Hayley Mitchell POV

This pain and suffering was unbearable.
I couldn't control it anymore.
Every time this happened to me, I just knew that death was waiting for me; ready and willing to take my soul.

I still remembered my teenage years, when I did my first Google search on the topic: the definition of an epileptic seizure.

One fact that always stuck out to me was that one type of seizure was characterized by signs of excessive neuron activity.

The definition I found was purely scientific. What were they trying to tell us with this definition? What about if it was described by someone suffering from it? How would it differ?

For my part, it was not only absences. I was also suffering with convulsions. The seizures were activated during periods of great stress or when I saw bright lights, or simply having lights flashed in my eyes.

It seemed like fate was laughing at me! As if it was a joke.
Police, Fire and Ambulance lights triggered seizures for me, simple as that!

I knew this because right now, I was on the floor of the clothing store where my mother's friend worked and I was having a seizure. Even though everything was dark around me. The entire room was pitch black, but just a simple flash of lights had me on the floor.

I was chatting with my mom, and while I was lost in my thoughts that were drifting towards the charming young man staring at me, a police car passed near the store. I was startled out of my bubble and couldn’t help but stare at the red and blue neon lights. It took me by surprise how little lucidity I could have. I could attest that these seizures weren't happy at all.

Pain, Fear, Anxiety, Fatigue, War against oneself. Absence but at the same time presence... All these factors were part of my crises. Sometimes leaving me with total or partial memory blanks.

I felt a pressure around my head and my mouth and I swore inside my head. At the same time, I was unaware of my external environment.

The pain deep in my chest hit me as hard as a bullet through the heart and I waited desperately for the day when everything would stop.

I wanted to die. I wanted it to end as quickly as possible. Living everything I was going through exhausted me and I just couldn't bear it anymore.