3796 words

harsh light filters through the open blinds, cascading across the sleeping boy's face. tyler groans softly, covering his eyes with the back of his arm and rolling away from the window. he attempts to fall back asleep for a few seconds before he remembers where he is.

josh's bed.

his eyes open abruptly, staring at the wall in front of him. as tyler lets his mind roam to replay the events of last night, he's overcome with anxiety. he recalls his behavior and fears josh is going to have questions for him. not only does he regret regressing, but he feels a certain dread at the memory of being so vulnerable with josh.

oh gosh, he's still clutching the stuffed animal against his chest.

setting the leopard aside, tyler quietly peeks over the edge of the bed. josh is fast asleep on the floor below. he's wrapped under a thin blanket with a single pillow resting beneath his head. a twang of guilt lurches tyler's heart. he should've let josh sleep in his own bed.

the brunette reaches for his phone, finding josh had plugged it in for him. he smiles a bit at that but ultimately just feels more guilty because josh is so nice and tyler made him sleep on the floor. it's only eight in the morning but tyler knows there's no way his brain will let him get back to sleep at this point. he's worrying too much about everything.

should he wake josh up? should he just leave? should he lay here and wait? eventually, tyler decides the nicest thing to do would be to let josh sleep and wait for him to wake up. he decides to watch tiktok to help pass the time. when he opens the app, however, the audio blares from the speaker.

tyler jolts, quickly pressing the bottom volume button to silence it. why was it turned up all the way in the first place!?

he peeks at josh again, finding the boy rubbing the sleep from his eyes. tyler curses under his breath, offering josh an apologetic smile as his eyes land on him.

"sorry... i didn't mean to wake you up."

"what time is it?" josh mumbles, his voice hoarse. tyler likes the sound.

"um... like eight. sorry."

"s'okay." josh yawns loudly, sitting up and stretching. tyler hears his joints cracking and popping.

"sorry i took your bed."

"you didn't take it, i let you have it," josh grins lazily. he raises from his spot on the floor, scooping up the pillow and blanket and setting them atop the bed. "how'd you sleep?"

"good." tyler follows his gaze, leading him to stare the stuffed leopard dead in the eyes. his face involuntarily turns red. he doesn't say anything, afraid of what's sure to follow.

"what do you think his name should be?" josh asks, catching tyler off guard.

"huh?"

"him," josh urges, pointing at the stuffie. "what should i name him?"

"oh... i don't know."

"hm," josh hums, his eyes lingering over tyler for a second too long before he turns away. "are you hungry?"

"a little."

"wanna get some breakfast?"

as much as a part of tyler wants to just go home and be with his friends, there's another part of him that really doesn't want to leave josh. it feels weird to constantly battle these conflicting urges of wanting to be around josh but also wanting to run away from him at the same time.

"sure," tyler agrees. he'll get breakfast with josh and then he'll go home. that works.

"cool." josh smiles.

tyler hops out of bed, looking down at the baggy clothing covering his frame. "should i change orrr?"

"oh, it's fine." josh waves his hand. "you can just give them back to me another time."

the brunette nods. "kay."

"i have an extra toothbrush, too, for you to use."

tyler takes it from josh's extended hand. the latter leads him down the hallway into the communal bathroom. there's a shelf in the bathroom where josh reaches into a shower caddy and grabs a tube of toothpaste and toothbrush.

they stand at two sinks next to each other in the empty bathroom. tyler extends his toothbrush for josh, watching as the boy squeezes a glob of toothpaste onto it for him. they exchange a smile and tyler mumbles a thank you before they fall silent, the only sounds between them being the scrubbing of teeth.

tyler feels awkward. he can't tell if josh does too. the brunette is quick to spit out the toothpaste, quickly rinsing his mouth out with water from the sink. he hates the taste of toothpaste and the way it burns his mouth. it's horrible. he stands and waits patiently for josh to finish.

once they're done, josh returns his items to the shelf. he asks, "have you ever been to main street cafe?"

"a few times," tyler says. "i like it."

"we'll go there, then."

they stop back at josh's room so josh can grab his backpack. he says he has homework he needs to do after breakfast. he also packs tyler's clothes in his bag so the boy can bring them home after breakfast. they then begin the journey to the cafe. it's a short walk, of course, and is actually closer to tyler's house than josh's dorm. tyler has only ever seen the cafe bustling with students, but only a few are scattered around the tables. it must be too early in the morning. not to mention it's a saturday—most kids are probably still sleeping or too hungover.

"what're you thinking?" josh asks while the two of them look over the chalkboard menu.

"uhhh i think ill get a strawberry banana smoothie and peanut butter jelly toast."

"that sounds good."

"what about you?"

