5010 words

TW: homophobia

a bright melody fills the room, a song playing loudly from the speaker tyler has perched on his dresser. he sings along, his voice drowned out by the much louder one of the artist. his fingers fumble with the few buttons at the top of his blue button-down, carefully latching it closed as he watches his movements in the mirror.

josh had left early that morning, needing to get home to help his family get ready. today is thanksgiving, tyler's least favorite holiday. he's not particularly fond of thanksgiving foods and he thinks the way his family celebrates is stupid. the five of them (six, before his dad left) dress a little nicer than usual and eat the dishes tyler's mom makes. that's it.

they used to do more when he was younger, but that was with his dad's side of the family. most of his mom's side lives in another state, the others he's never met. it seemed like the more tyler grew to hate his dad, the less his own family came around. they must've started to hate him too, he thinks. he hardly misses any of them, though. he barely knew them anyway.

tyler doesn't like thanksgiving, however, he's smiling like a goofball the entire time he's getting ready. he woke up to josh this morning, limbs locked like puzzle pieces, a warm smile and sleepy voice greeting him. they ate cereal together, watched cartoons, and snuggled up until the moment he had to leave. they plan on doing it all over again tomorrow—what's there not to be happy about?

tyler soothes his hands over the front of his shirt, turning to the side to examine his outfit in the mirror. all of a sudden, his head snaps towards his door as he swears he hears a yell come from downstairs. could dinner already be done?

he clamps his mouth shut, straining to listen over the sound of the music, but he doesn't hear anything else. maybe he was just imagining it.

he turns his attention back to the mirror, already forgetting about it as he resumes singing. if josh were here, he'd probably say something about how handsome tyler looks. the boy smiles at the thought, snapping a quick picture and sending it to his boyfriend with a heart emoji.

josh's reply is almost instant.

josh 🧸:
so handsome baby boy

dinner's ready i'll text you as soon as i'm done

i love you!

tyler's heart swells, a tiny grin plastered on his face as he types out an 'i love you' in response. josh is so perfect for him.

he hears another indistinct shout coming from downstairs, his brows furrowing as he decides to pause the music this time. nothing follows for a few moments, and he's about to turn the music back on until he hears a man's voice, loud and firm.

a suffocating dread suddenly envelopes tyler, as if a lead weight has pressed down on his chest and stolen the breath from his lungs. he hastily shoves his phone in his pocket, his legs feeling like jelly and trembling as he bolts downstairs without a second thought, driven by panic.

from the moment he heard that all too familiar voice, tyler had known it was his dad's, but that doesn't stop the visceral jolt he feels upon seeing him in the kitchen. his eyes widen in shock and a chill races through him, making the hairs on his arms stand on end as if he has come face-to-face with a ghost. maybe he has.

his pounding footsteps catch his parents' attention, both snapping their heads in his direction. his mom is standing in the corner, a mixing bowl in her hands and her cheeks wet with tears. his dad leans on the counter beside her, far too close for tyler's liking. he opens his mouth to speak, but tyler is quick to cut him off.

"what are you doing here?" his words are laced with venom, lips curled into a displeased snarl.

"tyler-" his mom starts, but his dad raises a hand to silence her. tyler's rage is bubbling in his chest, threatening to spill over like a pot of boiling water. who does this guy think he is?

"i'm having thanksgiving dinner with my family."

his tone is firm and unforgiving. it sends the same familiar wave of dread through tyler's bones. his dad raises an eyebrow as if to say 'try me.'

he knows tyler doesn't do well with confrontation, knows intimidation works in his favor. tyler gulps, considering backing down for a moment just to escape the anxiety itching beneath his skin, but another surge of anger pushes the words out of his throat.

"we aren't your family. this is my family, not yours." tyler's fists are clenched at his side, the blunt nails digging into his palm serving as a reminder to breathe. he inhales slowly, nostrils flaring as he dreadfully awaits his father's response.

he laughs dryly, looking to tyler's mom as if she's supposed to be on his side, but she just keeps her head down. he looks back to tyler, his lips curled wickedly in an amused grin.

