5269 words

tyler's sitting in the same spot ashley left him when brendon finally gets home. the brunette gasps at the sound of the door opening, his head snapping in that direction. he smiles at the sight of his friend.

"brennie!"

"hey, ty. i've been trying to text you for the past twenty minutes. i stopped at starbucks and wasn't sure if you wanted anything."

tyler looks at his phone, frowning. he taps the screen. it doesn't turn on. he taps his watch. it doesn't turn on either.

"dead," he says, the word a bit muffled by the pacifier in his mouth. he holds out both electronics to brendon who happily replaces them with a blueberry muffin. tyler didn't see him even holding it!

the brunette gasps, carefully setting his pacifier aside as he starts nibbling on the treat. "s'yummy. t'anks!"

"of course, little man."

brendon disappears upstairs for a minute or two, presumably plugging in tyler's dead devices. once he returns, he sits right next to the boy and wraps an arm around him to pull him in for a side-hug.

"what've you been up to since ashley left, hm?"

tyler points at the tv screen.

"ohhh, i see. watching bluey, huh?"

tyler nods.

"well, do you still wanna watch or do you wanna do something else?"

tyler shrugs. "i 'unno," he says with a mouth-full. "snuggles?"

brendon cracks a smile. "sure, ty."

tyler giggles excitedly, setting the muffin wrapper aside. he repositions himself so that he's sitting sideways on the couch, pouring as much of himself over brendon as possible. his legs are strewn across the older's lap, one arm wrapped around the front of him while his head rests in the crook of his neck. brendon adjusts the blanket to cover both of them, making sure to grab tyler's paci because he knows he'll ask for it. he puts one arm around the boy's shoulders and rests the other over his legs.

sure enough, he hears tyler mumble the word, and he's quick to plop the pacifier between the boy's lips. they sit like that for a while, both watching bluey and snuggling contently. tyler loves his friends. they mean the absolute world to him. he's so unbelievably grateful for all of the different ways in which they care for him. he could never thank them enough.

at first, it was really weird to share this part of himself with anyone. i mean, it took him about four whole months before he finally worked up the courage to tell his friends. they were all a bit confused at first, not quite understanding what exactly he was talking about. the dynamic between them and tyler while he was in little space was a bit awkward at first.

they weren't sure how to act, and he wasn't comfortable really letting himself regress fully. it was something that, at that time, he'd only let himself do privately for almost two years. it was a learning experience for all four of them, but luckily tyler's friends are quick learners and they have never made him feel ashamed for who he is. in fact, they've been great at encouraging the boy and helping him regress anytime they know he needs it.

don't get tyler wrong, his friends are great, but he really wishes he had a daddy. someone who's a best friend, lover, and caretaker all wrapped into one precious package. he thinks of his friends more like informal caregivers. sure, they look out for him and help him when he needs it, but a daddy would go above and beyond.

god knows tyler could use a little structure and routine in his life. it's hard taking care of himself. some days he goes to bed way past when he knows he should be sleeping, others he doesn't drink a single sip of water, and sometimes he even forgets to brush his teeth!

tyler has tried searing for a daddy before, but everyone he's ever met has turned out weird. they mostly just try to use his coping mechanism for their pleasure and it's gross. he hates that every guy he's ever met has sexualized him. he hates that every time a girl tries to flirt with him at a party it's because they're sexualizing him. it just makes him feel wrong, like icky. tyler wants to find a daddy who likes him just because he's tyler and not for any other reason.

tyler sighs at this thought, causing brendon to shoot him a concerned glance.

"you okay down there, ty?"

"mhm..."

"whatcha thinking about?"

"nuf'in."

"oh, really? then how come you look so glum?"

tyler shrugs. "i 'unno."

"hmm..." brendon pauses, shifting slightly. "well then i guess tyler needs a visit from the tickle monster!"

he attacks tyler suddenly, his fingers dancing over the boy's ribs and tummy. tyler erupts in a fit of laughter, gasping and squealing for brendon to stop. his paci falls out of his mouth, rolling on the floor somewhere for them to worry about later. his friend is relentless, wiggling his fingers in all of the spots that send tyler into a frenzy. he laughs like a maniac, gasping for air every now and again while he thrashes around trying to desperately stop brendon.

