4379 words

by the time tyler has finished deciding what to wear, it's around 8:30pm. his decision lands on a baby blue tee and black sweat-shorts that fall a couple inches above his knees. covering his feet are blue crew socks covered in chocolate chip cookies. he stands in front of the full-length mirror he command-stripped to his bedroom wall, running his hands over his shirt to smooth out a few wrinkles.

he catches a glimpse of his stuffies in the mirror and smiles, thinking they would approve of his outfit. tyler also makes sure to slide on his black vans, knowing he won't want to be barefoot for the party because the floor is doomed to get sticky. after he's ready, he approaches ashley's door. he hears music coming from inside.

"come in!" she says in response to his knock.

tyler enters, finding ashley sat on the floor in front of her mirror while she applies makeup. there's an open twisted tea on the ground next to her. tyler knows he shouldn't start drinking yet—he's too much of a lightweight and would be drunk before anybody even got there.

"you look pretty," he says, looking at her through the mirror.

ashley grins. "thanks, bub. i like your socks."

tyler looks down at his cookie-covered socks and grins. he likes them too. "when is everyone coming?"

"brendon said to tell everyone 9:30 so that really means around, like, 10 probably."

"oh," tyler mumbles, joining her in sitting on the floor. he watches curiously as ashley's mouth falls open every time she coats her lashes in a layer of mascara. he really likes the look of it—the way her lashes grow and lay so delicately. "can you do me, too?"

"of course." ashley doesn't even hesitate, turning to face the brunette. "close your eyes."

tyler does as he's told, feeling a hand grab his cheek to hold his head in place while the mascara wand brushes over his eyelashes. after a couple of coats on both eyes, ashley says he can look. tyler eagerly leans forward to examine himself in the mirror. his lashes look so pretty! he smiles. "thank you."

"you like it?" ashley asks, going back to apply makeup to her own face.

"mhm!"

suddenly, tyler hears his name being yelled from downstairs. ashley and him share a glance before she shrugs. "maybe he needs your help with something?"

"yeah right," tyler deadpans. he lifts himself off the floor with a grunt, heading downstairs to find ryan and brendon in the kitchen. music is playing from a speaker they had set up in the living room. "what brendon?"

brendon turns away from the counter, motioning to the three shot glasses before him. "the birthday boy requests a shot."

"okay, to be fair, i asked brendon to do one and he insisted that we ask you too," ryan clarifies, pouring vodka into the shot glass closest to him. "you can if you want. don't let brendon peer pressure you."

"i'm not peer pressuring," brendon argues, using his fingers to put air quotes around the words. "i'm just... encouraging."

"practically the same thing," ryan says, filling up a shot glass for brendon too. he looks to tyler, hovering over the third one. "yes or no?"

"last time i tried i coughed it back up and had to swallow down vomit," tyler points out. he raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his chest. "so i don't know."

"well, here." brendon turns to the fridge and grabs a juice pouch. he hands it to tyler. "you can chase with this. it'll help it go down smoother."

the brunette takes the drink reluctantly, weighing his options. he does want to celebrate ryan's birthday and he does feel very big at the moment. it's hard not to in such an environment. he's free from any of the typical things that trigger his regression. i mean, aside from the anxiety of having his house full of people but tyler knows that anxiety will melt the more he drinks. "sure, i guess."

brendon lets out a cheer while ryan fills tyler's shot glass halfway and hands it to him. tyler peers into it for a second before he holds it back out. "i can do a full one," he urges.

"oh so that's how tonight's gonna go?" brendon grins.

ryan just looks at him. "are you sure?"

tyler nods. "yeah, i'll be fine. promise."

"okay," he shrugs.

ryan fills the shot glass to the top to match his and brendon's. tyler shoots a glance at the bottle. pinnacle vodka whipped. it smells sweet, in a weird alcohol-y kind of way. the three raise their shots together.

brendon toasts, "cheers to love, cheers to honor, if you can't come in her, come on her."

tyler hears them snicker. he just rolls his eyes. he copies their motions, raising the glass to his lips, and downs its contents in one quick gulp. he very quickly chases it with the pacific cooler juice pouch but still ends up coughing afterwards. he feels brendon pat his back. "there you go! nice job."

tyler just sucks down more juice, shaking his head. "that sucked. i hated it."

