What was it like being one of the most famous people in the galaxy?

Well....

Sometimes it was absolute shit.

But sometimes it was great. It sort of all depended on the situation. Going out and meeting cool people who want to say hello, getting into conversations he never would have gotten into otherwise, making friends he wouldn't otherwise ever have made.

Do you know how many times he have been offered a free meal by someone who just wanted to sit down and talk for a little bit, and you know me, if all it takes was a good conversation to score myself a free meal, I will gladly debate philosophy with you like a Greek Senator. Then of course there were the kids, got to love it when someone's kid recognized him and was too excited to talk, probably the most flattering thing in the world.

After saying all of that, it reminded him how easy it was to let these sorts of things get to your head. It can be a real ego boost at times.

But this time it was going to be shit....

They were at a border station just on the edge of Andromeda getting ready to warp back to the outermost reaches of the milky way galaxy. Lord Celex, in return for saving his life a second time, had grated Admiral Vir access to something he called Celex prospecting technology. It was a long wave light frequency of unknown power and providence which could detect the general makeup of celestial bodies within a certain range.

It was an impressive piece of technology, and practically magic as far as the Admiral was concerned. It remained very clear to him that the Celex were far past humanity in technological advancement, and that it would be important to maintain a good relationship with the small creatures. Lord Celex was making a remarkable recovery with the help of Dr. Krill and Thomas –who had offered his services in talking the emperor through drug withdrawal and getting sober.

Adam tried not to laugh at the thought.

Eve if the Emporer did make a full recovery, it was important that they keep a potential eye out o the next successor.

Adam's vote was for lord Avex, the emperor's ow son, who was now serving aboard his ship in a military capacity as an act of good will from the emperor. But of course, his own desires didn't mean much when it came to the Celzex throne. They determined who would win by duel to the death, ad while lord Avex planned on dueling his father at some point in the future, it remained to be seen if someone didn't get to it before he did.

With their new technology in tow, the GA ad UNSC had both agreed that a mission to deep space was long overdue, ad he had been set down to gather supplies before their trip. Most of his men had stopped on the station just above Irus's dry cracked surface, where they would find plenty of provisions, but Adam was looking for something a little more special in celebration of the emperor's recovery.

And so he fund himself in the center of the universe's largest outdoor market.

Ibo-Mahar

Universal tourist magazines had compared the Ibo-Mahar to the famous outdoor market of Thailad Chatuchak, which had once been the biggest outdoor market on earth, and still was, though plenty of places In the universe had now dwarfed it's prestige. Looking around now, Adam couldn't help but agree with the comparison. He had flown into New Bangkok one time during his days at the academy and gone with some friends to visit the market.

The sensation was almost familiar. The blazing sun and the heat sweltering around him from all sides, hundreds of thousands of bodies pushing through cramped isles and passages, covered by miles ad miles of massive tarps desperately trying to keep out the sun. The air around him was filled with the smell of cooking food ad the hazy blue ephemera of smoke. Voices swelled up around him in a hundred different languages as he pushed through the throng of people. On all sides Tesraki, Humans, Rundi, Biotins ad others were busy selling their wares from the depths of market stalls, more temporary sellers camped under collapsible tents while more permanent residents sold their trinkets from inside massive wooden structures that might as well have been shops at this point.

Little beams of sunlight filtered down from above where the tarps left cracks in the makeshift ceiling.

He inched past a stall containing thousands and thousands of little glass blown animals and out into a wider street where a Tesraki was selling fine woven fabric for scarves and shawls. Her large ears were covered with the fabric, ad she had it wrapped around her neck as a sellig point to the worth of her fashion. Credit machines beeped.

Under his feet crunched the ever present blue sand with which he was so familiar.

He was just on the outskirts of the food market and stopped to buy a small cup of spice root from a Tesraki vendor. He held the cup in one hand, plucking one for the slowly wriggling roots from the container and dropping it into his mouth. The flavor was something similar to spicy asparagus, which seemed like an odd combination, but he enjoyed it, ad health gurus across the galaxy claimed that spiceroot was some sort of superfood for humans.

Coming around the next corner, he bought a candied orb fruit on a stick, and munched on that idly as he walked through the market, passing through another curtain of blue smoke.

He found a produce market there, eyes widening as he found a selection of rare earth fruits.