"please! please! truce! gotta pee, gotta pee!"

brendon continues for a few seconds longer until he finally releases tyler. they both laugh for a few more seconds before they calm down, tyler trying to catch his breath.

"meanie..."

"thought you had to pee?"

"i do!"

tyler removes himself from brendon's lap and decides to head for the upstairs bathroom instead of the one down there. brendon may have just plugged it in only twenty minutes ago but tyler may also be a bit addicted to his phone. he taps the screen to see how much it's charged and notices he has a few unread texts. curiously, tyler unplugs his phone (completely disregarding the fact that it's only at twenty percent) and brings it with him to the bathroom.

ash 🍯:

the professor in my psych treatments class is actually diabolical

how is she gonna give us a pop quiz the first week of classes

i'm fuming ik i failed it bcuz i did not do the reading

i'm sure you did fine silly!

you are very smart :P

tyler also clicks on his chat with josh, his face turning red at the sight of the unread messages.

josh 🧸:
class is so boring

do you wanna hang out tonight?

hang out!? josh wants to hang out with him? tonight? again? after they just hung out last night? tyler almost couldn't believe it.

sure!!

wait let me ask bren

tyler quickly does his business and stomps downstairs, phone in hand. "brennnn!!!!"

"whaaaat!?"

he comes to a halt in front of the boy and shows him the messages on his phone. brendon reads them quickly and raises an eyebrow.

"well, do you want to hang out with him?"

"i 'unno..." gosh, his face is burning hot. "maaaybe."

"but you should probably be a big boy for that, right?" brendon tries to encourage. tyler just groans.

"nooo! don't wanna."

"hmm..." brendon pauses, pondering for a moment. "well, we could all have a game night together. we could play some jackbox games, maybe? that way you don't have to be alone with him and don't have to be too big because we'll all be focused on the game. and if something happens we'll be there to save you."

"hmm..." tyler echoes. he pretends to consider it, although his mind is already made up. "okay!"

we're gonna play jackbox games!!

bren says you can come :)

josh 🧸:
ooo sounds like fun

what time?

"what time?" tyler voices.

"gosh, uh, how about seven?"

7?

josh 🧸:
perfect

i'll see you later!

kk see ya :)

"yayyy!" tyler cheers, returning to his spot on brendon's lap. "joshy's comin' later!"

"i think somebody has a cruuush," brendon says in a sing-song voice.

"what!" tyler hates that he feels his face grow hot. "no way!"

"yes wayyy. tyler has a cruuush, tyler has a cruuush!" he teases, poking at the brunette's sides.

"nuh-uh!" tyler says defensively, trying to block brendon's attacks by wrapping his arms around himself. "s'just cute s'all..."

"oooo, tyler thinks josh is cuuute."

"nuh-uh!" the boy repeats, even though he just admitted that he thinks exactly that.

"i dunno, ty, i think the red in your face speaks for itself."

"shuddup!" tyler complains, bringing his palms to his cheeks in an attempt to hide them. "bein' mean."

"okay, okay. your secret is safe with me. and maybe ryan."

"hey!"

"oh come on, of course i'm gonna tell him. besides, we all already know that you like him. it's cute, ty. and he seems like a good guy. i definitely approve."

tyler just rolls his eyes, letting his head fall onto his friend's shoulder. he decides to drop the subject now because he knows it's a bad idea to think about josh in that way. josh could be straight for all he knows. even if he's not, tyler is just not dating material. everything about him is a full-time commitment. no guy in college wants that, especially when that commitment involves caring for a little. tyler knows this, so he knows not to expect anything from josh.

he also knows the best way to protect himself is to never, ever, ever let josh find out anything. not that he thinks he's cute and especially not that he's a little. that just leaves room for tyler to get hurt or, at the very least, be disappointed. he is perfectly capable of being just friends with someone that he thinks is oh so cute.

by the time seven o'clock rolls around, tyler is back to feeling like his big self. he's a bit nervous about spending time with josh but hopes it shouldn't be too bad or that awkward since he'll have his friends there too. he might have also put too much effort into picking out an outfit to wear and perfecting the style of his hair, but nobody has to know about that.

he's sandwiched between brendon and ashley, typing away at his laptop, when there's a knock on the door. his head immediately jerks in the direction of the sound, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. why is he so nervous? why does it feel so scary to have josh here, in his house, now that he's sober?