"nobody likes shots," ryan insists.

"tyler?"

the boy turns around, eyes wide as if he had just been caught doing something wrong. "ashley?"

the girl looks at the three shot glasses and raises her palm to her forehead. "brendon didn't peer pressure you, did he?"

"no. i wanted to," tyler urges. when she doesn't seem convinced he adds, "really. i want to celebrate ryan's birthday. promise i'll take it slow."

ashley's always been the most protective over him. it makes sense given she knows more tyler-lore than the other two, and it's not all sunshine and rainbows. tyler's grateful to have someone who knows most of his secrets but still cares for him so deeply. after a moment, ashley gives in. "fine. i want one too."

"another round?" brendon suggests.

"not for me," tyler says, returning the smile ashley gives him. while his friends take shots, he gulps down the entirely of his juice pouch.

they spend the next hour or so hanging out and finishing setting up the party. there's a game of beer pong set up in the center of the living room for when people start showing up. tyler's anxiety had been slowly building the entire time, so he made sure to get another drink and a half down by the time they hear the first knock on the door.

tyler stands with ashley, a half-drank raspberry twisted tea in his hand while he watches brendon greet the first guests. it's four different guys tyler recognizes from du. ryan must know them too, considering they greet him with a happy birthday and he greets them with a hug.

the four guys claim the first game of pong, so tyler and ashley stand and watch. it's only a few minutes before there's another knock on the door. then another. then another. thankfully, tyler's anxiety is melting away as he moves onto his next drink.

he knows he's starting to get buzzed by the time his head feels fuzzy and his eyes lag around the room. his face his hot and his cheeks are surely dark red, something he can't control when he drinks. he smiles lazily as ashley puts her arm around him. "how're you feeling?"

"good," he grins, leaning his head against her shoulder. "know more people than i thought."

she agrees with him and they both turn their heads in the direction of the door as they hear another knock. tyler's anxiety is nonexistent at this point so he says "i'll get it" and heads to the door. he swings the door open towards himself, blinking at the boys standing on his porch.

he recognizes the shorter as pete wentz, a du brother that he actually knows pretty well. brendon brought him on their last spring break trip and tyler actually enjoyed his company. the other guy is, well, the cute boy from the gym.

"tyler? you live here?" josh asks, jaw dropping slightly before his lips curl into a smile.

tyler doesn't even know how to react. he just blinks at them for a moment before he realizes they're waiting for him to respond, or let them in, or literally anything. "yeah," he manages to get out. "yeah. hi. hi, pete."

tyler steps aside so the two can enter and carefully shuts the door behind him. pete pulls him in for a hug. "tyler! hey! how've you been?"

tyler can smell the alcohol on his breath. he hopes that means they're both drunk right now, too. and judging by the way pete's eyes are drooping and josh can't stop grinning, he thinks it's safe to assume they are. he hugs pete. "good, how 'bout you?"

"oh, i'm good. you two know each other?" pete asks, motioning between josh and tyler. "josh is my roommate."

"oh, yeah, cool," tyler chuckles, not willing himself to meet josh's stare. "yeah, we've met before. that's cool. well, i'm gonna go find brendon."

he leaves before anybody can get another word in. tyler frantically searches the house for said boy, desperate to show him josh because gosh he looks so cute and he needs brendon to confirm. brendon is shotgunning a beer with someone in the kitchen when tyler finds him. tyler impatiently waits until he's done before he approaches, gripping brendon by the front of his shirt.

"he's here!" tyler shout-whispers. "he's here! he's here!"

"who's here?" brendon burps, laughing at the stink eye tyler gives him.

"josh! the guy i told you about," tyler explains frantically. "he's here and i need to show you how cute he is, please!"

brendon gasps loudly, grabbing tyler by the shoulders and shaking him back and forth. "well then show me!"

"come on."

tyler takes hold of his hand and begins dragging him through the crowd that has definitely grown in the thirty seconds that he was in the other room. his eyes scan the crowd slowly because it's hard to focus on anything in the dimly lit room until they finally come to rest upon josh. he's standing across the room with pete, talking to someone tyler doesn't know. "there! by the tv. look. he's the one in the beanie."

he watches brendon search for a second as well before his eyes come to a halt and he starts grinning. "oh my gosh, tyler. go talk to him."

