June 13, 2023

BRC #5 for:
UNDER THE GRIM DARK SKY by -natsukiii

I appreciate a well-crafted novel, and as an avid reader of finely written literature, I eagerly anticipated diving into your novel's pages after reading the blurb. I was genuinely impressed with the blurb's composition, as the grammar was impeccable and the word choices were captivating. However, allow me to offer a suggestion: while the description of Felix and the setting is skillfully presented, it might be beneficial to provide a concise overview and instead focus on incorporating more enticing details that would captivate readers and entice them to explore the depths of the story. This could involve emphasizing the protagonist's goals, future conflicts, motivations, and potential actions taken to achieve those goals.

I did notice a slight discrepancy between the synopsis and the blurb that left me pondering whether Rustin is the main character, contradicting the indication that Felix holds that role. This caused some confusion, and I believe it would be appropriate to maintain a consistent focus on Felix in both the blurb and the synopsis if he is indeed the primary protagonist. However, if Rustin takes center stage as the main character, it would be fitting to mention him in the blurb accordingly.

As a non-native English speaker, I must commend your exceptional grammar skills, as I only came across a few minor errors. Although the pacing of the story felt somewhat sluggish in the initial chapters, I found myself becoming fully engaged in the narrative as I progressed to the third and subsequent chapters. This shift may be attributed to the smoother narration and the scenes that immersed me more deeply into the unfolding events.

The contrasting personalities of Felix and Lin captured my interest. From my analysis, I believe Felix embodies the traits of an ESTP, while Lin aligns with the characteristics of an INFJ. While this is purely speculative, Felix appears to direct his focus toward the external world, people, and events, relishing in action, spontaneity, and sensory experiences. On the other hand, Lin seems to direct his attention inward, focusing on his thoughts, and emotions, and seeking deeper meanings and insights through his strong intuition. Felix excels in identifying flaws and inconsistencies, while Lin displays empathy and a desire to maintain harmonious relationships. Felix embraces risks and seeks experiences, while Lin prioritizes harmony and prefers a calm and contemplative approach to life.

Rustin remains an enigma to me, and I yearn to delve deeper into his character. Unfortunately, the six chapters I have read are insufficient to unravel his complexities fully. Additionally, I am intrigued by the mind manipulation he experienced and eagerly anticipate further exploration of this aspect. Regarding Sole, the potential villain, I must admit that I find him compelling. His impulsiveness and apparent power make him an intriguing antagonist. However, throughout my reading, I have yet to discover the motivations behind his apparent disdain for Felix.

The plot holds immense potential, and within the six chapters, it is evident that the story will be complex, with numerous unanswered questions and the possibility of captivating subplots. With the promise of significant events in the upcoming chapters, I recommend maintaining a consistent narration style and providing the necessary details to support each unfolding event. Furthermore, for future chapters, I would advise incorporating the characters' backstories, allowing readers to forge deep connections with them. Delve into their motivations and inner conflicts, thus enriching their development.

In Chapter One, there are instances of head-hopping that could potentially confuse readers. While utilizing a third-person omniscient point of view can effectively narrate without bias and provide perspectives from multiple characters, it can be challenging to execute it effectively and strategically. Therefore, I suggest focusing on a single character's perspective within each paragraph.

For example: "Never return!!!!" Far beyond Lin's comprehension, Felix could hear the anguished screams, feeling as if Sole's scream had pierced his very soul.

Suggestion: "Never return!" Sole's voice thundered with such intensity that it reverberated through Felix's being, striking deep into the core of his soul.

To improve the narration and flow of the story in the first chapter, it would be advantageous to ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs. I must confess that I found myself rereading previous paragraphs to grasp the unfolding events. Additionally, some scenes abruptly cut and transition to completely different scenes, which can confuse readers and give the impression of watching two different movies simultaneously on a single screen.

In terms of dialogue, it is advisable to use only one punctuation mark to conclude a character's speech. Rather than employing both a question mark and an exclamation point to convey heightened emotions, it would be more impactful to describe the character's emotions, gestures, and facial expressions. By doing so, you can effectively enhance the overall impact of the writing.

When it comes to dashes, utilizing a double dash instead of an em dash or a regular dash/hyphen is recommended. Certain platforms, such as Wattpad, may not recognize em dashes, resulting in their conversion to regular dashes. Employing double dashes ensures coherence throughout the text. If a hyphen is intended, it is important to note that it is used for specific purposes, such as joining words together (e.g., well-known, high-quality), separating parts of a phone number (e.g., 555-123-4567), indicating compound adjectives before a noun (e.g., a three-year-old child), or showing word breaks at the end of a line of text (e.g., if the word "communication" doesn't fit on a line, it may be hyphenated as "communi-" on one line and continued as "-cation" on the next line).

For further areas of improvement, I invite you to review the feedback provided in my inline comments. In essence, your work displays immense promise, and by attentively considering these suggestions, your novel can elevate itself to new heights of quality and captivate readers with enhanced engagement.

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