3356 words

only a few days after the party, tyler wakes up feeling extremely ill.

he has an unbearable sore throat that only worsens with each swallow, his nose is so stuffy he can't even breathe through it, and his body is covered in a thin layer of cool sweat. tears immediately pool in his eyes at the realization that he's gotten sick.

reaching over to grab his phone off the nightstand, he realizes he forgot to plug it in to charge last night. it's only at 24%. with a sigh, he rolls to face the wall and starts drafting emails to inform his professors that he will be missing class today. once those are sent, he checks his messages to find texts from josh.

josh 🧸
good morning baby boy!! hope you had super sweet dreams

can't wait to see you for lunch today <3

tyler smiles at the messages but is interrupted by a coughing fit, each wheeze only exacerbating his already sore throat. when he calms down, he rolls to his other side in an attempt to get more comfortable. it feels impossible.

i'm sick ... :(

he also sends a message to ashley, knowing she hasn't left for class yet.

ashhhyyy :( sick

bring me water pls?

less than a minute later, there's a knock at his door. he yells for ashley to come in, offering a sad smile as she frowns at him.

"here, ty," she says, offering the cup of water.

he accepts it gratefully, carefully sipping the cold liquid. it does little to each the ache in his throat. his watch buzzes with a message from josh.

josh 🧸
oh no!! :( what's wrong?

everything :(( throat, nose, head

can't go to class

help

ashley places the back of her hand to his forehead, brows knitted in concern. "you're burning up. guess frat flu got to you, huh?"

tyler just groans in response, feeling some relief at the cool touch. his watch vibrates again.

josh 🧸
my poor baby :(

i'm leaving class ok?

i'll be there in a few mins

nooo! don't leave class!

josh 🧸
too late omw already

"i'll skip class," ashley offers, "and i made breakfast if you're hungry."

tyler shakes his head. "I'm not hungry, and it's okay; josh is already on his way over."

she smiles, ruffling his bedhead. "no surprise there. i'll at least get you some medicine before i go."

she steps out of the room, returning a minute later with a plethora of items: tissues, cough drops, dayquil, you name it. despite his best protests, she makes tyler drink the gross medicine and chuckles at the way it makes his face contort in disgust.

"that should help with your fever," she states matter-of-factly.

a loud knock resounds from downstairs, making tyler light up. "it's josh!"

"don't worry, i'll get it," ashley grins, leaving once more.

tyler keeps his eyes trained on the doorway until a familiar figure appears. josh pulls tyler into a sitting position and captures him in a hug, tightly holding him against his chest. his hands smooth over tyler's back as he places a soft kiss to his forehead.

"oh, honey," he says softly, cupping the boy's face with both hands. "i'm sorry you're not feeling good."

tyler immediately relaxes in his presence, already somehow feeling slightly better now that josh is there to hold him. between his fever brain and josh's comforting touch, it's easy for him to slip into little space.

"don' want you to get sick," he frowns, tears burning his eyes at just the thought.

"don't worry about me, i'll be okay. let's just worry about you, yeah? ashley told me she gave you some medicine already, but you need to eat something too." as he speaks, his thumbs brush over the boy's flushed cheeks.

"not hungry," tyler whines, leaning into his touch. "daddy?"

"yes?"

"don' want you to get sick," he repeats before adding, "but... gimme kiss?"

josh presses three quick pecks to his lips, beaming radiantly. "you're too precious. now come on, we gotta get you something to eat."

"nooo," the boy whines. "throat hurts too much."

"i know, i know. but your tummy is going to start hurting too if you don't eat anything. doesn't have to be something big. what about some soup? that might even help your throat."

"mkay," tyler gives in, lips drawn in a frown.

"let's get you in some clean clothes too, yeah?"

tyler nods, suddenly realizing his shirt is slightly damp and sticking uncomfortably to his skin as if he had been sweating in his sleep. he lifts his arms above his head to help josh ease him out of his oversized hello kitty shirt. it's replaced with a large, tie-dye animal crossing one, and he also changes into a clean pair of sweatpants.

"time to brush your teeth," josh announces.

"what!?" tyler exclaims. "noooo! not fair! can't. throat hurts."

"brushing your teeth has nothing to do with your throat," josh chuckles, leading the boy to the bathroom by the small of his back.

