Just when he was about to fall asleep, Felix came to bed and wrapped his arms around him.

As if he felt that the older one just needed closeness and security, he just stroked his back and was there for him without asking any questions.

For which Hyunjin was incredibly grateful.

Because even if he knew that it didn't make sense to just put his problems aside, he couldn't live through the whole thing again just to be able to explain to Felix what had happened.

And although he had tried to hold back his tears, they finally ran over his face and turned into hopeless sobs.

⍭〄⍭

When Chan woke up, it was dark.

For a short moment, he was just surprised about it, because he couldn't remember going to sleep.

But the moment of precious ignorance lasted only briefly and the memories of what had happened reappeared far too quickly.

The blood that ran down Hyunjin's finger after he had pulled his hand away from his elbow.

Memories which he had buried deeply in his mind, made their way back up again and tortured him even further.

He had the feeling that he could smell the blood, even though he was almost sure that the imagination had been.

The next picture that was still clear to him was how Hyunjin had made him breathe calmly.

At the moment together with the younger, breathing had been easier for him, but right now he had the feeling that something was tied up his neck.

Thoughts began to circle in his head and were so damn hard to bear.

"It's your fault that he's hurt"

"You can't protect anyone anyway, why are you even trying"

"You're just a waste of space"

"Everyone around you loses their lives or gets injured - you are the problem"

"You could die and nobody would even notice it"

"Why are you still alive? Even to dumb to kill yourself"

"Without you he won't have to suffer"

"Just kill yourself already"

More and more thoughts stormed on him and he had the feeling that he could no longer breathe at all.

He reached for his neck to get rid of the feeling as if someone was trying to take his breath away, because he was sure that someone was choking him.

His breath intermittently and his lips began to tingle while stars danced in front of his eyes.

"Help..." he whispered before finally losing consciousness.

⍭〄⍭

At some point in the middle of the night, Hyunjin had finally fallen asleep in the younger's arms.

They hadn't exchanged a word since he came home, but probably cause Hyunjin wouldn't have been able to explain anything at all.

Felix sat next to him in the bed and had pulled his legs to his chest.

He didn't really know what to do. Actually, he was quite tired, but he was worried about the blonde who slept quietly next to him.

And he actually wanted to sit on the sofa with Minho again and move his plan forward so that the older one might still fall in love with him after all.

But somehow he had the feeling that it might have to wait a bit.

He gently stroked through Hyunjin's hair and then decided to get up again and look after the kittens.

Just when he had found the two cuddled together on the sofa, he heard a quiet "Lix?" From the bedroom.

Felix sighed softly. He had hoped that Hyunjin could continue to sleep, even if he was not lying next to him.

He carefully lifted up the sleeping kittens and carried them into the bedroom.

"I'm here, babe. Keep sleeping," he said quietly, carefully snuggled up to Hyunjin and put the kittens in front of him on the mattress.

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around him and pressed himself against him. "Thank you for being there..." he whispered, closed his eyes and fell asleep again shortly afterwards.

Felix smiled tiredly and gently stroked his fingers over the fluffy heads of the kittens.

Here in bed with Hyunjin and the kittens, it felt so much more like family than at home with his parents.

He hadn't felt safe and secure there for a long time and even though he was still sad about it, he had the feeling that the hole in his heart was healing at least a little.

⍭〄⍭

The next time Chan woke up, he somehow felt lighter and less worried than before and didn't really understand why.

The thoughts of Hyunjin and also of his parents and siblings were still there, but they didn't panic him so much anymore.

It took him a moment to realize that they had probably given him sedatives again.

Sighing, he rubbed his hands over his face and sat up. The clock on the wall showed that it was in the middle of the night.

And yet he was somehow not really tired anymore. He was more frustrated and annoyed by the whole situation and actually just wanted to leave.

But since it was in the middle of the night and practically all possibilities to do something, if only to go into the garden, were denied, he had no choice but to stay in his bed.

After all, he at least had been allowed to take the book with him from the common room and since he didn't really have anything else to do, he sat up and started reading.

And he actually managed to immerse himself in another world at least for a bit and think of something else.

He had pulled his knees to his chest and his lower lip was captured between his teeth, while the main character in the book almost lost his life in a dangerous fight.

The sun slowly rose and lit up his room, but not even that he really noticed, he was so immersed in the events of the book.

꧁⟢ ⍭〄⍭ ⟣꧂