"same thing i always get," josh says, continuing when tyler raises an eyebrow, "everything bagel with cream cheese and an almond joy iced coffee."

"almond joy? never heard of almond joy coffee before." tyler doesn't like coffee, but that doesn't sound half bad.

"it's pretty good, actually. it's like chocolate and coconut flavored, like an almond joy."

"oh."

the person in front of them finishes ordering so they step up to the counter.

"what can i get for ya?"

josh speaks first, "i'll get a medium almond joy iced coffee and a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese."

"okay, anything else?"

tyler expects josh to say no because he assumed they were paying separately, but he continues.

"yeah, a medium strawberry banana smoothie and peanut butter jelly toast."

the cashier tells josh their total, to which he pulls out his wallet and hands her his card. he leads tyler to a booth in the corner of the cafe to go wait for their order to be called.

"i can venmo you," tyler offers. "what's your venmo?"

"it's fine," josh shakes his head, setting his backpack on the booth beside him.

"what? come on, my smoothie was expensive. let me venmo you."

"really, it's fine tyler." he chuckles.

the brunette rolls his eyes. "fine."

josh gives him a look. "anyway... what're your plans for tonight?"

"oh, i don't know. probably nothing. if ashley's free, i'll hangout with her. what about you?"

"nothing," he shrugs. "maybe we could hangout again? the three of us or, if ashley's busy, just us?"

tyler says sure, only because he feels bad at the possibility that josh would spend his saturday night alone. definitely not because he wants to spend another night with josh.

josh's name is called from behind the counter. they both rise to grab their order and return to the booth to eat. tyler's smoothie is sweet and delicious and his toast is just the same. josh asks how it is.

"s'yummy."

"mine, too. wanna try?" he holds out the cup of coffee.

tyler eyes it wearily, only taking the straw into his mouth after josh encourages. he takes a tiny sip, nose scrunching in disgust almost immediately. "so gross."

"oh, come on. it can't be that bad."

"it is. it tastes like coffee."

josh takes a sip now. tyler tries not to think too hard about how he now has tyler's germs in his mouth. "it's so good. it only tastes like an almond joy."

"not true. i can taste the coffee."

"well, let me try yours."

so, tyler holds the cup out for josh. they hold each other's stare while josh leans forward and takes a big gulp from tyler's straw. the brunette's face burns red.

"that's really good," josh smiles. "maybe i should get a smoothie next time."

"maybe..." tyler mumbles, setting the cup down. he eyes the pink straw, considering the fact that the next time he takes a sip he will also have josh's germs in his mouth.

they fall silent for a few minutes, eating their breakfast while tyler puts off drinking his smoothie as long as he possibly can. when his mouth and throat feel as dry as a desert, he finally gives in and takes another drink of his smoothie. he hates that his stomach flutters at the thought of sharing a straw with josh. come on, tyler. you are so weird.

"don't you have any homework?" josh asks, breaking tyler from his overthinking.

"yeah, but i don't like to do homework on saturdays. i usually wait til sunday."

"ah, so you're a procrastinator," josh teases, grinning.

"no! i just don't like doing homework on the weekends so i wait until i don't have a choice."

"you procrastinate."

"no," tyler groans. "i actually stay ahead of my work during the week."

"okay, okay. so you procrastinate only on the weekends."

"fine," he rolls his eyes. "i procrastinate only on the weekends."

josh laughs, forcing a smile out of the brunette.

"so how do you like it here so far?" tyler changes the topic.

"it's nice. the classes are great. the people i've met so far are pretty great," he pauses to smile which makes tyler's face turn red. "i like that the school is small, but it is a bit hard to make friends. honestly, i haven't really met anyone outside of you guys and pete. like, i have, but it just doesn't seem like anyone's interested in making new friends. which sucks for me."

"yeah, a lot of people here are weirdly cliquey. there's been a couple of times where i've tried to make new friends but it just never goes far. they already have their friend group and aren't interested in bringing anyone else in."

"yeah, that's exactly how it feels," josh agrees.

"good thing you have us then, right?"

"you're so right."

"well, i'm glad i met you" tyler says before realizing how weird it sounds. he bites his lip, mentally cursing at himself. there's no way josh can't pick up on his glaringly obvious crush.

"thanks, tyler. i'm glad i met you, too."

it sounds a lot more normal when josh says it; a lot less like he likes tyler.

once they finish breakfast, josh offers to walk with tyler back to his place. tyler doesn't feel it's necessary, but still isn't ready to give up josh's company. he agrees and, once they get to tyler's, even invites josh inside with him.

the house is quiet—everyone must still be asleep. josh sits on the couch and pulls his computer out of his bag.