"can't breathe! gon' die if i brush my teeth," tyler tries to reason, but josh isn't having any of it.

"you'll be fine. come on."

josh prepares the toothbrush with toothpaste for him, raising an eyebrow when tyler crosses his arms over his chest and refuses to take it from him.

"you're not getting out of this, tyler. you have to brush your teeth."

"uh-uh."

"i'll do it for you if i have to."

to that, tyler tilts his head up towards josh, opens his mouth wide, and bares his teeth. the older tries to stifle his laughter, resulting in loud snort. tyler giggles for a moment before josh holds his chin steady between his thumb and index finger, using his free hand to carefully brush tyler's teeth for him.

with freshly cleaned teeth, tyler grabs his butterfly blanket and pablo before begging josh to carry him downstairs. he agrees happily, carrying the brunette bridal-style and plopping him down on the couch.

"let me guess, you wanna watch bluey?"

tyler nods, pulling his knees into his chest as he curls against the arm of the couch. josh carefully tucks the blanket around him, placing a kiss to the tip of his nose before turning on the cartoon for him. while josh goes to make his soup, tyler's thumb finds its way between his lips. he's so focused on the episode of bluey and bingo playing tickle crabs that he doesn't notice josh's return until he blocks the view of the television.

"here, baby. i got you juice too." josh holds out the bluey sippy cup, declining to tell tyler that it's actually half juice and half water.

"t'anks, daddy," tyler blushes, bringing the spout to his lips. he notices that the juice tastes different but doesn't say anything; he thinks it's just because he's sick. "move p'ease."

"oh!" josh exclaims, quickly moving out of the way and joining his little on the couch. "better?"

tyler nods, holding his sippy cup in one arm and pablo in the other. he makes no effort to even glance at the soup. "snuggles?"

"you've gotta eat first, tiny. then we can snuggle all you want."

"daddy," he whines, pursing his lips in a pout. "p'ease? not hungry."

"you don't have to eat it all, but at least some of it."

tyler just shakes his head.

"want me to help?"

he nods, so josh gently picks up the warm bowl and blows on a spoonful of hot soup. he carefully directs the spoon into tyler's mouth, smiling in triumph when he accepts it.

"see? that's not so bad."

tyler's nose scrunches. "hurts 'n yucky. no more."

"one more bite?" josh begs, and when tyler shakes his head he adds, "please? for daddy?"

tyler has to give in because he can't just say no to his daddy like that! so, he opens his mouth and waits patiently for josh to feed him another spoonful.

"good boy," he murmurs, causing a deep shade of ruby to spread across tyler's cheeks.

the comment encourages him to accept a few more spoonfuls before he states, "all done."

josh sets the bowl of soup down with a sigh, wrapping an arm around tyler and pulling him in to cuddle. with pablo snug against his chest, the little one nuzzles himself as close to josh as he can possibly manage. they watch a couple episode of bluey, tyler giggling intermittently at the silly games bluey and bingo manage to drag their dad into. as the intro for a new episode begins, he feels his belly clench painfully.

"owww," he whines, putting his hand over his stomach.

josh glances at him curiously, noticing the placement of his hand. "mhm... the medicine is hurting your tummy because you've barely eaten anything."

tyler considers this for a moment before pointing at the bowl of soup resting on the coffee table. josh gets the hint and picks the bowl back up, carefully directing a spoonful between tyler's lips.

"ew! s'cold," the boy complains, nose scrunching in disgust.

"do you want me to heat it back up?" josh chuckles.

tyler nods, missing his company for the few moments that it takes for josh to put it back in the microwave. he only eats a few more spoonfuls of the warm soup before declaring he's done again.

"tyler," josh sighs, "the soup will make you feel better. come on."

he lifts the spoon to tyler's lips, blowing air out of his nostrils when the boy stubbornly shakes his head and says, "yucky!"

"okay, fine," josh complies, setting the bowl back down. "but it's there if you want more."

the little one nuzzles himself back against josh's side, tucking his thumb between his lips. he strokes pablo's fur with his free hand, giggling alongside bingo. josh can't help but smile at the sound, his head resting atop tyler's. they watch another episode before tyler reaches for the remote and pauses the show. josh looks at him curiously, making his cheeks turn pink.

