si Silas at naiinip na ako. After thirty more minutes, narinig ko ang pag-bukas sara ng pintuan at nakita ko si Silas na hinihingal habang hinahanap ako. Noong nahuli niya ang mata ko, nilapitan na niya ako at umupo sa aking harapan.

Pinagpatuloy ko naman ang pagta-type sa aking laptop para isipin niyang hindi ako bothered sa kaniya. Para isipin niya na gusto ko na agad matapos ito kahit... Gusto kong maging matagal ang usapan namin.

He was wearing a black long-sleeved polo and his necktie was loose. Nagtaka naman ako dahil ang gulo rin ng buhok niya. Ano kaya ginawa nitong lalaking 'to bago makipagkita sa akin?

Grabe kinilabutan ako sa iniisip ko!

"Did you make out with someone before getting here?" I sarcastically said without looking at him at nakita ko naman ang annoyance sa kaniyang mukha in my peripheral vision before shaking his head.

He scoffed, "Of course not! I rushed to get here because my meeting was pushed back earlier kaya kinulang ako sa oras," he defended himself at hindi ko naman na pinansin ang sinabi niya.

"Have you ordered yet? I'll order—"

"'Wag," putol ko sa kaniya. "I'll order, you stay here," I said bago isara ang laptop ko at kinuha ang aking wallet para pumunta sa counter.

I did that because my heart was beating fast at hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang i-maintain ang composure ko dahil ramdam ko na sasabog na puso ko. I ordered a matcha drink, and for him... A mocha latte.

Paborito niya ito noon pero hindi ko alam kung gusto niya pa rin iyon. I also bought two slices of blueberry cheesecake and a korean cream cheese bun dahil hindi pa ako kumakain ng lunch. I ordered him a sandwich too just in case he was also hungry.

"The total would be $30.37," the cashier said and I gave her my credit card. "We'll serve it to your table, the waiting time is five minutes."

Pagka-upo ko, nag-tama ang tingin namin ni Silas kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay dahil hindi siya kumikibo. "Okay ka lang ba?" I asked and I saw him swallow something on his throat before nodding.

"Oo..." Sagot niya. "Kumusta ka na?" Tanong niya sa akin at napa-isip agad ako. We're starting already? Okay.. Fuck. Ano ba dapat sabihin ko? Kailangan ko ba maging honest na sobrang sakit no'ng iniwan niya ako or lie na I'm better than ever?

"I told you, okay lang ako," I told him at sumimangot naman siya sa akin.

"I know that you're fine but tell me... How are you feeling right now? Ano naramdaman mo noon? May galit ka pa rin ba sa akin? Tell me, and I'll listen," he said at tinitigan ko siya muna saglit bago sagutin.

"Do you want me to be honest?" I asked and he nodded. I sighed before compiling my thoughts before answering.

"I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling right now. Kanina no'ng pumasok ka sa shop, aaminin ko bumilis tibok ng puso ko. Pero ang palagay ko ay hindi dahil mahal pa rin kita, dahil takot akong malaman ang mga bagay-bagay na hindi mo nagawang sabihin sa akin noon," I said.

Hindi naman siya naka-sagot sa akin. Siguro iniisip kung ano ba dapat ang tamang reply doon sa sinabi ko. But before he could even say a word, dumating na ang snacks and drinks namin kaya ayon na-distract siya.

Noong wala na 'yong server, binuka niya ang bibig niya pero walang lumabas dito. I sighed, "Hindi ko maitatanggit na may galit pa rin ako sa 'yo ngayon pero kaya kong kontrolin iyon. Hindi naman ako immature na tao e," I scoffed.

Lumunok siya bago magsalita, "Clementine... Pasensya ka na talaga. Sorry dahil nagawa kitang saktan at hindi ko natupad ang mga pinangako ko sa iyo," he said. Kita naman sa kaniyang mga mata that he was already on the verge of crying kaya kinuha niya ang inumin niya bago sipsipan ito.

I took a small bite of my cream cheese bun before replying, "Okay lang. Nasa past na natin 'yon e, wala naman na tayong magagawa," tanging sagot ko sa kaniya. "Ikaw? Kumusta ka na at ang pamilya mo?"