"you know, now would be a good time to do your homework."

tyler captures his lower lip between his teeth. it's hard not to give into his little space here in an environment where he feels safe and comfortable. he doesn't want to do homework. he wants to watch cartoons!

"i don't want to."

"well, what're you gonna do then?"

tyler shrugs, joining josh on the couch. he looks over at the computer screen, curious as to what josh could possibly be so interested in. it's just some pdf with a bunch of engineering jargon he doesn't understand.

"boooring."

josh chuckles. "i know, but i have to do it. you could do your homework, too, and then it'll be done and you don't have to worry about it on sunday."

"i don't want to," tyler repeats. he grabs the remote, ignoring the look josh gives him, and turns on spongebob. he remembers it's josh's favorite and hopes he'll get distracted and put away his homework.

it doesn't work, though. tyler gives up on getting his attention after an episode and switches the cartoon to bluey. he smiles contently, bringing his knees into his chest and hugging his legs tightly.

after about a minute, he hears josh ask, "this is the cartoon you like, right? bluey?"

tyler looks over, finding the older watching the show curiously. he grins smugly, having won the battle to get josh's attention. "yeah, my favorite."

they watch the episode together. josh only turns his attention back to his laptop every once in a while but is quickly distracted by the cartoon. tyler is so happy that josh seems to like bluey just as much as he does!

he finds himself nuzzling into josh, completely disregarding the fact that this isn't the way normal friends would act. maybe josh and tyler aren't normal friends. tyler doesn't care about that right now. all he wants is to cuddle with the boy he finds so unfathomably cute. his heart races at the thought.

"josh?"

"hm?"

"you like this show?"

"it's cute," josh says simply.

"i really like it, too."

josh's arm comes to rest around tyler's shoulders, now, completely catching the little brunette off guard. his tummy does a flip and his body grows hot. tyler carefully scoots himself closer to josh, hesitating for a moment before letting his head come to rest on the older's shoulder.

tyler swears he can feel his heart beating out of his chest. he wonders if josh can hear it as loudly as he hears the throbbing in his ears. the thought only makes his body grow warmer.

"cute," josh murmurs, leaving tyler to wonder what exactly he's referring to.

he's too afraid to ask. instead, he curls his legs underneath him so that his knees are resting against the outside of josh's thigh. the brunette allows his thumb to raise to his lips, softly nibbling on the skin around his nail.

him and josh are definitely not normal friends. he knows that for sure now. sure, tyler cuddles with brendon and ryan sometimes, but this feels different. he likes josh. he can only hope josh feels the same way but is far too scared to ask. besides, tyler meant it when he told ashley that he doesn't want a relationship.

the boys watch the rest of the episode in silence. tyler is too afraid to say something wrong and can only imagine what josh is thinking. when the episode ends, josh clears his throat.

"i really should do my homework."

"oh," tyler whispers, sitting up straight so josh can claim back his arm. he's immediately embarrassed. did he make josh feel like he had to keep his arm around him even though he didn't really want to? "sorry."

josh's response is quick. "nothing to be sorry for."

tyler eyes him carefully, nibbling on his thumb. josh doesn't seem annoyed or anything, reliving his anxious thoughts just a little. "oh."

"biting your nails is a bad habit, you know."

"i don't bite my nails," tyler says softly. josh gives him a look that says yeah right so tyler holds his hands out. "see."

while his nails aren't particularly long, they're not as short and stubby as those who bite their nails.

"i used to bite them when i was a little kid, but i don't anymore."

"oh," josh frowns in confusion. "well, what were you doing then?"

tyler shrugs. "i quit biting them because i started just kinda... well, i guess it sounds weird but i just kinda chew on them, i guess. not, like, actually. but... you know."

it is technically true, but tyler doesn't add the fact that it's because he won't let himself suck on his thumb with josh in his presence.

"interesting." josh offers a smile. 

tyler doesn't say anything, just turns his attention back to the tv. it's quiet for a few moments before josh says, "you didn't have to get off me, you know."

that quickly earns tyler's attention. "hm?"

"when i said i had to do my homework i didn't mean for you to get up. i just wanted you to know that i wouldn't be watching with you anymore," josh explains.

tyler purses his lips to refrain from smiling. the tips of his ears burn. "oh."

"yeah, i was actually pretty comfortable."

"sorry."

"don't be sorry," josh chuckles. he lifts his arm again as if to invite tyler back against his side. the brunette happily obliges, humming contently.

with his one hand, he takes the material of josh's shirt between his fingertips and mindlessly rolls it back and forth. with the other, he nibbles on his thumb. it's extremely comforting and mind-numbing. tyler loves this feeling. josh is warm and comfortable and the way he rubs tyler's bare arm sends goosebumps across the boy's skin.

they stay like that for about two more episodes—silently half-cuddling and wondering what the other is thinking—before tyler hears footsteps upstairs. he lifts his head up quickly, as if he's going to be caught doing something bad, but relaxes once he realizes josh doesn't seem to care.

ashley makes her way downstairs, blinking at the boys. "well, good morning."

