TW: mentioning of suicidal thoughts

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When Hyunjin woke up, he felt as if he had just fallen asleep.

Groaning, he turned around and pulled the pillow over his head. He just wanted to keep sleeping and had little motivation to get up and go to work.

He was about to fall asleep again when the pillow was pulled away from him, which caused him to sit up screaming and he look around in panic.

"Good morning babe," Felix said with a grin and threw the pillow was back on the bed.

"Oh God Felix. I could have had a heart attack, you idiot! What are you even doing here?!", groaning, Hyunjin let himself sink back into bed and rubbed his hands over his face.

"I called you and texted to you, but you just wouldn't wake up. And since I knew you had to work, I came here to wake you up..." said Felix and smiled innocently. "Aaaaaand apart from that, I wanted to ask you what to wear. I'll meet Minho right away to start studying."

In disbelief, Hyunjin sat up again and stared at his best friend. "Are you fucking serious? And that's why you scare me to death?!"

"Oh come on Jinnie... I brought you brownies for work. And I'll cook you ramen if you still have enough time to eat," Felix hesitantly went closer to the bed and since Hyunjin didn't look like he wanted to slap him in, he finally sat down next to him.

Sighing, Hyunjin wrapped his arms around the younger one and let himself fall into bed with him.

For a moment they stayed cuddled up to each other until Hyunjin's alarm clock rang and reminded him that he had to get up.

Yawning, he softly ruffled Felix's hair before he gave himself a jolt and finally got up.

"I take both.. even if I ate ramen earlier. But there is no time for more and I don't really have anything else there..." Hyunjin said almost sadly and went to his closet to look for fresh clothes.

"Oh, well, then I'll make you ramen now and on your next day off I'll invite you to dinner!" said Felix, got up and disappeared into Hyunjin's kitchen.

That made Hyunjin smile and at the same time he came to the conclusion that it didn't matter what he put on, as he would exchange the clothes for the work clothes anyway.

And so he followed Felix to the kitchen shortly afterwards, where it already smelled of ramen. To say that his mouth was watering would be exaggerated, but at least he would no longer be hungry afterwards.

"Thank you Lix," he murmured and wrapped his arms around the younger from behind, who was still standing at the stove.

"Do you want to talk about what's going on your mind?" Felix asked, turned off the stove and turned around in Hyunjin's arm so that he could look at him.

But Hyunjin just shook his head and leaned against the younger.

"Let me know if that changes!" Felix murmured and lovingly stroked through the older's hair. "And now eat, you have to leave soon. And I'm going to search for something wearable in your closet in the meantime."

After filling the ramen for Hyunjin into a bowl, he actually disappeared in the older's bedroom, while he sat down at the table with his ramen.

For a moment, Hyunjin closed his eyes before he started eating.

Shortly afterwards, Felix came back into the kitchen and wore a completely new outfit, consisting of the older's clothes.

Smiling, he stopped in front of Hyunjin and turned around in circles once before looking at him questioningly. "And? What do you think?"

"You look incredibly cute, Lix," Hyunjin said, smiling lovingly at him.

Sighing, Felix let himself fall on the chair next to the older. "I didn't knew if I wanted to look hot or cute. And then I thought that hot maybe wouldn't be appropriate for studying...," he said with a pout on his lips, which made Hyunjin grin.

"I'm sure he'll be blown away by you! But now come on, I have to go. Should I take you with me?" he asked and pulled the younger one to the front door.

"Can you take me to Minho's? He wanted to study at home," Felix said, slightly grinning.

"Sure babe."

Somehow Hyunjin was glad not to be alone yet. And that Felix distracted him from his gloomy thoughts. His anticipation of studying with Minho and his being in love were simply sugar-sweet and led him to other thoughts.

Smiling, he concentrates on the street while listening to Felix.

"Babe, we should definitely meet more often again!" he said and felt bad because he had had so little time for his best friend because of his internship.

"I'm not the one who is constantly busy," Felix said with a grin, as if he had read the older's thoughts.

"The internship is important to me, but so are you. And I miss you insanely...," Hyunjin murmured and grabbed Felix's hand.

Felix looked at his best friend with a smile. The older one had his heart in the right place and whenever he could he helped others. Which was why he had also decided to complete the internship in the psychiatric clinic during the semester break.

Which was usually part of his studies anyway, but Hyunjin had decided that he also wanted to work there for most of his holidays.

Which had led to Felix and Hyunjin seeing each other relatively little recently.

But Felix knew how important Hyunjin's internship was to him and he didn't blame him in the slightest. Because even though he missed his best friend, he was incredibly proud that the older pursued his dreams.

"It's okay Jinnie! I miss you too, but I'm incredibly proud of how hard you work to fulfill your dream!"

When Hyunjin parked in front of Minho's house a short time later, he got out and pulled Felix firmly into his arm. "I love you, little one! Never forget that! And if there should ever be anything, you can always talk to me!"

Felix leaned against the elder and nodded. "I love you too, Jinnie! You are the best friend I can imagine!"

