yeah, gonna be very honest here — i stopped watching shadowhunters so long ago so i really can't remember the story. so instead of posting an ending i'm just going to post the rest of chapter four that i never finished:

     "ETHAN, SLOW down."

The boy simply scoffed in response, running his hands through his hair as he jogged down the street. Alec tried to catch up with the Shadowhunter, who left his old house in anger after his parents revealed the truth about his past. He knew that Ethan still loved his parents, but the secrets were eating him up on the inside.

"I can't believe this. Who the hell is Magnus Bane? Where are my birth parents? They're just tanning on the beach in the Bahamas?" Ethan muttered under his breath.

Alec tried to grab ahold of Ethan's shirt as they neared the Institute. Ethan had discarded his leather jacket somewhere along the way, mumbling something about the color again.

"Let's get a good night's rest. We can start searching for Magnus tomorrow," Alec suggested. Ethan entered the doors of the Institute, hearing nothing but dead silence. He assumed everyone would be in bed after the day they just had.

"Alec, I can't live like this anymore," Ethan sighed, finally allowing the dark-haired boy to catch up to him. "My whole life has been one big puzzle and all of the pieces have been hidden in a place where I can't find them. Do you know how that feels? To not know who you are?"

Alec rolled his eyes internally. Out of everything he's been through, he could confidently testify that phrase was his life motto.

"Get some rest. We'll find him in the morning."

⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗

"Magnus Bane."

Simon and Clary's head spun around as they saw Ethan enter Clary's room. His hair was tousled from his fingers running carelessly through them all night and there were purple bags underneath his eyelids. He overheard Simon and Clary's conversation about Clary's memories and decided to step in and offer a hand.

"We start with Magnus Bane. He's the one who took my memories and the person who's kept my birth parents hidden from me." His friends' eyes widened at the statement, and Ethan took a seat next to Clary.

He immediately began to tell the story of what happened after him and Alec left his old home. Simon was hanging off every word in disbelief that his two friends were destined to be Shadowhunters the minute they entered the world.

After the tale was finished, Clary rushed out of her bed, climbing over Ethan's body. "Where are you going?" Simon asked. He was thinking about holding an intervention or some sort of group therapy because all of this information was messing with his brain.

"We have to find Jace and tell him about Magnus Bane."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why you need to find Jace," Ethan smirked, leaning back on her pillows. He wondered where Shadowhunters bought such soft sheets. Maybe there was a secret linen store he didn't know about.

The boy fell asleep, not keeping notice that Simon was practically hallucinating about Camille when he glanced at himself in the mirror.

Ethan didn't wake up from his slumber until he felt an arm pushing his body. His eyes fluttered open to see Alec hovering above him, looking equally grumpy. "Your mundane left."

"What the hell?" Ethan sat up, swearing he just saw Simon and Clary a minute ago. "What do you mean he left? Where did he go?"

He swung out of bed and staggered along the hallway, calling out Simon's name. He frowned when he didn't hear a response, but Clary was quick to fill him in. "He left a few minutes ago. He's confused, Ethan, and I couldn't go with him."

"Well, I can," the Shadowhunter hissed, feeling someone pull him back.

"No, you can't," Alec warned, glaring down at him. "We need to find Magnus Bane and you're going to help us."

"C, he could be killed out there! Simon can't protect a fly, let alone himself!" Ethan exclaimed in frustration. He was nearing the exit to the Institute, but Alec tugged him back again.

"I know that, Ethan! But he left on his own, and he persisted I go with him. We have to stay," the redhead attempted to reason with her friend.

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Ethan growled. "Simon just got kidnapped by vampires and now he's stupid enough to go searching for more supernatural creatures to mess with his head! We're his best friends, Clary. Two of his only friends. You're telling me that you want us to sit around and wait for the tragic news to be delivered to us?"

"Ethan," Clary whispered, laying both of her hands on his shoulders. "Both of us know absolutely nothing about our past. I've grown up thinking I was going to an art school and I was going to follow my dreams. You grew up thinking you were going to be pressured by your parents to enter the world of business. We're both destined for something greater, Ethan. Something wonderful. So you're telling me that you want us to go out there, searching for Simon, who clearly doesn't want to come back, just to be let down?"