"i'll get it," brendon offers, standing. tyler ignores the wink that gets sent his way, focusing his attention back on the english assignment he's currently working on.

tyler hears, "hey josh! come in," then feels the couch dip next to him. he expects it to be brendon, since he was just sitting there, so he's surprised when he hears josh's voice come from beside him.

"whatcha working on?"

tyler nearly jumps. his face grows hot. "english," he answers, refusing to cast his eyes in josh's direction.

"oh, cool."

"not really..."

"josh," ryan starts, relieving tyler from the awkward moment he just caused. "have you played any jackbox games before?"

"no, i haven't," he admits. "i sort of know what a few of them are though, like the t-shirt game and the one that's just like responding to questions."

"those are the best ones," ashley chimes in. "fibbage is fun, too. it's like trivia but you have to pick the right answer out of everyone's lies."

"that does sound like fun."

josh's knee shifts slightly so that it's now touching tyler's. the brunette's tummy fills with butterflies, blushing furiously as his fingers pound away at his keyboard. he wants to scream, wants to say look guys look he made our knees touch oh my gosh look but swallows the urge. it's probably just an accident, right? and means absolutely nothing, right?

tyler can't help but admit the sudden closeness is making him nervous. he clears his throat, shutting his laptop and standing abruptly. all eyes are on him as he says, "be right back," and runs upstairs to his room.

the boy gently shuts the door behind him, locking it in case anyone tries to follow. his laptop gets placed on his desk before he looks at himself in the mirror beside it. he needs to pull himself together! how can he expect himself to be friends with josh if he can't even just act normal around him? he really needs to get it through his delusional mind that josh will never be more than a friend. even if he did happen to like tyler, he wouldn't once he actually got to know him. or he'd fetishize him. tyler doesn't know which is worse.

sighing, he heads back downstairs. his friends are busy setting up the first game so they don't notice his return, but josh does. he's on his phone but looks up from it as tyler heads back over to the couch. unfortunately, tyler either has to sit next to him or on the floor. it would be too weird if he chose the latter considering there is a perfectly tyler-shaped space between josh and ashley. so, reluctantly, he returns to his spot.

"i hope i'm good at this," josh says, referring to the game.

"it's not hard," tyler responds. he opens his phone to join the game of quiplash.

"yeah, maybe for you guys because you all know each other. i don't know your humor yet."

tyler feels a bit bad for him. "you'll do great."

"if you say so..."

"okay, everyone ready? i'm gonna start it," brendon says, doing just that.

tyler giggles to himself as he types his responses to each question, hearing the rest of his friends do the same. as each question and its responses start rolling out on the screen, tyler's cheeks hurt from laughter. they have to explain a few inside jokes to josh here and there, but overall tyler can hear him laughing alongside them. tyler ends up winning, obviously, because he somehow comes up with the most raunchy, out-of-pocket responses.

"jeez, tyler, i don't know how you come up with stuff like that," ashley laughs while they set up tee k.o. next.

"yeah, you're supposed to be innocent," brendon chimes in.

"i am! i only know that stuff because of you guys," tyler argues. "especially you, brendon. you're a bad influence."

"see, brendon, i always tell you," ashley shakes her head in mock disappointment.

"who am i if not a great teacher to innocent tyler?"

josh listens to the banter, looking a bit lost. for some reason, ryan feels the need to explain.

"tyler's a virgin."

"ryan!" tyler gasps, his cheeks turning bright red almost instantly.

"what? it's true!"

"oh," josh mouths, offering the brunette a smile. "well that just makes your responses even better."

tyler just sends ryan a death glare.

"okay, okay, guys. join the game."

so, they move onto the next silly game that leaves everyone doubled over in laughter by the end of it. tyler wins, again, mostly because his t-shirt designs were extremely graphic and insane and his pairings were unmatched. josh comes in second this time, to which tyler gives him a toothy grin and a high-five. "see? i told you you'd do great."

"not as good as you, though."

"i'm sick of this," ashley groans, having come in last place for both games. "can we play something i'm good at? like mario party?"

"that's a four person game," brendon points out.

"well, tyler and i can team up!" josh offers, very oblivious to the way tyler nearly chokes on his spit. "i mean, if that's possible. i've never played that game either."

