September 8, 2023

(6 chapters + 1 bonus chapter)
BRC #6 for:
OCEAN'S STORM by
sndumas1

Thank you for granting me the opportunity to write a review for your book. As this marks my final review of this shop, I was eagerly looking forward to it.

I pondered the meaning behind the title, "Ocean's Storm," but as I delved into the blurb, a sudden revelation dawned upon me. It all clicked--the title found its origins in the names of the main characters, ML and FL. I was genuinely impressed by how you encapsulated the essence of the title in the blurb, or perhaps it was the other way around.

I'm curious... Did you conceive the title first or the names of the main characters? Either way, your blurb has certainly piqued my curiosity. The way it's crafted beckons the reader to embark on Storm's journey. I eagerly anticipated the potential drama within your novel, and I was more than willing to immerse myself in what it promises to offer.

I admire the way you've crafted your characters, endowing them with distinct personalities and motivations that breathe life into your story. Cassandra stood out as my favorite character in the story, primarily due to her role as the school's principal. Her dedication to upholding rules and maintaining order resonated with me, as I have a strong appreciation for structure and discipline.

Your plot is intricate and multilayered, ensuring that the reading experience remains engaging. However, it's crucial to be mindful not to overwhelm readers with an excessive information dump within a single chapter.

Your novel also provided me with a fascinating glimpse into the norms and culture of the United States, particularly about teenagers who exude a spiritedness quite distinct from what I'm accustomed to in my own country. It's intriguing to observe these cultural differences, such as the discomfort a late-teen student might feel when dropped off by an adult, the carefree nature of American youth, and the comparatively lax parenting styles that may lead to undisciplined children. These aspects not only find resonance in your novel but also in various TV series and movies I've come across.

Moreover, your skillful approach to gradually unveiling the mysteries and histories surrounding Ocean and Storm, and other characters, adds a layer of intrigue to your narrative, keeping readers eager to uncover more as they progress through the story.

I'd like to offer some suggestions to improve the flow of your writing. Firstly, consider using a single punctuation mark to conclude a dialogue. Rather than employing both a question mark and an exclamation point to convey heightened emotions, it would be more impactful to describe the character's emotions, gestures, and facial expressions. By doing so, you can effectively enhance the overall impact of the writing.

Remember to use a period when the next word is an action tag, and opt for a comma when it's a dialogue tag. However, if the dialogue ends with an exclamation or question mark, feel free to disregard this rule.

From the book:

Suggestion:
The first sentence includes an action tag "shaking" and it should be written as, "Camelot does not exist, Ans." Shaking my head, I make my way over to my bedside table and unplug my phone.

Be sure to capitalize the first letter of the action tag, for example, changing shaking to Shaking.

As for the last sentence, you used a dialogue tag "I mumble" and it should be written as, "...Talk about a match made in heaven," I mumble sarcastically to myself.

Additionally, you can use "--" to indicate when a sentence is being cut off or to introduce and connect new ideas or details. You can also use m/n-dash, however, Wattpad may not recognize them, resulting in their conversion to the hyphen. Thus, employing double dashes ensures coherence throughout the text.

From the book:

Suggestion:
...same from any perspective--distantly or close.

Another one from the book:

Suggestion:
...my front door uninvited is officially my new--

Moreover, there are specific passages where I'd like to offer some suggestions to enhance the overall reading experience for the reader.

Example from the book:

Suggestion:
"You should tell Reggie that," I state, reaching up behind me to slap Ansel's hand off my shirt.

Or

Reaching up behind me to slap Ansel's hand off my shirt, I state, "You should tell Reggie that."

These suggestions ensure that the dialogue tag consistently appears either directly before or after the dialogue, making it more appropriate and avoiding any awkwardness.

Furthermore, it's important to work on seamlessly integrating ideas and details within your story. Sometimes, earlier details don't align with later passages or may not be clear enough to the reader. For instance, it's unclear why Ansel seems to have amnesia, forgetting about Ocean and Storm's relationship and breakup. This inconsistency doesn't seem to make sense. However, in a later chapter, Ansel appears to regain this piece of information.

Additionally, it's worth considering that an excessive amount of detail can slow down the pacing of the story, potentially making it feel like it's dragging. It's advisable to minimize such details and focus solely on elements that drive the plot forward. In some instances, certain conversations within scenes appeared to be longer than necessary.

Furthermore, from a reader's perspective, the chapters appeared quite lengthy, which could make them feel somewhat burdensome to read through. Personally, I find chapters of around 3,000 words to be manageable, but anything longer can sometimes leave me wishing for a quicker conclusion. It's important to note that this is just my personal preference, and different readers may have varying opinions on what constitutes an ideal chapter length.

Regarding the dialogue, there are instances where it becomes confusing for readers to discern who is speaking. This clarity issue can make it challenging to follow conversations.

I had expected Capri to make an immediate entrance due to the blurb's implication, but the spotlight was quickly seized by Bridget, which was unexpected.

It would be beneficial to provide clear explanations for why Storm seems to harbor some resentment or discomfort towards Capri's presence. Despite their somewhat estranged relationship as sisters, one would assume that there would be at least a small sense of joy or relief at their reunion. This is just my observation based on the seven chapters I've read.

Other aspects I have observed:

Chapter 1
During the conversation between Kaylee and Storm, there's a moment when Ansel abruptly enters the scene, and Kaylee is never mentioned again, making it seem as if she disappeared. To enhance the continuity of the scene, consider adding a sentence or two to clarify that Kaylee left the room.

As I continued reading, my initial confusion was resolved when Ansel explained how he had asked Kaylee to leave. However, I would like to offer a suggestion: instead of including this explanation in dialogue later on, consider narrating it at the beginning to prevent reader confusion. For instance, you could describe Kaylee walking out of Storm's room and holding the door open for the guest.

Chapter 3
In the opening paragraph, you introduced Mr. Santiago, which led me to believe he would be the initial or first-period teacher. However, the narrative then shifted to Mrs. Garcia. It was only in Chapter 6 that I discovered Mrs. Garcia was the second-period teacher. I would recommend incorporating this clarification in Chapter 3 to ensure that such details are properly placed and don't create any confusion for the reader.

In conclusion, I want to express my sincere gratitude for allowing me the privilege of reviewing your book, "Ocean's Storm." This literary journey has been a captivating exploration of not only your characters and their intricately woven stories but also an insightful glimpse into American culture and teenage life. Your ability to craft distinct personalities and maintain a multilayered plot is commendable, and there were some valuable suggestions offered to enhance the flow and clarity of your writing. These refinements will undoubtedly elevate your storytelling to even greater heights. Your skill in gradually unveiling the mysteries and histories within your story is a testament to your storytelling prowess and with each step of your writing journey, you're unlocking even more of your creative power.

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