"I'm saying that if I were out there, too stubborn to return, I'd want you or Simon to drag my ass back here."

"Meeting's starting. You're not leaving, Ethan," Alec spoke strictly. Ethan glared up at him, and he returned the stony gaze. It wasn't long before the lanky boy was shoved down into a seat beside Alec.

"Magnus Bane," Hodge began speaking once everyone was present. He promptly ignored the side-eye Alec was giving Ethan. "He's over 300 years old."

Ethan's eyebrow raised at the pictures being shown. Magnus liked to keep himself busy. "And, as you can see, he's not exactly shied away from the pleasures of every century. His tastes are both exquisite and quite excessive."

"He looks like the Downworld's David Guetta," Ethan snorted.

"Guetta's already a Downworlder," Izzy smirked. "Vampire? Ever seen him in the daylight?"

"Well, I have to get tickets to see him now," Ethan joked. His eyes drifted towards the entryway again, wondering when it would be the perfect time to sneak out and check on Simon.

"Can you two focus?" Alec said coldly. "This is not a joke."

"Someone needs to get slayed." Ethan snickered quietly at his own little joke. Alec looked at him, confused, and Ethan held his pinky out.

"Alec's right," Hodge corrected. "Now, Magnus is one of the most powerful warlocks I've ever known. He has a deep mistrust of Shadowhunters."

"Well, then why did he help my mom remove my memories? Isn't she a Shadowhunter?" Clary said.

"Yeah. Aren't my birth parents like legends or something? Why did he help them go into hiding?" Ethan questioned.

"Help might not be the most accurate word. Now, did Magnus provide a service for your parents? Perhaps. But more than likely, they paid Magnus handsomely for his magic."

"Ah, money. The downfall of all humans," Ethan breathed. His eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, do I call them mundanes now?" He looked to Alec for advice, but the boy was already staring at him. He cleared his throat and changed his line of vision.

"Warlocks usually require payment before they help anyone with anything," Jace added.

"Word from the Clave is that most of the warlocks have gone into hiding since Valentine began hunting them."

"Valentine must be searching for the warlock, where did Jocelyn-" Hodge's rune began glowing brightly, burning his skin. Ethan winced at the image.

"Hodge, your rune," Clary warned. "You okay?" He nodded. "So, how do we find Magnus?"

"We don't. Magnus finds us. We'll set up a meeting, somewhere protected. Lure him out of hiding."

"Alright. You guys can do that and I'll go find my nerdy friend who was captured by vampires only yesterday-" Ethan started, but Alec pinned him to his chair. He huffed in annoyance.

"I know exactly where we find Magnus," Izzy hopped down from the table and pulled up a flyer.

"A Downworld rave. Nice, Izzy," Jace commented.

"And where'd you get that?" Alec said in a protective brotherly manner.

"During my surveillance of the Downworlders. From what I hear, Magnus likes to party."

"He'll never go for it. Not with Valentine trying to kill him."

"Of course he will. He'll blend in. Hide in plain sight."

"I don't know, guys. This seems a bit sketchy to me," Ethan exhaled.

"Trust me. If Magnus is coming out of hiding, he's going to one of the biggest parties of the year," Izzy assured.

"Never underestimate Magnus' hedonism. Or his greed. Come with me," Hodge instructed. All of the Shadowhunters followed behind, and Alec kept a special eye on Ethan to make sure he wouldn't run to the door to go looking for his mundane.

Hodge ran his stele over a rune on the floor in one of the rooms, unlocking it. There, on the inside, laid a gorgeous necklace.

"Is that real?"

"A four-karat unheated Burmese ruby. And this necklace has a special meaning to Magnus Bane as it was a gift from him to his then lover, Camille Belcourt."

"Ugh," Ethan's nose twisted in distaste. "He can do so much better."

"Warlock gets around," Jace nodded. Clary and Jace shared a smile and Ethan snickered.

"Magnus bought it in 1857 for the price of his London townhouse. Now, the jewel is enchanted by a spell that alerts the wearer to the presence of demons."

"Convenient," Ethan said.

"It's so beautiful," Izzy took it in the palm of her hand, examining the jewel.

"Magnus has longed to reunite with this necklace," Hodge finished the backstory. "Offer it to him."