"i-i don't have to play," tyler manages to say.

"no, that would work," brendon shrugs. "you guys will just have to take turns."

"yeah, i'm cool with that."

"suuure." tyler tries to sound unbothered, but his racing heart would indicate otherwise.

why did josh offer for them to be a team!? he hates this game as it is (he always loses) and now he has to rely on someone else? plus, now josh is going to know how sweaty his hands are every time he passes the controller back to him! tyler self-consciously wipes his palms against his jeans at the thought.

so, tyler gets stuck being partnered with josh and explaining how the game works to him as it plays out. josh is really bad at the mini games at first but slowly gets better as the game progresses. tyler is just overall bad and the fact that josh is his teammate doesn't help. he just feels even more anxiety and pressure to do well and gets even more upset when he comes in last each mini game. so much so that about halfway through the game tyler is so annoyed with himself he completely gives up.

"i'm done playing," he announces, handing the controller to josh after losing yet another mini game.

"what? why?" josh frowns.

"i suck at this game. i don't wanna play."

"come on, ty. you're doing great!" ryan encourages. tyler isn't having it.

"you'd be doing a lot better if it weren't for me," he mutters at josh. "don't wanna play anymore."

"that's so not true," josh says, chuckling softly. "we were doing bad together, it wasn't just you. are you sure you don't want to play?"

tyler regrets meeting josh's eyes because they're practically begging for him to keep playing. he considers it for a second but ultimately decides that, no, he's done. in all honesty, tyler has been regressing for the past thirty minutes now—ever since he lost the first mini game—and wants to just curl up and watch his friends play more than anything. playing himself was too stressful and watching them was way more fun. josh seems disappointed but quickly covers it up with that toothy grin tyler thinks is so cute.

the next five minutes or so are spent debating with himself whether he should run upstairs and grab pablo or not. he wants the little penguin snuggled against his chest right now. he wants a paci between his lips and wants to be held. part of tyler knows he can't do any of that with josh here, but a small part of him doesn't care about that at the moment.

"be right back."

tyler stands suddenly and races upstairs, deciding it's not that weird if he just brings pablo and a fuzzy blanket back down with him. he does just that—grabbing his butterfly blanket and the stuffie—before happily joining his friends back on the couch. ashley, brendon, and ryan all share a concerned look at the sight of the boy. tyler doesn't notice and neither does josh.

the brunette plops himself back between josh and ashley, humming contently as he cozies up under the blanket. he hugs pablo against himself, positioning his head above the blanket so he's able to watch the game with tyler. ashley looks at him but doesn't say anything. josh does the same.

tyler smiles to himself, letting his head drop to rest against ashley's shoulder. see!? he knew josh wouldn't say anything. he knew josh wouldn't think it was weird. if anything, tyler swears he feels josh scooch closer to him. his face heats up involuntarily, as he nervously scoots closer to ashley.

he can't explain it, but josh being too close to him makes his heart race. his head fills with a trillion racing thoughts—both positive and negative—and his tummy flutters as if he's swallowed a handful of butterflies. being around josh makes his whole body hot and his heart feel fuzzy. tyler's had crushes and been in relationships before, but this is different. it's overwhelming. intense. it's such a weird feeling. tyler doesn't know if he likes it. it's exciting but so anxiety-inducing.

he brings his thumb up to his lips, opting to bite his nail rather than letting himself suck his thumb. his previous thoughts about josh moving closer are confirmed when, in fact, he feels the other's knee come to rest against his own. as if on cue, an uncomfortable warmth spreads throughout the younger's body, making him sweat nervously. it only sends him further into little space.

tyler wishes more than anything that he could just cuddle up with the cute boy who makes his head spin, but he's desperate to keep this little crush a secret from josh. instead, he opts for nuzzling himself against ashley. the girl looks away from the game, her eyes widening slightly at the state of her friend.

the boy wasn't aware he had actually started sucking on his thumb until ashley pulls it out of his mouth. he frowns at her, placing it back between his lips only for her to pull it out again. a small whine escapes him this time, face immediately flushing when josh turns his attention to him.

he doesn't say anything. neither does tyler. neither does ashley. they all look at each other for a second before josh turns his attention back to the game. ashley breathes a sigh of relief, disregarding the fact that she had stopped playing in the middle of a mini game.

