Thomas' POV

I look around the hallway as Zack leads me through the apartment and back to the room I've called home for so many years. It's almost alien like to be back in my own space, even though everything looks the exact same as when I left. His hand on mine is tight as if he's terrified that if his grip loosens, I'll be taken away from him again and the thought makes me sad.

I never wanted any of this to happen, and now I'm scared that nothing will ever be the same. That we won't click the same, that we won't live the same. And it's that fear that's stopping me from feeling all the relief I should be feeling now that I know that I'm not at the mercy of that man anymore.

The wretched daemon.

I try to clear my thoughts and have a more positive brain as my lover tugs me into our bedroom and closes the door behind up before he stops. His free hand comes to rub the back of his neck softly in what seems like embarrassment making me intrigued but confused.

"I uh- I should probably change the sheets. It the same ones as when you left. I didn't want to move them, even when they stopped smelling like you." He tells me softly and the idea that this man didn't even want to change the sheets off the bed out of sentiment makes my heart swell and a small laugh fall from my lips.

When the sound hits the air, his head snaps up and amazement and hope shines in his face as I laugh for the first time in months. And the simple joy in his features over such a small action makes me feel like he really missed me but also reminds me of how far we have to go with each other before we're okay. His lips twitch slightly in response and he goes to relive his hand form mine but I stop him, holding on tighter before he can let go.

     "Not right now. Can you just hold me?" I tell him softly, looking down at the ground so I don't have to look him in his face when he rejects me. I hear him celar his throat but his voice is still thick when he answers me.

      "Of course, kitten." He says and I relax until he lets go of my hands once more, making my head fly up in fear and confusion but his hand comes up to cup my cheek. "I'm just getting us some new clothes." He tells me and I want to die of embarrassment at my reaction as well as forgetting the lack of clothes on my body.

     And the reason for it.

     The thought makes any traces of smiles or humor disappear and I want to cry, my breathing coming out in quiet gasps because I know that he's still out there and he could always come back.

      To help keep myself calm, I glue my eyes to my lover's form, allowing his presence to calm me enough to not think about how dirty and used my body is, finally understanding what Chloe tried to explain to me for so long.

I watch as he goes into the closet and pulls out a few pairs of sweats and a pair of t-shirts before he brings them over to me for me to put them on. And all the emotional panic that I've been trying to hold back threatens to wash over me and tear down any confidence I've gained in the presence and eyes of my lover. I'm not ready for him to see the scars and cuts that decorate my body, the thin layer of fabric that used to be my shirt, covering the worse bits. I don't think I can handle anything heavier than what's already gone down and the only thing I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep in the arms of the man that's always loved me no matter what.

Before I can figure out how to ask for some privacy and before my traumatic panic can even think of setting in, he gives me a soft smile before nodding to the bathroom behind me.

"Go to the bathroom kitten, I'll wait for you." He tells me and I could cry right there in front of him for it. Some how l, some way he always knows exactly what I need, and I could never thank him enough for it enough. I give him a wobbly smile of appreciation before I grab the clothes that are offered to me and head into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me tightly.

My fingers hover over the door knob, wanting time lock it to ensure he doesn't walk in on me, but I choose nod to, trusting that he knows that I can't handle that right now.

I turn around and smile to myself at the familiar bathroom, not realizing how much I missed it.

In the months I was gone all I could think about was Zack and being free but I forgot to miss the small things like showers and toilets and the way it always smells like rain in here. I didn't plan on taking a shower, until my face heats up in red faced embarrassment, remembering that I haven't had one in two months and must smell like a dumpster.

I walk softly over to the shower, and turn it on, hating how much strength I have to put into the once easy task. As the water warms up, I begin to peel of the tattered clothing off my body, not daring to glance down or in the mirror, not ready myself to see the scars that will stay with me for years and years to come. Once the bloodied and disgusting garments are off my body and on the floor, I timidly step into the shower, flinching away as the sharp pellets of fake rain hit the newer cuyes and bruises.

      For a second I just stand there, forcing myself to relax under the spray, hoping that this simple act will be able to help me feel a least a few steps closer to normal.

      After my body is warmed from the waterfall falling against my body, I reach across the shower, trying my best to ignore my aching body, and reach for the soap. I don't go for mine, but for Zack's wanting to cover myself so completely in my scent so that I have at least a chance at being okay.

     I silently snort to myself as I pour the liquid soap into my hand, not trusting the cloths not to hurt my aching body.

     As if I'll ever be okay.

     I use the warm water to turn the soap into a foaming lather in my hands before I spread it carefully on my important parts, avoiding my burning torso. I'm only in the shower for a few minutes, just long enough to get clean before I'm turning off the water and reaching for a towel.

     I step out, and with my back to the large mirror over the sink, I dry my body off before I put on the clothes that Zack picked out for me.

    In no time I'm feeling a little bit better as Zack's calming scent washes over me. I gather up the dirty clothes and throw them in the trash can, not wanting to save them even if I can. I would much rather forget everything that ever happened these last few month. But I know it's impossible and I know that nothing will ever go back to the way it was.

     With a heavy sigh, I pick up Zack's jacket and open the door, panicking only a second when I don't see him on the bed, but turning my head reveals him standing at the window.

     I quickly go throw his jacket in the hamper and turn towards him, not knowing if I'm allowed to go to him anymore, not knowing our boundaries and rules and how much they've changed. Instead of messing up our reunion that's so fresh, our happiness so fraile, I sit on the bed, facing him.

      Looking at him now is different. I can see how his muscles don't bulge out how they used to. He bunches over slightly in exhaustion and his hair and body are covered in dirt as if he hadn't showered in days. And suddenly I feel so foolish.

     All that time I thought that he didn't know. That he didn't notice and thought I had left him. That maybe he knew it was for the better and just would let me rot there all that time, only to find out this man was sacrificing his days and most of his nights to find someone that has spit in his face and walked away from him.

     And all he's ever done is love me.

     And I will do my best to ensure that everything he does to me doesn't go to waste. I'm so lost in my thoughts, I miss it when Zack turns around and begins walking towards me. It makes me jump when he touches my knee to get my attention and I see the way his face falls a bit at the movement.

      "Sorry. I wasn't paying attention." I tell him, anxiously rubbing my hands against my pants, not knowing what to do with them and all the nervous energy within me.

       "No, no. It's okay." He says and there's a beat of awkward silence as we just stare at each other before he looks away and clears his throat, but I swear I see him blinking away tears. "Let's lay down." He tells me and I can hear the thickness in his voice.

    I nod my head before crawling further into bed towards the right side where I always lay and I feel him follow me beneath the covers.

     I lay down on my side, facing him as he does me. We stare at each other for a few moments, not saying anything as the sun disappears and sleep begins to drag us under. I feel my eyes gets too heavy to hold them up as they begin to close and I let them.

     Right as I'm drifting off into the land off dreams I hear Ares whisper sometimes in the dark that makes it to my ears. A motto that seems to be on repeat in his mind.

     "I love you and I'll never let you go again."

~~~~~~~~
I'm ngl I feel as if this chapter didn't make sense. Let me know if it didn't. I think they maybe have like five to ten more chapters left. Ten is the max. They only have a few more things left and then it's over.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Is your mom toxic?