I was curious because right before he left me, he was busy with work and doing what his parents were asking. Siguro naman okay na sila ngayon dahil kung hindi pa rin, hindi ko alam ang magiging reaksyon ko.

"Okay na kami. Tanggap na nila ako bilang anak nila and half of our properties and business are already named after me," he answered at tumango tango naman ako sa kaniya.

Marami kaming napag-usapan. Slowly, I was becoming comfortable with his presence again kaya nakakapag-open up talaga ako sa kaniya. He was doing the same thing.

Pero nawala ang maliit na ngiti sa aking mga labi noong nagtanong ulit siya. "How did you take it when our child... Died?"

Sumeryoso kaming dalawa at bigla ulit bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso. I kind off feel guilty now because I lied to him. He was being honestand vulnerable right now to me at ito ako... Niloloko siya harap harapan.

"I got into severe depression but still managed to get out of it and get treated," I said. Totoo naman 'yon dahil na-depress talaga ako noong nawala siya dahil nawala rin si Daddy.

Ayaw ko nang magtanong pa siya ulit kaya ako na ang nagtanong, "Are you contented with you life right now?" I asked and he answered immediately.

"Hindi, wala ka na buhay ko e." Nasamid naman ako sa kaniyang sinabi sa akin. Hindi ko naman na ito sinagot at tinapos na lang ang pagkain sa aking harapan.

Sumeryoso naman siya ulit at kinabahan na ako. "I think I need to tell you everything now. Are you ready to talk about everything or should we do it next time?" He asked at tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"Anong next time? Ito ang una't huli nating pagkikita so ask everything already," I said. Nagulat naman ako noong hinawakan niya ang aking kamay.

"Come on... Pabigyan mo na 'ko. Kahit five dates lang," he told me. Napaisip naman ako, hindi ko rin naman masasabi sa kaniya agad na buhay pa si Vince kaya kailangan pa rin namin nagkita so that I can tell him the full truth kaya kailangan kong pumayag.

"Fine. Pero five dates lang. Saka medyo magulo schedule ko ngayon dahil wala pang on-going project kaya hindi ko alam kung kailan ako free," I told him.

"Libre ka ba bukas?" Tanong nito agad sa akin at tiningnan ko muna ang araw and it was Friday tomorrow which means I'm all free. Tumango naman ako sa kaniya and he smiled.

"Great! Let's meet halfway? How about Liberty State Park?" He asked at pumayag na lang ako sa kaniya.

The next day, I decided to wear a floral long skirt and a white backless top. I tied my hair up in a bun before putting on light makeup and accessories.

Umalis naman na ako and took an uber to go there. Nakita kong maraming mga tao ang may sari-sariling picnic blanket. Memories of our past flooded in my mind... We used to do this a lot in every park we went to.

Words can't explain what I'm feeling right now, I'm anxious, yet excited about it though. It had been so long since we had spent time together like this, and I wasn't sure what to expect. The aroma of newly cut grass and the chirping of birds produced a relaxing atmosphere, but my heart was racing and my worries were getting the best of me.

Sa dulong bahagi ng park, I saw Silas, waiting for me. When I approached him, a familiar smile appeared on his face. How I had missed that smile.

I saw that there was a picnic basket, and I saw that there were strawberries dipped in chocolate! OMG! Na-miss ko rin 'yon huhu. "Hi," he said before helping me to sit down. Hinubad niya naman ang jacket niya bago ipatong iyon sa aking mga hita.

As we sat down, I tried to keep the conversation light and casual, catching up on each other's lives. It was nice, but there was an underlying tension, as if we were both tiptoeing around the unspoken feelings we had for each other.

"How are you?" He asked me, and I smiled before shrugging my shoulders.

"I'm fine, medyo overwhelmed pa rin sa work ko since I made a big industry shift," I let out a small smile. "But I'm still going to make movies, and I really enjoy modeling," sabi ko sa kaniya at tumango-tango naman siya.

"That's good. I'm happy that you're enjoying exploring things out of your comfort zone," he told me before fixing the food he brought for us.

"Well, that's thanks to you," I said pero agad natigilan dahil baka iba ang isipin niya. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin nang walang ekspresyon sa mukha kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ang pagkakaintindi niya. "I mean... You help me push myself to go out of my little box," nahihiyang sambit ko.

