Song: I Can't Be Mad- Nathan Sykes

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"Mom!" sa gulat ko ay napabitaw ako kay Axel.

I stood up and faced my angry mother. Nagpabalik-balik ang tingin niya sa amin ni Axel. She looked so disappointed with me. Nakita ko iyon nang ibinalik niya ang tingin sa akin.

"Sinasabi ko na nga ba..." aniya sa isang mababang boses. Umiling siya. "I knew that something's going on between you two!"

At talaga bang iniwan niya ang dinner para lang sundan ako at mahuli kami? She's been eyeing me for a while now. Kaya niya siguro napapansin ang lahat ng ikinikilos ko ay dahil lagi siyang nagmamasid.

At isa pa, bakit ba ganyan ang reaksyon niya? As if what I'm doing is a mortal sin!

"Mom, it's not what you think!" I said desperately.

"It's not what I think?! He's forcing you to give yourself to him at ikaw naman 'tong mabilis bumigay!"

My mouth parted because of that. Kumunot ang noo ko at bahagyang natawa. I turn to look at Axel. Nakayuko lang kanyang ulo at nanatiling tahimik. I don't want him to think that this is his fault. Walang dapat sisihin dito.

If he's always protecting me from danger, then I'm going to protect him from my mother's words.

"He's not forcing me to do anything, Mom! What makes you say that? You are so quick to judge! You weren't even here when all this started."

"Sa tingin mo hindi ko napapansin ang ikinikilos mo ha, Aria? You are clearly into this guy! Ano nalang ang sasabihin ng mga tao kapag nalaman nila ang tungkol dito?"

And that's her number one concern? Oh, right! I live in a country where there are a lot of judgemental people! Hindi na nakakagulat na mas inuuna niya pang isipin ang kung anong sasabihin nila. She's afraid that this might ruin our image.

Hindi ko na napigilan pa na matawa. Umiling ako at hindi makapaniwala siyang tiningnan.

"As if what we're doing is going to be the country's downfall?! Ano naman sa kanila? Hindi naman masama ang ginagawa namin, wala naman kaming inaapakang tao... I don't see anything wrong with this, Mom!"

Umiling siya. Hindi parin makapaniwala na ipinagtatanggol ko si Axel. She was about to say something when my father already entered the scene.

Oh, great! Another family feud in the middle of the independence day dinner party! Did they seriously leave their guests behind for this?

"What's happening here?" kalmadong tinanong ni Daddy.

He's with his bodyguards. Bakas sa mukha nila ang pagkabigla nang makita na kasali si Axel dito. He hasn't spoken anything ever since my mother caught us. I feel like he feels bad that this happened.

"Your daughter is involved with her bodyguard! Nahuli ko na muntikan silang maghalikan!" sumbong ni Mommy kay Daddy.

Umirap ako.

"Is it true, Aria?" tanong ni Daddy sa akin.

Tamad ko siyang tiningnan at tinaasan ng kilay.

"So what if it's true? Para namang ikakasira ng bansa 'yon."

My mother gasp. Hindi parin talaga siya makapaniwala na mas kinakampihan ko si Axel. Si Daddy naman ay nanatiling kalmado. Ibinaling niya ang tingin kay Axel.

"I'm sorry, sir." ani Axel.

Hinarap ko siya at pinalingon sa akin. Hinanap ko ang mga mata niya. He looks hesitant to look at me in the eye. Pero sa huli ay bumigay rin.

"You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault. Walang masama sa ginagawa natin." I tried to convince him that we'll get past this. Na wala dapat siyang ikabahala.

This is the first time I've seen him so hopeless. Nawala ang tapang sa mukha niya. At kahit ano mang oras ay maaari siyang tumiklop.

"But on my part, there is." sabi niya sa akin.

My forehead creased. Nilingon ko naman ang mga magulang ko. My father sighed heavily.

"You're putting his work at risk, Aria." he said simply.

"W-What?!"

"Your bodyguards, Aria, are all very well aware of their limitations around you. But it seems like, First Lieutenant Ocampo, forgot about it."

"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to-"

"None of this would've happened if you did not become emotionally involved. How are you going to protect her properly if you're having a personal relationship with her? If you can't keep yourself from feeling something towards her, then how can we still entrust you that you can keep her safe?"

I groaned angrily. Malamig lang na ibinaling ni Daddy sa akin ng tingin. Don't tell me they are all against this?! Hindi na talaga nila ako sinuportahan sa kung anong gusto ko ano? Kung susuportahan man, pilit pa.

They have no idea that Axel was the one who's keeping me in company during those times where they couldn't be there for me. If it wasn't for him, I would feel more alone!

