He was lurking outside the door to the Marine's quarters. He didn't mean to be creepy like this, but trying to build up the courage to speak to actually go in and say something was becoming more and more difficult by the minute. The more he thought about what he needed to do and what he wanted to say the more he tended to second guess himself. Dr Adric had tried to get him to approach the Admiral himself with this, but Etium had been firm that he just couldn't face that yet. Something seemed so awkward about going up to a man and saying.

I know you don't remember me but we fought in the war together, and I know you have mostly gotten over it but I really haven't, and I need your help.

That was a lot of words to admit how screwed up he was and how useless he was on the ship.

The admiral knew better than anyone what that sort of war did to a person. What if he was to come to the conclusion that Etium was a useless waste of space. Everyone already knew that he was the slowest member of their accounting tea, and the one that mistakes were always attributed too.

He knew he was pretty worthless as a Tesraki, so why the admiral hadn't gotten rid of him yet was beyond him, and not only that but he didn't want to give the man a reason to get rid of him.

To admit he was broken was to admit that he was one of the parts in the machine that needed to be replaced.

He sighed and rested his head against the wall beside the door one of his large ears pressed up against the metal. It was cold and soothing against one half of his face, and so he rested there for a while , listening to the voices that echoed as vibrations through the metal of the wall. He could hear a couple of the marines talking quietly, though he didn't hear the voice that he was hoping to hear.

What if he wasn't there?

What would Etium do then?

How awkward would it be to go walking into the marine's quarters looking for him only to find that he wasn't there. Then he would have to stand there in the middle f the room looking stupid while people asked for his reasons, and then he would have to make up an excuse and mutter an apology and walk out. He didn't know why that interaction seemed to disgust him so much. No one would remember an interaction like that, they would go back to what they were doing and no one would care much about what he did.

But still.

Feeling those eyes on him, and being forced to answer their questions was more than he could take.

He had no idea why this was happening to him. He had always disliked people more than the average Tesraki, but he had never had the kind of trouble talking that he did now. Dr. Adric said it was the anxiety from the war that did it to him coupled with a fear of performance failure.

Maybe he was right, Etium didn't know.

He wasn't the shrink.

He pressed his head even harder against the wall and sighed. No, he couldn't do it, he would have to save it for some other time on some other day when he didn't feel like this goal was too hard to reach. He felt like he was standing at the base of a cliff looking up, and the only way to get to the top of the cliff was to jump. In his mind it was a forty foot tall cliff, with no handholds on it's way to the top. Dr. Adric had instructed that he try to imagine things like this, put symbols to them. He said that imagining the wall would help him visualize getting to that milestone. He told Etium to imagine that the cliff ledge was being slowly lowered towards him.

He had never been good at that sort of creative thinking.

That was it, he should get going before he drew attention to himself.

That was the last thing he wanted

He was suddenly startled out of his thoughts by the sound of the nearby door opening, nearly leaping out of his skin as the man stepped into the hallway.

Etium tried to scurry out of sight behind an exposed piece of piping, but it wasn't nearly big enough to hide all of him, so of course the human's keen senses picked up on him being there, turning and falling on him with cool grey eyes.

Thomas Vir tilted his head at him, and then closed the door to the marine's quarters behind him, sighing and leaning back against the door with the sort of slumped expression that spoke of a man who was very tired. Etium knew that feeling.

Thomas barely bothered to look at him as he reached down and pulled a piece of gum from his pocket, squishing the strip into his mouth before beginning to chew idly. Etium stood there frozen in place afraid of what was going to happen next, of the questioning that was sure to follow, the interrogation about why he was here and what he was doing.

A part of him wanted to up and run away down the hall, but two things stopped him, number one he knew that running would only cause a bigger scene than it needed to be, and second, Thomas was the exact person that he had come tot talk to.

Thomas leaned his back into the wall and slowly slid down to rest with his feet sticking out and his back pressed against the wall. His head was leaned back against one of the pipes as he looked up towards the ceiling with a sort of blank expression on his face.

Dr. Adric had suggested this course of action. He had said that maybe speaking to a member of the Admiral's family, someone less intimidating with a lower rank, someone who was prone to making mistakes themselves, might be a good way to prepare himself to talk to Admiral Vir at some point in the future.

He wasn't so sure.

Not sure if Thomas was better or worse.

He was a very very quiet man whose expressions and emotions were hard to read and even harder to understand.

He wasn't sure if he could do this.

And then.

"Ate you alright."

He looked up to see the human looking at him grey eyes piercing directly into his soul.