"if it wasn't for me, this family wouldn't even exist," he starts, approaching tyler with a finger pointing accusatorially at him, "you wouldn't even be here. your mother wanted an abortion and i talked her out of it. stupid fucking mistake on my part."

by the time he finishes, he's so close to tyler the boy can feel his breath against his face. the tip of his index finger is pressed firmly into tyler's chest, his eyes narrowed into slits.

tyler falters for a second, thrown off by the cruelty of his words. it's been a while since he has found himself in a situation like this, and it's just as terrible as he remembers, but it also strangely feels right. this is his dad, exactly how he lives in tyler's memories. this is what he's used to.

"chris, come on..." his mom pleads, holding onto the mixing bowl as if it's a life preserve.

"we don't want you here," is tyler's response, deciding to roll with the punches rather than dwell on it. he's learned that most of what his dad spews in rage fits like these is bullshit.

"kelly?" his dad asks, keeping his finger pressed into tyler's chest while he glances over his shoulder. "am i not wanted here?"

"well, i... i mean... it's just for dinner, tyler." she stumbles over her words, her eyes wide as if she's just been thrown on stage in front of thousands of people.

tyler is disgusted. of course he's dragging her into this, of course. tyler's mom will always bend to his will, how could she not? his dad manipulated and abused her for so many years, of course she'll take his side to avoid any further damage. he can't blame her.

"you and i both know she doesn't want you here," tyler's voice is low, attempting to maintain composure to not draw the attention of his younger siblings. they don't need to know their dad was ever here. he'll get rid of him, he's sure of it.

"hm, i don't know, buddy," he mutters, voice tinged with sarcasm, "seems like she'd rather have me here than you. why don't we go ask zack? or jay?"

"leave them out of it," tyler seethes, speaking through clenched teeth. "we don't miss you. we don't need you. we don't want you."

"i really messed up with you," he sighs, and tyler is confused before he continues, "if i wouldn't have ignored you so much, maybe you wouldn't have turned into a fucking faggot. zack and jay need me, can't have them thinking they're queer just like you. is that it, tyler? is that why you think you love men? that's fucked up. you're sick."

"shut up."

tyler hates the way his voice quivers, hates the way his hands tremble beside him. homophobic comments aren't new for his dad, but they certainly hit a lot different now that he has josh, like he's insulting josh and their relationship directly even though he has no idea about them.

tyler shakes with rage. how dare he?

"your mom should've sent you to that conversion camp when i told her to. look where it's gotten you," he scoffs, gesturing towards him. "just as pathetic as i remember. funny how the weakest of the bunch is always the one picking a fight with me."

god, he's really getting to tyler now, really staring to wear him down. he can barely even form a response.

"get out."

"i'm having thanksgiving dinner with my family."

"get out!" tyler yells, suddenly, catching them both off guard. he points towards the front door, chest heaving as he inhales and exhales sharply, begging the tears that prick his eyes to remain at bay.

his dad grabs him by the chin, his fingers curling into the sides of his face as he leans in close. "you don't tell me what to do."

tyler swallows thickly, his body growing rigid at the feeling of the fingertips digging into his jaw. he glances towards his mom, finding her watching silently with her mouth agape and brows knitted. before he can process what he's doing, his palms collide with his dad's chest, sending him stumbling back a foot or so.

he hears his name yelled from behind him, and spins on his heels to find his siblings watching with wide eyes. maddy is crouching down and holding jay in her arms, tears streaming down both their cheeks. zack has his arms crossed over his chest, looking just as angry as tyler feels.

he's about to tell them to go back upstairs when a force hits him from behind, colliding with his shoulder blades and nearly sending him face-first into the ground. he stumbles forward, thankfully catching himself after a few steps. maddy cries out for him, but he barely hears it over the sound of his pulse pounding in his ears.

before tyler can even think to respond, his dad's fingers grip his shoulder and spin him around, the sudden movement making his head spin. he opens his mouth to start arguing again, but is abruptly cut off.