"He might just take the bait," Jace spoke as he left the room. "I'll send Magnus a fire message to arrange the meeting. We have to get to Magnus before Valentine does."

"Or I'll be left searching for my ancestry online," Ethan ran his hands down his face and took a deep breath.

⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗

"Damn, I look good."

Ethan checked out his figure in the mirror. After a little fashion advice from Izzy, he managed to snag a maroon colored shirt and dark blue jeans. He looked at Alec again, who was scanning his bow and arrows. He was wearing a dark blue button-up and black jeans.

"Can you show a little bit of emotion?"

"This is a mission, not a chance to party," Alec responded. Ethan rolled his eyes at the expected response. Alec really needed a spa day.

"Come on. When was the last time you had a little fun, Alec? Ever been to a mundane concert? Spent all of your money on the tour merchandise because you loved the show so much?" Ethan asked, approaching him. Alec's eyes briefly glanced at him before returning his focus back on his weapons.

"Valentine is alive and actively seeking the Cup. He threatens our entire world and we're helping his daughter."

"Hey," Ethan frowned. "I've known Clary my whole life. She would never become a monster like her father is. Like you said, someone who gives birth to you and someone who raises you is different."

"But, hey, lighten up. You look good in that shirt."

Alec scratched the back of his neck. "Thanks?"

"Alright. Let's hit the road, bub."

The party was in full blast. Alec and Jace were alert and ready, but Ethan, Clary, and Izzy were ecstatic to enter. Clary was hesitant before, but Ethan warmed her up to the idea. He felt bad for saying it, but Simon was the last thought in Ethan's mind. He was about to figure out his past and he wasn't ashamed for being excited.

"Hey, we're all matching with supernatural accessories," Ethan mentioned. He was wearing the ring on his finger, Clary was wearing the necklace Jocelyn gave her, and Izzy was adorning Magnus' necklace. She eventually handed it off to her brother when he mentioned how dangerous it was to be wearing it.

"Ay! The party has arrived."

"Ethan, hush."

The group walked towards Magnus Bane, and Ethan twisted his head in recognition. "Clary Fairchild and Ethan Aberlongue. You two have grown into beautiful young teenagers."

"Magnus Bane. You're the one who's stolen our memories."

"At your parents' request. They knew the risks," Magnus defended. He turned to Jace. "Show me the jewelry, Shadowhunter." The blonde dangled the jewelry from his hand but quickly snatched it before Magnus could take it.

"Give both Clary and Ethan back their memories, and you get the jewelry."

"I have to confirm its authenticity." The three Shadowhunters exchanged glances before Jace hesitantly gave it up to Magnus. "Amor verus numquam moritur. True love cannot die." Ethan raised an eyebrow. It was obvious Magnus and Camille weren't together anymore and as much as romance books would lead someone to believe, love can die and fade away faster than anything. "Oh, how I've missed this jewel."

"Now it's your turn to pay up."

"I wish I could retrieve your memories, but I no longer have them," Magnus explained. Ethan's heart sank.

"What? Where are they?"

"I fed them to a memory demon for safekeeping."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Jace sneered.

"To protect Clary and the Cup. Ethan's parents swore me to secrecy for the sake of his safety and theirs. If Valentine ever captured me, he could torture their memories out of me just like he tortured Dot."

"Tortured? Wait, is Dot okay?"

Ethan began feeling queasy, and he suddenly wanted to find Simon. Valentine could torture him too.

"You don't know? Dot is dead."

"What the hell? How do you know that?" Ethan spoke, throwing his arm around Clary's shoulder to comfort her.

"I can't feel her magic anymore. Valentine killed her because she would not betray your mother, Clary," Magnus sighed. "Come with me, you two. My lair can offer you protection no Shadowhunter ever could." Jace laughed.

"No, we're not going anywhere with you," Ethan hissed, pulling his friend back from Magnus' touch.

"Don't be a fool. Your parents would want you to live."

"Then help us get our memories back from whatever demon you gave them to," Clary offered.

"Valentine is hunting you, too. And every moment we're outside my lair's protection is a moment Valentine gets closer to finding us," Magnus said harshly. He opened a portal, which was the same wall of purple mist that Dot conjured up for Jocelyn the night she disappeared. Magnus extended his hand. "Come with me. I won't offer again."