"noooo! i can't!" the brunette giggles, hiding his face in brendon's shirt. "i'm drunk!"

"uh, yeah, now's the best time," brendon urges, trying to pry the boy off of him. "i'll come with you. i wanna say hi to pete."

and with that, brendon starts walking towards them. tyler curses under his breath, quickly following behind brendon without giving it a second thought. that is, until they're face-to-face with josh and he's back to smiling at tyler. then tyler has second thoughts.

"brendon wanted to say hi," tyler says to pete, then quickly adds, "i'm gonna look for ryan."

he goes to walk away, but brendon grabs his wrist before he can and pulls him back into place. jerk!

"ryan's busy," brendon says, casting tyler an actually devilish grin. he can't believe he's doing this to him right now. "pete, introduce me to your friend."

"oh, this is josh, my roommate. josh, this is brendon. the birthday boy's boyfriend."

"ryan, right?" tyler hears josh ask.

he can't bring himself to take his eyes off pete. he's nervous he's going to find josh looking at him.

"yeah, ryan. you know, maybe we should go look for him pete. i actually haven't seen him in a while."

tyler quickly shifts his gaze to brendon, eyes widened. he better not be doing this to him right now.

"sure, i should say happy birthday."

oh my god.

"cool, let's go."

brendon leaves with pete before tyler can even open his mouth to protest. so, he forces himself to turn his attention to josh and, sure enough, he's just standing there smiling at tyler.

"hi," tyler chuckles awkwardly. "it's weird to see you outside of the gym."

"it is, isn't it?" josh agrees. they stand in an awkward silence for a moment before he adds, "i'm kinda glad though."

what does that even mean?

tyler doesn't know how to do this. he can't flirt. who is he kidding? josh is so clearly trying and he's just standing there being all kinds of awkward and weird. before he realizes he hasn't responded, josh is speaking again.

"so, what's your major?"

gosh, the small talk. tyler actually can't do this. he raises his cup of jungle juice to his lips and completely gulps it down, holding in the burp that follows. "english. psych minor. what about you?"

"i'm a mechie," he shares, eyeing the now-empty cup tyler is holding. of course he is. he's cute and smart. that makes him, like, two times as far out of tyler's league as the boy originally thought.

"wanna get another drink?" tyler asks, despite knowing he's moving beyond the point of just being buzzed. he doesn't care in this moment. he's desperate to get to a point where he can talk to josh without feeling so shy and awkward. why does he have to be so cute? tyler could easily talk to anybody else right now besides him.

josh looks at his own drink and quickly finishes the rest of it. "sure, you lead the way."

tyler does just that, wondering if it would be weird to grab josh's hand to lead him through the crowd like he did with brendon. before he can make a decision, he feels josh's fingers tighten around the back of his shirt. tyler is so glad it's dark so nobody can see the way his ears turn red and he smiles like a fool.

in the kitchen, tyler pours himself another cup of juice while josh grabs a beer out of the fridge.

"bleh, how can you drink that stuff?" tyler asks, motioning to the can of beer. the alcohol is definitely starting to catch up to him. his body is growing hot and his balance is a bit off as his vision is growing slightly more blurred.

josh chuckles. "it's an acquired taste, i guess. doesn't hurt my stomach as much, either."

tyler just shrugs, leaning against the counter as he sips his drink. josh leans on the counter beside him and tyler gets butterflies in his stomach from how close they suddenly are. they look at each other, wordless. tyler captures his lower lip between his teeth, desperately trying to think of anything he can say. josh just smiles and tyler finds himself smiling along.

"you're cool, tyler."

"you think i'm cool?" tyler nearly laughs. he is anything other than cool. he likes playing with toys and using pacifiers. he's the weirdest, most uncool person he knows.

"you don't think you're cool?"

"no," he states, "you're cool though, i guess."

"oh, you guess?" josh grins.

"yeah, i guess." tyler is trying so hard to make this whole interaction very nonchalant despite the fluttering in his stomach. he can't tell if it's from anxiety or the alcohol. he decides to just tell himself it's because he's drunk. "i'm drunk."

"no, really? couldn't tell." tyler rolls his eyes at him, making josh snicker. "me too."