"I know..." Sagot niya sa akin. Tumayo naman siya kaya nag-taka ako, did I say something wrong? Alam kong wala naman. "Stay here, I forgot something sa kotse ko."

When he came back, he was holding a bouquet of flowers and he gave it to me. "Just because," he said before I reacted. He really loved giving me stuff noon just because. Hindi pa rin siya tumitigil hanggang ngayon, huh?

I couldn't help but notice the way he looked at me, as if searching for something he had lost. I wondered if he felt the same confusion and longing I did. The chemistry between us was undeniable, nandoon pa rin talaga kasi e! At hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong sumaya o matakot. I also didn't know if this was a good idea or if we were just setting ourselves up for more heartache.

When the sun was nearing to set, nag-paalam na ako kay Silas dahil kailangan ko pang alagaan si Vince. Of course, hindi ko iyon sinabi sa kaniya dahil... Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin niya na ba talaga ngayon ang responsibilidad.

"I'll pick you up again tomorrow? Libre ka ba ulit?" He asked and I nodded.

"Just send me the details," I said before saying goodbye.

Nagulat ako noong dinala niya ako sa isang hiking trail dito sa Jersey. Hindi ko pa 'to na-e-experience rito pero siyempre familiar pa rin 'yong feeling dahil palagi kaming nag-ha-hike noon. Napapaisip na nga lang ako kung sinasadya niya ba ito para maalala ko ang mga masasayang memorya namin noon e.

The next days, hindi kami nagkikita. We were both busy with work. He needed to entertain foreign investors from France, while I had to practice for my first runway show. But all I could say is that I was happy with him.

Pero hindi ko maitatanggi na kapag in-open namin ang topic tungkol sa nakaraan when he left me with Vince ay bumabalik lang ang galit ko sa kaniya in just one snap.

That's why when we were on our third date, I wasn't feeling myself. Dinala niya ako sa beach, and as the gentle breeze caressed my face, I couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia as I biked alongside him.

He was holding my hand as we walked after riding a bike. It felt strangely comfortable yet emotionally overwhelming. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore echoed in my ears, mirroring the waves of emotions crashing inside me.

Silas seemed different this time... More genuine, more committed. It was hard not to notice the changes in him, and it made me wonder if this could be a chance to rebuild what we had lost. As we walked, our fingers intertwined, I found myself stealing glances at him, trying to decipher his true intentions.

Gulong-gulo na talaga utak ko! As we found a quiet spot on the beach to sit down, Silas looked at me with such warmth and tenderness, and my heart ached. Gusto ko na sabihin ang tungkol kay Vince... Pero kailangan ko talaga ng magandang timing.

"So I was wondering..." I started and he looked at me. "For our last two dates... Can I make a suggestion?" I asked and he nodded. I flinched when he suddenly held my right cheek and I felt the warmth of his palm.

I couldn't focus because I was distracted by his touch. "I want to go to Canada and visit my brother," I said and he took out his phone.

"I can contact my secretary to get us a helicopter," he said and I held his hand to stop him.

"No... I want to go there using either of our cars. Roadtrip, gano'n..." I said. "If that's okay with you." Tiningnan niya naman ako bago itago ang cellphone niya at tumango sa akin.

"When are we leaving?" He asked and I looked at the date today. We can go sa Saturday ng madaling araw. Like three in the morning? Kasi eight hour drive from Jersey to Canada border e." Tumango-tango naman siya sa akin.

Noong palubog na ang araw, I finally mustered the courage to speak my truth. But as I opened my mouth to say the words, my heart clenched with fear, and the words got stuck in my throat. Hindi ko pa rin talaga kaya.

Putangina, Clementine... Mawawalan ka ng oras.

Instead, I settled for holding his hand tighter, trying to convey all the emotions I couldn't put into words. Silas smiled at me, and in that moment, I saw hope and sincerity in his eyes. Maybe, just maybe, this time could be different. Maybe he was ready to stay for us, for our family. I prayed that he was.

In that serene moment on the beach, I made a silent promise to myself.

Patunayan mo lang nang patunayan ang sarili mo, Silas.