"No. We won't hide from our problems and neither should you," Clary spoke proudly.

"Look out!" Izzy called.

They all ducked before seeing an arrow pierce a random man in the chest. Ethan knew it was Alec's arrow as the boy rushed down to check if he was really out. Magnus mumbled something under his breath and Ethan shot him a pointed expression. The warlock was going to leave but Clary stopped him.

"Magnus, wait! You're my only hope."

"Saying it like he's Obi-Wan freaking Kenobi," Ethan shook his head.

"Valentine found us. I warned your parents this might happen."

"Wait!" They both exclaimed, but he had already stepped through the portal.

"The area's secure," Izzy informed, rushing forward. "Looks like he was the only assassin."

"He has a Circle rune on the base of his neck."

"They found us."

⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗

     Ethan had been giving Alec the silent treatment since they left the Downworlders' party. Alec insulted Clary for putting their lives in danger, and Jace countered by saying Ethan was doing exactly the same, yet Alec had not spoken one complaint about the boy. As far as Ethan was concerned, they were both imbeciles who weren't helping him or Clary get closer to figuring out their past.

However, after some convenient parabatai tracking, Alec and Jace were able to locate Magnus' whereabouts. Ethan didn't even want to know what the term meant, considering it consisted of Alec and Jace staring deeply into each other's eyes as they held hands.

     After observing Magnus Bane in a normal lighting, Ethan concluded that he was not bad looking. Alec caught Ethan's wandering gaze and felt jealousy flow through his veins.

     "Ethan Aberlongue. Odd, isn't it? You look exactly like your mother from up close," Magnus clicked his tongue. Ethan blinked. He was still confused on which mother Magnus was referring to.

Clary stepped forward. "Magnus, please. You can't hide from this battle. Valentine — he found you once, he will find you again. We need to work together. Help us."

"I can summon the demon but you two," Magnus locked eyes with both of the Shadowhunters in front of him. "Must make the demand. Now, I warn you retrieving your memories will not be easy."

Ethan looped his arm through Clary's. "We'll do what we have to do."

Magnus nodded. "Alright, but we're not safe here. The lair's location has been compromised." He stepped away from the two and spoke to the rest of the people in the room. "Hold tight, everyone. We're about to move."

Then, blue mist appeared from Magnus' hands and the whole room transformed. He smiled as soon as the task was completed. "Ah, much better." He looked around at the apartment. "Ugh, it's inevitable. After each move, I get the itch to redecorate. Normally, I love a dirty lair, but this one's just sloppy."

Magnus exchanged looks with both Alec and Ethan, smirking. Alec stared at Ethan to see his reaction, but the boy pretended to gaze off into the distance.

"I believe in payment for services rendered," Magnus said, showing Izzy his ruby necklace. "Thank you for defending the warlocks."

"I couldn't."

Ethan scoffed. Izzy loved that necklace.

"Oh, but you could. And you should. The Lightwoods have been wearing this for years."

Ethan nudged Alec jokingly. "Ever tried that on?"

Alec scowled, but was glad to see Ethan was no longer upset with him.

Clary, annoyed by everyone's behavior, stood from her spot on Magnus' new couch. "Okay, so how do we summon the memory demon?"

Magnus looked up, wary. "Are you certain? Summoning such a powerful demon could be lethal." Ethan gulped at the statement, but Clary didn't falter.

"I'll do anything to save my mother."

"And I'll do anything to learn about my past," Ethan added. "Where is the demon?"

"Okay. Pretty boy, get your team ready." Magnus pointed in the area where the three Shadowhunters were standing.

Jace initially took command, but Magnus stopped him, snickering. "I'm not talking to you." He pointed at Alec and Ethan. "I'm talking to one of them."

Ethan grinned, flattered, but Alec seemed offended — as if someone else complimenting Ethan hurt him physically.

Magnus started to lead Clary into a different room, but when Ethan began to follow, Alec held him back. "What?"

"Maybe you should let the girl have the first go."

"Alec, I deserve to see my memories as well."

"Ethan," the dark-haired Shadowhunter began speaking, and Ethan could detect the slight concern laced in his voice. "The memory demon is more powerful than you will ever know. It's not going to be easy. Let the girl take the first hit."

