Okay for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling positive about today. I mean the fact that I have school sucks but the weather has been really nice lately and today started off really well by one of my favourite YouTuber's going live literally as I woke up! Usually he streams whilst I'm asleep so it's awesome to actually watch one :) (I'm not going to be able to watch it all because school but you know what I mean!) PMA GUYS

"Where were you?" Kayla asked once Phil and I had made it to the lunch table. Everyone else was already there, having almost finished their meals. I was grateful for Phil and his quick excuses because my mouth went completely dry.

"We had to go give some homework to a teacher." Kayla nodded, smiling at me as I sat next to her. She pecked my cheek and I could practically feel Phil's glare stabbing into my side.

"How was maths?" I asked, deciding against eating. I felt slightly nauseous, knowing I was cheating on the beautiful girl sitting next to me.

"It was good. Some guy was getting on my nerves though. He kept trying to copy my work."

"Who was it? I'll fight them."

Kayla let out a high pitched laugh- one that I had once thought was very adorable. "We both know you can't fight anyone."

I rolled my eyes but mumbled, "True." She leant her head on my shoulder so I stiffly wrapped an arm around her.

-

I was conflicted as her hands trailed to the bottom of my shirt. On one hand, pulling away would protect me from any discomfort but, on the other, it might imply an absence of the feelings I was supposed to have. I couldn't do it so I pushed her away, sending her an apologetic expression.

"I'm sorry," She mumbled, shamefully diverting her gaze to her lap. "I got carried away."

"It's not your fault, I just..." I trailed off, terrified to lay down yet another lie.

"You just?"

"I-I'm not ready."

"I get it," She gave me one last short kiss on the lips. "I love you."

My hesitance was evident in the short pause but she didn't mention it. "I love you too." I didn't.

-

"Phil, class starts in like a minute." I murmured, frowning. I actually enjoyed 'alone time' in the empty classroom. It just gave me a moment to forget about how wrong it all was. I could forget about my girlfriend and the fact that my sexuality wasn't going to be accepted by everyone.

I could lose myself in the ecstasy Phil made me feel. I could feel loved and like my love life wasn't entirely messed up. We didn't even do much in the empty rooms- we'd either kiss or just... chat. I was addicted to him. He was a drug I constantly seemed to need. His touch made me feel so amazing, like I was walking on air. It was incredible.

"I know but I don't get to kiss you enough." He replied, planting a short kiss on my cheek.

"You could come over later? I'm sure my mum won't mind."

"That sounds awesome. What time?"

"You could just walk home with me?"

-

"Phil's here. Is that okay?" I asked and my mum literally just nodded in response, too absorbed in some cooking show to fully pay attention. I grabbed my friend's (?) hand and pulled him up to my room. After ten minutes or so, we had set up a movie and were sitting together on my bed.

His arm had snaked around me, pulling me closer. I smiled softly, rather liking being the one who was cuddled for once. His arms made me feel warm and safe, as if things were actually okay. I shut my eyes, listening to his gentle breathing and appreciating his existence. My head perked up when my mum called my name. "One moment." I said to Phil, heading downstairs. My eyes widened as they laid upon my girlfriend.

"Hey, Dan! I wondered if you wanted to go into town with me? I was just passing by and thought I'd ask so... yeah." She said with a timid smile on her face.

"Phil's actually here so I'm busy. Sorry, Kay." I sent her a sympathetic look which made her sigh.

"Okay. See you at school then?"

"Yep."

"Sorry for bothering you." Then she was gone. I let out a sigh of relief, ignoring my mum as she sent me a funny look.

"It was Kayla," I murmured as I sat with Phil again. He frowned but quickly covered it up with a smile. "She wanted to know if I'd go to town with her."

"You could have gone, you know?"

"Nah, I'd rather hang out with you." Phil's smile widened and he gently kissed my forehead.

-

"Hey, Phil?" The movie had long since finished so we were literally just cuddling. He hummed a response to show he was listening so I carried on. "What are we?"

Phil's eyes widened as he was obviously taken aback by the question. "You're with Kayla..."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I want to say you're my boyfriend but-" I cut him off with a simple kiss.

"Kayla's coming over tomorrow after school. I'll break up with her then."

"You don't need to-"

"I do." And it was set in stone: the next day I was going to break up with my girlfriend.

-

Someone opened the door, immediately seeing Phil and I in a compromising position: our chests were touching and our faces were mere centimetres apart. My hair was probably a mess too, since Phil always liked running his hands through it.

"Dan? Phil?" The person gasped. I recognised him to be Felix, another boy in our year. We shared a few classes but had never had a proper conversation before.

"This is not what it looks like!" Phil exclaimed, stepping back. Unable to feel his touch anymore, my anxiety spread like wildfire and my heart started to pound at a dangerous pace.

"Oh yeah? It sure does look like you were-"

"We weren't!"

"Defensive much?" He was wearing a mischievous smirk that I didn't trust at all.

"Just get out."

Felix raised an eyebrow before twirling around and saying, "Have fun but not too much fun!"

"You need to tell her before he does, Dan." Phil muttered, biting his lip so hard that it was probably going to draw blood.

"I don't know if I-"

"Either you tell her or I leave you, okay? If you wanted me that bad you'd tell her yourself." He then left me alone. With my thoughts.

I cried until the bell rang. Felix was definitely going to tell everyone and I was utterly screwed.