Hi! I've read a lot of these and none of them really convey depression properly, so I thought "Fuck it, I'll write my own". I was also feeling angsts and have been working on this for a while because I wanted it to be as realistic and accurate as possible. Which is difficult when it's a fantasy genre. Enjoy!

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All is right in the world; Voldemort's gone, Muggle-Born's aren't living in fear, the Death-Eaters are all in Azkaban, truly, nothing could go wrong. What if I were to tell you not all Death-Eaters were in Azkaban, and that a few had in fact not faced a penalty? Would you believe me? Probably not, but Lucius Malfoy managed to evade going to Azkaban and will continue torturing his wife and child. Would you believe that? Maybe, but it's the horrible truth and it'll end up killing someone.

You probably think I'm just telling you this because I want my story to be heard. Am I right? Well, this is not my story, I am just a mere narrator explaining the horrors of Draco Lucius Malfoy's eighteenth - and maybe even final - year of life. I know, I may sound like I'm over dramatising it, but this is the truth, and Draco may or may not be dead. That's your question right? You'll have to read to find out. And that, my dear, is your choice.

-~-

Draco lay still and silent in his bed waiting for the sound of his fathers booming voice to wake him and signal it was time to come down stairs. He was not asleep though, oh no, he was laying silent and motionless too afraid to move and to scared to fall asleep. Why you may ask. Because moving might make sound and alert his father that he was in fact awake, and the nightmares that plagued his sleep wouldn't let him rest. Nightmares led to screaming, screaming led to his father getting angry, and he did not want to make his father angry.

He began to slip into a sleep and he didn't know how, he wasn't even aware he was asleep until he awoke. But he didn't awake until after he faced the terror of his own memories and dangerous thoughts. He faced some of his least favourite memories, and some fantasies that weren't happy, but he thought they'd happen. And for that reason, he hated himself, he hated himself for imagining people in that way. But I bet you're wondering what he saw, here:

Draco woke up in the dungeons pasty and pale with heavy bags under his eyes and had dried blood splattered on his newly ruined shirt. He noticed a scar in the shape of a flower with three petals. Or at least, that's what he thought it was. It was a rather strange shape and he wasn't sure what it meant. He wouldn't know until his eighth year what it meant either.

It wasn't the only shape he found carved into his skin. There were messages and symbols, signatures even. He was unfortunate enough to have been caught betraying the Dark Lord; Harry, Ron and Hermione had been found and he claimed it wasn't them. It of course was and they escaped with all of their prisoners. He was made to regret his choice, but he didn't, he had helped, and for that reason, he didn't regret it for a moment.

He flashed to the next scene where he saw the familiar setting of 'Borgan and Burks'. He recognised his reflection and saw that this was the moment he got the horrid mark on his arm causing more grief than most know. He knew not how the mark would be created nor how he would suffer because of it. 

They got out a blade and carved the mark into his flesh and he held his breath and tried not to wince. But once the wand touched his bleeding wrist and they began he felt a searing pain that felt like having someone step on a broken arm and he grunted after trying to hold back a howl of agony. He never wanted to join the Dark Lord, he was just too afraid to go against his fathers wishes, and even Voldemort's wishes. is it such a crime to be too afraid to fight back? In most's view yes.

Another setting switch and Draco's in the Astronomy tower, but not to kill Dumbledore. This scene is one he concocted from his own self-hate and anxiety. He sat leaning on a pillar watching the bright blue sky slowly fade to orange as the sun began to set and night began to fill the sky. he heard footsteps but didn't move from his post. He didn't want to deal with people right now, but if he ignored them they'd surely go away or leave him be.

Wrong, when they completed the ascent to the Astronomy tower they found exactly what they were looking for. Yes indeed, they had been searching for the blonde boy because they wanted to ... talk. I guess you could say that because they did want to have a conversation. That's just not the only reason they came.

"Just the person I was looking for," they said with a hint of malice in their voice.

"Potter?" Draco responded, "Why were you looking for me?"

"Because, I want to talk."

"Okay..." Draco squirmed uncomfortably and nervously.

Draco had liked the raven-haired boy since their fourth year. He couldn't help what he felt and who he felt it for. He may have seemed like a total prick, but he was scared. Scared that if he let anyone in they'd hurt him. He didn't know where this fear came from but he had it.

Harry strode over and sat next to Draco a bit too close for comfort and definitely too close for Draco to escape quickly if he decided to hit him. Draco stared back out into the sunset knowing if he dared look at the boy beside him, he might find their faces a lot closer than they needed to be, and for that reason alone, he thought it best to not look at him. But, he soon felt an agonising pain in his hip as he turned to see Harry had pierced a knife into his flesh, allowing the blood to spill. Draco looked at the boy but he found that Harry had somehow climbed over the top of him with the knife still in Draco's hip.

"What do you want?" Draco managed.

"I want you to understand one thing," Harry answered, "don't you dare think of yourself as anything but a killer. You're just a stupid weakling too terrified of what might happen to themselves to even worry about the consequence it might have for others!"

"How did you -"

"I have my ways."