"hungry," tyler explains softly, looking at the bowl of soup.

"you're such a fart," josh laughs, grabbing the bowl. "i knew you were still hungry."

"i'm not a fart!" the boy argues, narrowing his eyes. "i'm just sick."

"okay, okay," josh agrees, feeding him a spoonful of soup. when tyler's nose scrunches, he says, "let me guess. it's cold again?"

tyler nods sheepishly, capturing his lower lip between his teeth. "sowwy..."

"i get the feeling you don't want soup?" josh asks. when tyler shakes his head he asks, "got anything else in mind?"

"uh-uh."

"come on, let's go look." josh stands, extending a hand to the boy.

tyler groans, hugging both his arms tightly around pablo. "don't wanna."

"why not?"

"comfy," he whines, purposefully batting his eyelashes as if that'll help him get his way.

"don't give me those puppy dog eyes," josh chuckles, his hand still suspended in the air.

" but daddy," tyler sighs. "i can't get up wif pablo on my lap."

before the boy can react, josh removes pablo from his arms and carefully sets the stuffie in a sitting position beside him. "there."

"but daddy! 'm sick and can't get up."

josh slowly drags his palm down his face, starting to lose his patience. he takes a deep breath. "okay, you win. want me to surprise you?"

tyler grins triumphantly, quickly snatching pablo back into his arms. "mhm!"

josh places a kiss on his forehead before heading to the kitchen to search for something little tyler might enjoy. meanwhile, tyler gets bored waiting and debates unpausing the show, but he really wants to watch with josh! he can't just start the episode without him! instead, he grabs his nearly-dead phone and texts his friends.

hello i am sick

everybody feel bad for me pls

ry 🍪
oh no!!! feel better soon!

bren 🍭
frat flu strikes again

ur fault meanies

bren 🍭
don't blame us, blame your weak immune system

ash 🍯
how's things w josh??

he's makin me surprise food

hopefully its yummy

he's too nice to me

and without a care in the world he also sends...

i love him

but immediately after hitting the send button the realization hits him. he sits up a bit straighter, eyes widened fearfully as he rereads the last message over and over. did he really just admit that? what does it mean that he didn't even have a second thought about it? was it just because he was in little space? well, he sure as heck isn't anymore.

ash 🍯
!?!?

ryro 🍪
OOOOOOOO

bren 🍭
TYYYY AHHHH HAHA

omg stop

i was little & wasn't thinking

shut up

ryro 🍪
oh come on you can be honest w us

ash 🍯
we won't tell!!

tyler isn't even worried about that—he knows he can trust them. he's more concerned about what it means now that he's outwardly admitted having such strong feelings for josh. it was easy to previously dismiss the idea of loving josh as just a drunken thought, but he's completely sober now.

the two haven't known each other that long. how have his walls completely come down already? is it possible they weren't that strong to begin with?

he wants to tell his friends he didn't mean it, but he knows that would be a lie. he does love josh. drunk or sober, big or little. he loves josh, and it's a lot more scary to come to terms with now that he's not drunk.

there's a nagging sinking feeling in his stomach and a certain heaviness to his heart. tyler can't help but worry that whatever the future holds will only result in terrible heartbreak. loving josh means tyler is going to get hurt because, well, that situation has never played out differently for him. anybody he's ever loved romantically has ruined him in one way or another. tyler is the only common factor between them, so surely it has to just be something wrong with him.

maybe he's too much? or maybe he's not enough. is he annoying? or it could be that he's totally boring. as he debates the hundreds of things wrong with him, the beeping microwave pulls him back to reality.

tyler quickly pulls his lips into a forced smile as josh enters with a plate in his hand, feeling completely unhungry and even a bit sick to his stomach. he tucks his phone beneath his thigh, afraid josh will somehow see what he said.

"for you, my dear," josh announces, handing the boy a plate of what he can now see is dino nuggets.

his heart sinks as he realizes josh probably still thinks he's little. maybe that's it. maybe people only like him when he's little. or maybe only when he's big? it's all confusing, but tyler desperately wishes he could figure out what it is about him that makes it so hard to be loved.

