Dr. Krill was back on Earth. He had no idea why he always seemed to end up in this insane hellscape, but here he was.... again. only the other day he had been caught out in an electrical storm while trying to commute his way to work, which he hadn't particularly appreciated, especially not when massive balls of frozen ice came pelting from the sky with enough power to tear open skin.

Even the humans had been running for cover, and that was saying something.

He would very much have preferred a job where he wasn't in constant danger of getting murdered by the elements on a regular basis.

But this was earth, one day he could be enjoying the sun, the next he was risking heat death, the next he was almost blown away by the wind, and the day after that he was almost whisked away by minor flooding.

Of course, it was either walking to work or taking public transit which was probably even more dangerous considering that it had humans on board. Humans who were half asleep, humans who were strung out on drugs, humans with children, humans with dangerous pets. Then of course there were the more than mildly xenophobic humans, who were, somehow, under the impression that Krill was there to still earthling jobs, which was not the case at all considering that he had volunteered him time for free.

Krill had no need of monetary compensation, to him, the work was the reward.

He leaned something new every day.

And now, with his current stint working in a human hospital, he was becoming even more acquainted with humanity... not entirely sure if that was in a good way or not.

OF course, Krill more than missed the simple life aboard the harbinger where most humans were relatively educated and competent, where most stupid injuries came about by overly idiotic actions rather than ignorance – a point could be argued to which one of those things was worse, but, for the moment, Krill was under the impression that willful idiocy was still better than ignorance because at least they knew why they were stupid, and generally openly admitted it to krill whereas working with the general populace forced him to have to be patient and understanding towards people who just didn't know any better.

Apparently telling people they are stupid to their faces is seen as off-color in the human medical world even though that is probably exactly what some of the people needed to hear.

Again, he found himself wishing for the harbinger, and for the return of the captain – the biggest idiot of them all.

He idly wondered how he was doing on his little trip across the universe.

He wondered how Sunny was doing exploring the human world on her own two feet/

He wished he knew when they would be back together.

The UNSC had given them extended shore leave, but they had never specified how long it was going to be seeming to hint that it was contingent on how the captain felt. Well Krill was under the impression the captain needed to get his ass back here so krill would stop having to pull things out of people's butts.

Speaking of pulling things out of people's butts' he was on ER rotation today. He found that the ER could be the most interesting, or the most infuriating part of a hospital. Just the other day he had led the surgical team that reattached someone's arm, but then the day before that he had been in the ER to inform a woman that yes your shortness of breath likely comes from the run you just went on after years of never having exercised.

He took his clipboard and walked into the human waiting room.

He could write a paper on what sort of things it was important for a medical professional to keep in mind when treating humans. But here was an example of his typical day.

· Isn't this the second time I have seen little Jimmy in here for sticking something up his nose? I understand that he really loves playing with those toys, but you have to understand there is a reason the label says five and up. Yes, it would probably be best if you did not allow him around things he could get stuck in his face.

· Your pregnant. Yes of course I am sure. I can do a blood test if you like. I know you said you are not sexually active, but I have looked at this blood test twice and a stick test twice and it says you are pregnant. Well what do you consider sexually active.... mmhmmm.... Mmmhmmm.... well I think it is probably my job to inform you that it is still sex even if the woman is on top.

· You just.... fell on it huh? So, you were doing household chores.... Naked.... And you just so happened to slip and as you were slipping this item was magically vacuumed up into your colon. Mmmmm hmmm, quick question where was this potato located for you to have fallen on it like that? Well no sir, I am afraid that we probably won't be able to get it out manually you are going to need a gastrointestinal specialist for that.

· Yes sir, your chest pain probably has something to do with all the cocaine you have been snorting. Cocaine tends to do that to people.

· Ok you are a diabetic trying to control your blood sugar. Ok, I am glad to hear that you have worked on toning down your sugar consumption, that's good, but I am still very concerned about your sugar levels. This is far to high and I am extremely concerned. Let's go through your diet and see what you have been eating. Have you cut back on soft drinks? Yes, and now you drink a lot of fruit juice.... ahh... I see. Well ma'am fruit juice just so happens to contain a lot of sugar which might be why your blood sugar is so high. Might I suggest drinking some water.

· Ah finally, a real emergency. Yes, your grandmother's breathing problems worry me greatly. Let's get her back in to do an EKG, make sure nothing is gong on with her heart. I am glad you brought her in when you did.

· Yes, little Susie is going to be fine. I am glad she knew how to use her epi-pen, excellent work Susie.

· No, I don't care that you have been waiting four hours to se the doctor. Your child has a mild stomach ache, their child is having intermittent seizures. No, I will not be calling the medical director in to see you about this.

· Well that's probably why it hurts so much. The condom is not supposed to cover the balls too.

· No matter how much you deny your use of opiates, when you came in here you weren't breathing and when I gave you Narcan you started breathing again, so I know where my vote is. Please try not to deny these things to your medical professional next time. It is not my job to call the cops. No, I am not going to rat you out. Yes, you could die if you don't tell me about past drug use no matter what it is.

· You got a WHAT in your WHERE. Why would you stick a toothpick in there? No sir generally most people are not ailed with an itchy urethra, in fact I am pretty sure that is not a thing. Look, I am not judging you sir, but please stop sticking pointy things up into places where they do not belong because you could cause permanent damage.

· Ouch... now remind me again why you were trying o ride your skateboard down the stairs. And you openly admit that you are not good at skating.... Because you saw a video. I am very glad you know it was a dumb idea because at least I don't have to say it.

· Ma'am this says analgesic not anal-gesic, the pills are taken orally not as a suppository.

· You have been bleeding once a month for ten years and you are just now coming in about that? I am sorry, but how old are you again. Yes, ma'am this is very normal, here let me get you a pamphlet to read, and if you have any questions feel free to ask one of the nurses.

· So you don't have any medical history. Well are you taking any medications. That sure is a lot of medications for someone who does not have any medical history. This one looks like it is for high blood pressure. Sir just because the medication is helping you manage your high blood pressure does not meant that your high blood pressure is cured.

· When I say clear liquids that does not include vodka

· I know vodka does have alcohol in it, but pouring it on your open soar sure did not help anything, and now you are probably going to need a plastic surgeon to fix this.

· No ma'am you have to put ear drops in both ears. No, the ears are not connected. Yes, your eardrums and you know... your brain are kind of in the way. No there is not a tube that just goes straight through.

· Please stop licking your wound.

· Um no, those bumps on your tongue are not cancer.... They are taste buds.

· Yes, that it a uvula.... Yes, it is supposed to be there.

· What made you think sticking ice cubes up your anus would help with your fever. Well it will not and now you have frost bite in your rectum.

· So it was the smell that got you to come in and not the.... Maggots?

Krill groaned in relief as he went to clock out.

'Tough day?" Someone asked

"I think something needs to be done about medical education on your planet."

The human laughs, "We have been trying for more than two thousand years. Good lucky making it any better than it already is."