Draco winced as the blade in his hip moved a little.

"Faggot."

And just like that Draco woke up and bolted upright regretting it straight after from a sharp pain in his hip. Apparently the knife in his dream had in fact been real which could only mean one thing for poor Draco. He looked around his room nervously and noticed a figure standing near his window with moonlight bouncing off of them. It was none other than Lucius Malfoy, his father to be more exact. He had somehow managed to fall asleep and woke up the man with his screams.

His subconscious mind turned Lucius' action of stabbing Draco in the hip to Harry saying everything his father would've said. He mentally slapped himself for ruining the 'perfect' savoir of the Wizarding World. Lucius was holding a dripping knife in his hands behind his back, it was now indisputably clear that Lucius had in fact stabbed his own son. He turned his head with clear fury and rage marked on his face.

"Put yourself in my place," Lucius started walking toward the frail boy, "you wake up because your stupid and pathetic child starts screaming; what would you do?"

"C-Comfort -"

"Wrong answer," Lucius interrupted Draco.

"I ... yell at-t th-em?"

"What else?"

"Punish, them..."

"Yes."

Lucius smiled maliciously at his son and Draco quivered at the dominance his father portrayed in a single glare. He enjoyed watching the small pale boy squirm or fidget because it was his tell that he was scared, and Lucius was a horrid person whom enjoyed making people suffer, and above all others, making his wife and son suffer. It was a strange thing to wish, wishing your family would suffer is not something most sane people thought. But, Lucius clearly wasn't sane.

"And, how would you punish them," Lucius said as more of a statement and sat next to his so.

"Um..." Draco weighed his options. He could answer and be punished that way, or answer and avoid punishment.

"Answer me!"

"B-Beating!"

"Well, if that's what you would do I'll have to do something worse."

"Why?"

"You're pathetic, and I will not be pathetic."

Draco gulped and sat as still as he could, but his shaking made it clear he was scared or even terrified. He had no clue what his father had in store for him, and he honestly didn't want to know. He hoped upon hope that this was part of a cruel dream, but he knew hope was useless and that it only led to pain. He knew he was awake, and he gave up on hope in the process of sitting there still. Tears poured down his face.

"I think I've figured it out," Lucius had a wicked grin plastered on his face, and something strange in his eyes.

-~-

Draco sat in the library the next day with images of the previous night flashing through his mind not allowing him to focus. He found a book on Latin symbols and what they generally meant, he still had scares from after letting harry escape and wanted to know what the symbols meant. He took the book out of the Manor library and brought it into the dungeon because he didn't want to be easy to find. He found out what a few symbols meant, but didn't find any that had been carved into him.

He didn't get to find anything more about the symbols because he heard the voice of his father demanding that he come to the dining room. He did as he was told, out o fear or curiosity, maybe a combination of the two, but he arrived and apparently did something right for once. His mother Narcissa was standing behind Lucius shaking almost terrified that he would hurt - not only her - but Draco too.

"You are going to Hogwarts this year," Lucius seemed pleased by this.

"I am?" Draco was shocked, but also scared that this was one of Lucius' twisted games.

"You are, now we will be going to Diagon Alley tomorrow so I expect you to act right."

"Yes father."

Draco scurried off to the dungeon collecting his book and returning to his bathroom with questions and realisations flooding his mind. Would he really be safe at Hogwarts with everyone there that hated him? That, he wasn't sure of, but he didn't want to spend more time than he needed to in the Hellhole called Malfoy Manor. He just wanted a happier life, if Hogwarts could provide that he would be pleased.

He had never really been happy at Hogwarts because he was forced to act a certain way when, he would've been pleased to make friends with Ron or Hermione. But, even smiling to them would cause absolute agony that Draco did not want to face at the time, but now, it doesn't seem so bad. Not in comparison to what he has faced. Disobeying is one thing, failing is another. Both were bad, but failing was worse because it meant you weren't capable.

He didn't have anything to do, but soon he found the knife Lucius had used to stab his hip the night before. His hip still hurt, and his walking around wasn't helping with that, and the knife still hadn't been washed, so there; something to do. He took the blade into his bathroom to wash it under the tap just so that if his father needed it he wouldn't get angry. Of course, Draco's luck wasn't the best and black cats would probably be put to shame.

He turned the handle and allowed the water to fall through the tap into the sink. He put the knife under the water and found that he'd have to get a cloth to wipe the dry crimson liquid off the sharp blade. He picked up the closest one - which was quite thin - and started to clean the knife of his blood. Unfortunately the cloth wasn't thick enough and he sliced his hand. Blood dripped from his palm and he quickly cleaned the blood off the knife and got out some bandages.

An idea popped into his head. He got this strange sensation like he was relieving himself of his demons and as though his problems weren't as bad. He took the knife and cut into his Dark Mark with a thought. If they had to cut him to get the mark, maybe he could remove it by cutting his arm. The mark started to fade, but instead of blood leaving his arm it was a tar like substance that hurt worse than getting the mark.