Nang makauwi ako, I texted Jireh that I'm going to visit him for two days with a friend. May sariling kwarto kasi ako sa bahay niya roon, and I'm excited. Medyo malamig din daw doon ngayon kaya nagdala ako ng makakapal na jacket just in case.

"Hello? Yeah, I'm already packed and ready. Are you almost here?" I asked Silas through the phone. It was now two in the morning and Vince had just woken up because I wasn't there by his side na.

[I'm stopping by a convenience store. Do you need anything?]

"Hmm, no... Just buy us some snacks and drinks for the road," I answered. "Call when you're in front of my apartment." Binaba ko na ang tawag at binigay ko muna lahat ng atensyon ko kay Vince.

"Mommy, will you be gone for a long time?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I'll be back first thing on Monday," I said and he scratched his eyes first before nodding as he went back to bed. I gave him a kiss on his forehead before getting my duffle bag.

Noong nag-ring na ang cellphone ko, agad na akong bumaba at lumabas ng apartment complex at nakita ko ang isang Raptor na kotse sa harapan ko. Lumabas si Silas doon at tinulungan ako sa gamit ko.

He opened the door for me and I hopped in before feeling the interior of the car. He knows that I used to want this type of car... Ang dahilan lang naman kung bakit hindi ko binili ang ganitong klaseng kotse ay siya e.

"Did you eat breakfast? Are you hungry?" He asked me.

"I just drank coffee."

"Hindi 'yon counted as almusal," nakasimangot na sambit niya sa akin. May kinuha naman siya na paperbag doon sa backseat at inabot sa akin ang isang sandwich at water bottle.

As we drove along the highway, I couldn't help but get glimpses of Silas while he concentrated on the road. When he smiled, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners reminded me of the happy times we had. It felt like old times, but everything felt so new.

Silas appeared more mature and grounded than in the past. It made me think about his experiences during our time apart and how they had shaped him. I hoped that the changes were for the better, and that he had matured into the type of guy who could actually be there for us.

"Patugtog ka nga kasi ng rock music para magising ka!" I said before connecting my phone sa kotse niya umiling naman siya sa akin. "Gusto mo palit na muna tayo? Ikaw 'yong walang tulog sa ating dalawa e!" I said at hindi pa rin siya pumayag.

"Okay lang, Clementine. Ikaw na lang matulog, I can sleep when we arrive in Canada," sagot niya sa akin kaya inilingan ko na lang siya bago matulog. I managed to get twoo hours of sleep at siyempre malayo pa kami sa destinasyon namin.

Pero medyo angat na ang araw kaya I told him to stop at a gasoline station first for us to stretch and eat food again. Noong umandar na kami ulit, it didn't take long when the landscape outside the car window changed as we traveled further north. The scenery was breathtaking, and I was happy because the world has given us the chance to explore the world again together.

I couldn't help but express my feelings when we pulled over to a scenic place to stretch our legs and take in the scenery. I needed to know where we were going and what his genuine goals were. I was terrified of being vulnerable, but I couldn't face the thought of having my heart broken again.

"Picturan mo ko," I said and gave him my phone.

After a few pictures together, it was only another hour drive at noong nakarating kami sa tapat ng bahay ni Jireh, agad ako bumaba at kumatok. Silas took our things and snacks that we didn't eat.

Kumatok ako sa pintuan niya at inabot pa kami ng three minutes of waiting bago kami pagbuksan ng pintuan. When I saw Jireh, niyakap niya ako agad.

"Akala ko mamaya ka pa," he said. "Where's your friend?" He asked and I bit my lip before turning to Silas's direksyon at kumaway naman ito sa kaniya. Nagulat naman ako noong lumabas ng pintuan si Jireh at sinuntok si Silas.

"Hoy! Gago!" Sigaw ko bago pumagitna sa kanilang dalawa. "Ano ba 'yan, Jireh? Hindi mo dapat sinuntok si Silas!"

Kita ko ang inis sa mukha ng aking kapatid at kaunti na lang ay aambaan ulit si Silas ng suntok pero hinawakan ko ang magkabilang kamay niya. "Tarantado ka pala, Clementine, e! Pinapunta mo rito 'tong gagong 'to! Kailan pa kayo ulit nag-uusap?"

