Song: Speechless- Dan + Shay

Smile

I patiently waited outside the main palace's door for my father's presidential car to arrive. I'm being surrounded by my bodyguards and they're heavily checking the perimeters.

Kahit ang mga nagtatrabaho dito sa Malacañang ay inaantabayanan na rin ang kanilang pagdating. Umayos ako ng tayo nang matanaw ko na ang pagpasok ng sasakyan kung nasaan ang mga magulang ko. Ang mga nagtatrabaho sa palasyo ay lumabas na rin upang salubungin siya.

Axel went down to open the car door for them when their car stops in front of us. Unang lumabas si Daddy. Inalalayan niya namang lumabas si Mommy. Agad na hinanap ni Mommy ang mga mata ko. I smiled a little at her.

"How you been?" tanong niya.

"I'm fine, Mom." tipid kong sagot.

Magsasalita pa sana siya nang bigla namang lumapit sakanya ang kanyang sekretarya. I gave way for her as she hands a phone to my Mom.

"You got a call, Ma'am."

"Oh!" agad niyang kinuha ang telepono sa kanyang sekretarya. "Hello? Oh, yes we just arrived."

Humakbang siya at nagbigay daan naman ako para makapasok na siya ng palasyo. Mukhang marami pa siyang gagawin.

"Excuse me, Aria. I'll catch up with you later." she whispered and then she went back to her phone.

I wanted to laugh at that moment. As if that catching up is going to happen. Knowing that she's a busy person, there's a bigger chance that it won't happen.

I licked my lower lip and crossed my arms over my chest. I wait for my father to greet me. Abala pa siya sa pakikipag usap sa kanyang PSG.

When he finished, he fixed his suit to look more presentable. Humakbang siya ng kaunti at tsaka tumigil sa harap ko.

"Aria," he said my name like he was greeting me.

"Hi-"

Hindi pa ako nakakabati ng maayos ay agad namang umeksena ang kanyang sekretarya. Agad na lumapit sakanya ito at ipinakita ang laman ng papel na hawak. Hula ko laman noon ay ang mga trabahong gagawin niya ngayong araw.

Ibinalewala na ako ni Daddy pagkatapos na ilahad sakanya ng kanyang sekretarya ang kanyang mga gagawin. Hinayaan ko nalang siyang lagpasan ako. He got inside the palace and immediately walked towards his office.

I sighed heavily. I pressed my lips into a thin line. I guess I just wasted my time here.

Nang pumasok na akong muli sa loob palasyo ay agad namang sumunod ang mga bodyguards ko sa akin. Gusto ko sanang itanong kung bakit full-force pa sila sa pagbabantay sa akin gayong nasa loob lang naman ako ng palasyo? Pero wala ako sa mood kaya hindi na ako nagsayang pa ng laway.

Sa halip na dumiretso sa aking kwarto ay nagtungo ako sa music room. No one's inside so I took this chance to enter. I went towards the harp.

Hinarap ko naman ang pinto at nakitang mag-isa nalang na pumasok si Axel sa loob. He placed himself on the opposite side of me.

"Nasaan na 'yung mga kasama mo?" tanong ko habang nauupo sa harap ng harp.

I learned how to play this instrument when I was six years old. My mom forced me to learn different instruments but this was the only thing I find interesting.

"At the headquarters." simpleng sagot ni Axel.

I nod my head. "Akala ko susunod pa kayong lahat hanggang dito."

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. I saw him just waiting for me to do something. This is the first time I'll play the harp again. Alam kong may harp dito sa music room ngunit hindi ko nagawang galawin iyon. Ngayon lang.

And I don't know why I suddenly felt like I want to express my emotions through this. Siguro dahil alam kong hindi ko rin naman maivovoice out 'yun kaya idadaan ko nalang dito.

I put my fingers on the strings then I started playing the first ever piece that I learned to play using harp. It was Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy. This is also my favorite since the sound of it is so relaxing. Like whenever I play this tune... I feel at peace.

I closed my eyes as I continued playing. I imagined that I was alone in this room and no one's listening. I thought about lots of things alongside with that.

When I finished, I felt a tear streamed down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and let out a deep sigh.