He dropped the knife back onto the bench and watched as the black liquid returned to it's original place leaving only a small scar. He managed to not scream but he did inhale sharply when he felt the acid like liquid touch his skin. He figured he might have to remove the mark bit by bit, one small incision a day until he was used to the feeling of the black substance. Then and only then, would he be able to remove the Dark Mark fully.

-~-

The next day came by and Draco was shaking on the bathroom floor with bruises all over, a few cuts here and there with blood dripping from his mouth. Lucius had gotten upset with him and Draco was helplessly trying to stop the punches, hexes and even curses thrown his way. He didn't fall asleep, but he was too weak and didn't have the energy to get up, so he lay on the floor wishing that he would just die already. Now it was the day they'd be going to Diagon Alley, Draco just hoped that his friends would also be going to Hogwarts. But he quickly pushed away that thought knowing hope would do nothing.

He got up and stumbled, energy zapped and hungry from not eating for the past few days and from the beating he received. Of course, he didn't want to appear weak in front of his father and so he used a concealment charm to fix it, but he still didn't have the energy required for the day ahead. He couldn't do anything about it though, he doubted he'd be given food and doubted he'd be treated nicely but still wished for a chance to run away. But running was weak. Being weak wasn't good for the Malfoy name, but Draco didn't want that name. He wanted the name of Black because it wasn't known for being horrid anymore. Now it was known as the name of soldiers for good.

He went down the stairs and was shocked to find a small plate with a single piece of toast with nothing else - not even butter. He was confused, but his mother Narcissa explained it to him.

"He doesn't want people to know how he's treating you," she said, "but I don't think we should get used to it."

"Of course mother," Draco responded.

The toast was cold, dry and almost tasteless, but he was at least eating something and that made him happy. He still had to get into a more presentable state, but Draco knew he wouldn't meat his father's standards no matter what. But that didn't stop him from trying. He got himself dressed and combed his hair so that there was no sign of ever looking any different from perfect. But, it was all an act to hide the insecure and sensitive boy behind the mask of being the bully. He only ever did as he was told.

He went back down the stairs to meet his father before heading off. Lucius didn't think Draco looked as perfect and flawless as he could, but he needed to make sure he at least had some energy as to not reveal how horrible he was being treated. Whether he wanted to be nice to his son was something entirely different. And he would never want to do that because Draco might slip up and ruin the Malfoy reputation. He wasn't sane either, which led to an easy temper.

"It'll have to do," Lucius commented with a tight grip on his child's shoulders.

Draco nodded as the bruises on his shoulders ached.

"Let's make this quick."

They flooed to Diagon Alley and met a Street full of busy people and a few students Draco recognised. The day went by smoothly until they went into a shop to collect the books when they met the Weasley's and Harry Potter. Draco went to the shop keeper trying to avoid the group, but Lucius kept giving them dirty looks and made it difficult to stay clear of them. But they didn't seem to notice the Malfoy's presence until they were about to leave.

"Shouldn't you be in Azkaban?" The familiar voice of Harry said.

Draco stopped. It hurt to hear those words from his mouth.

"Why if it isn't Harry Potter," Lucius remarked, "forgive my rudeness, but mind your own damn business." 

Lucius wasn't defending his son, he was defending his own honour.

"Come now Draco, we need to get home."

Draco started walking off with his father and knew what happened. He had stood there letting people insult him, this meant he had acted weakly and weakness was not exceptible behaviour for a Malfoy. Even if it was resolved in the end, he did nothing and made himself appear vulnerable. He wouldn't hope for a small punishment because it wouldn't come true and that would only break his already broken faith. He didn't believe in wishing or hoping because nothing ever came to fruition for him. Maybe it did for others, but not for him.

When they got home Narcissa in the study while Lucius was about to erupt and let out the anger he felt on his own child. He yelled about how he stood there like an idiot and should've defended himself. But Draco wasn't listening. He knew what he did wrong and waited for the hex or punch to be thrown. Then SMACK!! Draco hit the floor shocked and to energy zapped to stay standing. Lucius had slapped him across the face and THWACK!! His cane hit Draco square in the stomach causing more blood to drop from his mouth as he coughed.

"HOW USELESS CAN ONE PERSON BE!?!?"

Narcissa rushed in at the sound of her husband's booming voice.

"What are -"

"SHUT UP!!!!" Lucius hit Narcissa with his cane while interrupting her.

Narcissa staggered backwards and landed on the floor shaking in fear.

Lucius left angry and started to knock things over in his office while Draco and Narcissa stumbled to their feet and tried to avoid Lucius. Draco felt like giving up, he didn't feel sad or angry, he just felt empty as if someone stole his ability to feel anything. What was the point in living if you couldn't enjoy life or even feel pain? The point would be to survive, but to Draco there was nothing to live for. The only thing binding him to the Earth was that he didn't want his mother to feel pain. 

He was staying alive because he knew his mother wouldn't be able to take it if he died. Now isn't that a sad reason to live? Living because you don't want someone else to hurt. If that's not noble I don't know what is.

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Yup, it's one of these fanfictions! And trust me, it's gonna get worse. Vote, comment and make suggestions. Thank you!

      - Turtlefreakakw2 <3