⚠️A/N: Before this chapter starts I just want you guys to know if your struggling with anorexia /bulimia please reach out to someone! Even if it's not you and a friend help them, this stands for all forms of abuse as well. Physical or mental just know I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Proceed. ⚠️

L U C Y

When I woke up in the morning I didn't remember much from last night but I did remember the burning hate I feel for sting.

I can't believe I let him ruin me the way he did. I need to get stronger so when he does come for me I'm gonna give him hell.

I won't go down without a fight I wasted my whole life being defenseless not anymore.

Keep dreaming the moment he comes for you is the moment your knees will buckle from fear.

I. Will. Not. Be. Afraid.

You are. Admit it no need to act strong because we know your are not. Your weak and those cuts prove it.

I gritted my teeth and got my anti depressants. I took 2 because I didn't wanna get tired again.

I'm not afraid.
Although there was a small part of me that knew I was lying to myself.

I shook away all those thoughts and walked out of my room making my way to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna put these lemons in someone's eyes today!" Happy shouted out randomly and I instantly felt bad for the people he was targeting.

"Heya happy." I greeted a little nervous around him, he's kinda scary.

He turned his black eyes to face me with a wide smile "Good morning Lucy." He didn't say anything else just went back to paying attention to his lemons and singing ' Twinkle Twinkle little star ' who knew he could make a kids song turn creepy in a matter of 2 seconds?

Slightly creeped out I went to sit at the table with lisanna who was on her phone. I sent her a small smile and she sent one back. "Look Mira isn't gonna be happy unless we get that shipment coming in this month." She said to the person on the other line of the phone.

She scoffed at what they said and rolled her eyes "No. we need what we ordered. I don't care!" She groaned and hung up on the person whom she was talking too.

"People are so stubborn." She growled I let out a tiny laugh because that's true. "Your not wrong. Some of them are pretty understanding though." She nodded along and looked at happy who is till cutting up lemons and singing to himself.

I felt shivers go down my spine at how creepy he his. "God that kid scares me sometimes." She muttered I sweat dropped "yeah he's a little creepy..but I mean he's safe right?" She looked at me and nodded "he hasn't really done anything to cause like actual harm to someone. He just likes to prank people and my guess is squeezing lemons in peoples eyes falls into that category?"

I shrugged and we sat in silence for a bit, lisanna isn't all that bad but she still gives off these really odd vibes. I'm gonna ignore it because it's most likely just my anxiety and making me not wanna give in to people to soon.

With Erza gray and Natsu it's different, it's like we were meant to be friends so I didn't fight the bond. I mean I tried to at first but it was to hard not to give into the temptation.

A few minutes later Natsu comes strolling through the front door carrying a gym bag. I raised my eyebrow at him in question he just sent me a smile but then heard happy singing and visibly shivered.

"He's being fucking creepy again isn't he?" Me and lisanna just nodded as we eyed happy wearily.

"What's with the gym bag?" I asked and he panicked for a split second before he smiled at me again. "Just got done working out, ya know?" I didn't know he worked out...although telling from his body it's as clear as day now.

I must have been staring because he smirked but didn't say anything as he walked past us and I felt my cheeks heat up. Oh god be knew what exactly I was thinking about.

I'm trying so hard not to die from embarrassment.

~*~

It's been a few hours and I have been in my room, not feeling all that great.
I was fine just sitting there at the table with lisanna and Natsu we were all in a very heated discussion but I eventually distanced myself from the conversation.

It start out as a small cramp and head ache, then it grew into the voice. The voice that was supposed to be silent while I take my pills but it somehow didn't work.

I was faking it Lucy, you know fake and us are one in the same. Considering your faking your 'strength' your putting on a show for them, and they don't care enough to see through your smile.

You. Don't. Define. Me.

Of course I don't define you. What's there to define? Nothing but a fat useless cow.

I felt the tears burning my eyes as I gripped my head and groaned. Why is this voice correct? I get up hesitantly and go into the full body mirror connected to the wall. I gasped in horror as I looked at myself.

See? No one wants a fatty. They are only pretending to care.
They will use you, just like sting.

I couldn't stand to hear anymore as I ran into the bathroom and locked the door, I bent down to the floor and did the thing I hadn't bothered to do in a while.

I put two fingers into my mouth and shoved them back as far as they could go, the familiar feeling of choking on my own fingers made tears come down my face.

How could I let myself get this bad? How could I go around looking like this and being confident?

I threw up as much as I could until all that was coming out was nothing but fluids.

I sat back with my head rested against the wall, dried tears covering my face.

I feel as if all the fight I had was sucked out of me.

Get the suppressants and keep throwing up. How could you stand to look like that? Stupid fat ass.

I sobbed into my hands as the voice kept talking know it all was true, I couldn't even look at the tattoo on my body feeling like I let everyone down.

I'm a letdown. I'm a failure.

I hate myself.