Warning: Very heavy.

Thomas' POV

     I watch helplessly as Zachary stands from the love seat we share and walks away back towards our- my room. I groan leaning my head back against the couch in frustration.

     "We just started talking again last night, Cherry! When the fuck would I get the chance to talk to him about tuesday?!" I ask her angrily, pulling my head off the couch to glare at my former friend. She cringes and ducks her head a little before she gives me a little shrug.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't even think about it." She says apologetically but I'm already on my way out the living room. I wring my hands in fear as I walk down the hallway. Never before has my closed door seemed so daunting.

     I slowly reach the door, terrified of opening it, scared that this is it. This will be the day I'll finally get what I deserve. My father always told me it was coming. I just had been forgiven last night and I already fucked it up.

     I take a deep breath before I raise my hand to open the door, but before it can, it's thrown open, a wild looking Zack being revealed on the other side. Once he sees me in front of him I'm immediately gathered into his arms before the door is slammed behind me. I'm shaking, so scared and rigid in his arms, waiting for the blows to falls before I hear it. A quiet murmuring as Zack kisses my face. My nose. My chin. My hair.

     "My sweet little kitten. I'm so sorry. You're not her. You're not her. I'm sorry." The words are on repeat like a broken record and I sit there confused, calming my aching heart. "You're not her."

     I try and pull away from Zach to get a look at his face but his arms tighten around me and a choked sob leaves his throat.

     "Please don't leave me, I didn't mean to! I swear, I know you're not her. I'm trying, I'm trying." The words are pained and tearful as they're forced out, that tears are brought to my own eyes. I wrap my arms around my sobbing lover and hold him, his breath immediately beginning to calm once I stop struggling.

     After a couple minutes of silence and only the occasional sniffle, I try again to lean back, making sure to give him a warning. "Zack, let me look at you." I tell him, and he shakes his head, burying his head deeper into my neck as if ashamed. "Ares, I promise I won't leave you. Please just let me see you."

     I know using his cover name is a low blow, but I need him to open up to me. I need to know what made him break down like this. For someone so strong and dominant, he fell apart so completely. He sighs and tightens his arms around me for a couple seconds before they finally loosen enough for me to lean back. I gently grab his face between my hands and lift my Bond's head so I can see into his mesmerizing grey eyes.

     "I'm sorry." He whispers, his dewey lashes falling against his cheeks as he shuts his eyes, as if too ashamed to look me in the face.

     "I don't understand. I should be the one apologizing. What happened?" I ask him, my worry growing as he shakes his head in denial.

     I wait patiently for him to open up, not wanting him to break down again. It takes a couple minutes but once he pulls me back into my arms and tucks my head under his chin so I can't see him, he begins to explain.

     "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you and walked away. I haven't seen you in the past few days and the time we've spent together wasn't exactly the time to bring it up. And I know that. Rationally I know that....." He says and his arms around me tighten as he swallows harshly, his voice getting weaker as he continues. "But at the time, it was like I was back home, just a little kid with my mom and dad."

     All of a sudden the story just stops and there's silence and I'm too scared to say anything to ruin the openness in the moment and too scared for him to continue. I'm not sure I'm ready to hear exactly what broke my lover's heart and trust. But I know, more than anyone, how much it helps to lay something like this bare to someone you care for.

      "What happened when you were a kid?" I ask him quietly, bringing my hand up to lace with his in my lap, giving him silent strength to continue. And after a moment, he does, his grip on my hand deathly but I welcome any pain if it means I can lessen his.

       "The world always talks about absent fathers, but very rarely do you hear about absent mothers or single father households. My father found his lover in a high court Faerie. They had happened upon each other in a store one afternoon and at first they were both excited. My dad brought my mom here and once she realized what he was, everything changed. Faeries have a Monthly kind of like a wolf's. They get super horny but their powers are also sketchy or the disappear all together. So my mom would only come visit my dad during her Fritz, leaving him as soon as she was able." He tells me, his voice sad but empty in a way, the blank look that's always on his face broken, a sliver of pain being seen through his pretty eyes.

     I let him breathe for a moment and decide to make this easier. I climb off his lap and I feel him panic so I lean down for a kiss. I walk across the room and close the curtains, letting the room be cloaked in a calming low light. I go back to the bed and lay on my back, opening my arms and legs, allowing for Zack to crawl up the bed and lay on my chest, hips nestled between my thighs.

     I feel him relax a little further and I wrap my arms around his neck loosely as he tries to settle down enough to expose himself to me so bravely.

     "When she got pregnant with me, my dad thought it would force her to come around more but it never changed anything. She stayed away as much as she could in the early months. She was embarrassed by what he was and didn't want anyone to know, but once she started getting too big to hide, she finally came here and stayed with my dad until the end of the pregnancy. And she left. As soon as she had me, those last five months didn't exist for her, she healed herself that night and left the day after she had me and left."

     I feel my shirt beginning to grow wet but I ignore it, instead, raising my hand to settle in Zack's soft hair, scratching his scalp lightly to distract him from the pain. The trauma. That fear that no one is in your life forever. And just when I think the story can't get worse it does.

     "I always wondered, growing up, why I only saw my mother for fleeting moments once a month for a couple of days. I couldn't ask my dad because as soon as my mom left out the door, he was dead, it was like whatever spark he had, she took with her when she walked out the door. Every. Single. Time. I always asked her where she was going and when she would be back but she would just pat my head and be on her way, ignoring my questions. Now that I think about it, I never got a hug or kiss from my mom, never got anything but a pat on the head and a fake smile.

     "Then one day.......one day in middle school I came home and she was there. Just.....standing there in the middle of the room as my dad screamed and yelled at her, begging her to stay. He told her.... he told her that he couldn't take it anymore. Her using him and only coming around a couple days a month. He begged her on her knees not to go. She stared down at him saw the tears running down his face and still walked away, even after he threatened his own life. I came in the next day and saw him with a dagger in his heart. I was the one who found his body and the note. I never saw or heard from my mother again."

     As he finishes the story, there's tears steaming down my face in pity, in pain, in remorse and selfishness. This whole time I thought I was the only one who had been hurt, whose parents had taken advantage of a sacred bond and hurt their child.

     Before I can tell him any of this he opens his mouth again. "And I.... when Cherry said you all were leaving and you hadn't said anything to me I.... I thought...." I don't let him finish, shushing him until he's just telling me whispered sorries against my stomach, holding me tight in apology. But I can't blame him, for not trusting that someone will be there when the woman who helped make him,  abandoned not just him, but his father too.

     For the rest of the evening I let him apologize and let him cry, holding him, telling that it's okay, that I know it hurts and that I'm not mad at him. That I'm guilty of accusing wrongfully just like him. I know I should tell him my story too but I'm not ready.

     And I'm not sure I'll ever be.

~~~~~~~
Whew this was heavy. Ares is daddy, Zack is baby. Change my mind, oh wait u can't! And Thomas is so depressing.

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