it is two days into october
and i feel myself once again
spiraling into uncontrollable sadness
why am i like this?
is it muscle memory?
am i losing it?
have i been gone this whole time?
i microwaved an empty cup
and sat waiting for my tea
i dated a paper as three years ago
and i see a familiar face in every stranger
i check the weather seventeen times a day
sometimes twenty times an hour if i'm bored
i call myself a mad woman jokingly
knowing that madness is doing the same thing
over and over and over again
then expecting different results
but what if i do try to change everything?
i constantly constantly constantly
try to fix everything i am doing wrong
it just feels like the winter hates me
i feel like i can't stay in control