"morning," they say in unison.

"you guys have a good night?" she asks curiously, taking the spot beside tyler.

"mhm," tyler hums, giggling when she pokes his side.

"what'd you do?"

"we played we're not really strangers," josh informs.

"ohh, i've heard of that. wow, ty, you played that game? i'm surprised."

"didn't want to," tyler admits. he gasps softly, suddenly remembering that he never got the chance to read the note josh wrote for him. and the shorts whose pocket the note resides in are in josh's bag! technically, tyler isn't even allowed to read the note yet because him and josh haven't left each other's side.

"yeah, i didn't realize how deep it was," josh chuckles. "and we got breakfast at main street this morning."

"mhm! s'yummy."

"well, sounds like you had a good time. debby and i actually had a lot of fun, too. the bars were pretty packed. god, she made me do karaoke with her friends at her place at the end of the night. we're going out again tonight, actually. she wants to go to that club downtown."

oh gosh, tyler will be alone with josh again!

"that sounds like fun," josh speaks before tyler can interject. "i think tyler and i were just gonna stay in. right, tyler?"

said boy nods, ignoring the butterflies in his belly at the thought of spending another night alone with josh. especially now that they're on half-cuddling terms. now, more than ever, he has no idea what to expect from tonight.

"that'll be fun, too. oh! tyler! i have to show you something i got for debby. it's in my room. come on."

before he can get a word out, ashley has a grip on his wrist and is pulling him upstairs. he whines in protest the whole way, finally finding his words once they're shut into her bedroom.

"ash'ey! i was cuddlin' with josh..."

"i know, i saw. does that mean you guys are together?"

tyler giggles and shakes his head. "nooo... just friends."

she raises an eyebrow. "as in totally platonic or as in there's something between you two that you haven't discussed?"

"yeah," tyler blushes. "that one."

ashley laughs. "okay, okay. that's fun. i remember what that was like with debby. it's exciting, isn't it?"

"mhm."

"but listen, ty, if you want me to stay with you guys tonight i can invite debby to hang here instead. you sounded pretty little on the phone last night and, hell, i can tell you're in little space right now. are you okay with the possibility of josh finding out?"

tyler furrows his eyebrows, puckering his lips slightly as he considers. "i dunno."

the girl sighs. "i don't think you can keep it from him much longer, ty. i can tell how easily he makes you regress. he'll start to ask questions if he hasn't already. are you ready for that?"

"i dunno..." he repeats, deeply frowning now. as much as he likes josh and wants to be with him, he's fairly certain he's not ready to tell him about this side of himself. he's afraid it will ruin whatever they have between them. tyler likes what they have currently.

hot tears prick behind his eyes, threatening to spill out. ashley coos softly, pulling him in for a hug. the brunette holds onto his friend tightly, not exactly sure why he's crying other than the fact that everything he's been feeling and thinking is so overwhelming. he's so confused and scared and wishes more than anything that he could just be normal.

"hey, hey, it's okay, ty. i know, it's okay. do you want me to tell josh to go home?"

tyler shakes his head furiously, only crying harder. he doesn't want josh to leave! and he doesn't want josh to find out his secret either! why can't he make sense of all this!?

"okay, it's okay. shhh, it's okay. do you want to go back downstairs and cuddle with him?"

he nods at that, wiping his wet cheeks on the backs of his hands when ashley pulls away from the hug.

"okay. you can, but you have to stop crying, okay?"

tyler nods again, sniffling softly as he tries to regain his composure. he follows ashley's lead in taking a few deep breaths.

"there. that's better. sorry that i upset you, ty. i wasn't trying to. we can talk about it some other time, yeah? when you're feeling bigger?"

"mhm..."

"okay, let's get you back downstairs."

tyler's face is red and splotchy still when they return. he earns a curious look from josh who's quick to allow tyler back against his side. neither of them say anything. ashley goes to the kitchen, presumably to make herself something to eat.

tyler knows the best thing to do would just be to talk to josh, but he can't bring himself to do it. what would he even say? what if josh rejects him? does tyler really want a relationship? would it ruin everything?

he sighs deeply, forcing his attention back to bluey to silence his spiraling thoughts.

(a/n: reading comments is my favorite thing pls leave me more i beg graciously. also i'm freaking out thinking about a new album and a new tour like i'm losing my mind and falling back into my middle school phase HARD)