Jed's Point Of View

The wedding party is loud. Even from the rooftop, I can hear the music and the laughter as they resonate together and  ascend into the darkness of night. She had gotten married several hours ago in the afternoon, and it is now nearing midnight. With so much noise, I can imagine Lyra's watchful eyes darting around the grand room as they search habitually for threats, flashing a tired smile when she meets anyone's gaze while scanning the crowd. She is smart enough to know that alcohol and festivities can impair anyones judgment, so she is careful to keep her guard up when amidst the crowd of partygoers. Then again, this is her own wedding party. Perhaps she will loosen her collar a little and forget her Mercenary-like tendencies. 

My chest aches and my brow has been pinched together since the ceremony ended and the party began. The whole Kingdom must be here to celebrate their beloved Princess' special night, leaving me to wonder at the security of the gates and village. I try to ignore the thought, attempting to convince myself that it wouldn't matter if someone did sneak in. The castle itself is like an iron fortress at the moment, with Guards lining every wall with vigilant eyes. And besides, the Princess in not so defenseless, herself.

 I have no doubt that she looks gorgeous. I did want to be there for her, as a close friend, if nothing else, but since I look at her in a way that no brother would, I simply could not attend her wedding. I could not see her breathtaking smile and tired, yet always sparkling eyes, as they gazed at someone else. I could not bring myself to look upon her, dressed like an angel in white, when I have come to know her as less than delicate. I could not, for all of the life in my veins, be strong enough to see her walk down the aisle, when the man waiting for her at the altar was never going to be me. 

Though I could not do that for her, the least that I can do is watch over her, if only from afar, as an unnoticed phantom on this chilled night, perched high above the world like a gargoyle. She has the entire Royal Guard in the same room with her tonight, and she has him by her side, as well. Lyra is in no danger- she has so many people willing to risk their lives for her safety, and yet, I am here. Why am I here? I know the answer to that quite well, though I keep asking it. I am here, because I am too great a coward to look her in the face again. I am here, because I am afraid that I will no longer be the person that she wants me to be. I am here, because I am worried that if I went down below, I might lose myself in anger and envy. I do not want her to see me as the green and bitter creature that I am now.

I shake my head and press my lips against my leg, which remains drawn to my chest while it's twin dangles freely over the edge of the castle's keep. I have been in this position long enough to make my bones ache, but I don't move, allowing the cold to numb my pain. I know that she is safe and I know well how deeply she wounded me. I know that I should hate her, or that I should feel bitterness towards her, but I do not. I cannot. I am angry and more than a little bit hurt, but I cannot bring myself to care any less about her. I wish that I could hate her, that I could turn away and never look back to see if she regrets not choosing me, but I simply can't. I wish, more than anything in this world, that my unrequited affection for her would shrivel and die like a sun-baked worm, but it doesn't. I wish the agony would leave me, leaving me cold as stone and taking all the twinges of desire with it. 

"She won't be missing you?" I ask, breaking my silence and allowing breath to escape from my mouth in a white cloud. I am glad for the distraction of company, so that my mind has something else to focus on. I don't have to turn my head to know that Kaladin looms motionlessly behind me, despite not having made a sound upon his arrival. His ivory attire stands out too starkly in the dark to conceal himself very well, and he is the only other person that I know of who could climb here. After all, he is the one who taught me to do so, therefore, it makes sense that it could only be him. 

Kaladin comes closer and joins me by the roof, adjusting his sword to avoid damaging it as he sits. "She won't. I've been dismissed for the night, since I've been beside her all day." 

I glance at him as he loosens a simple ribbon from his sable hair and lets it fall to his shoulders. I hadn't realized how long it had been since either of us trimmed our locks, and I reach up to pinch a strand of my own lengthened extensions that fall into my eyes. I sigh as I stroke my light hair between my thumb and forefinger, the motion calming. 

"You knew that I would be here?" 