He understands me more than them! He knows me more than anyone else! Why would they try to stop what's between me and Axel when he's the one who taught me not to cultivate resenment towards them?

How selfish can they be? Palagi nalang ba ang iisipin ng taong bayan ang uunahin nila?

"Sir, whatevers between us, I promise that it won't affect my work. I can set everything aside and still make sure that no one would harm her."

Pumikit si Daddy at maharang umiling. Sumulyap siya sa akin.

"We'll talk about this matter after the dinner party. Let's not make our guests wait. We still have responsibilities to attend to."

"No," agap ko. "We'll not talk about this because I have nothing to say. You badly want this to stop because you're afraid of what people might think. But has it ever crossed your mind that maybe this is what makes me happy?"

Naramdaman kong hinawakan ako ni Axel, sinubukang patigilin na.

"Mas uunahin niyo parin talagang intindihin kung ano ang iisipin ng mga tao kaysa sa sariling kasiyahan ng anak niyo." pagpapatuloy ko.

Bumitaw ako sa pagkakahawak ni Axel sa akin at tsaka nilagpasan silang lahat. I'm too drained to even argue. My mother tried to call for me but I didn't look back anymore.

I've always put them first... when will they do the same for me?

Kung pigilan nila ako akala mo naman lagi silang nandyan para sa akin. They haven't been there for me for half of my life so who are they to stop me from being with someone who makes me happy?

Hindi na ako bumalik sa hall at dumiretso nalang ako sa kwarto ko. I'm done pretending that this still interest me. Kung hindi lang ako pinilit ni Mommy na makipagsocialize sa maraming tao kanina ay hindi ko talaga iyon gagawin.

I lazily removed my dress. Pumasok ako ng banyo upang makapag-isip isip. Maybe letting off steam would make my head feel light. Binuksan ko ang gripo at hinayaang mapuno ang bathtub ng tubig.

I wonder what Axel is going to do about this. Mawawalan ba siya ng trabaho nang dahil sa akin? How is he going to provide for his family's needs if that happens?

I hope my father is in the right state of mind and stop whatever he's planning on doing with Axel. Just because he got involved with me doesn't mean he's already incompetent! Axel is still capable of doing his job! I've never seen someone as passionate as him!

I know that Axel is aware of his limitations but he still took the risk. Kaya sino ba naman ako para hindi rin gawin iyon para sakanya?

Kahit tapos na sa paliligo ay hindi parin matigil ang utak ko sa kakaisip. Sumilip ako sa bintana at nakitang nagsisialisan na ang ibang bisita. Kahit magpalakad lakad ako sa loob ng kwarto ay hindi parin mapanatag ang isip ko.

Paano nga kung tanggalan nila ng trabaho si Axel nang dahil dito? I didn't know that it would be this complicated.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto ko at nagtungo sa balkonahe. Simula noong nakaraang buwan, wala ng bodyguard ang nagbabantay sa labas ng kwarto ko. My parents probably thought that I won't sneak out anymore that's why they stopped sending a bodyguard over to guard outside my bedroom.

They finally know that it was a ridiculous idea. Hindi rin ba nila napansin na nagbago na ako simula nang si Axel ang namahala sa mga bodyguards ko? I don't sneak out anymore! Nakakauwi ako nang wala silang ibinabalita na may kagagahan akong ginawa!

In other words, their problems about me lessened ever since Axel came.

Itinuko ko ang aking siko sa barandilya. Tinanaw ko ang malawak na hardin ng palasyo. I know it is not going to be easy. I have this feeling that they will make him choose. If that happens... then it's okay if he will not choose me. I know his job is more important because this will help him provide something for his family.

"Hey..."

Agad akong napabaling ng tingin nang marinig ko ang boses ni Axel na papalapit. I sigh heavily. Binalik ko naman ang tingin sa hardin.

"I just talked to your father." he informed me. Napapikit naman ako.

Oh, god. I don't even want to know how it went.

"I'm sorry..." bulong ko. "Kung hindi lang ako nagpadala sa emosyon ko, hindi sana mangyayari 'to."

"I'm glad it happened, Aria." aniya. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.

"What do you mean you're glad?! You might get in trouble because of this. Aren't you scared?"

Tumabi siya sa akin at kaunting distansya lang ang tinira. He raised his hand, hesistating if he should hold me or not. And when he did, parang automatic nalang na bumuhos ang luha ko.

Umiling siya at tipid akong nginitian.

"No," he said truthfully. "I'm more afraid of losing you. If this didn't happen, I wouldn't know how you feel. That only gave me more reason to fight for this."