"Kumalma ka nga muna, pucha! Papasukin mo kaya muna kami at nang makapag-usap tayo nang maayos," I frustratedly said at pumayag naman na ang kapatid ko. Nauna siyang pumasok sa loob kaya tiningnan ko naman ang nagdudugong labi ni Silas.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a worried tone and he laughed before nodding. Pinunasan ko naman ang dugo sa kaniyang labi gamit ang handkerchief ko.

"Apat na taon niya sigurong kinikimkim 'yong galit na 'yon. I deserved that naman so it's fine," he laughed and I just shook my head before heading inside.

Habang nilalagay ko ang gamit namin sa kuwarto ko, napansin ko na wala rito ang girlfriend ni Jireh kaya bumaba ako para itanong iyon sa kaniya.

I was about to head inside the living room when I heard them talking about me. So I listened to their conversation.

"Mahal mo pa rin ba kapatid ko?"

Matagal bago makasagot si Silas... "Oo naman... I haven't told her that I still love her yet, and it physically hurts that I can't say it. That I can't kiss her, hug her... Like my chest actually hurts everytime... I spend time with her and the only thing I could do... is hold her hand," nahihirapang sambit niya.

I didn't want to hear him cry kaya pumasok na ako sa living room. "Jireh, where's your girlfriend?" I asked and he shrugged his shoulders before answering.

"We broke up again," he said and I looked at him with a disappointed face.

"It's the third break up this month, ah?"

He sighed, "It's complicated."

Inaya ko naman si Silas to go explore a little bit here in Ontario. Isang beses pa lang kasi ako nakapunta rito at 'yon ay no'ng tinulungan ko si Jireh at ang girlfriend niya mag-bati. Nasayang nga pera ko sa airplane tickets ko dahil mabilis lang palang rurupok kapatid ko.

The scenery around us was spectacular, with lush forests, tranquil lakes, and breathtaking vistas spanning as far as the eye could see. Every step we made seemed to take us deeper into the heart of this lovely province.

The aroma of pine and fresh air flooded my senses as we hiked the paths, and I found myself taking in every aspect. The quiet crunch of leaves beneath our feet and the rustling of fauna added a sense of calm to our excursion. Silas and I had light banter and laughs, which made the trip much more delightful.

The sun peeked through the tree canopy, leaving dappled patterns on the woodland floor. I couldn't help but notice Silas as he went ahead, seemingly at ease in the midst of nature's magnificence.

We came across a secret area by a beautiful lake, its waters glistening in the late afternoon sun. We decided to take a brief break, sitting side by side on a worn log, because the vista was simply breathtaking. Silas pointed out some lovely birds in the distance, their bright plumage fluttering in the breeze. With each shared experience, I sensed an unsaid link building between us.

Kumain muna kami ng lunch bago pumunta sa isang mall. There was a stall there that had permanent bracelets. "Do you want to get one with me?" I asked him and he was shocked at first but he smiled before nodding.

While we were getting matching permanent bracelets, naalala ko ang mga sinabi niya kanina sa kapatid ko.

I haven't told her that I still love her yet, and it physically hurts that I can't say it. That I can't kiss her, hug her... Like my chest actually hurts everytime... I spend time with her and the only thing I could do... is hold her hand.

Hay, Silas.

Noong gabi, bumalik na kami sa bahay ni Jireh at naligo. When I was in my Pjs, Silas was downstairs by the fireplace with two cups of hot chocolate.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," he said and I joined him in front of the pit before taking a sip of my drink.

"Ano 'yon?"

"So... After tomorrow, the five dates are over. What is going to happen to us? Kung ayaw mo pa rin talaga, we can cut ties because technically, we already had our closure, I think... Pero kung gusto mo pa ring mag-simula tayo ulit... We can go on dates again once every week," he said in a very hopeful tone.

Ngumiti naman ako sa kaniya bago huminga nang malalim. "I think... We deserve to be happy Silas. And for me... Masaya pa rin ako sa 'yo."

Pagkasabi ko no'n ay nagulat naman ako nang bigla niya akong yakapin. I sat on his lap and our faces were inches away, and the only thing that was left to do was to kiss him.

So I did.

Kinalimutan ko na lang muna lahat ng mga pinoproblema ko... and just focused on what we have right now.