The next day, I let Gao Ling take over for me. I do nothing. I just stay in bed and stare at the leaf, thinking about the village I left back home. How different it is from this cold, unfeeling palace where no one has actual love. 

Slowly, an idea forms in my head. I can ask someone if I can write a letter home. 

Wan En. She's the one to ask. Always a reliable servant. I call her in. She rushes in, worry on her face. I ask her "Can I write a letter home?" 

"No!" she almost yells.

What?

Wan En moves closer. "My lady, excuse me for saying this, but once you enter the palace, you can't leave. You can't have any contact with the outside world. We servants can, but you cannot. You belong to His Honoured Majesty. He controls what you do."

I close my eyes and breathe slowly. "You can write?"

Wan En's voice is quieter now. "Yes."

"So you can send it to my family."

"Yes."

"And the palace is just like a jail."

"Yes."

The tears come. I'm alone, I'm just a country girl who was chosen and pushed into the palace. 

I feel an arm around my shoulder. "I'm here, my lady," Wan En whispers.

"Thanks, Wan En," I say quietly.

The leaf falls from my hand onto the bed. Wan En sees it. And she picks it up. 

"No!" I cry out, snatching it back. 

It tears.

Wan En looks frightened now. "I'm s...sorry."

"Leave," I command her. 

She backs away respectfully. I stare at the torn leaf. It tore right through the most important words- I love you. 

I cry and cry. 

Somewhere through my tears, I hear my grandmother. The small, petite lady with a wrinkled face and kind eyes. She tells me not to despair. 

Not that I can do anything. I'm kind of stuck here all my life.