Patuloy na rumaragasa sa pisngi ko ang aking mga luha. How can he even say that? Wala siyang makukuha sa akin! I will only make him jobless!

"Axel, you might get in trouble because of me. You might lose your job because of me! What's happening is my fault!"

"It really isn't. Stop being so hard on yourself."

I sighed. Why does he sound like everything's not a big deal to him? Habang ako eto mamamatay na sa kakaisip!

"He made you choose, didn't he?" tanong ko.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. His thumb started to slightly caress my exposed shoulder. Itinuon niya ang atensyon sa hardin at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga.

His silence is already enough to confirm that my father really made him choose. I have a feeling that it would be between me and his job.

"Ano ang pinili mo?" I asked again.

His jaw moved. He pulled me closer to him. Gustong-gusto kong malaman kung ano ang nasa isip niya. I feel like there's a lot going on through his mind and I want to know everything.

"I will not tell you."

Dismayado ko siyang tiningnan. I frowned. A ghost smile appeared on his lips because of my reaction.

I figured that maybe he chose to save his job and why he didn't want to tell me is because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. Humilig ako sa kanyang balikat.

"It's okay..." I whispered. Pumikit ako at pinalis ang luhang lumandas sa aking mga mata.

I want him to know that even though he chose his job, I won't be mad at him. He made the right choice. It's the safest way. I'm sure we're still going to see each other someday. Malaki ang posibilidad na ilayo siya sa akin. I'm already expecting that to happen.

Fate can still brought us back together, right? Love will find a way and it will help us conquer everything.

Axel lazily stroked my hair. He let me poured out my feelings. I just wish that everyone can understand me the way he does. It would be hard for me to open up again to someone when he leaves. He just set the bar high.

Nang lumalim na ang gabi ay hinatid na niya ako sa kwarto. I was surprised when he grabbed my hand. Sa gulat ko ay hindi ako makapaniwala na hinatid niya ako sa kwarto nang magkahawak ang kamay namin.

He's just so brave and he's not afraid of anything! I wish I could be like him.

Siguro sinusulit niya nalang rin ang oras na kasama ako kaya hindi na rin siya natatakot sa kung ano mang ginagawa niya ngayon. We don't know when he's going to be sent to another operation.

We stopped in front of my bedroom door. Binuksan niya iyon para sa akin. Hinarap ko naman siya bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob.

I examined his face. Kung kaunting oras nalang ang natitira para sa aming dalawa, I want to memorize every bit of his face. I want to remember him as long as I can.

Tumikayad ako at kumapit sa balikat niya. I titled my head and stealed a sweet kiss on his lips. Hindi siya nagulat sa ginawa ko. In fact he remained stoic. He licked his lips as if he's trying to taste me again.

I smiled a little. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

He only smiled at me and did not dare to answer my question.

"You better go to sleep. You have a long day tomorrow. Good night." He caressed my cheek using his thumb before he walked away from my room.

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa anino nalang niya ang nakita ko. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga.

The next day, I already looked forward on seeing him again. Kaya pagkatapos kong maligo at mag-ayos ay bumaba na ako para kumain ng umagahan.

The smile on my face immediately vanished when I saw that Axel isn't the one assigned to guard me during breakfast. Seryoso lang na nakatayo si Damon doon.

This is quite unusual. Madalas ay si Axel ang nakaatas na magbantay sa akin sa umpisa ng umaga. It's weird that he's not here today.

But oh well, maybe I'll see him later.

Naupo na ako sa tapat ni Mommy. Hindi ko sila tiningnan dalawa kahit na ramdam ko ang paninitig ni Mommy sa akin. I just ate my breakfast quietly. Hindi rin naman sila nagsasalita kaya nanatili nalang akong tahimik.

Kaya naman nang matapos ako ay agad akong tumayo. I excused myself. I'll just go to my bodyguards' headquarters and look for Axel. Tatanungin ko kung bakit hindi siya ang nagbantay sa akin ngayon. I was expecting to see him at the start my day!

Nginitian ko si Damon. Agad naman siyang sumunod sa akin.

"U-Uh... saan ang punta mo, A-Aria?"

"Sa headquarters niyo." I answered like it was so obvious.

"H-Ha? Anong gagawin mo doon?"

"Is Axel there? I wanna visit him."

Naramdaman ko naman na medyo nataranta siya kaya ako napabaling ng tingin sakanya. My forehead creased.

"U-Uh... s-sa tingin ko-"

"Why do you sound so nervous? It doesn't seem like you, Damon. You're usually talkative during this hour. Is there a problem?" Bahagya akong tumawa. 

"K-Kasi, Aria... maaaksaya lang ang oras mo kung p-pupunta ka pa doon."