"ty," she whispers in the brunette's ear. "wanna go upstairs?"

said boy quickly shakes his head, smiling as he hears josh laugh from beside him.

"you sure?"

now he nods. "wanna watch."

she hesitates, looking between josh and tyler. "okay, but keep that thumb out."

tyler rolls his eyes. he decides to pinch his blanket between his thumb and other four fingers, gently rolling the soft fabric back and forth. it's not as comforting, but it'll have to do. he spends the next twenty minutes or so just like that, fighting to urge to turn himself to cuddle into josh instead of ashley. and, boy, the urge was strong.

josh is understandably a lot bigger than ashley, not just in mass but also stature. tyler can only imagine how it feels to be held in his arms, how it feels to be nuzzled against josh's chest. he daydreams about it until his friends' game is over and then he daydreams about it some more while they all laugh and talk about the game.

"tyler?"

tyler looks up, suddenly realizing the other four are looking at him as if anticipating a response. someone must've said something to him, but he didn't even hear. he was totally lost in his imagination! he doesn't know how to respond, so he doesn't.

brendon repeats the mystery question. "do you want to watch a movie?"

tyler gasps softly before pursing his lips and looking to ashley. she nods at him, so he smiles. "yesss..."

"what should we watch?" josh asks.

"what about a disney movie?" ashley offers, shooting tyler a knowing smile.

the boy perks up in excitement, lifting his head off her shoulder. "wanna watch disney?" he asks josh.

"sure," the older smiles. "do you have another blanket i could use?"

"share!" tyler exclaims, pulling the blanket out from where it was tucked under him and throwing it over josh's lap. he did it out of the kindness of his own heart, but almost immediately regrets it. josh has to scoot closer to be fully underneath, so now the outside of his thigh is flat against tyler's. maybe it wouldn't be so weird now if tyler just let himself cuddle into josh...

"any recommendations?" ryan asks, breaking the boy from his thoughts. ryan scrolls through some of the recommended for you movies on disney+.

"toy story!" tyler shouts as it comes on screen.

"any objections? no? anyone want popcorn?" ryan offers. he points at josh and brendon as they raise their hands. "two bags, got it. be right back."

tyler giggles excitedly as the movie starts. he loves toy story, but he hasn't watched it in a long time! there's even a toy of one of the aliens upstairs in his room that he uses sometimes when him and brendon play barbies. they like to use it to pretend there's an alien invasion. he wonders if josh would think it's so cool that he literally has a toy story toy upstairs in his room right this very moment! he looks at the boy to ask, but words fail him when he realizes josh is already looking at him.

tyler immediately turns red, further regretting his decision to share his blanket. there's no way josh can't feel how uncomfortably warm he is.

"this was my favorite movie when i was little," josh says. tyler just finds himself getting lost in those beautiful hazelnut eyes. "i used to have a buzz lightyear toy. i thought he was so cool."

now tyler really wants to share that he has a toy from the movie too but can't. he physically cannot get the words to translate from his brain to his mouth. not only that, but he wants to tell josh how pretty his eyes are. does he know how pretty they are? does he know how mesmerized tyler is by him? does he know how nervous he makes tyler? have any idea the effect he has on him? there are about a million things tyler is thinking right now and not a single one can be formed into a coherent sentence.

he stutters for a second before ultimately settling for, "s'cool."

he's so lame. josh probably thinks he's so weird. he is so weird. why would he say that? josh half-smiles before turning his attention back to the movie. tyler decides to just do the same. he looks at the bag of popcorn that ryan eventually hands josh, deciding he actually does want some.

"share?" he asks, holding out an open palm.

josh raises an eyebrow at him.

"please?"

"it's just hot is all," he says. tyler grows hot in embarrassment. he's so used to ashley telling him to use his manners that he thought josh expected the same from him before he could have any.

"oh..."