"you don't want nuggets?" josh frowns.

tyler realizes he hasn't done anything other than stare at the plate in disdain, guilt pooling in his stomach. he's quick to take the plate despite the way his stomach is turning. "no, i do... thanks."

"is everything okay?" he asks, taking a seat beside him. tyler hates that he's able to catch on so quickly.

"yeah, i just..." he bites his lip, hesitating. "i don't know. my stomach isn't feeling good, so..."

"because you need to eat," josh suggests innocently. he has no idea what's going on in the boy's head. it only makes him feel more guilty.

all he can do is sit there silently and stare at the plate, wondering what it is about him that josh likes and what it will be that makes him ultimately decide to leave.

"hey," josh offers, frowning. he takes the plate from him and puts it aside, gently gripping his hands. "what's wrong? you're white as a ghost."

tyler swallows thickly, training his gaze on their hands rather than meeting josh's eyes. he furiously fights back tears, blinking rapidly to keep them at bay. he whispers, "i don't know..."

"honey... can you look at me?"

with a sigh, tyler slowly raises his stare to meet josh's. he's burdened with guilt at the way josh's eyebrows are knitted in concern, lips pursed in a slight frown. he doesn't want josh to be upset because of him.

"talk to me. what's going on?"

tyler finally just breaks down in tears, unable to even begin to find the words to explain what's going on inside his head. josh is quick to take him into his arms, hugging him tightly. he rubs the boy's back rhythmically, whispering comforting shushes to him while he sobs. tyler is overwhelmed with emotions and growing increasingly frustrated that he can't seem to age himself back down no matter how much he cries.

after a couple minutes of gasping sobs, josh breaks their embrace and takes the boy's face into his hands. "hey, hey, hey. shhhh... hey, it's okay. just breathe. breathe with me."

he models taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, nodding when tyler follows along. the latter's breaths are shaky and unstable, but he copies josh's breathing until they're a bit more steady. once the tears have ceased, tyler is grateful that josh hands him a box of tissues. all the crying just made his stuffy nose ten times worse.

several tissues and a glass of water later, he finds himself sitting with his legs strewn across josh's lap and his face buried in the crook of his neck. josh has one arm snug around his waist while the other rests across his legs, hand resting just above his knee on the outside of his thigh. pablo has found his way to tyler's embrace despite the boy still finding it difficult to slip back into little space.

josh is the first to break the silence. "do you want to talk about it?"

"i don't know," tyler sighs. "i'm not sure how to."

"that's okay. it doesn't have to make sense."

as much as tyler would rather not say anything, he knows he owes josh at least a bit of an explanation—even if it isn't the full truth.

"i guess... i just realized that... i don't know. i'm worried, um... about getting hurt again," he fumbles over his words, quick to add, "b-but it's not you! like... you didn't do anything wrong. it's just... me. i don't know."

"look at me," josh says softly, cupping the boy's face with the hand that had been resting on his leg. his stare is intense, making the boy's cheeks burn bright red. he has to fight to not look away.

"you are the most incredible person i have ever met. i mean that, tyler. you're more beautiful than you'll probably ever realize. you're so funny, you make me laugh so hard. you're sweet and selfless and you're smart. anybody who's ever hurt you is stupid to have not realized those things, or to have taken them for granted. i am so grateful you decided to trust me and let me be yours, but i understand that it's not easy and not automatic."

tyler doesn't even know what to say to that. he kinda just wants to cry again, but refuses to do so because his stuffy nose has literally just cleared up and he doesn't want it to come back. he finally just says, "really?"

"yes, really," josh offers a smile, kissing him tenderly. "you're not going to scare me away. i care about you so much. i know it's hard to believe me, but i mean it. you're, like, kinda my favorite person ever."

"only kinda?" tyler grins, laughing when josh's fingers begin to dance across his ribs. "no! please!"

josh is quick to end the tickle session, laughing to himself. "how can i make you feel better?"

"i wanna be small again," tyler admits sheepishly.

"done and done. let's age you back down and get some chicken nuggets in that belly, yeah?"

tyler debates with himself for a moment. he doesn't usually refer to josh as his daddy when he's not in little space, but something about it feels right in this moment. he says, "but daddy..."

"what?"

"they're cold now."

(a/n: wow, we're officially halfway through this story :') thank you all sooo much for your support and loving this story as much as i do!)