Izzy watched the scene unfold before her eyes, her smirk widening.

"Fine," Ethan agreed reluctantly. "But you must tell me everything you know about the Aberlongue family from beginning to end."

Alec exchanged a glance with Izzy before complying. "The Aberlongue family is highly respected among Shadowhunters. Generation after generation, they produced legendary Shadowhunters who fought countless battles for us. Gabrielle and Theo were the first pair in their entire lineage to slip up, which almost caused Shadowhunters to be exposed everywhere. I assume The Clave must've sought after them, and they went into hiding. There were rumors they had a child, but it was never confirmed."

Izzy walked over. "Ethan, if they are your family, they didn't leave you behind on purpose. Bringing you along would've just been a struggle, and you would've grown up without any exposure to human contact. Gabrielle and Theo are probably still laying low, and I doubt anyone would know where they are."

Ethan's head snapped up. He was attempting to process all of this information, but his brain was moving awfully slow. "Jocelyn. She knows, she gave me this ring." He held up his finger. "When Clary rescues her, she can tell me."

     Alec clasped his hand upon Ethan's shoulder. "Ethan, you shouldn't get your hopes up. I imagine, even now, they'll be the hardest to track down and find."

A high-pitched scream erupted through the air. Alec saw a blur before Ethan was scrambling to find Clary, afraid something had happened to her. He was relieved to find she was safe and sound. Jace had only drawn a rune on her arm in order for her to call the memory demon.

Ethan released a sigh. Alec was right; Ethan probably couldn't handle that much pain. He always flinched when the doctor pricked his finger to get a blood sample.

"You okay?"

Clary gazed at her friend.

"Perfectly fine."

⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗

Alec's hand felt warm. It was comforting, almost, to feel his touch after hearing the bitterness in his voice. He was staring into Ethan's eyes as Izzy was smirking at them. Ethan was the first to break the connection, fearing what the outcome would be.

"I will lead the ceremony, and you all must do exactly as I say. The demon's name is Valak. And at some point, he will ask for payment in exchange for Clary's memories," Magnus explained.

Ethan's hand flinched at the statement, and Alec gripped it tighter to assure they would be fine.

"What do you mean? What kind of payment?" Jace asked, concerned for Clary's safety.

Magnus brushed it off. "We'll see." Ethan looked over at Clary, who was already staring at him. He smiled apologetically. "Let us begin."

Magnus began the chant to summon the demon. Ethan was scared of what was going to approach. As soon as Magnus finished, Izzy's necklace started to glow.

"The necklace! It's pulsing."

Ethan suddenly felt his body being pulled upright. A cloud of black smoke descended before their eyes. "Valak is among us!" Magnus mentioned. "Do not break the bond!"

Ethan could feel himself slowly slipping away, but Alec wouldn't allow it. "Ethan, hold tight!"

The Shadowhunter regained his balance. "I've got it, I've got it!"

"It is time. The demon demands payment!"

"What does it want?" Alec shouted.

"We must each relinquish a beloved memory of the one we love the most."

Izzy's chest jutted out, a memory of Alec appearing in the smoke. Clary went next, a vision of Jocelyn appearing. Ethan felt his chest being pulled, and he unknowingly released a memory of his to the demon.

It was both Simon and Clary at the coffee shop on Clary's birthday. Clary was laughing wholeheartedly, and Simon was nudging Ethan playfully. His heart began to beat rapidly, eyes welling up with tears when he thought about his best friends.

There was a revelation of honesty in Alec's memory. Jace's eyes were staring back at his, and Alec shook his head. Jace looked down, confused by Alec's memories.

Alec denied what had been seen. "No, it's not true! The demon deceived me!"

"Do not break the bond!"

"Alec, it's fine!" Ethan yelled, attempting to calm him.

"No!" Alec's hand broke away from Ethan's, and Ethan felt a cold shudder run through him. They all sprung back after the bond was broken.

Ethan's head knocked up against the brick wall, and his vision became blurry. He couldn't comprehend what happened next. The demon suddenly disappeared, and a shaken up Alec was in front of him.

"Ethan? Ethan, talk to me."

