May 23, 2023

BRC #4 for:
LOVE ROLLERCOASTER by Emerald_666666

I appreciate the opportunity to provide my feedback as this is my second book review. From the title of your novel, I anticipated a captivating love story that would evoke a wide range of emotions in readers. While romance is not typically my favorite genre, I approached your book with genuine anticipation.

Upon reading your novel, I couldn't help but notice that it shares similarities with the plot of "What's Wrong With Ms. Secretary Kim" and the Webtoon "Secretary Out-of-Order." These works revolve around the intriguing dynamics between a billionaire or CEO and a secretary or employee. Given the popularity of the billionaire/CEO trope among readers, I believe that your novel has the potential to resonate with and captivate those who enjoy this particular theme.

I also appreciate the unique personality of Erica and how she perceives the world from a distinct perspective. Her readiness to face and overcome any challenges that come her way is commendable. Additionally, I found her belief in the inspiring quote, "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain," to be thought-provoking and motivational. It resonated with me, and I believe it has the potential to resonate with others as well. This quote carries a powerful message that everyone can benefit from hearing.

To enhance your work, I recommend paying meticulous attention to your blurb, as it plays a pivotal role in capturing the interest of potential readers. It serves as their initial impression of your writing style and showcases your commitment to refining your craft.

Here are some technical issues that require attention in your writing:

1. Quotation marks should be used exclusively for dialogues, titles, or emphasizing specific words. Avoid using them at the beginning, middle, or end of narration or mixing them up with dialogues.
For instance from the book: "Alright bye mom I reply to her, as I shut the door."
Suggestion: "Alright. Bye, Mom!" I reply to her as I shut the door.

2. Refrain from unnecessary capitalization within sentences and ensure proper spacing after punctuation marks. I noticed instances where the word following punctuation lacked a space.
For example: My mom roars at me from the kitchen,As I engulf my pillows into my merciless but yet mushy ears.
My suggestion: My mom roars at me from the kitchen as I cover my ears with my pillow.
Simplifying the sentence for clarity is recommended. Additionally, consider using simpler terms that align better with the sentence rather than attempting to sound overly sophisticated.
Example from the book: I mean that is so unfeasible!
Suggestion: I mean, that is so impossible!

3. Always remember to capitalize the first letter of a name.

4. Please utilize paragraph breaks to separate dialogue exchanges between characters, as it significantly enhances the readability of the story.

Furthermore, some scenes felt a bit forced, particularly the accidental kiss. At times, the plot seemed disjointed and lacked coherence, such as Erica's father and Sophia both disliking the stepmom solely because of their disdain for Erica (not to mention that this stepmom is the wife of Erica's father and the mother of Sophia). Adding more details or explanations as to why they harbor such strong animosity toward Erica would be beneficial.

Moreover, there is room for improvement in terms of character development, particularly concerning Steven Williams. His personality undergoes an abrupt shift from being likable to unlikable, which could benefit from further refinement and consistency.

To enhance reader immersion, consider incorporating sensory details that engage their senses and deepen their connection to the story.

Another suggestion is to diversify the usage of dialogue tags beyond the reliance on "exclaimed" and "questioned." Employing alternatives such as "asked," "uttered," "muttered," "admitted," "complained," and others can add variety and richness to the dialogue.

Additionally, it is worth noting that a sudden shift in point of view from first to third person occurs in Chapter 4. To prevent confusion among readers, it is imperative to maintain consistency in the narrative perspective. Alternatively, if a deliberate change in point of view is intended, it is advisable to provide clear indicators to prepare readers for the shift.

Furthermore, I have observed that the novel lacks a sufficient balance between dialogue and narration. Striving for a harmonious blend of these two elements will greatly enhance the overall storytelling experience. I recommend immersing yourself in a wide range of well-written English novels that excel in narration. To that end, I encourage you to peruse my curated reading list titled "Highly Recommended" on Wattpad. It contains a selection of works that I believe would be beneficial for your reference and inspiration.

Overall, your book shows promise and with careful attention to these areas, it has the potential to resonate with readers who appreciate this genre. Keep honing your writing skills and exploring the works of other authors to further refine your craft.

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