His mouth watered.

Orb fruit was good, very good, but there was something that he missed about home. He saw bananas and strawberries and oranges and lemons and apples and even a bag of grapes. His mouth watered as he approached, grimacing at the price of the fruit but knowing that he certainly should have expected it. He could only imagine the customs forms someone would have had to fill out to get these here in the first place.

A curtain billowed to the side and a human male appeared from the back. He was dressed in brightly colored clothes of unknown cultural providence ad held his hands out in a great sweeping gesture as if to begin some sort of performance. Upon seeing Adam he stopped, looked him over ad dropped his hands. The genial smile fell from his face, to be replaced by a more familiar smile, 'Looking for a taste of home?"

Adam smiled, "Well I can't say it would be unwelcome."

The ma laughed, "A special deal for you then, Admiral." The man raised a banana to him in salute

"You don't have to."

"No I insist." He looked conspiratorially at Adam leaning in close to whisper, "Do you wat to see soemthing special?"

Curiosity peaked Adam leaned in, "What."

The man motioned him back into the curtained off room, and Adam followed, stepping into air filled with the smell of incense. They were in an outer chamber, and there was nothing in this room aside from a large circular pedestal lovingly carved with runes and figures in archaic patterns, ad on top of that pedestal sat.

"A pineapple!?"

"Yes!" The man said with a smile tooth glowing white against his tanned skin, "Isn't it lovely,"

Adam leaned in, "Its been..... surprisingly years since I've had pineapple."

"Have't been home in a while, eh?"

"No, not that, its just I.... I've never had reason to get one." His mouth began to water, "Though I can't say I would say no. How much did this cost you to get here."

The man blew out his cheeks, "Well , more than I would like to admit, which is why it is back here."

The two men were left talking amiably chatting about whatever happened to come to mind at that particular moment, when a sort of hush fell over the market. Adam turned, hyper aware of the sudden change as the man inched back behind the pedestal, grimacing away from the open tent flap.

"Get down, you don't wat them to see you here."

The warning came a bit too late as the largest and ugliest Drev Adam had ever see came pushing his way into the market. Breaking through the hole he had opened in the crowd came with him some of his cronies, or so it would seem. There was a large female almost as big ad ugly as him, and two other smaller males. One of them was a delicate buttercup yellow I color, and based on his knowledge of Drev, would have bee considered rather handsome in the way Fabio was, almost too pretty to be useful, and then the second Drev which had some semblance to the first, but was much less pretty and in sort of a maroon color, which Adam thought to be distinctly unflattering.

Just behind them came – to his surprise—two burg..

Adam knew enough at this point to know that both of them would e female. Burg were a lot like bees, and the wingless uglier ones of the species, who also happened to be more useful, were the females, acting like drones for the queen hive. Only the males of the species ad the queen herself had wings, ad generally did not stray that far from their planet, aside from one of their ship chaplains, who did happen to be a male burg.

All together they looked like a group of mean MoFos, and Adam was about to step back when the group of them veered towards a table belonging to an elderly human woman. The biggest Drev grabbed an apple from her collection and took a bite out of it as she mewled slightly in protest while backing away. The female Drev did the same with some more of her alien flowers and the two burg went poking through the things at the back of her store, tossing them to the ground when they found nothing that they liked.

Adam felt his hands clench and reached down to the side of his right thigh where he popped open a small silver button on the side of his pants giving him access to the side of his prosthetic leg, to which was attached a weapon Sunny had made for him not so long ago.

A collapsible spear.

Lightweight.

Unbelievably strong.

Shorter than he was used to, but any weapon was better than no weapon.

He reached down and withdrew the spear making using a sharp flick of his wrist to open the blade with a soft click. It was about as tall as he was, and lighter than traditional Drev spears, but it was a good weapon. Any weapon Sunny made was a good weapon.

"I would not do that, Admiral." The man behind him whispered, "They will leave soon."

Adam squared his shoulders, "The way I see it, they will soon be leaving forever."

One of the Burg was advancing towards the poor old woman, and Adam, weighing his odds thought that he could, potentially take them. The burg would be no issue. He could just spit at them and that would be enough of a deterrent. Or, sine spitting at a burg was actually illegal, he could threaten to in self defense.

