seonghwa was glad san decided to throw a party on friday night. he was extremely stressed and the only thing that could possibly help him would be getting drunk beyond belief. he felt this was the only way he could numb his pressing thoughts.

seonghwa walked towards the bathroom to fix up his hair and brush his teeth before yunho was to pick him up. he picked up his toothbrush and began scrubbing, not wanting everyone to see the chicken that got stuck in his teeth after eating dinner.

after he had finished brushing his teeth, seonghwa's mother knocked on the bathroom door. seonghwa opened the door for his mother to come inside, picking up the hairbrush to fix his hair as she stood beside him.

"oh, are you going out tonight?" she asked seonghwa, sounding a little shocked as she spoke.

"oh yeah, i am. sorry i forgot to tell you. san invited us over." seonghwa apologized to his mother, feeling bad that he left her out of the loop. in all honesty, seonghwa's head wasn't all there right now.

"it's ok honey, just make sure to tell me earlier next time so i know if you won't be home." the woman smiled as seonghwa turned around to face her after finishing with his hair. she moved seonghwa's hair slightly, the boy automatically raising his hands to hit her away.

"mom! i just fixed my hair, don't touch it!" he exclaimed, chuckling along with his mother.

"your hair was in your eyes! how are you going to be able to see with all that hair? you need a haircut soon." she shook her head and seonghwa rolled his eyes.

"let me rock. i like my hair like this." seonghwa turned back towards the mirror and fixed the hair his mother moved, putting it back in the right spot.

"yeah yeah, sure. does maybe a special someone like your hair longer?" mrs. park winked as she looked at seonghwa through the mirror. seonghwa's eyes widened, heart beating fast at the mention of hongjoong.

my hongjoong, i'm going to hurt my hongjoong...

"no! it has nothing to do with him, and i mean that!" seonghwa forced out a laugh and his mother thankfully believed it.

"ok, if you say so. well i hope you have a good time tonight. be safe. is yunho driving you?" she asked and seonghwa nodded his head.

"yeah, he should be here any second." seonghwa suddenly heard a horn honk from outside, "that's probably them right now. i'll see you later mom, i love you." seonghwa leaned down and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek before exiting the bathroom.

"i'll see you later honey." she called as seonghwa ran down the stairs, quickly grabbing his wallet and keys and putting on his leather jacket before walking out of the house.

seonghwa laughed when he saw mingi's body hanging out of the passenger's seat window. he could already hear jongho's laughs from his front door and could practically feel yunho rolling his eyes from the distance.

"hop in seongbitch! party time!" mingi screamed, almost falling out of the window as he did so.

"yep, party time!" seonghwa stepped into the car, lifting his fist up in an attempt to hide his underlying sadness.

"hwa, why do you look off?" jongho asked as seonghwa buckled his seatbelt. he turned to jongho and automatically felt guilty when seeing the boy's face, but shook it off immediately.

"um, i was just napping. i woke up like ten minutes ago." seonghwa lied and jongho believed him, nodding his head after seonghwa spoke.

"anyone have any specific plans tonight? is ryujin coming?" yunho spoke over the music, turning to look at jongho briefly before fixating his eyes back on the road again.

"is it bad that i told san not to invite her tonight?" jongho spoke and mingi laughed out loud.

"bro, that's foul but understandable." mingi chuckled and turned around to give jongho a fist bump.

"won't she find out though?" yunho asked.

"probably, but i don't care at this point. i talked to her after lunch the other day and she wasn't understanding at all. i don't like how she speaks about my brother and his friends. she has no right to talk so poorly of them." jongho said as he crossed his arms in frustration.

"didn't you speak of them like that until recently though? not saying it's right, but didn't you?" mingi questioned jongho who nodded his head.

"yes i did, but i realized i was wrong. especially after seonghwa told me that he liked joongie, i realized i shouldn't be embarrassed of him. if seonghwa isn't, i shouldn't." jongho's response made seonghwa's heart drop. he instantly felt even worse about the whole situation, his frown growing on his face once again.

the guilt was beginning to consume seonghwa, he felt ashamed for being embarassed of his joongie. his thoughts were racing as he sat in the car, just staring out the window and trying to find some sort of distraction.

however, nothing helped take away his haunting thoughts and all he could think was, i'm such a terrible person...

seonghwa felt he needed the drinks now more than ever. he couldn't wait to get to san's and drown himself in alcohol.

"we're here." yunho exclaimed, parking the car and stepping outside to walk to san's. mingi and jongho both jumped out, quickly making their way to the front door. seonghwa on the other hand took his time, wanting to enter after the rest of his friends.

seonghwa walked with his head down and his heart racing. he was trying his best to forget about hongjoong for the moment, to forget about his guilt... but the words jongho had said in the car were ringing through his ears. piercing him like nails on a chalkboard. jongho has made it so much worse.

"i realized i shouldn't be embarrassed of him. if seonghwa isn't, i shouldn't."

but i am, aren't i? aren't i embarrassed of him? if i wasn't, i wouldn't care about others opinions...

seonghwa made his way through san's front door, not even bothering to say hello to anyone as he did so. instead, he walked over to the table littered with an assortment of alcohol.

seonghwa peered over the table, settling on a can of beer to start with. his flicked it open, putting it to his lips as he shut his eyes tightly. he allowed the drink to run down his open throat, not even taking a breath before it was done.

he chucked the can in a near by trash bin and returned to the table once again.

seonghwa thought to himself, i need something stronger.

he looked at the bottle of vodka on the table and the cola next to it. he poured the two into a red solo cup, mixing for taste. he immediately picked it up and began drinking, ignoring the sting he felt at the back of his throat.

even if the alcohol caused a bit of pain, it was worth it to numb seonghwa's thoughts. afterall, maybe he felt he deserved some pain to take away the guilt of hurting the boy he so deeply cared for.

he continued picking up drinks mindlessly, just downing everything he could. his mind becoming foggy and less consumed with hongjoong. seonghwa needed to forget about everything for at least one night, and he was doing exactly that.

thank you ifwithoutwoo for helping me with this chapter... idk why it was so hard for me to write.

but alsoooo everyone was commenting on the last chapter that they were scared of a bad ending... i PROMISE, i'm evil, but i'm not that evil!!! just wait and see, we have more than thirty chapters to go🥰🥰i'm EXCITED😈

-vic