He froze in place glued to the ground with the inevitability of all of the questions. Being noticed was the worst thing that could possibly happen to him, and he hated it. he felt so strange and off and weird and he just wanted to crawl back into his hole and die there.

"You look ill." The human went on.

He just stood there and stared dumbfounded to the spot.

The human waited.

And waited, and then shrugged, "Don't want to talk, I get it."

And then just like that his line of questioning was shut down and he dropped his head back to look at his feet ignoring Etium once more.

He had to stand there in shock for a moment as the human's curiosity completely vanished.

He didn't seem interested in knowing any sort of answer and just let it pass without comment. Etium wasn't sure what to do with that, but there was something about it that made him relax more. Perhaps this was soemthing that he COULD do, maybe this was something that he could manage after all? He wasn't so sure but there was a sudden sparking in his chest that made him lean forward slightly.

"Thomas?"

He squeaked out.

The human raised his head looking almost surprised at the words that were coming out of his mouth.

"Yeah?"

"I was looking for you."

"For me." He looked Etium up and down with a confused expression. Etium half expected the man to grow angry at being interrupted, but his expression never wavered from one of polite, tired confusion.

"I wanted to speak with you."

Thomas shook his head once, but less of a rejection and more still with confusion, "Do we know each other."

Etium shook his head.

"No... no but... .but your brother and I..." He trailed off not sure hoe to start all this.

The human's eyes remained attentive on him, and he shifted rather uncomfortably not used to being in the spotlight like this.

The human's gaze was cold and unwavering.

"Dr, Adric said I should talk to you."

The human still looked confused, but at the mention of Dr. Adric's name he seemed to relax a little before turning to look almost worried, "Did I do soemthing wrong."

It was such a shocking question that Etium wasn't sure how to respond for the first few seconds. It was so shocking it was almost amusing. Why would the human think he had done something wrong? The worried expression on his face seemed to demonstrate that he was almost as worried about Etium being there as Etium was about being there.

It was just so strange that It was almost funny.

"No, no this isn't really about you.... I.... Its about a problem I have."

The human relaxed a little in his place and tilted his head with some interest, "What problem."

Etium felt words beginning to spill from his mouth and barely understood that what he was saying made sense, "Dr. Adric told me that you might be easier to talk to than the Admiral, and that maybe I could practice or tell you or tell someone, but that's only if you want to help so you don't have to feel obligated to help me when you don't want to."

He twisted his hands around each other feeling his heart begin to speed up as he spoke.

"Its ok, I am sorry I bothered you, I will just go and leave you alone. I-"

'The human held up a hand, "Calm down for a second will you."

He did closing his mouth.

"Its alright. You can talk to me, its not like I am doing anything else."

Etium relaxed, partially though he still felt off and rather strange as he began to speak. The words inside his head felt hollow, like the weren't even coming from him as he began to speak. He wasn't sure what to say or even how to say it so all his thoughts came out in a jumbled mess at first and it took all he had not to just quit talking and walk away.

The human was looking at him confused, so he took a deep breath slowed down and tried again.

"I was in the Drev war.'
His eyebrows went up, but the human did not ask for an elaboration. Etium was worried that he might be bothering or boring the human, but there seemed to be no indications of anything other than interest on the man's face as things moved forward. His mouth continued to open and close with words that did not feel like his.

"I was in the Drev war at the same time the admiral was. I was there on he day when he lost his leg..... I.... I think it's my fault."

Thomas looked almost shocked sitting up slightly.

Was this it? was he going to take revenge for his brother's missing leg. Hurt Etium in retribution.

But he kept going, " I was one of the aliens that he was saving from Sunny. He jumped to get her attention and I was able to get away, my companion died. It would probably have been better if I was the one to have died. I don't mean much, I I am not particularly worth being alive."
The words continued to spill out.

Dr Adric didn't like it when he talked like that but it was hard not to.

"I want to.... To apologize to him for being the reason his leg is gone, but I can't talk to him, I just.... Can't, so you are the only one that I can tell."

Thomas stared at him with a look of incredulity and just shook his head.

"I.... I don't know what to say..... I guess the only thing to say is that it can't be your fault. Its not like you meant it to happen. A lot of things happened during the war that none of you intended." The human didn't get up from his spot but watched Etium from the other side of the hallway, "I promise you, if you tell my brother about all this he won't be mad at you, that isn't his way, and besides he can hardly be mad at you for soemthing you didn't even do in the first place."

Etium stared at the human and the human stared back.

The words seemed too good to be true in this case.

But what else was he to do.

Things had gone better now than he intended and there was only one way that this could continue.

He needed to stop procrastinating.

He needed to talk tot the admiral