As far as the big ones were concerned. He could take four drev as long as they didn't corner him.

The burg was moving in closer on the cowering woman. Some aliens had figured out by now that not all humans were the aggressive types. While rumors about humanity's proclivity for bloodlust still pervades the galaxy, those who spent more time around humans had figured out the reality by this point.

And these aliens.

Clearly they had had enough time terrorizing the market that they knew what was really happening.

The burg took one step forward and Adam slammed his spear against the ground, "HEY assholes."

The man behind him inched away grimacing slightly, not wanting to get involved.

The big drev was the first to turn and Adam raised his weapon, "Leave her alone."

The Drev looked him up and down with a critical eye, and Adam fell easily into one of the new stances that the Saint of Anin herself had drilled into him. He was crouched in a low ready the spear clutched palm down in one hand running along the line of wrist to elbow as he readied himself for attack.

"You." The Drev sneered, "I know you."

"Rally? Didn't think you were smart enough to have basic pattern recognition." Adam shot back

The Drev flexed his fist as the other two turned to him, "You have a mouth on you."

"A commonality of most sentient species unfortunately."

The Drev glowered at him and then turned to look at his companions using the Drev eastern dialect to speak so that the translators could not pick up the translations, "What is one little accident."

"Are you willing to go back to Turma?"

"Anything, to get rid of this one after what he did to anin."

Adam clicked his tongue sharply the way Sunny had taught him in regards to speaking her language, "Tsa zha zhegingish nehanat." You want to kill me

The group of them looked surprised at his comprehension of their language.

He saw the larger one's head lower/

"For what you did to Anin."

The group of them began to circle slowly, and Adam did the same doing his best to keep them in each other's way, "And what did I do to Anin."

"The GA has defiled our sacred battle grounds. They use machines to mine for pure metals where we did not wish. They are sucking the life from our eternal mother."

Adam backed away.

He knew that piece of doctrine, the reason that Drev did not mine on their own planet, because they believed the grounds were sacred. The GA had demanded the rights to mining on Anin's surface due to it's high rate of rare ore that could be used to make components for warp reactors.

"I had nothing to do with that treaty." He said slowly circling the other direction.

"You represent the meaning of that treaty. You represent how the very saint of Anin has no care for our sacred places." He jabbed a spear at Adam's chest, "It means much to destroy a symbol."

Adam spun the spear in his hand, "Than maybe you should stop running your mouth and actually do it."

The Drev snarled, but then pulled back slightly the equivalent of a smile spreading across his alien face, "Oh that won't be a problem."

And then as if from nowhere, Adam watched in heightening concern as at least a dozen other Drev and burg filtered out from between the market stalls and began to form a large circle around him.

Oh

Shit.

This was not what he expected, and it seemed to him that, many other times in his career he had been in less danger than he was now.

There were no tricks he could pull out of his sleeves.

He backed away slowly as the circle drew in.

The crowd stopped to watch, someone ran for help but he knew that that would not help Ibo-Mahar was twenty miles across, and poorly policed. Which is why it was a great place to go looking for illegal items.

Adam backed partially into the tent listening to the proprietor scramble away from the impending center of action.

He could call for help but there would hardly be time.

He waited.

The Drev moved forward raising his spear.

And then Adam got an idea.

He swiveled around sharply reaching out with one hand and coming back just as the downstroke of the spear was beginning.

"Stop right where you are."

The Drev stopped staring at him and the weapon he now held aloft.

The Pineapple.

"Stand back!" Adam shouted, waving the pineapple from left to right.

The Drev began to laugh.

"You think a spiky fruit is going to scare us off."

Adam allowed his eyes to widen softly in astonishment before shaking his head in incredulity, "Spiky fruit? Is that all you see." He laughed as condescendingly as he could, "Spiky fruit, you do understand that this, what I have in my hands is one of the most dangerous naturally occurring fruits on EEARTH." He let that sink in turning to look at the burg who were loitering at the back of the group, "yeah you know, earth. Remind me what happened to your people the last time they tried to mess with Earth." The Burg shifted nervously.

Adam held the pineapple aloft in one hand . "Come on, look at it, it is covered in spikes from top to bottom and requires knives just to be able to eat it. Do you really think that this man would keep this fruit separated from the other fruits for its safety? No no, this is for your safety."

