“Mahal kita, kahit ano pang mangyari” his last words, bago siya bumulagta sa gitna ng kalsada.

It snapped me. Napaluhod ako, pilit na niyuyugyog siya.

“Von…” usal ko. “gumising ka naman oh”

But no response… Hindi siya nagigising.

I cried. People are watching us but no one dared to call an ambulance.

Abala sila mag-picture ngunit wala silang oras upang humingi ng tulong.

Suddenly, I heard a siren of an ambulance. Agad nilang pinatabi ang mga taong chismis lang ang hanap at dinala si Von sa ospital.

“Sasama po ako!” I said immediately. Pumayag ang manong at sumakay ako sa van.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Vincent…” usal ko. Gamit ko ang cellphone ni Von dahil hindi ko dala ang akin. “Maria, why are you crying? May problema ba? Pauwi na rin ako galing sa date ko kay Rachelle”

I can’t find words what to say.

“Don’t tell me… Naghiwalay kayo ni Von? Sasapakin ko ‘yon kapag nakarating ako dyan sa bahay—”

“Binaril siya” I stopped his silly joke by telling him the truth.

“Haha… What a fool Maria, hindi ‘yan totoo” tawa niya, but I could hear that his laugh, was nothing more than sadness.

“Hindi totoo ‘yan, right?” hikbi niya sa kabilang linya. Napaupo nalang ako sa hospital bench at umiyak na lamang.

“Tell me the truth, if what you are saying is true, I’ll go there immediately”

I told him the truth, and he told me na papunta na siya.

He’ll inform his parents, and he’ll inform my family bakit ako magtatagal.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Are you serious, Vincent?!” pagalit na tanong ni ate Schalene. Tumango siya sa tanong niya.

“That’s all according to Maria… I… I wish”
Humagulgol nalang ito pagkatapos.

I have no tears to cry anymore. Hinihimas ni ate Tracy ang likod ko habang si kuya ay nagsabi na bibili siya ng dinner sa carinderia.

Lumabas ang doctor at may sinabi. Kinalabit ako ni kuya upang uminom ako ng tubig.

“I’m sorry for your loss” sabi ng doctor sa akin… I can’t process the words.

Ano ang ibig sabihin nito?

I asked ate Schalene the meaning of those words. Umiyak nalang ito, which makes me cry too.

“Buhay siya, h-hindi ba?” I gladly smile while tears are running down, in denial to the fact.

Umiling siya at napaiyak. Unti-unti ko nang nalalaman ang punto ng sinasabi niya.
He’s not here anymore. He’s dead.

There’s no way for me to be in denial.
If I could turn the time, I wish I saved him and prevent this from happening.

If that happened to me and not him, he would still be alive.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Kain ka na muna, Maria” alo ni kuya habang sinusubo sa akin ang kutsara na may kanin at ulam.

I’m conscious but I don’t have the mood to eat.

“I can do that kuya, please, leave me alone” nagmamakaawa kong boses na alam kong hindi niya susundin.

Apat na beses niyang pinipilit ang pagkain sa akin ngunit hindi ko ito kinakain.

Kuya sighed. The cold from the aircon fills the hallway of the hospital. Nang magsabi si ate Tracy na dinala na sa morgue ang katawan ni Von, I rushed through the door where the morgue is.

“Sandali! I’ll lead you the way!” sigaw ni ate and rushed upang siya ang mauna sa akin papunta sa morgue. When she stopped, hapong-hapo na ito at put her hands to the wall for the support.

I read the label above the door and it is a morgue.

“Sandali…” hapong-hapo niyang usal. Nang makainom siya ng tubig na binigay ko, binuksan niya ang pinto ng morgue.

Madilim at kaunti lamang ang liwanag, siguro dalawa lamang ang bumbilya, hinanap namin ang katawan ni Von among the dead bodies.

Tumigil ito sa katawan ng tao na tiningnan niya pa, she signaled me to come here.

She removed the blanket, revealing a pale man with a long hair, eyes shut and has a roman shape nose.

I cried when I held his cold body, I still can’t accept that he’s dead already.

I held his cold cheeks, and brushed his pale lips.

For the last time, I kissed it, before leaving the morgue and cried along the way.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

September 8, 2018

“Happy birthday Maria—” malamyo na bati ni kuya but he stopped when he saw me somber.

“I’m sorry” he said. Tumango nalang ako. He informed me na bukas makalawa ang libing ni Von.

“I know na hindi ka makakadalaw sa libing niya—”

“Dadalo ako” I said, coldly. Kuya nodded and patted my back. Umupo ito sa study chair ko at kumuha ng libro.

“How fascinating. Dati, whenever you are crying, idinadaan mo nalang sa pagbabasa. Now that you are crying again, you chose to sulk and never do anything to kill time”

“Ask yourself, kuya. If someone you loved died, would you do anything to kill time? And not question yourself why they died?” pabalang kong sagot. My stomach somersaulted from hunger and I can’t endure this anymore.

Nanahimik kaming dalawa. He sighed. “sometimes, using our hobbies while someone we dear died is only our coping mechanism to delude ourselves that they are alive, when in fact they died”

“Kahit magmukmok ka dyan, Maria. Kahit ilang nobela ang ilang libro ang basahin mo, kahit ilang beses mong makasalamuha si Tracy, kahit makasama mo si Vincent, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s dead already”

Napayuko nalang ako. “just cry until it hurts no more” advice ni kuya at ginulo ang buhok ko.

“Kakain na pala tayo sabi ni papa”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Kahit sa pagpatak ng gabi ay hindi ako makatulog.

It will be two days at libing na niya. I bet his family will put the blame on me dahil hindi ako nakapunta.

But he informed me na hindi galit ang magulang niya sa akin, in fact they know that I am hurt and needs to be in home to cope.

But they expect me to come upang hanggang sa huling hantungan ay makita ko siya.

I nodded to his message and thanked him for the information. It will be two days, so it should be enough from isolating myself here to get out.

But, will I face our last meeting?