Before Ethan passed out dramatically, he heard a chorus of "I'm losing him, I'm losing him!"

⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗ ⊗

"It's so like Ethan to add drama onto more drama."

"He just wanted to go out with a bang, I'm guessing?"

Ethan groaned, feeling the worst headache of his life. He blinked, opening his eyes slowly, adjusting them to the bright lights of the Institute. There was an aching feeling in his bones.

Alec was hovering over him, checking to see if he was stable. Clary and Izzy were sitting on the other side of him. Ethan guessed he was in Alec's room.

"The hell? My head has never felt like this before."

"Ethan, I'm glad you're okay," Clary said, enveloping her friend into a hug. Ethan gave her a small pat on the back.

     "Need to see Simon," Ethan mumbled lowly. Alec's spirits lowered and he began to exit the room. Izzy raced after him. "Got worried when I saw that memory of him."

Alec entered the room again. "You can see Simon later. My mother's here."

Ethan frowned. He wondered if Alec and Izzy's mother was just as uptight as her son was. Clary helped Ethan stand and they wobbled over to the training room, where Ethan spotted Maryse Lightwood, a woman who obviously meant business.

Ethan held out his hand for her to shake. "Ethan Marks. Nice to meet you."

"Ethan Aberlongue," Maryse corrected, staring at the skinny boy. "You look like your mother."

"Yeah, I've been getting that a lot lately."

"We'll talk about the Institute later. Right now, we have a bigger problem. The Seelies have stopped communicating with the Clave and won't explain why. My guess is they're still upset we asked them to send scouts to look for Valentine, but no one will talk," Maryse said, walking in a circle to stare down her children and Clary and Ethan.

     "I have Seelie friends," Izzy said proudly, happy to help.

"Yes, I know about your friends," Maryse spoke in a condescending tone. Although she was Alec's mother, Ethan was starting to dislike the woman. "Isabelle, we stay separate from the Downworlders for good reasons — the wrong move, the wrong word. Do you think there is such a thing as harmless rebellion? Who knows what offends these creatures? Maybe you told him," Maryse paused, realizing her intentional mistake. "Them something they shouldn't know. Maybe you trod on one of their ridiculous customs without knowing it."

"Wait, wait. I don't understand," Jace interrupted Maryse's lecture. "You're laying all this on Izzy for having a friend in the Downworld?"

"When someone upsets the natural order, everything falls apart."

"Natural order?" Clary stepped up for her friend. "What are you saying?"

Ethan could tell there was an immense dislike spreading around the room. He looked at Alec, who was practically begging for him not to say anything.

"I can help," Izzy said with more confidence. "I know how to talk to Seelies."

"She's right. She can visit with Meliorn and see what he knows. I could go with her if you want," Alec suggested. Ethan took note of Alec's politeness towards his mother, but also how tense he was around her. She clearly held high standards for him.

"I'd rather Jace go along this time." Maryse laid a hand on his shoulder. "Alec, you stay with the Fairchild girl and the Aberlongue boy. I want them under control. They've caused enough trouble already."

"Maybe that's because we weren't even Shadowhunters until a few days ago," Clary defended. Ethan slowly felt his politeness begin to slip away.

"And what an exciting few days it has been." There was the condescending tone again. Ethan's eyes narrowed. "The Clave counts on us Lightwoods to maintain order here."

"You don't need to tell me that. If the mission is important to the Clave, I would prefer to be the one who goes with Isabelle."

Ethan was slightly hurt. Did Alec not want to spend time with him?

Maryse chuckled dryly. "You're all so eager to do what you would prefer. It's time to face the truth. Life is not about what you want to do, it's about what must be done. I have given you your assignments, now carry them out. You and you," she pointed at Jace and Isabelle. "With me now."

Ethan flinched at her harsh tone. Once the three left, he looked up at Alec.

"Well, that was fun. Should we go shopping now?"

Alec stared at him bitterly. "Why don't you just go and try to find Simon instead?" He turned around and sauntered off, leaving a sad Ethan.

"What the hell did I do?"

Clary smiled.

i'm so sorry to everyone who fell in love with this story and i couldn't finish it. this is all i can give unfortunately, but i loved ethan very much and loved that i got to write a story of him coming to terms with his sexuality.