Smiling, Hyunjin pressed a kiss on the younger's forehead and then watched him almost hop to Minho's house, cause he was incredibly excited.

Sighing, he finally went back to his car and drove to work.

⍭〄⍭

When he finally arrived at work and had changed his clothes, Yuna waited of him at the base together with two colleagues who Hyunjin didn't like that much.

Yuna seemed to have read his mind and offered to take care of Hyunjin after the handover, for which he was very grateful.

After they had divided the areas, Yuna and Hyunjin disappeared into the kitchen and poured both of them a coffee. "You look like you didn't sleep well," she said and looked at the younger with concern.

"I haven't either. But my best friend baked brownies and gave them to me, so we will somehow survive the night," he said, shrugged his shoulders and carefully drank a sip of coffee.

"Well, if you say so. I hope it's okay with you that we do the shift together," she said with a grin and put a hand on Hyunjin's arm.

Dramatically he shook his head. "No, I think it's totally unbearable!" for which Yuna boxed against his shoulder.

"Dumbass," she said laughing and disappeared towards the base.

Sighing, Hyunjin followed her, but then realized with relief that the other two weren't there right now and let himself fall on a chair next to Yuna. She just carefully wrote down some things in patient records and Hyunjin took the opportunity to put his head on his arms and close his eyes.

The quiet rattling of the keys seemed somehow calming and if Yuna hadn't stopped shortly afterwards and nudged him, he would certainly have fallen asleep.

"Come on, let's go, otherwise you'll fall asleep."

Yawning, Hyunjin got up and followed her.

It was only shortly after nine, which meant that most patients were still awake and still it was comparatively quiet.

The majority were already in the rooms and only a few stayed outside their rooms with permission.

To Hyunjin's surprise, Chan was one of those who weren't in their room.

He had mixed feelings about seeing the older one again and wasn't quite sure how he wanted to deal with it. And yet he felt somehow disappointed when he realized that Chan wasn't there.

Grinning, Yuna nudged him when she saw Hyunjin's facial expression change. "He's in the garden. Maybe you'll go and get him in? Soon it will be curfew anyway."

Hyunjin smiled uncertainly and nodded.

He found Chan at the pond with the night flowers. The older one sat on a stone at the pond and dipped his fingers in the cool water.

Not far from him, a caretaker from the late shift sat and watched him.

"Oh hi Hyunjin. Nice that you come, then I can go home," said the caretaker quietly when Hyunjin stepped next to him and smiled at him.

"Hi Jae. Yeah you can go now. Yuna knows I'm here," he said and sat down on the bench with the older one.

For a moment, they sat silently next to each other and watched Chan before Jae stood up and said goodbye.

"Hope you'll have a quiet shift."

Hyunjin nodded and waved to the older one, who waved back and then quickly disappeared towards the building.

He watched Chan thoughtfully and then looked at his watch. Actually, they had to go in, but Chan looked so peaceful that Hyunjin didn't really want to bother him.

Nevertheless, he got up and walked slowly over to the pond.

Just as he was thinking about whether he should address the older one, he turned around and looked at him.

"Hello Chan," Hyunjin said quietly and smiled uncertainly.

Thoughtfully, the older one looked at him for a moment.

"Hello..," he finally said, but turned back to the pond and let his hand sink back into the water.

Uncertain, Hyunjin sat down next to him and watched him in silence for a moment before he cleared his throat. "I really don't wanna bother you, but we have to go back inside," he said hesitantly.

Sighing, Chan nodded and stood up.

In the meantime, he had come to the conclusion that he had to manage to get out of the institution as quickly as possible if he wanted to end his life. Because here they would just stop him. So he made the greatest effort to give the right answers and to pretend that he would be better.

And yet he felt somehow strange now when he went back to the building together with the young caretaker.

Without being able to assess what exactly he felt. But at least right now at this moment, it was at least not just pure despair.

The blonde took him to his room and opened the door for him with his key card.

Sighing, Chan went into his bald room and wished he could have taken some pond water and a few of the flowers with him.

Somehow the pond and the heavy flower scent had something soothing.

He was about to lie down on the bed when the blonde cleared his throat. Scared, Chan turned around. He hadn't noticed at all that the younger had entered the room behind him.

"Sorry, I didn't want to scare you. I just wanted to ask if you need anything else before the night's rest.." Hyunjin asked quietly.

Chan hesitated. He was well aware of why his room looked like this and didn't knew how far they would make concessions to him.

"Do you mean... oh no.. it's okay."

"What?" Hyunjin asked and stepped one step closer.

"Do you think I... I could maybe get a few of the F-flowers... with some pond water...?" Chan asked quietly and didn't dare to look at the blonde.

"I don't know... But I can go ask," Hyunjin said, smiling hesitantly.

Now Chan looked at him and the hint of a smile appeared on his lips. "Thank you...?"

"Hyunjin."

"Thank you Hyunjin," he murmured and let himself sink back onto the bed.

"I'll be right back," Hyunjin said and his smile widened.

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