"you think you're tough? think you're a big man?" his dad scowls, his grip tightening on tyler's shoulder for a moment before he shoves him backwards again.

tyler has a fleeting thought of, i wish josh was here. he wouldn't stand for this, wouldn't let tyler get harassed like this. he'd certainly stand up to tyler's dad. he'd protect him.

but josh isn't here, and tyler can't stand getting pushed around anymore.

he steps up to his dad, clenching his fists to stop them from shaking as he holds his ground. he's not pathetic, he is tough. josh would back him up on this, he's sure of it. tyler opens his mouth to speak, to tell his dad to screw off, but he's abruptly interrupted.

"what the fuck is your problem?" his dad barks, face contorted with disgust. "you're no man, tyler. i am going to stay and have dinner with my family. if you don't like it, fucking leave."

tyler's really about to lose it now. his composure is slipping, frustrated tears burning his eyes like a dam begging for release. he can't think, can't move. why did he even bother in the first place? he knows he can't ever win this game. he never has and never will. his dad is right—he's going to do whatever he wants and there's nothing tyler can do about it.

"fuck you," tyler snaps, the words spat out before he can even consider them.

his dad's response is instant and brutal—a palm slapping hard against the side of his face, leaving a searing sting that blazes across his skin. the pain is sharp and unrelenting, a burning sensation that feels like a thousand needles piercing through him. he hates the involuntary yelp that escapes his lips, resents the way tears spill uncontrollably down his cheeks and betrays his struggle to maintain any semblance of composure. maddy cries out from behind him, and his mom finally finds her voice to yell at chris.

he hates his dad. he hates this place. he hates himself.

palms hit his chest again, forcing him backwards once more. his dad is screaming but his words are indistinguishable over the ringing in tyler's ears. he can't think, can't breathe. he manages to catch 'talk to me that way' and 'be fucking sorry' and 'get the fuck out.'

so he does exactly that. he pulls on the closest pair of shoes and snags his keys, ignoring the protests from his siblings and mother, begging him to stay. he can't stay. he can't do this. his dad wins, just like always.

he can hear the chaos that ensues the second he slams the door behind him, but he's too inside himself to care about the repercussions of his departure. his siblings will be fine. his mom will be fine. he can't find it in him to care about anything at the moment, other than getting to josh.

it's almost december, his birthday growing near. it's freezing in columbus, and tyler hates himself for not also grabbing his coat on the way out. his teeth clatter as his trembling fingers turn the key in the ignition, the loud engine sputtering to life. he puts the address josh previously gave him in his phone, starting down the icy road.

tears cling to his cheeks, wet and burning. they cloud his vision, the lines on the road ahead dangerously blurring together. he shouldn't be driving like this, he knows that, but all he can think about is getting away from his house and getting to josh. a dull pain lingers where his dad hit him, a painful reminder that he was right. tyler is pathetic. he isn't tough.

if only josh had been there, tyler thinks, his knuckles turning white as he tightens his grip on the wheel. then tyler wouldn't have had to try to be tough. josh would have handled it.

the drive is filled with self-loathing, sharp sobs, and the smallest desire to crash his car. would his dad care about him then, if he was hospitalized?

probably not.

josh's driveway is full of cars and a few more are parked on the street. tyler carefully parks by the curb, his heart sinking in his chest as anxiety quickly creeps up on him. are they still having dinner? josh said he'd text him when they're done, and he hasn't heard from him yet. maybe he forgot? how many people are in there? what was tyler thinking?

clearly, he's not.

he's not thinking as he kills the engine and marches up to josh's front door. he's not thinking when he raises his fist to the red door, knocking loudly. he's not thinking about how loudly he's crying or how he keeps wiping the snot of his runny nose on the sleeve of his shirt.

he's not thinking until a woman with an unfamiliar face opens the door, catching him like a deer in headlights. god, what is he doing? it takes a second for tyler to recognize her—josh's mom.

"tyler?" she is utterly confused, concern knitted in her brows. tyler is glad she recognizes him, at least.

"jo-josh?" is all he manages to choke out, his head hanging low like a puppy who'd been caught doing something bad.