"just be careful."

josh holds the bag out towards him, so tyler carefully snakes his hand inside the bag and grabs a small handful. it is hot, but not as hot as how the bag itself feels. the brunette delightfully eats his handful as his eyes glue themselves back on the tv screen. when the handful is gone, tyler starts reaching back into the bag to pick out one piece at a time and plop it in his mouth. he does this for some time before he accidentally sticks his hand in the bag at the same time as josh.

tyler quickly pulls away, that fluttery-jittery feeling jolting his heart and jostling his tummy. he looks up at josh, caramel eyes widened slightly. "sorry..."

the older smiles. "sorry," he echoes, "here."

he holds the bag out and allows tyler to grab himself another piece before he does the same. tyler decides he doesn't want anymore popcorn after that and fully turns his attention back to the movie. his head and tummy still feel fuzzy over the whole interaction, but he tries to ignore it as he hugs pablo.

after a while, his eyes start to feel heavy...

"tyler... tylerrr..."

his eyes shoot open as his head is being moved around. josh's shoulder, currently the resting place for tyler's noggin, moves up and down as he attempts to wake the sleeping brunette. tyler immediately grows hot at the realization that, not only did he fall asleep, but his head had fallen on josh's shoulder. and josh let it stay there.

"the movie's over. wake up."

tyler quickly lifts his head, nervously chewing on his lower lip as he meets josh's eyes. the older doesn't seem upset or annoyed or anything. in fact, his cheeks are a light shade of pink. and actually, the more tyler comes to the more he realizes that he can feel an absurd amount of heat radiating off josh underneath the blanket. that only makes his own cheeks burn.

"oh, um, s-sorry... was sleepy," he apologizes.

"oh, no, it's okay. i fell asleep, too, at one point," josh confesses, rubbing the back of his head. "i'm probably gonna head out now, actually."

tyler looks around the room, realizing his friends are nowhere to be found. he frowns in confusion. josh must notice because he says, "oh, yeah, ryan and brendon went upstairs. ashley's just in the bathroom. she said to wake you up."

"oh..." tyler murmurs, still feeling groggy. he rubs his eyes. "you're leavin'?"

"yeah, it's pretty late. i'm ready to go to bed," josh chuckles. tyler smiles at the sound.

"bedtime."

"yeah, it's definitely bedtime." josh uncovers himself and stands, groaning as he raises his arms above his head and stretches from side to side. tyler blushes as his shirt raises and he catches a peek of josh's belly. he quickly looks away.

"oh, hey, you're awake," ashley says as she enters the room. "i'm gonna head to bed. do you need anything before i go up?"

tyler shakes his head, covering his mouth as he yawns. he stands to give the girl a hug. "night, ash'ey."

"night, ty," she smiles, kissing the boy on his cheek. "see you tomorrow, josh?"

"yeah. lunch?"

"sounds good. night, guys."

"night," tyler and josh say in unison, watching ashley head upstairs.

the brunette is overcome with the sudden realization that they're alone together and feels his stomach doing somersaults. he wonders what josh is thinking, if he also feels just as nervous to be alone with the tyler. if he does, though, it doesn't show.

"do you want me to lock the door on my way out?"

"i got it," tyler whispers, shuffling his feet as he follows josh to the front door. he fully expects josh to leave right then and there, but he stops in the doorway on the way out. he turns to face tyler.

"i had a lot of fun tonight. i like hanging with you guys," josh says.

"me too. we like hangin' out with you."

"maybe we could do something tomorrow night?"

"yeah, i'll ask them and see-"

"oh," josh interrupts, clearing his throat. tyler's head tilts in confusion. "i meant we as in just me and you, actually."

tyler swears his heart skips an entire beat. his stomach immediately is overcome with an anxious-nauseating kind of feeling. josh wants to hang out with him? alone? just the two of them? doing what? where? for how long? gosh, tyler could puke at the thought.

he swallows hard. "oh, uh, okay. y-yeah... yeah, sounds good."

josh smiles, capturing his lower lip between his teeth. "i'll text you, okay?"

"'kay."

"and i'll see you guys for lunch tomorrow."

"'kay."

"goodnight, tyler."

"night."

josh just smiles at him for a second before he turns and leaves. tyler gently shuts the door behind him, turning the lock on both the handle and the deadbolt. he presses his back against the door, heart racing as his mind ponders all of the possible things that could happen tomorrow night.

what will they even do? what time? is it a date? no, no, no. they're friends. just friends. josh just wants to hang out, one-on-one, as friends. that's all, obviously. stop reading too deeply into it, tyler. the thought calms him a little, but then he remembers how small josh always seems to make him feel...

gosh, tyler is so not ready for whatever tomorrow will bring.