"no, really?" tyler mocks. they share a laugh when tyler feels someone tap his shoulder. he looks to the side, finding ashley and ryan standing behind him. "hey guys! this is josh."

"ohhh," ashley says, knowingly. she gives josh a full head-to-toe glance then nods approvingly. "i'm ashley."

"ryan," the other says, winking in tyler's direction. the latter brings his palm to his face. they couldn't be anymore obvious if they tried. if josh catches on, he doesn't say anything.

"oh, ryan! happy birthday," josh says politely. "nice to meet you guys."

ryan starts talking to josh so ashley gently pulls the brunette aside, eyeing him. "how much have you had to drink?"

tyler can't help the laugh that erupts from him. ashley knows him too well. he sways back and forth. "not thaaat much..."

"oh my god! you're hammered, tyler!"

"noooo..." tyler giggles, watching josh out of the corner of his eye. he's deeply invested in whatever him and ryan are talking about, sipping from his can of beer. tyler grins. he's so cute.

ashley just shakes her head, following his gaze. "you really like him, don't you? he is pretty cute."

"yeah," tyler says. and then, "i wish i wasn't me."

"huh?" ashley frowns. "why do you say that?"

"i'm just weird. too weird for him. for anyone, really." tyler doesn't know where this is suddenly coming from, but he does know that it's true. "he'd never like me back if i told him."

"hey! that is so not true," ashley counters. "didn't you think that way about us? and we're still your best friends. we still love you. it didn't at all change how we feel about you."

tyler sighs. she's right, but josh isn't them. tyler was friends with them for an entire semester before he told them about his little space. he only did it because his therapist encouraged him to after he told her that he had been struggling a lot more due to actively trying to fight back against his way of coping. friend relationships and intimate relationships are totally different. he can't even begin to imagine having to tell anyone else. it was hard enough to tell his friends.

"ashley, let's go start a game of stack cup," ryan interrupts, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her away with him.

tyler just stands there for a moment before he looks to josh, finding the boy watching him. he smiles when their eyes meet. tyler forces himself to do the same. josh beckons him to come back over.

"you okay?" he asks, frowning now as he scans tyler's face.

"yeah, fine," tyler grumbles. he's mad at his stupid brain for having stupid thoughts. he's mad that he's got something about him that makes him different. he wishes he were normal.

"your friends seem pretty cool," josh says, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction. tyler is grateful.

"yeah, they are. they're great."

"i only really know pete and a few guys from my classes."

"well, you can hang out with us whenever you want," tyler offers, seizing the opportunity to potentially see josh outside of the gym again. plus, it's easier if he invites him to hang out with everyone and not just himself. feels less weird.

"thanks." josh smiles, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "i'll take you up on that. what's your number?"

tyler takes the phone, typing in his number and saving his name as tyler🤩. he watches as josh sends him a text.

unknown number:
hi tyler

hi josh

they share a smile before tyler saves his number under josh🧸. tyler is suddenly aware of how close they're standing as josh peers over him, watching him save his number. he gulps, taking a small step back. "do you want to go play stack?"

"sure."

they join the game just as it's starting, tyler nestled between josh and brendon. the latter is on his left which makes tyler a bit nervous because brendon is really good at this game and is definitely going to stack on tyler a lot.

"hey josh?" the boy looks at him so he continues, "if i get stacked on, uh, would, um, could you drink for me maybe? or i can ask someone else, it's fine, i just... i shouldn't drink anything else."

"oh my gosh, of course," josh smiles. "of course i will, don't worry about it. wouldn't want you to get sick."

tyler turns back to face the table, smiling to himself. the game starts with about ten people having joined. it's only a minute before tyler has a cup in front of him and he's frantically trying to bounce the ball inside of it. it takes him a few tries but he finally manages, passing the cup to josh. a second later, the other cup is in front of him. tyler makes the shot first try this time, grinning as he stacks his cup into josh's.

"thought we were allies," josh chuckles, grabbing a half-cup of beer from the center. he gulps it down and starts shooting the ball into the now-empty cup. tyler says, "not exactly."

the game lasts around ten minutes. tyler got stacked on quite a few times and also stacked on josh a few times, making the poor boy drink around six half-cups total.

"sorry," he says to josh afterwards. "shouldn't have asked you to drink for me."