"um..." she hesitates, glancing over her shoulder. "yeah, one second."

she leaves tyler standing there, shivering in the cold. this is stupid. tyler is pathetic. he's interrupting josh's holiday with his family. he's ruining another family gathering, not even his own this time. stupid.

"tyler?" josh comes around the corner, clearly confused until he takes in the sight of the boy before him. stupid, pathetic, defeated. "oh my god."

he pulls tyler against him and shuts the door in one swift motion. his strong arms squeeze the boy firmly, helping mend the pieces back together that had begun to fall apart. his warmth fills tyler, and he's only crying harder now. it's relief, mostly, that even though tyler is pathetic and weak, josh still loves him all the same.

"what happened?" josh wonders aloud. his fingertips feather over the boy's cheek, carefully examining the finger-shaped, soft blue bruises. "who did this?"

"my dad," tyler whispers, gently gripping the front of josh's shirt. "he... h-he..."

"your dad?" josh repeats, his jaw tightening.

he casts a glance sideways, and tyler follows it to find josh's family gathered around the table in his dining room. every single pair of eyes is focused on the two of them. all tyler can do is cry helplessly.

"okay, okay. shhh, it's okay," josh urges, taking tyler beneath his arm and leading him further into the house. "i got you. it's okay. you're okay."

tyler finds himself in josh's room, but he's too busy hyperventilating to let himself really take a look around. josh pulls him into his arms again, one hand soothing up and down his back while the other holds tyler's head against his shoulder.

"i got you, baby," josh whispers. "it's okay. you're safe. you're safe now."

"i'm s-so-sorry," tyler manages to get out, clinging to josh as if he's going to disappear.

"sorry? don't be sorry, love. it's not your fault, never your fault."

"my fault," tyler disagrees, whining when josh breaks the hug to examine his face again. it doesn't hurt as bad anymore. any lingering pain is just from the way his skin swells around the light bruising.

"it's not your fault," josh reassures, his voice gentle but certain. he sighs, making tyler wince as he presses a tender kiss to his cheekbone. "help me take a few deep breaths, yeah? can you do that for me?"

tyler nods, determined to do what josh tells him. it's the least he can do for ruining his thanksgiving. he inhales slow and deep, exhales shaky. josh breathes in sync with him, encouraging them to continue until tyler is no longer sobbing and his hands are no longer shaking in josh's.

"that's good," josh praises, his thumbs brushing over the back of tyler's hands. "good job. good boy. talk to me, honey. what happened?"

so, tyler tells him everything. he doesn't spare any details. josh is silent the whole time, shaking his head at certain parts while frowning at others.  he listens intently and, when tyler finishes, he pulls him in for another hug and kisses the top of his head. god, tyler can feel himself slipping already, the world around him suddenly seeming distant as he can't find the strength to fight against his regression.

"i'm so sorry, ty. none of what he said is true. you know that, right?"

tyler shakes his head, averts his eyes. "no, 's true. shouldn't have started anything... couldn't finish. stupid."

"baby," josh sighs, his hands finding tyler's shoulders. "do not blame yourself. you're not stupid."

"ruined your dinner," tyler replies, only meeting josh's eyes because the older tucks a finger beneath his chin and tilts his head upward. "sorry."

"you didn't ruin anything. dinner is still going on, silly. i know it's not how you were expecting to meet my family, but now's as good a time as any. i'm sure they'll let you make yourself a plate."

"i dunno..."

tyler captures his lower lip between his teeth, nervously chewing on it as he considers his options. what choice does he have, really? he can't go home. he can't just stay here and mope in josh's room. that would leave a terrible impression. there's only one issue, really.

"feelin' kinda small."

"ah, i figured." josh smiles, the warmth that radiates from him making tyler's own lips curl upwards. "stay here. i'll be right back."

he leaves before tyler can ask what he's doing, so the boy decides he might as well snoop around now. josh's room is almost as bare as his own, but he has a lot more decorations scattered around. vinyls, posters, a couple book shelves. it's all very much josh. tyler loves it.

josh returns a minute later (after tyler ran through his times tables twice), a big smile etched into his face. "okay, come on. they said you can eat with us. i told them you got in a fight with your brother and aren't really up for talking. i promised you'd be more chatty tomorrow, though, so don't make me a liar."

