seonghwa dragged his body into the cafeteria, feeling absolutely drained from the days before. he looked over to his lunch table in hopes to see that hongjoong and his friends came back to today, but his heart dropped when he noticed they were still sitting in their olds seats like they did the day before.

seonghwa plopped down in his seat next to jongho, immediately putting his head into his hands when he sat. jongho patted seonghwa's back while taking a bite of his sandwich, trying to comfort his friend a bit.

"so they're still sitting over there?" seonghwa mumbled, not meeting the gaze of any of his friends as he spoke.

"sorry to be blunt, but did you really expect to see them here? my own boyfriend won't sit with me, but i understand why. hongjoong needs him more than i do right now." san stated with a shoulder shrug, not really feeling bad for what he said.

"i agree with san. i miss yeosang, but i know hongjoong comes first." jongho spoke up before seonghwa could reply.

"i mean i didn't expect them to be here, but i was hoping some sort of miracle would happen." seonghwa whispered out.

"well maybe you should've thought of that before breaking the poor boy's heart." yunho said while taking a sip of his water.

"you know what, you guys aren't helping me right now!" seonghwa exclaimed, pulling at the hair on his head as he spoke.

"i'm sorry seonghwa, but it's the facts. have you even tried talking to him since friday?" mingi asked.

"i mean, i've tried calling him and texting him, but he doesn't answer. and he won't even look at me in person. i don't know how to fix it." seonghwa looked up from his lap and into mingi's eyes as he answered his question.

"you know what, i need to know the answer." yunho said as he put down his water, "can you please tell us the exact reason you hurt hongjoong? the reason you didn't want to take him to the formal? you seemed not to care what people thought of the two of you for a while, why the sudden change?" yunho asked his friend, wanting to know the reason he decided to break hongjoong's heart out of nowhere.

seonghwa took a deep breath before speaking. he knew this burning question was bound to be asked, and he knew exactly how to answer it.

"one day when i was walking to class, minho and jaehyun came up to me. they asked me why we let hongjoong and his friends sit at our table. and i'm not going to lie, i panicked. i was scared to tell them that i was talking to hongjoong. so instead of telling them the truth, i said since hongjoong is jongho's brother, they were sitting with us because jongho invited them over. they then proceed to tell me that sitting with them would be 'social suicide' and i should tell jongho to make them leave the table. their words really stuck in my head, and for some reason, i let them control me. and then, i made the biggest mistake of my entire life.

i'm so sorry for it. i'm so fucking sorry for everything i did. i'm a horrible person, i know... you don't need to remind me. the day i told jongho that i liked hongjoong, he trusted me. he asked me to promise to love hongjoong and never break his heart, and sadly, i broke that promise. i broke his trust. so to you, jongho, i'm sorry. i'm sorry for not being the person you wanted me to be to hongjoong. i'm so sorry for it.

and i'm not just sorry to you, jongho. i'm sorry to all of you guys. i'm sorry for lying to everyone here, for telling everyone that i wasn't going to the formal when i always knew i would be there. i always had the plan to go, never once did i think i wouldn't be there. but instead of telling you guys my situation, i lied. and if i told you guys, i definitely wouldn't be in this mess... you would've all talked me out of it and would've made me realize my mistake earlier.

all i can say right now is i'm sorry. i lost the one person who meant the most to me. hongjoong really was my whole life, my whole world. i'm so sorry, i'm so fucking s-sorry for everything i did." seonghwa finished speaking, happy to finally get everything off of his chest. he started crying hard, letting out all of his emotions as he apologized to his friends. jongho turned to his side and gave him a big hug, rubbing seonghwa's back as he let out a waterfall of tears.