He brandished the fruit as the Drev looked between each other uneasily, "This fruit is so dangerous it can eat through your flesh."

He brandished the fruit again, "one bite of this would likely send yu into convulsions, not to mention what it might do to your skin."

He didn't actually think it would do anything to their skin, but he did tell them that he wasn't going to mention that fact, so that wasn't really a lie either."

"Can you imagine what would happen if I were to throw this at one of you? What kind of damage it would do, and the juices would likely get on the rest of you I am sure."

He stalked forward lowering his spear arm knowing that the more confidence he had in the Pineapple the better it would look.

He had to show no fear.

"Did you know that some earth plants explode and send sharp seeds out everywhere in order to proliferate."

It was true, he had heard of earth trees that did that but he didn't need to let them know. Best to keep it vague and let them make assumptions. He dropped the fruit into his left hand and retracted his spear so it was no more than a foot long brandishing it over the fruit and looking between the group of them with narrowed eyes, "Perhaps you believe me, perhaps you don't but do you really want to find out." He let his voice drop low and menacing.

The burg looked between each other.

They were on the razor's edge.

And then Adam roared and charged at them.

The Burg squealed and ran, even the Drev ducked away as he chased after them, holding the pineapple like a football in one hand as he chased and swiped at them.

It was one of the Drev that got to him first, thinking to take her chance, she swung at him with her spear and he dodged to the side running straight into one of the fruit barrels and causing it to explode sending lemons everywhere. Her spear missed him but cleaved a lemon in half, and out of desperation, he reached for it and grabbed up one half of the lemon, launching at her as soon as he got off the ground. With the pineapple brandished before him, he used the other hand to squeeze the lemon into her face.

It was just by pure luck that he got her straight in the eye.

She roared.

"MY EYES! I CAN'T SEE."

He let the lemon go and brandished the pineapple as she clawed at her face.

"I TOLD YOU."

Probably should have grabbed up that other lemon slice, but it was too late. He rushed another Drev who swung at him with his spear cutting the pineapple clean in half with one hack. The two of them stood staring at each other.

Adam looked up with a malevolent grin, "Now you've done it." He lept forward and the Drev screamed running in the opposite direction.

Adam had a pineapple half in both hands swinging the wildly at anyone he could get in contact with.

It was

Basically out of pure luck that he scored a hit on one of the burg.

He was not expecting the reaction.

But he should have known. Pineapples have digestive enzymes in them just like human saliva, so when there was a sharp hiss and a roar of pain as acrid smoke hissed into the air, he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was. The burg fell to the ground screaming holding a hand to its burning skin.

Adam turned to see the last three remaining Drev staring at him. Their eyes were wide, their expressions fearful. He stared them down, and without so much as looking, he reached up and took a bit out of the other remaining half. Cold crisp pineapple juice filled his mouth as the Drev stared at him in horror. His mouth tingled with pleasure –or perhaps with a reaction to the pineapple – and he grinned past the sweet juice spilling down his chin." The Drev backed away.

He charged them and two of them broke and ran.

Adam leapt into the air grabbing the last Drev by the neck and forcing a piece of the pineapple into his roaring mouth.

He did not expect it to do anything.

He certainly did not expect the sudden onset of swelling that caused the Drev's tongue to poke ut of it's mouth and its upper airway to close up. It fell to the ground holding its throat gasping through the air holes at it's neck as its face began to swell.

Adam stood holding the two remaining halves of the pineapple staring down at the drowned Drev as Aliens ran in all directions away from the scene.

The humans just looked on in shock and confusion. The Table vendor blinked owlishly from behind his stand.

Adam looked up at the man, "Um, I am assuming you have an... if you break it you buy it policy."

***

IFDA Addendum 1: By ruling of the galactic council, the sale of pineapple and all pineapple related products is prohibited to the general public unless both buyer and vendor have a level three food preparation license for it's use. No restaurant may place pineapple items in receptacles with or near other food when in open air. All pineapple must be contained in a level three biocontainment unit until such time as it is prepared. Pineapple may only be prepared by a human chef.

The use, distribution or possession of a pineapple without a license is a crime, and those fund in possession of unlicensed pineapple may receive a max of 1000 credits fine and up to thirty days in jail with a permanent felony on their record.