"i love you," tyler responds easily, without hesitation. of course josh took care of it. of course. he never needs to worry so long as he has josh around.

"i love you too, bub. let's go eat dinner and afterwards we can come back here and you can be as small as you want. how's that sound?"

tyler nods, all progress he'd made with his multiplication facts getting immediately erased at the sound of josh's gentle voice. he's so soft. he's so kind. tyler loves him so much.

he doesn't worry as josh guides him back to the kitchen, their hands intertwined tightly while josh fixes him a plate. it would be a lot easier with two hands, but josh refuses to let go. tyler points at the few foods he feels safe eating, but josh isn't satisfied.

"you need more than that, ty baby. how bout some green bean casserole?"

"ehck." tyler shakes his head, scrunching his nose. "gross."

"you can't just eat a few pieces of turkey and a scoop of mashed potatoes."

"why?"

"because i helped make the stuffing. can you at least eat some of that?"

again, tyler shakes his head. "yuck! nuh-uh. don't like."

"you're breaking my heart," josh tsks, and tyler worries for a moment that he's actually serious until he spots the smile on josh's face. "okay, no stuffing, but i'm not letting you have dessert unless you eat something else. your choice."

tyler groans louder than he knows he probably should, and he'd stomp his foot too if josh's family weren't in the room over. josh wins this one, but he's kind of glad (although he'll never admit it).

stubbornly, he points at the sweet potato casserole instead of using his words. if josh is gonna make him eat something else, might as well be something sweet. the older huffs but loads a scoop onto tyler's plate, deciding not to argue with him any further. in the dining room, tyler is perplexed to find only one seat is free at the table, and josh's cold plate sits on the place mat before it.

"we're gonna go sit in the other room," josh speaks for them, grabbing his plate from the table.

"oh, are you sure? i'm just about done if you want my seat," an elder man offers.

"that's okay, grandpa. thanks though."

tyler smiles at josh's grandpa, and he returns it with the same warmth that josh always radiates. is everybody in this family as kind as josh? tyler can't even remember the last time he talked to his one remaining grandpa. it's nice that josh's family seems so... normal. even now, despite what josh has shared about his own father. tyler wishes he could say the same.

he's led to the living room where several of josh's younger cousins (he assumes) are eating. most are sat on the floor, though one is on the couch. there's room for tyler and josh, and josh doesn't wait to plop himself down in the empty space, tyler timidly following his lead.

"josh!" the boy beside him greets, a mouthful of corn. "who's this?"

"my boyfriend, tyler," josh introduces, gesturing for tyler to acknowledge him. he gives a small wave before turning away again, stuffing his mouth so he has an excuse not to talk. josh talks to the boy beside him, but tyler can't be bothered to listen.

he's glad to sit out here with the younger kids rather than at the table with josh's older family members. as nice as they seemed, he feels much more at ease, more like he fits in. two of josh's cousins, they can't be more than eight years old, are sprawled on the living room floor half-coloring and half-watching spongebob. tyler wants to join them more than anything, and josh must pick up on this.

he leans in to whisper, "you can color when you finish eating, little boy."

it takes all of tyler's strength not to whine in response. does josh not want him to be happy? he wants to color and have fun and be little, not eat his stupid food.

"please?" he tries to plead, his voice barely a murmur.

josh just shakes his head and points at the food on his plate. sighing, tyler continues to stuff forkfuls into his mouth. josh has won again and, again, tyler is secretly okay with that. josh always knows what's best for him.

when he finally finishes his plate, josh distracts him from coloring with the topic of dessert. he gets tyler a piece of pumpkin pie and a brownie and tells him it's because he's such a good boy. tyler wolfs them down so fast josh isn't even sure he really tasted them.

"col'ring?" tyler asks, watching longingly as more of the kids now lay around the room coloring and playing together.

"let's go to my room," josh urges, needing to stuff the rest of his cookie in his mouth to keep up with the boy.