"seonghwa, i thank you for that. it takes a big person to swallow their pride and apologize for their wrongdoings. but frankly, me nor the rest of the guys at this table are the people you should be apologizing to right now. the person you should be apologizing to is my brother, the boy you hurt, the boy you like so very much.

that boy, my little brother, my beautiful hongjoong... he's so very hurt right now. and it's all because of you. please, for both of your sakes, find a way to make it up to him. he won't admit it to me, but i know he misses you. if i'm being completely honest, i really do believe that he's in love with you, or at least was in love with you in the past. and from how you speak about him, i think you're in love with him too. don't completely lose someone who means so much to you, seonghwa. that would be so stupid. just please, find a way to fix it." jongho finished explaining to seonghwa while rubbing the top of his head in a comforting manner. seonghwa continued crying in jongho's chest, too embarrassed to lift his head and show his face to his friends.

"you're lucky jongho is accepting your apology, because if i was him and hongjoong was my brother, i'm not sure i'd be able to do the same. so if hongjoong really does mean the world to you like you claim, you need to find a way to fix it." yunho explained to his friend, sounding very serious as he spoke.

"i know i do, and i will. i will find a way. i need him back in my life. i've never needed someone more than i need hongjoong." seonghwa lifted his head from jongho's chest and wiped his eyes, "and i hope i'm not sounding selfish because i don't mean it that way. i've just never liked someone in the way that i like hongjoong."

"i completely understand what you mean, seonghwa. i understand what it's like to be with someone who isn't seen as 'normal' to the rest of the world. but let me tell you, i'd take a fucking bullet for wooyoung. i haven't known the boy for too long, but there is no doubt in my mind that i'm completely and utterly in love with him. never in my life has someone had such an impact on me.

wooyoung means the world to me and no one can change that. no one else's words or negative thoughts could change how i feel about him. and from how you talk about hongjoong, you sound just like me with wooyoung. you have to ignore everyone, to forget what anyone else thinks.

and ok, hongjoong's a little different... so what? who the fuck cares that he's different? he's still human, right? he deserves love, doesn't he? you have to realize that there's more to life outside of high school, outside of people's negative opinions. thankfully i realized that quickly and didn't let it affect my relationship, but sadly you didn't. these things happen, heartbreak happens... but if you can try to fix it, do it." san finished explaining to his friend, meaning each and every word he spoke wholeheartedly. seonghwa smiled widely and looked into san's eyes.

"thank you for that, san. i wish we could've had this talk earlier," seonghwa chuckled, "but i'll definitely listen to you. you're right, hongjoong's different. but his differences make him the boy i've grown to like so much. i'll figure something out, i know i will... i just hope it all works out." seonghwa said as he wiped a single tear that escaped his eye.

"and we'll be here to support you, hwa" mingi chimed in, putting a hand out for seonghwa to hold onto. seonghwa grabbed on and squeezed tightly before letting go again.

"i'm going to run to the bathroom to wash my face, i'll be right back." seonghwa excused himself and stood up from the table. he walked out of the cafeteria, not forgetting to glance over to hongjoong before doing so, and made his way to the boy's restroom.

he shuffled his way over to the sink and turned the water on, splashing some of it to hopefully ease the redness around his eyes and on his cheeks. he looked into the mirror and stared at himself, still feeling disgusted with the person that reflected back at him.

seonghwa walked into one of the bathroom stalls for some alone time to think. like he said back in the lunchroom, he's never had feelings for someone as strong as his feelings are for hongjoong. he's never felt so overly attached to someone in his life, so attached that you can't help but think of them all day and night. someone who means so much to you that you would do anything for them.

contrary to seonghwa's past relationship, seonghwa was actually torn up about hurting hongjoong. he never used to care about hurting people, usually just dating them for their bodies rather than their personality.

but with hongjoong, it was never like that. seonghwa had never seen hongjoong for just a body, for someone to have fun with and then break their heart. he actually didn't want to mess this relationship up, but much to his dismay, he ruined everything that made him happier than ever.

hongjoong truly meant the world to seonghwa, and he would try anything to get his world back.

maybe jongho was right, maybe my feelings for hongjoong are stronger than just a liking...

oh ISH man... TEA!!!! i love you all, thank you so much for 50k🥺💓

-vic