"Let's fucking go!" I yell into the locker room as we all rush back in. I knew we would win, but Notre Dame put up a hell of a fight. The fact that we still managed to score twenty one in the fourth quarter though is a high. I feel incredible, untouchable.

Going into this game, and this season, I wasn't sure how the offense would work without Taylor. Once he finally got cleared to play last season, he was always my go to guy. He was the only one that I knew would be exactly where I threw the ball. I sometimes felt like I didn't even need to call a play, that he could see inside my mind and just anticipate what position his body should take on the field.

But to my surprise Shaun Williams really showed up today. He's not as good as Taylor, but probably the best wide receiver we have this season. The two of us connected for two out of our five total touchdowns today.

I stop to shotgun a few beers with the offensive live before making it back to my locker. I immediately pull my phone out and turn it back on. I leave it off the entire morning, not letting myself get distracted by anything in the hours prior to the game. It's the only reason that I may still be the only person who still owns and uses an Ipod. But I need my pregame playlist without all the other shit.

I open my messages to see a couple from Camryn and Taylor, both congratulating me on my performance. Taylor's of course also contains a few suggestions he has for our offense. Even though he's no longer on the team and has a new quarterback to bounce ideas off of, we still talk regularly. Actually, we talk more now that I'm not his QB. After Camryn and I began working through our shit, he finally came around too. I think he's even almost forgiven me for the mess I helped create between him and my sister last year. Now he's one of my best friends, and someone I look to for advice both on and off the field.

I respond to both of them and quickly return to my other message threads, hoping to see one from Alyssa. But the last message from her was a thumbs up on the pancake recipe I sent her last night.

I didn't expect to. I can tell that she still doesn't trust me, and doesn't trust my intentions with her. It's like she's just waiting for the other shoe to drop with me. I can't say I'm surprised though. I've spent a lot of my life with people assuming the worst from me and I've only given fuel to the fire.

I've never resented it though, not until now. But now, it's making it that much harder to show Alyssa I'm on her side and I want her on mine. And I know it's never going to change as long as she's still with Anderson. She's never going to fully give herself over to me again until no one stands to be sacrificed but herself. If only she knew that she's already hurting herself by staying with him.

🏈🏈🏈

The bass coming from the speakers rattles through my entire body. I bob my head along to it, even singing a few of the words that I know as I do.

I'm standing in the corner of the room, watching a couple of the guys play a game of beer die. I bring my solo cup up to my lips and take a sip of the whiskey and coke inside as I patiently wait for mine and Bennett's turn in the game.

I see her before she sees me. But only because she isn't looking for me the way I have been for her. She's too busy standing between Anderson's thighs and rubbing a hand up and down his back.

She leans into his ear to be heard over the music. Whatever she says makes him lean forward and whisper something back before kissing her neck.

I down the rest of my drink and move further into the house. I need to do something else, anything else to make it seem like I'm not watching them.

When I see her again I'm swaying from the excessive amount of liquor I've consumed in a short amount of time. The light reflecting in my eyes is slightly blurred around the edges. Alyssa is standing in the kitchen talking with a group of girls. I recognize most of them as the ones on rotation this semester. Most of the guys on the team just prefer to fuck them, but Jake's the only one in the group who uses the girlfriend label so willingly.

I move towards her until I'm right up against her back. I lean forward and let my mouth nearly rest against her ear. "I see you get a longer leash tonight," I whisper.

Alyssa doesn't stop talking to the group even though they have all taken their attention off her and are now looking at me standing over her. Alyssa holds up a finger, indicating for them to give her a minute as if that's all the time she will need before she sends me on my way.

She uses her hands on my chest to push me into the corner of the room, as far away from the crowd as she can. It doesn't do much to give us privacy. We're still surrounded on all sides.

"We're not doing this here, Cal," she says. I lean my head down towards her mouth but she still has to pop up on her tiptoes to clear the rest of the distance. She disappoints me by putting a hand over my face and pushing me back to a standing position.

"So you admit there is something here for us to do?" I move my hands to her arms to help anchor us both as we continue to sway on our feet.

She shakes her head. "I can't—" she begins, but we're interrupted by her roommate Julia. I don't really know Julia, but with the amount of times I've seen her around, she has to at least be fucking one of my friends.

I look at Julia again and can tell she's wasted. She can barely stand on her own and is gripping onto both Alyssa and myself. She leans into Alyssa's ear and whispers something that I can't hear. Alyssa's features were already tight during our conversation, but concern floods them.

Alyssa pushes back onto her toes to yell at me. "Julia just can't handle her alcohol," she says, shaking her head. I look back to Julia and see that her eyes are completely glazed over. She looks like she might throw up any second.

"I need to get her home. Can you wait here with her while I go tell Jake we're leaving."

I know it's because she doesn't want me to follow her, to try and continue our conversation. She doesn't want to risk Anderson seeing us. But that's exactly what I want, for him to see that he doesn't have her locked down the way he thinks he does.

Julia slumps against me and I have to crane my neck to see if she's fallen asleep. Her body has turned into deadweight against me. Her eyes open again, but it doesn't make me feel any better. They roll back into her head and make her look possessed. I readjust my grip on her to allow me to take most of the burden of moving. I begin to walk her through the house.

I spot Alyssa standing next to where Anderson sits on the couch, she whispers into his ear, no doubt asking him to leave with her. But I know him, he's never the first one to leave the party.

That's why I'm not surprised when he doesn't budge, not even at the idea that two drunk girls are about to stumble their way home arm in arm. Alyssa seems unfazed by his reaction too, as she leans down and kisses him on the lips. I continue to watch as she walks away. Anderson watches for a second, but quickly returns his attention to his group of friends.

I make sure Alyssa see's us before she walks back towards the kitchen. She attempts to take Julia from me, but her frame is too small to be of any real assistance.

I wave her off and continue what I started. We get out of the house and onto the sidewalk out front. I ask if we need to call an Uber because I still don't know where she lives. Alyssa shakes her head though as she begins walking, saying that it's only a couple of blocks.