Thomas' POV

     It's around nine when my eyes finally flutter open against the soothing morning light falling through the windows. The first thing that hits my mind is last night, causing my cheeks to flame red instantly. I can't believe I let Ares rim me..... I can't believe I liked it as much as I did. Maybe this whole bottom thing isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Of course it's going to have as bad as I thought, Ares is huge. I shake my head to clear it, amused at myself already.

I go to stretch but sigh in slight frustration when I realize that Ares is wrapped around my body yet again. When I turn my head I expect to see him peacefully sleeping but instead I'm met with warm gray eyes.

     "Good morning, kitten." He says softly, leaning down a bit to kiss me on my forehead and I smile as I lean further into him.

     "Good morning, babe." I answer and he hums in delight pulling me closer to his body. "We have to talk today." I remind him, feeling a bit apprehensive on the topic.

     He nods atop my head, clearly not ready to let me out of his arms for the time being and I'm completely okay with that. "Yes we do. Did you have anything in mind?" He asks, his nose rubbing against my ear in an distracting manner.

     "Well," I say pausing to relish in his hands that begin to rub my back soothingly. "I was thinking that maybe we could switch houses." I say with a shrug of my shoulders that barely move due to the body of the lean muscled man pressed against me.

     "Switch houses? Like you live here and I live in the city? I think that exploits the purpose of us being together." He says seriously though the smirk I feel against the skin on my neck let's me know he's just being a smart ass that just wants cuddles.

     I sigh and give up trying to have the conversation for now as I allow the stupid clingy man to hold me tightly and lay his head in the crook of my neck. "You're a big baby." I comment, bringing my hand up to brush through his hair softly. He melts into my touch and tangles his legs with mine, much to my dismay, his legs hot and hairy.

     "Well this big baby can fuck you into the mattress with only his tongue, so I think I'm okay with that." The comment is so accurate and crude that I get offended as my cheeks get hot instantly. I struggle out of Zack's arms until I'm out of his grasp and standing up despite his mumbled protest.

Cheeks still red, I turn to head into the bathroom, too embarrassed to turn around and face Zack's eyes. I use the bathroom and after I wash my hands, brush my teeth before exiting and heading straight to the door. "Uh, I'm going to talk to Nysa, I'll be back in a bit." I shoot over my shoulder, quickly closing the do behind me to escape.

I go down the hall and knock on the first door on the left but there's no response. I slowly open the door and peek at the bed, but of course the bed is made to perfection and the room is empty. Hoping she's still in the apartment, I close her door and walk down the hall poking my head into the kitchen before I continue on to the living room.

I breath a sigh of relief when I see the curtains to the back porch open, letting the sun kiss it's way across the floor and up the walls, letting me know there's someone out there. I walk towards the door, slipping on some random slippers by the door before I pull it open and step out into the cool morning breeze.

Immediately, I spot Nysa sitting on one of the cushioned benches, holding whats probably a hot cup of tea in her hand as she stares off over the city. I quietly walk over to her and sit down, breathing in the calming air as my cheeks finally begin to simmer down. I don't rush Nysa, knowing she knows I'm there and let her mind come down from wherever it is.

Once she's done, she turns to me with a soft smile, taking a sip of what I know smell is cinnamon apple tea from her steaming cup. "Good morning." She greets quietly, her raspy voice matching the aesthetic of the fall morning.

"Good morning." I answer back and pull my legs up, tucking my arms around them as I lay my head on my knees.

"What's wrong, love?" She asks me and I glance at her, wondering if I could trust her to talk about something I feel is so demeaning and embarrassing and I immediately disregard the question. Of course I can trust Nysa with anything, she's the only person in the world besides Chloe who would listen and not judge, giving me support through the process.

"Nysa, I don't know what to do." I admit and I wish the words would just float away into the sunrise and disappear but they don't, the white haired beauty hears every word.