"Sad..." I whispered under my breath. Nilingon ko naman si Axel na walang emosyon na nanonood lang sa akin. "Can I ask you a question?"

He nod his head a little. Quite surprising. He's letting me ask him huh?

"Have you ever been so sad in your life?"

"I think we all have been through that phase, Ma'am."

Ngumuso ako.

"Right. What's the saddest thing that happened in your life? Got heartbroken? Got left behind? What?" tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

Instead of answering my question, Axel just stared at me. Sa paraan ng paninitig niya sa akin ay alam kong ayaw niyang sagutin ang tanong ko.

Hindi naman ako insensitive para hindi maramdaman na ayaw niyang pinaguusapan ang personal niyang buhay.

"Okay..." I pursed my lips. "Iba nalang. Hmm... Sa tingin mo ba... ano ang mas masakit? Ang mang-iwan o ang iwanan?"

He scoffs. "Why are you asking me these things?"

"Just curious. Come on, just answer it." 

I waited for him to answer. I watch as he inserted both of his hands inside his pocket.

"It depends on the situation. But I personally think... getting left behind is more painful."

"Why?"

"You're asking too many questions, Ma'am."

I chuckled. Hindi talaga siya nagsasalita masyado ano? Kung tanungin mo man, simple lang ang isasagot sa'yo. Man of a few words huh?

Ano kaya ang pwedeng gawin dito para mapagsalita mo 'to ng marami?

"Common answer," I trailed off. "Yeah, it's hard to get left behind especially when you don't know the reason why. It's hard in a way that the pain that comes along with it... will stay forever. Masakit ang iwanan, mahirap ang mang-iwan."

Kumunot ang noo ni Axel nang dahil sa sinasabi ko. Not expecting that these things will come from my mouth huh? I wanted to laugh at his reaction.

"But you know... I really think that the most painful feeling is the feeling of being neglected. This will only make you feel more worthless. It will make you question yourself. It will make you question your worth. You're gonna start asking yourself: Am I good enough? Is there something wrong about me?" I shrug my shoulder and smiled.

"You know, just a thought." I said to mask the emotion that I feel inside.

"How did you say so, Aria?"

I was quite surprised with his question.
Wow! He's actually trying to start a conversation with me. Maybe this is also the start of having a harmonious relationship with my most hated bodyguard.

I hid my smile.

"Just imagine, Axel... You're physically there. But the people around you are acting like you're not. They don't give a damn. 'Yung para bang hangin ka lang para sa kanila," he creased his forehead again. Baka iniisip na nito na nagdradrama ako ah! "Wait! I'm not saying that I felt this with my parents. I just thought about my friends. Have you heard anything about them?"

"No. I don't meddle with things that doesn't concern my work."

I nod my head. Paano ko kaya malalaman kung ano na ang balita sakanila? I still can't reach them. I have no idea where they are.

"You know, I still remember what you told me before." I said to keep the conversation going.

"What about it?"

"Sabi mo... hindi ko dapat protektahan ang mga kaibigan ko dahil sila naman ang may mali. Na hindi pagiging tunay na kaibigan ang tawag doon. But you don't understand where I'm coming from. I had to do that because... maybe in that way, they will finally accept me. Kasi sila nalang ulit ang mga naging kaibigan ko pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon."

Natahimik ang paligid. Sa tingin ko nangangapa rin siya sa sasabihin. Naiintindihan ko naman. Mahirap talaga mag isip ng dapat sabihin sa mga bagay na ganito.

Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin habang ako naman ay hindi na nakayanan pa ang mga mata niya. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa harp na hawak ko.

"You know what? Let's cut this shit off. I wanna play the harp again."

"I understand you, Aria. I see you." he said after not saying a word. Natigilan ako nang dahil doon.

Anong sabi niya? Did that actually came from him?

Hindi makapaniwala ko siyang nilingon. I can't see any humor in his eyes. He remained serious like his natural self. My mouth parted.

He's the last person I imagine to be telling those words to me.

I blinked so many times because it really felt unbelievable. I figured that maybe the reason why he doesn't talk so much is because he's an observant. He sees everything. Even the smallest things.