"Huh? Bakit naman? I'm just going to visit."

Damon scratched the back of his head. Para siyang bata na hindi mapakali.

"Wala na si S-Sir Axel doon. Umalis na siya kaninang... madaling araw."

My mouth parted because of that. Hindi makapaniwala kong tiningnan si Damon.

"What?! Where did he go? It isn't his day-off yet!"

"I..." Damon sighed heavily. Pumikit muna siya bago siya sabihin sa akin ang totoo. "Inalis siya sa trabaho, Aria. Kinuha na niya ang mga gamit niya kanina at maagang umalis."

What?! He chose his job didn't he?! Kaya bakit siya maalis sa trabaho?

"He told me that he didn't want you to see him leave. B-But he promised that he'll try to see you once in a while when he got the chance."

Nagugulohan parin ako sa nangyayari. That's not possible! Did he choose me? Did he seriously just gave up his job for me? Is he out of his mind?!

Sa sobrang galit ay hindi na ako napigilan pa ni Damon na bumalik sa dining area. I stomped my feet angrily that my father already raised his head even before I could say something.

"Bakit niyo siya inalis sa trabaho?" I asked angrily at them.

Bumagsak ang balikat ni Mommy at napailing.

"It was his choice to leave his job, Aria." tamad na sagot ni Daddy.

"I don't get why you have to make him choose! If you want to punish us for what happened, then just do it! Hindi na kailangan pang humantong sa ganito! Why do you have to terminate someone when he's only trying to do his job?!"

"Kung talagang ginagawa niya ang trabaho niya, then why would he get emotionally involved with you?"

I scoffed insultingly. Umiling ako at hindi makapaniwala siyang tiningnan sa mata.

"You really didn't want me to be happy, do you?"

"Aria!" My mother warned.

"Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pa ang kailangang magsakripisyo lagi para lang makamit niyo ang buhay na gusto niyo para sa akin. Why isn't the other way around? Why can't you sacrifice something for me so that I can get the life that I deserve?"

Nanatili silang tahimik. Binaba ni Daddy ang hawak na dyaryo. He took a sip of his coffee before he spoke.

"Axel could've easily chosen his job but he didn't. The man just wanted to prove that he deserves you." aniya.

"By making him leave his job? Wow! Should I thank you about that then?" I asked sarcastically.

"I didn't want to compromise your safety."

"But there could have been another way!" sigaw ko.

Umiling lang si Daddy at dinampot nang muli ang dyaryong kanina pa binabasa. My chest is heaving up and down because of anger. I wanted to scream at them.

"You're going to regret doing this, Dad. You shouldn't have terminated him from his position." I said like it was a threat that they should be scared about.

I stormed off from the dining table after that. Damon quickly followed me. He keeps on asking if I'm okay while we were walking towards my room but I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Why would Axel do that? Paano ang trabaho niya? Hindi niya ba naiisip ang sarili niya? Ang pamilya niya?

He doesn't have to give something up just so he can prove to them that he deserves me. He already does! And he doesn't need anymore approvals!

Sa halip na maimbyerna pa lalo sa loob ng kwarto ay napagdesisyonan ko nalang na pumunta ng maaga sa atelier. Aabalahin ko nalang ang sarili ko sa trabaho.

At talagang nangyari pa 'to bago ang SONA kung saan mas kailangan ko ng mahigpit na seguridad. But how can that be possible if Axel is not the one leading the team anymore?

Nang dumating ako sa atelier ay agad akong sinalubong ng aking sekretarya. Bumati at ngumiti siya sa akin at tsaka may iniabot na isang envelope sa akin.

"Ma'am, may nagdala po niyan dito kanina. Ang sabi importante daw po."

Kumunot ang noo ko habang kinukuha ito sakanya.

"Kanino daw galing?"

"Ay! Hindi po sinabi, e."

That made me more curious. Nakasunod lang si Damon sa akin, mukhang gusto rin malaman kung ano ang nasa loob ng envelope na iyon. Well, he's a bodyguard for a reason. Talagang aalamin niya kung ano ang nandoon.

Nilapag ko muna ang aking bag sa round table bago ko tuluyang binuksan ang envelope na iyon.

My eyes widened when they are all pictures of me. What scared me the most is when they captured me inside my office while doing some sketches. My breathing hitched.

May kuha rin na kasama ko si Kuya Sven sa loob ng opisina ko. This only happened a few days ago!

Ang pinakahuling litrato ay mula sa independence day kahapon. It was stolen shot from where my father is making his speech. Tamad lang akong nakatanaw sa labas.

I flipped the picture over and saw a message written using a red marker.

Always be careful, princess. We're just watching. We know your every move.