Kal wraps the ribbon around the hilt of his sword, as if it is a new keepsake. He looks over at me, eyes glinting in the darkness. He always reminded me of a wolf, that way, with eyes able to see in any sort of lighting. "Of course. I had a feeling that you wouldn't be able to leave her alone. You're much too noble for that."

I scoff and turn back to look out into the night, bitterness seeping into my voice. "It's much too daft of me, more like. I'm leaving." I say this, but make no motion to stand. Neither does Kal, having known that I wouldn't really get up. I drop my hand from my hair and ball it into a fist. "I detest that you know me so well, sometimes."

Kaladin looks at me without turning his head. "Maybe so,  but someone ought to know you," After I fall into a lapse of silence with nothing to say, Kaladin speaks again. "I have told her that I will come back. After business has been taken care of, I will leave the path of the Mercenaries. What you choose to do is your decision."

I try to hide my surprise, having heard none of this before now. I wait for him to continue, since there seems to be more for him to say.

"I imagine that the siblings will want to come back with me, but they are free to do as they will. They may stay by your side, if they like. So, Jed. What will you do?" He asks, turning to face me. He doesn't try to sway my decision. I feel as though there is a weight attached to my answer.

I swallow, fighting several emotions for my tongue. My feelings are combined into an ugly shade of grey. I don't want Kaladin or the others to leave the business we created so long ago. I do not want us to be broken apart. We have all been together for so many years now, that it seems so wrong to me that we should be divided. I wanted things to go back to the way they were after this, but somehow I knew all along that everything was going to be radically different. My decision sits like a rock in my stomach, making me nauseous. My lips have formed a line by the time I am finally prepared to speak. My eyes hold his and my voice is level.

"Do as you wish. I will keep our work going in your stead," Ashamed at myself for the second half of my answer, I avert my gaze. "I cannot join you. I am sorry." I do not think I could bear to be around Lyra as she raises a family with Samson. I wish I could be so selfless. So, if I cannot do this, I can at least continue to use the skills Kaladin taught me. Even if he and the others leave me, I know that I can survive alone. I was mentored personally by an internationally known Assassin, after all. I am considered to be quite dangerous in some circles, and a few even know my name. Kal has taken me with on a few of his more dangerous quests, while the siblings were sent to do other things. He really does trust me quiet strongly.

Kaladin gives me a sorry sort of smile, barely the lift of one corner of his mouth. "Good Lad," He says, reaching to place a large hand on my back. He is queer about showing affection, so he quickly withdraws after a strong pat. "I respect your settlement. I do not expect that we shall be parted forever." He at least seems to agree with me on one thing, since he would not consent so easily if he thought I may die. He also knows that I am capable of surviving by myself, which reassures my decision.

I swallow hard and scrub a hand over my face, amazed when I feel stubble beneath my palm. It really had been a while since I last saw my own appearance. "Will you tell her for me?" 

Kal shakes his head. "I will not. You are not a boy any longer, Jed. Tell her for yourself." 

I clench my jaw. I know that I shouldn't be so worried about facing Lyra. She deserves to know why I will disappear, especially since I do not know if I will return to this place, or if I do, when it will be. I am not certain of when I should tell her, though. I don't suspect that I will get a chance to see her tonight. "I know, you're right. I will tell her."

"Do you intend to wait for us? We leave tonight." 

I nod once and brace myself against the roof, body cracking  at the sudden movement. "I will. Until then, I have one last thing to do. I will meet you at the stable later." 

Kaladin doesn't respond and sits quietly, watching me swing myself off of the ledge. After dangling for a moment, I proceed to climb carefully down the castle's keep, using the stone for grip and foot holds. Slowly but surely I make my way towards Lyra's quarters, my fingers cold and body numb. 

Before I finally swing onto the ledge of her window, I peek over the edge to be certain that no one is inside. No unusual dark figures alert me to anyone's presence, so I lift my body onto the out cropping with caution. I test the glass with my shoulder to see if it is open. Luckily she must have thought about intruders, because it is latched firmly shut. I reach for my boot while hanging onto the stones with my free hand, feeling my abdominal muscles burn as they tense in order to hold my balance. Soft light from the lit hearth greets me as I hop silently onto the carpeted stone of Lyra's floor, the fire bringing my body back to life with its natural warmth. 