"s'fine," josh slurs, waving his hand. "didn't want you to have to."

tyler notices the beer pong table is empty so he asks josh if he wants to play with just the two of them. "just for fun," he adds. "no beer."

josh agrees so they head over to the table together, both boys drunkenly stumbling. josh lets tyler shoot first and he misses both by a mile. he frowns. josh goes next, sinking the two balls into different cups. he smirks when tyler glares at him.

"not fair."

"totally fair," josh argues.

tyler rolls the balls back to him. josh makes another but misses the second. they go back and forth for a while, tyler missing most of his shots until the very end when he starts to make a comeback. once they make it down to one cup each, josh shamelessly sinks both balls into the single cup. tyler purses his lips, yelling across the table, "not fair!"

"totally fair," josh says again. he walks around the table and offers tyler his hand to shake. "good game."

tyler just looks at him. "no way. rematch."

josh laughs, dropping his hand back to his side. "fine. rematch."

they play again, bantering back and forth the whole time about who's better and who's worse. tyler claims it's not fair that josh is taller and has definitely had more experience. josh claims tyler has beginner's luck. by the time tyler only has one cup left, josh still has four. the former wonders if josh was really even trying this time. josh insists that he is, but when tyler makes the final cup all he does is grin.

"man, you got me."

"why'd you let me win?" tyler asks, actually shaking josh's hand this time. it's warm and a bit sweaty. tyler tries not to think about it.

"i didn't. you won fair and square."

tyler just giggles as he watches josh put one arm against the wall to help hold himself steady. the brunette watches as he sways slightly, glancing around the room. his eyes come to rest on tyler, lips slowly curling upwards. tyler smiles too and they just stand like that for a moment, silently smiling and looking at each other.

suddenly, brendon yells out, "anyone who wants to smoke come outside!"

josh glances in that direction for a second, hesitating, then looks back to tyler. "i don't smoke, you?"

tyler shakes his head. "gross."

about half of the party exits the back door behind brendon, including ashley and ryan. the other half lingers for about a minute before people slowly start heading out the front door. pete approaches them.

"hey, josh, i'll be outside okay? you can head back if you want or wait. it'll only be a bit. up to you."

"uhhh..." josh looks to tyler, who just looks back at him curiously. "i'll wait for you."

"cool," pete grins. he looks at tyler. "oh, tyler, ashley wanted me to tell you to check the time."

he leaves after that. tyler glances at his watch, noticing it's way past midnight. he groans. he wanted to at least by in bed by twelve because he had class at 9:30 the next morning.

"everything okay?"

"yeah," tyler sighs. "i was supposed to go to bed like an hour ago. i've got class kinda early, so..." he trails off.

"oh, okay. you should probably drink some water first, though," josh offers. tyler knows he's right. the room is already kinda spinning. the two get a glass of water and tyler takes his sweet time in drinking it. he doesn't want to go to bed. he doesn't want josh to leave. he doesn't want tomorrow to come.

"ready?" josh asks once tyler finishes his cup. tyler nods, but doesn't move. josh eyes him curiously. "are you okay? do you need me to come up there with you?"

as much as tyler knows he should decline, he can't help but utter a small, "yeah."

"okay, well you'll have to show me which room is yours."

tyler nods, turning to head upstairs. he hears josh's footsteps following behind him. they walk down to the very end of the hall where tyler's room is, the brunette opening the door hesitantly and switching on the light. his eyes immediately land upon the stuffies on his bed and he brings a hand to his mouth.

"those are cute," josh comments. he glances around the room curiously while tyler suddenly feels very, very insecure.

"thanks, um, i'm good now. gonna go to bed."

"okay. you sure you're good? i don't want you to get sick."

"i'm good," tyler repeats, turning to face the boy. "thanks."

"yeah, of course. tonight was fun." josh beams. tyler can't help but smile along.

"it was."

"maybe i'll see you tomorrow?"

tyler nods.

"cool. okay, well, goodnight."

"goodnight."

"see you later."

"bye."

tyler watches him go, gently shutting the door behind him. he immediately strips and shuts off the lights, climbing into bed in his briefs. soft light spills from the cloud-shaped nightlight plugged into an outlet across the room. pablo is pulled against his chest habitually, the rest of his stuffies laying beside him. tyler sighs contently as he replays the night's events in his head before eventually drifting off into dreamland.