Chan's plan worked well. At least in the point that everyone believed when he said he was fine.

The police had come to record his testimony, he had had a conversation with the leading therapist and with the head of the clinic.

Everyone thanked him for stepping in and trying to help when it clearly wasn't his job. And all of them were surprised at how well he was able to deal with the situation.

No one noticed how he really felt.

That all this felt like killing him from the inside. That he was insanely worried about Hyunjin and Jeongin. That he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Hyunjin and kiss him again.

He had no chance to tell him how he felt about him. How he felt about what was going on between them. Not that he was even sure that he possibly could have put it into words. But at least he would have liked to try.

But since he couldn't do any of that, he was now sitting at the pond after dinner. The place where he felt most connected to Hyunjin.

It was a pretty cool evening and most of the patients were already in their room. His unexpectedly prominent position had at least given him the advantage that he was still allowed to be outside, with a caretaker in sight.

His fingers dipped in the cool water, he pondered how he could get a knife. Even though he was granted a little more freedom now, they still didn't let him near any sharp or pointed objects.

Sighing softly, he finally stood up when a cold shiver ran down his back and wiped his hand dry on his pants.

He slowly steered his steps back to the building and noticed out of the corner of his eye that the caretaker was following him.

"Do you need anything before you go to your room?"

At first Chan just wanted to shake his head, but then it occurred to him that he could definitely use his new position. "Could I have some tea?"

"Of course. I'll bring it to your room."

Chan suppressed a smile and nodded in agreement. "Thank you very much." He didn't really want to take advantage of what hat happened to his angel and Jeongin, but he was cold and he really wanted some tea.

Back in his room, the bit of good mood he had gained through his tea "robbery", disappeared again. Immediately the memories of his kiss with Hyunjin came up again and the pictures from Jeongin still hung on his wall.

He missed the two madly and it made him sick to pretend that he didn't mind.

But since he couldn't and didn't just want to forget the memories of the kiss, he didn't bring it over him to take down the pictures from Jeongin.

And even though he missed Jeongin and was insanely worried about him, his thoughts lingered with Hyunjin. How the blond had laid unconscious in his arms until the paramedics came and pushed him away.

At that moment, he hadn't thought for a second about what others might think about his closeness to Hyunjin. It simply had been out of the question for him to leave him laying on the cold tiles alone.

Now with a little more distance, he wondered if somehow the people present had even noticed that Hyunjin had been in his arms. No one had asked him about it, but he also hadn't seen Yuna or the young therapist again.

Sighing quietly, he shook his head and tried to think of something else. Tried to get the pictures out of his head.

But it was all burned into his head. Every moment. Hyunjin in his arms groaning in pain and finally the moment when the blonde had lost consciousness in his arms.

Tears ran down his cheeks and he was about to crawl into his bed when there was a knock on his door.

As quickly as he could, he wiped the tears aside, threw himself on the bed and pretended that he was about to fall asleep.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I just wanted to bring you the tea."

With an exaggerated yawn, Chan accepted the cup. "Thank you very much."

With a smile on his lips, the caretaker disappeared from his room.

Chan's hand trembled slightly as he put the cup on his bedside table. After that, he couldn't prevent him from collapsing on his bed and bursting into tears.

Sobbing, he pulled the duvet over himself and pressed his face into the pillow so that he couldn't be heard in the hallway.

It took quite a while for his sobs to diminish and he finally calmed down to the point where he fell asleep completely exhausted.

In the middle of the night, Chan woke up sweaty. Tears ran down his cheeks and it took him a moment to realize that he was lying in his room, not on a dark, cold street, and he curled up sobbing.

He had dreamed of the accident. That he was lying on the street again. But this time he heard Hyunjin's screams. Tried desperately to get to the younger, to save him, but he didn't succeed.

His heart ached like crazy and although he was aware of where he was and that it had just been a dream, he just couldn't suppress his sobs.

Losing his family had been the worst thing that had happened to him, but the dream of losing Hyunjin in the same way hurt different terribly.

Whining, he tried to curl himself up even more. His hands were restlessly looking for something he could hold on to, but there was nothing. No Berry, which he really urgently wanted to cuddle, no plushies, which he secretly still hid in his bed and certainly no Hyunjin.

He knew exactly that Hyunjin would actually have had a night shift tonight. That they would've seen each other and talked about some unnecessary stuff. And maybe he could have stolen one or two kisses.

But now none of that was possible and it felt like it was killing him on the inside.

It took a long time for him to finally fall asleep again and his pillow was wet, from all the tears.

32
꧁⟢ ⍭〄⍭ ⟣꧂

Did I write another chapter even though I'm still not finished with the scientific case study that I HAVE TO HAND IN TONIGHT? Maybe (ˊᵒ̴̶̷̤ ꇴ ᵒ̴̶̷̤ˋ)