I broke my gaze at him. Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang harp. Hindi ko na siya pinansin at umaktong hindi naapektuyan sa sinabi niya. Nagpatuloy nalang ako sa pagtugtog.

Nang mapalitan na ang nagbabantay sa akin ay tsaka ko lang napagpasyahan na bumalik sa kwarto ko. Hindi ko ata kakayanin kung si Axel parin ang mananatili lalo na't hindi parin naaalis sa isip ko iyong sinabi niya sa akin kanina.

I thought about what am I going to do today. Now that my parents already arrived, mas lalong hindi na ako makakaalis.

I grabbed my laptop on my side table and connected it to my speakers. I browse some shows on Netflix. I ended up watching a horror movie.

Every time the movie has a jump scare, I squeal. At tuwing nangyayari 'yon, sumisilip ang bodyguard na nakaatas na magbantay sa labas ng kwarto ko upang itanong kung ayos lang ba ako.

Inabot na ako ng gabi sa kapapanood ng movie. Natigil lang nang tinawag na ko para kumain. As usual, hindi ko na naman kasabay ang mga magulang ko. Ang sabi sa akin nauna na daw dahil marami raw trabaho na ginagawa.

Hindi ko nalang pinansin pa. Ganito naman lagi.

Nang pumanik ako pabalik sa aking kwarto ay nagulat ako sa aking nakita. Axel is in front of my broken door. He's measuring something up and when I look down on the floor, I see that he has a tool box with him.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Agad naman siyang lumingon sa akin.

"Fixing your broken door, Ma'am."

"At talagang inayos mo kung kailan nandito na ang mga magulang ko?" I laughed.

Baliw rin ang isang 'to, e. Buti nalang at hindi pa nagagawi ang magulang ko dito at hindi pa nakikita itong sirang pinto ko.

"You shouldn't be doing that. May mag-aayos naman niyan."

"But I'm the one who broke it so..." hindi niya ako tiningnan at nagpatuloy lang sa ginagawa.

I rolled my eyes and scoff. Humalukipkip ako at isinandal ang sarili sa pader at pinanood siya habang inaayos ang aking pinto.

Mukhang marami siyang alam sa mga ganitong bagay. Napaisip tuloy ako kung ano ba ang ginagawa niya sa tuwing umuuwi siya sakanila. I wonder what his life's like. I heard that he's taking a day off every Sunday.

"You seem to know a thing about carpentry. Tinuturo ba nila sainyo 'yan sa PMA?" I chuckled at my question.

It's funny how I wanted to keep this conversation going. Sa tingin ko kasi masaya naman siyang kausap. Mukhang marami siyang alam at marami siyang pupwedeng masabi.

But the only problem is, he's holding himself back. I notice that every time I try to talk to him, he'll immediately cut the conversation off after one reply.

He's that professional huh? Keeping a professional relationship between him and his boss? Well, I don't want that.

Axel scoffs and lifts the hammer to slam it to the nail that he's holding. Agad na bumaon ito sa kanyang pagpalo.

Oh no, Aria. Don't let your eyes go there. Naalala mo ba nung pinanood mo 'yang braso niya noong tinuturuan ka niyang humawak ng baril? Diba nag zone out ka?

Kaya wag mong hayaan na mamangha ka na naman dyan kung ayaw mong mapahiya!

"No. It just so happens that I'm the one who fix broken things at home."

"Oh... Interesting. Who are you living with?" he glanced at me for a second. Siguro hindi inaasahan na magtatanong na naman ako tungkol sakanya.

Well, he can't blame me! Minsan lang siya makipagusap sa akin ng maayos kaya lulubosin ko na.

"I mean, are you living with your parents? Siblings? Or... your wife?" I almost whispered the word wife.

Naalala ko iyong sinabi ni Damon sa akin na wala namang karelasyon itong si Axel. A part of me believes that, but there's a bigger part of me that doesn't.

Like... Come on! He's a good looking guy! Girls probably line up to him when he was younger and I'm also very sure that he has a special someone that's waiting for him to come home every Sunday!

"A wife?" Axel chuckled, he put the hammer down and he wiped the dirt off of his hand then he turns to me.