I slip the dagger back into it's hiding place in my shoe and step further in, all the while scanning the entirety of the space, ears and eyes searching for any other intruders. I figured that all of the maids and servants would be finished in here, and judging by the straightened books, papers and clean bedding, I was correct. They are no doubt enjoying left over cake and tea now, chatting and gossiping about the soon to be new King and Queen of Nordic. 

Thinking of that now, I nearly roll my eyes as I check behind doors and corners of the room before deeming it safe to be here. What was I thinking, any way? That a Mercenary like myself could ever have a future with a Princess? Of course she would become a Queen one day. I never stopped to consider all that she must have been thinking of when she chose to marry Sam, the son of the man she ran from, in the first place. I hadn't realized that, possibly, it wasn't because she loved me less, but perhaps that she was thinking of her Kingdom before her heart. I know that I was never meant to be a King, and Samson is perfect for the job. He was, after all, groomed for the occupation since birth, whereas I, born a peasant boy, had no place being in such a world.

My eyes soften at the new conclusion I've drawn. I was so bitter that my brain had nothing but my own selfish pain to think about. Being in here somehow makes me think more clearly. It may be the scent of scotch and the sea that I know I will miss, or being out of the cold after so long. Either way, I am no longer so blinded by betrayal that I cannot think straight. I have prided myself on being an intellectual before, never letting my emotions get ahead of my mind, but something in me snapped when I heard that the woman I adore decided to marry another man. Though I am still wounded, I am at last able to think well again. 

Though I now understand, I still cannot stay in this place. I do not belong dressed with fine things with a princely posture and polite mannerisms. I do not know how the others will fare here, but I know that I was not made for anyone's Court. I belong with a horse beneath me and a sword at my side, even if I will be left alone in my endeavors. I am quite capable and more than comfortable with sleeping beneath the stars and earning my meals by my blade.

 After I left my life as a peasant boy all those years ago, I left things behind. I left my mother to my abusive father, and I left a shaggy old farm horse that I loved. I left my family and I left Lyra, the pretty, pristine girl who rode past as I went about my chores. She never looked at me, never knew I existed, and yet, it hurt me to think that I wouldn't see her again. And yet, I did see her. She came to me, astride an unforgettable black beast, with blood dripping streams of scarlet down her arm. 

For all those years growing up, I was in love with her. Of course, I would know her anywhere, after any span of time, even if she was wearing a man's disguise. She could come to be in a completely different body, and I would know her. I cannot describe how or why, it just is how it is. If I am lucky enough, I may forget her, one day. Until then, though, I will bury myself so deeply in my work, that I cannot think of anything else. Someday, I will fail to forget that lovely face, even if I must kill myself to do it.

I find myself standing by the fire. I don't know how long I've been staring into the flames, but my eyes burn when I blink and my body is not as cold as it was. I've been still for far too long, and that was dangerous of me to do. Kaladin and the others will be waiting for me, soon. I frown, flex my fingers and walk towards Lyra's desk. Amongst the straightened towers of books I find her parchment and something to write with. Taking both in my hands, I begin to form words with the ink. My handwriting is not as pretty as Kaladin's, though much neater than either of the Siblings'. 

Once I've finished with the letter, I make certain the ink has dried before looking around me for a place to set it. It shouldn't be in plain view, where her husband may find it first, but it should be in a place that I know she will eventually come across it. 

The spine of a leather bound book catches me eye, and I carefully pull it from the pile. I flip to page containing a hand drawn image of a Chimera, along with paragraphs of information on the creature. I turn my gaze back to the parchment in my hand and re-read it. I lick my lips and think about reaching for the quill to add my name, so she knows who it is from. I stare at it for a while longer before sticking the unsigned letter in the page and closing the book. I set it on the top of the pile and straighten the things I've shifted askew. Once all but the book is back to the way it was, I turn from the desk and stride for the window. 

