Trigger Warning. Touches on suicide and depressive thoughts and feelings.

Ares' POV

I lie awake as I stare up at the ceiling, relishing in the quiet calm of the morning. I can't keep my eyes off of Thomas and I wouldn't want to. His blond hair is in a crazed state from his tossing and turning. Every time my body shifted his would too to stay as close to me as possible.

The beautiful man settled in my arms has only been around for a day and he's already breaking my heart. He hates me, he even said so himself but he needs me. For the time being anyway. Perhaps things won't change and he'll only come around during his Slip. The idea shouldn't bother me since ever since I was little I knew this would happen. But seeing how perfect he is, the fire burning in his eyes and how soft his lips are when he sleeps makes the idea of him leaving so much harder than what I had ever imagined. But I guess that's how it always works.

My parents were the same. My dad was a Daemon and my mom only came around when she needed him. Only during their monthly. She used him to make sure she didn't go crazy and ignored him any other time. It literally killed him. One day she was leaving and I was there, asking her why she kept leaving us and why she barely paid me any attention. I was told she stayed the months of her pregnancy but left a day or two after to leave me in my dads care. She was ashamed of him, of us. I remember he begged her not to go that day, he even said he couldn't handle it anymore but she left anyway. So he killed himself. I found him that day dagger speared through his heart and the message he left claimed that's how he felt whenever she left. I don't know what happened to my mother, I don't even know if she even cared when she felt the bond of her and her mate break away when he took his life, or if she's alive, but I never saw her again.

I'm quickly pulled out of my thoughts as Thomas begins to stir in his sleep. I keep still, eyes trained to his pale freckled face as his body moves about. I curse myself at not closing the blinds last night but it's too late as I watch his eyes struggle to flutter open against the suns gaze. He looks around confused for a moment before his eyes find mine staring at him in quiet awe. I make sure my features are schooled completely, not wanting him to think he has any power over me. It's better for him to think me a callous asshole than to think I care for him. I have to protect myself. I won't end up like my dad.

His eyes lower a moment, remembering last night I'm sure before he finally speaks. "You stayed." He says and I know it's not a question but a statement. But I can't tell if the phrase is said in happiness or contempt so I just nod my head in agreement.

He stares at my face, his eyebrows getting closer and closer to kiss but I ignore the way his face makes my heart flutter in a away I wasn't ever sure it would.

"You know you didn't have to spend the night here, right?" He asks his eyebrows still furrowed adorably, and the view is almost enough to distract me from the annoyance in his voice. Almost.

"I didn't realize it would be such a problem for you, Vampire." I answer back, my own eyes narrowing at the tone of his voice. I immediately stiffen as I realize that I should've just fucking left last night after he fell asleep. In a moment of weakness I ignored my own instincts and stayed because he asked me to.

     "I never said it was an issue I just said you didn't have to stay, Ares. You Enchanted have enhanced hearing I thought, or are you too dense to listen." I stare at him, heart breaking all over again as I hear an echo whispered of what she said to us. I need to get out of here before I cry. I need to leave.

     "I apologize for intruding." I say blankly, dragging my arm from beneath Thomas' head. I try my best to keep myself together as I make my way out of the bed that's not nearly as comfortable as the beautiful Vampire that's laying in it. Fuck this.

      I quickly begin tugging my jeans over my muscled legs, rushing as I feel the burn of tears in my eyes. The same burn I haven't felt since I was a kid. A burn I promised myself I would never feel again. And this fucking Vampire is ruining everything. As I slip my shirt over my head and lean down to get my shoes, Thomas finally speaks up.

     "Oh so just like that you're just gonna give up and leave?" I freeze unable to move at the words that leave his mouth. It's like he's them. Both of them, pushing me out the door while telling me to stay and it's too much right now. I need to breath. I silently finish putting in my shoes as I walk to the door before I stop with my hand on the handle.

     I want to say something but I don't know what. How do you tell the one who's already made assumptions about your character when you've done nothing but protect them, that they're hurting you? How do you turn around and say please love me like they never did? You can't. You don't. You just take a deep uneven breath and open the door so you can step out and close the door behind you.

     I follow the path we traced last night and as I pass the kitchen I come across the dark skin beauty that was all buddy buddy with Thomas. She looks up from whatever she's doing on the cutting board and looks at me. I look back, for some reason scared to look away before she sighs sadly. "I'm sorry. Just don't give up, okay?" She says going to wipe her hands on the towel throw across her shoulder. I stare at her a few moments more before I continue on my way out of the door, not bothering to answer the question.

     I close and lock the door behind me, frowning as I walk doesn't he stairs. Even if he doesn't want me, that doesn't mean I don't want him safe. My feet kick the stones that litter the street as I make my way to my own apartment knowing Grave's is probably occupied with his own lover.

     My body is hurting, a stabbing pain in my abdomen and a ache in my feet and legs as I carry myself further and further from Thomas. Maybe it's selfish of me to walk away from him when I know he's going through his monthly but he should've thought about that before he pushed me out the door. Even the most stubborn person can try to ignore the signs for so long until they have to choice but to read and follow them.

      I go back over the events of last night and this morning. His soft features have no place for a frown or anger but they held them and it was directed at me before I had even realized what was happening. I thought your soulmate is supposed to be the one to cherish you and love you forever without any predispositions. No argument, no hate. I guess it's only dumb of me to feel this way after witnessing the shit show Mates put on as a child. I guess I still had a little bit of hope I never knew about.

     The sun is almost directly overhead when I finally reach my home. I walk in slowly finally letting my eyes leak against the floor as I lean against the wall and slide down my door in resignation. Maybe having love in my life isn't for me. Maybe I'm destined to be guarded, empty and angry for the rest of my life, however long it may be.

     The girl told me not to give up. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I gave up years ago. That I tried to ignite something in me last night but every time I started flapping my wings, I was shot down.

     I slide down so that I'm laying completely on the floor, my tears sliding down the side of my face and leaking into my ears uncomfortably but I barely give it any attention. I close my eyes, trying to block out the world. I need this right now. To disappear on the world so I can be okay, or at least pretend to be in the eyes of the everyone else. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow with Thomas. I'll try with this hope thing, one last time.

     I'll give hope one last chance.

~~~~~~
So Thomas is being toxic and it's fucking with Ares. I'm not too sure about this chapter. lmk if it flows good with the story so far. If not i'll save this kind of chapter for later.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: What time did you gts last night?