It's obvious that he finds this thing funny and amusing at the same time. Ano naman nakakatawa sa tanong ko? Masama bang maging curious?

"O baka naman kasi hindi asawa... Hmm... okay, sige. Girlfriend?"

A ghost smile appeared on his lips. Umiling siya. He squatted in front of me to grab everything that he used to fix my door to return it inside the tool box.

"I don't have any of those, Ma'am."

Sinarado niya ang tool box at kinuha ito. Tumayo naman siyang muli at hinarap ako. Hindi makapaniwala ko siyang tiningnan. Unbelievable!

"Owws? I don't believe it. Ikaw pa?! Ang mga sundalo kaya excited magkalovelife! May nabasa ako na kapag may karelasyon kang sundalo, asahan mo na agad na pakakasalan ka niyan. That's why I don't believe that you don't have a wife!" umiling siya at natawa nalang. "O totoo diba?! Come on, don't lie to me. I'm just curious! Natanong ko na rin si Damon kung meron siya at sabi niya wala."

"What's with you and other people's love life?"

"Because I wanted to know how it feels like to be in love! You know... I want to see how people looks like when they're talking about someone really special to them. I never experienced those kind of things."

"You mean... you haven't been in love?" kunot noo niyang tinanong.

"No!" I laughed. "You think I have time for that when I spent my entire life locked in a prison cell a.k.a my parents' house? Plus, I rarely go out so I don't really have the opportunity to know some guys or... Whatever! Ano bang kinalaman nito sa tanong ko sa'yo?"

Humalukipkip ako at tinaasan siya ng kilay. I'm still waiting for him to answer my question. It's just a simple question! What's taking him so long to answer it?

"I live with my grandmother and some nephews, Ma'am. Okay na ba?" he finally answered.

"And your parents?"

He shakes his head, wanting to shrug the topic off. Oh, he does not want to talk about his parents? Okay. I understand. That must be a sensitive topic for him.

"Are you okay now? Do you still have questions?" He fixed his grip on the tool box, mukhang gusto nang umalis. 

At teka nga... nasaan na 'yung nagbabantay sa akin kanina? Bakit biglang nawala?

Hindi ko na inisip pa iyon at tiningnan muli sa mata si Axel. I raise a brow at him.

"Not really."

His forehead creased. "What is it?"

"I told you to just call me Aria. You already addressed me by my name before. I don't know why you suddenly went back to calling me Ma'am."

"I address you by your name when I feel like it. I call you Ma'am when I also feel like it."

I rolled my eyes. Magulo rin palang kausap ang isang 'to. Natuwa pa ata siya dahil nakuha niya ang inaasahan niyang reaksyon galing sa akin.

"Ugh! Anyway, thanks for fixing my door. I can finally sleep in peace and lock myself up in my room."

Inalis ko ang pagkakasandal sa pader at tinangkang lalagpasan na sana siya upang makapasok na ng aking kwarto nang pigilan niya naman ako. He grab my arm to stop me. 

"Don't punish yourself more by locking yourself up in your room. Come out more often. I'm sure there are people who's willing to keep you company."

"And that includes you?" I asked with a smirk. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay na para bang nanghahamon. 

"We'll see." His reply was simple but I can see that he's trying not to surpress a smile.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sakanya at tumawa. "Pa-mysterious! Akala mo naman!"

He looks taken a back with that. He clearly wasn't expecting that from me. Umiling ako at hinarap nang muli ang aking pinto.

Hindi naman siya umalis sa kanyang pwesto hangga't di ko pa isinasara ang pinto. Kaunti nalang ang awang nito nang buksan ko itong muli at sinilip kung nasa labas pa siya. Well, he's still there. Mukhang hindi pa aalis hangga't hindi ko talaga sinasara ng tuluyan ang bagong gawa kong pinto.

"What?" he raised a brow. 

I smiled cheekily at him. "Good night, Axel."

He bite the inside of his cheek to fight off the smile he's been wanting to show. I wanted to cheer at that moment. Come on. Show it! Show it! 

"Good night, Aria." he replied. 

And for the first time ever, he smiled at me. I think my world just stopped.