  She will know how wrote the letter.  

I do not turn back as I lift myself up and out of the open window, closing it behind me. I hear the latch click as it falls back into place, and I let out a long exhale, eyes half lidded. I like the cold air as it invades my lungs and spreads chilled kisses along my skin, welcoming me back into the darkness. I pause for only a moment, before lowering myself off of the sill and back into the night, leaving the warmth of scotch and sea. I do not belong in a place like that. 

As expected, the others await me at the stables. By lamp light I am surprised to see four horses standing in the aisle tacked and ready, instead of three.  As I get closer, I notice that Syl does not appear to be as drunk as I expected, as she is stooping by my horse's legs, lifting and testing them for lameness. He seems to be doing much better after his rest, I am glad to see. She sets his feet down and steps to his head, smiling as he nuzzles her arm. Is she being... gentle? My suspicions are confirmed when she reaches up to ruffle his forehead and slides down to stroke his nose. I can't remember her showing any of the animals any extra kindness, but something about tonight seems to have softened her. Perhaps she actually is drunk, after all. My gelding pricks his ears as he notices me and gives away my approach with a whinny of greeting. 

I pause for a grimace as Syl straightens, suddenly becoming her spirited self again. She steps away from Hamais and strides towards her own mount, straightening her cloak and glaring at me. Still too far away to speak without shouting, I allow a small smile as I continue towards the stable. 

Near by, a Vann-Hest wails in it's stall, and another answers. The hair that rises on my arms reminds me that I will not particularly mind leaving them behind. As I walk into the barn and admire the beauty of the architecture and detail for the last time in years, my hands find the familiar heat of my closest friend. Hamais nudges me, and he seems to know, as well. He is still as I climb silently onto his back, taking his reins in my cold fingers. 

I nudge Hamais forward, past the other mounts, and do not stop to look back at my family until we are across the threshold, out of the light and into the night. I smile then, seeing the three of them watching me side by side as firelight dances across their faces. It is apparent to me that Kaladin has told them of my plans. Though their faces give nothing away, their eyes are sad, and they do not try to stop me. They've even worked together to ready my things and strap them to Hamais for me, making certain of his health and safety. They love me dearly, though they will never say it with their voices. Adolin cannot look me in the face and Kaladin nods once, gaze holding fast to mine. I turn Hamais away and am the first of us to leave, striding away into the darkness.

None of us say a word, because we already know what has not been said aloud- We will meet again soon. 

The End.

... For now.

Author's Note

It seems as though this is the end of Runaway Princess, but only for now, Dear Ones. It's so hard for me to believe this, regardless. This is the product of three years(?) of work, and this is the first full-length book I've ever finished, ever. Perhaps this is the start of something great. I thank God for blessing me with the ability to make people feel something, and I hope He will take me even further with it.

It's taken me so long to get here, because I've been afraid of this moment for so long. That is, until I realized something- if I wait for perfection, I will never end up writing a word. And either way, you've all been so supportive of me and of this book, and I cannot express my gratitude for your patience and encouragement. I would not have gotten here without you. Thank you all so much for caring about this book. I know that it's extremely rough and ugly now, but I hope that one day you all can read and love the finished product and fondly remember this first draft and how you, yes, you, helped get the real copy into your hands. My heart is filled with gratitude for you. 

I will leave this draft up here, but I will not release the edited chapters until I've finished all of them. I plan to update sneak peeks of the sequel and re-write, as well as adding scenes that I never got to write. All of this will likely take a long time, though, I warn you. You've helped inspire me to pursue my career as an author, and I hope to publish in my lifetime. That is thanks to the completion of this book, and to all of you. Thank you, again. Always feel free to ask questions or add commentary at any point in time- I love to hear from you.

I can't believe this is over. Thank you for sharing the ride with me, and I hope you stay tuned for the rewrite. I love you all! May God bless you in all of your endeavours. Happy Easter.

Sincerely yours,

-A.