"ugh," tyler frowns, his bottom lip protruding in a pout. "pleaaase?"

"come on, just trust me," he insists, poking tyler's lip. "no need to pout. maybe i have a surprise for you."

"s'prise?" tyler's eyes widen, his lips parting in an open-mouthed grin. "m'kay!"

he follows josh back to his room, breathing a sigh of relief as he jumps face-first onto the bed and snuggles into the sheets. it's much safer here. it smells like josh. it's perfect.

"i figured i needed to get some things for when you came over. i didn't know that would be today but thankfully i stopped by the store earlier and got some stuff," josh explains, setting a plastic grocery bag on the bed beside him.

tyler sits on his knees and digs through the bag, gasping at every single item he pulls out. a box of crayons, a new bluey coloring book, a mickey mouse sippy cup, and a tiny plushie of bingo. tyler is especially excited about that last one. he hugs bingo tightly to his chest, taking a moment to himself to roll around on josh's bed and squeal in excitement.

"daddy!" he giggles, cut off by josh's fingers tickling his sides and an eruption of laughter.

"you like your surprise, little boy?"

josh joins him on the bed, sitting with his back against the headboard. tyler positions himself to sit between his legs, his back flush against josh's chest. he nods, tucking bingo beneath his arm as he thumbs through the coloring book to ooh and awe at the new blank pages.

"mhm! love it, daddy! you da best," tyler declares.

"oh yeah? the best? i'm not sure about that, baby. i think you're the best."

josh wraps his arms around tyler's waist, hugging him gently. he lowers his chin to rest on tyler's shoulder, watching him look through the coloring book to decide on a page.

"you's silly. meant you's da best daddy!" tyler explains, lifting the coloring book to show josh. he points at the outline of bluey and bingo dresses as grannies, giggling excitedly. "daddy! look it! they's grannies."

"yes they are, baby. janet and rita if i remember correctly?"

tyler turns to look over his shoulder at josh, his face lit up bright. "you 'member!"

"it's almost like we watch bluey every day," josh jokes, his lips meeting tyler's temple in a soft kiss. "speaking of..."

"bluey!" tyler demands, pointing towards the tv that's mounted to josh's wall.

"that's not how you ask," josh mumbles, leaving a trail of kisses across the boy's face.

"oh." tyler's face heats up, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. "pleaaaase? pwease, daddy?"

"there you go. good boy. yes, we can watch bluey. you sure you can watch and color at the same time?"

josh is only kidding, but tyler doesn't realize this. he seriously considers this question, pausing in the midst of coloring bluey's fur. "um... i dunno. wan' do both."

"i know, love." josh chuckles, choosing a random episode.

the moment it begins, tyler's attention is completely pulled away from the coloring book. his eyes and ears are drawn to the brightly colored show, his grip loose around the blue crayon.

"still wanna color?" josh checks, snapping out of his bluey-induced trance.

"yes!" tyler assures. he resumes coloring with his tongue tucked between his teeth, sticking out past his lips as he concentrates on staying within the lines. "hey, daddy?"

"yes, baby boy?"

"t'ank you for my gifts."

josh grins, squeezing tyler gently. "you're welcome, tiny. thank you for being my baby."

"i always be your baby."

tyler is too busy shifting his attention back and forth between coloring bluey and watching bluey, so he doesn't really notice the way josh's grip tightens around him. he does, however, feel the kiss on his cheek, giggling at the sensation.

"my sweet boy," josh murmurs, nuzzling his nose against the boy's cheek. "i'll always be your daddy, you know that?"

"mhm." tyler nods, not even needing a second to think about it.

josh is his soulmate in every sense of the word. he's the ray of sunshine when tyler is caught in a storm. he's the anchor that keeps him grounded during rough seas. he's everything tyler needs him to be, whenever he needs him to be. josh is his forever. he knows that perfectly.

(a/n: hi guys!!

i'm sorry for how this one started but i'm not sorry for how it ended. lots of fluff to come in the future!

i can't believe we're almost at 7k reads! thank you guys sooo so much. i'm sad this fic is coming to an end soon :(

hope you enjoyed!)