She stays silent as I have a mental battle with myself, never being one to interject or give you ideas. Nysa believes in letting you finish your own thought because if given enough time the words will come to you. "It's not just about the sex, it's everything Ny. I like everything we do, it makes me feel like I'm floating when I give away that control, the power." I pause, my hands gripping my hair in frustration. "That's wrong right? I'm not supposed to like it and I know what but every time Za- Ares comes around my brain gets all foggy and I forget." I say, stumbling over his name a bit.

Nysa hums in thought, taking another sip of her tea as she thinks about what I'm saying. "Do you trust in our Fallen Goddess?" She asks me, and though I don't see any connection with it, I go along nodding my head in response. "She has given you someone that you didn't even know you needed in your life and I haven't ever seen you this happy, Thomas. If none of us down here knows what we're doing, she does. And she has blessed you. Don't let any internalized homophobia or fear stop you from being loved and finally healing." She says, turning to look at me as the last sentence leaves her mouth and I lower my head in shame.

She's right. Of course she's right, she always is, but it doesn't make her words any easier to hear. These past few days with Ares have been amazing and even though I don't know exactly what I'm doing, he's already admitted neither that's he and that were supposed to work together. I have so much fear and resentment for the one person in my life that's as supposed to teach me and love me, and as much as I thought I was rid of him, he's still here over my shoulder ruining whatever happiness I'm able to find. But not anymore.

I raise off of the bench and offer Nysa a smile before leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Thank you, Ny. You always know what to say." I tell her but she only smile and shakes her head.

     "No, I just know what you need to hear." She tells me and I smile back before I turn away and open the door, slipping off my shoes before I head back down the hallway to the man that's tried so hard to show me affection and be patient with me. Hopefully his communication kink proves to be a good one.

     I approach my door and open it slowly, just now realizing how my leaving so suddenly could have triggered Zack, and I panic, but continue to swing the door open before slipping inside and closing it behind me.

     I raise my head and find Zack lazing on the bed, arms crossed behind his head as he watches me. Before I can say anything, even to apologize, he smiles and he and motions me back to him in bed. I walk around to my side, holding the covers up as I slide on to the mattress and cuddle close to my lover.

     "I'm sorry for embarrassing you, Thomas. I didn't know I would upset you." He tells me and him apologizing just makes me feel so much worse.

     "No!" I say and lower my tone as I take a breath, preparing myself for such a conversation. "It's not you, it's me and as stupid and cliche as it sounds, it's true. Zack, I'm scared. I've never given anyone these pieces of me before and with you, it's like I don't even think about it. All common sense and rational thoughts leaves my mind and it's so scary." I admit to him, my arms wrapping around his chest to comfort myself.

     He takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around me, kissing my head and taking a deep dragging breath of my scent. "You don't have to be scared, but I understand why you are. We can take this as slow as you want. I would never take advantage of you and push you physically towards things you're not mentally ready for. Just let me know when you want to try something or when you need me to reign in my strictness and I will. All I want is for you to be okay and happy. Happy with me." He says and he does so, so confidently that it makes my heart pound and cheeks flush.

     This is that real affection that people write books and movies and songs about. Who would have guessed that it was real all along?

     "What about tomorrow?" I ask him hesitantly not knowing what to say to something so sweet and endearing.

     "Whatever plan you came up with, I'm down, as long as we're together and wherever we go has soundproof rooms." He teases lightly. I feel him tense up at what he just said but I laugh letting him know that I'm  not offended.

      "Well in that case, would you like to head back to my place in town with Nysa and I tomorrow?" I ask shyly even though I obviously know the answer.

     "I would love to, kitten." He tells me kissing my head. And the rest of the day is filled with sweet words, teasing and preparing for the next day.

~~~~~~~
Nysa is such a dominant calming KWEEN. I adore her and her advice. Thomas needs to get his shit together. And Zack? The top we all need.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Whats your fear when it comes to love?