Once the Emperor turns his back on us, Wu Mei's smile disappears. She gives me a sharp glance before looking away. I can't bear it any more.

"Wu Mei," I say.

"What?" she says. When she looks at me, I flinch almost automatically. Her gaze...the same as always- challenging and demanding...but  it's now more intense than it ever was. Scary.

I know one thing: to survive in this palace, I need to be friends with Wu Mei again. I can't make her an enemy. She's too vicious. It's better to have her on my side. 

Have I changed? Am I just trying to be friends with Wu Mei because I'm scared of her? Or so that I can move forward in the hierarchy? I'm definitely not the poor, love sick girl I once was. I don't know if it's good or bad. Maybe the palace is corrupting me. 

I realise I haven't written to my mother for months. Is she missing me?

Wu Mei is still waiting expectantly. I quickly say "Do...do you want to be friends again?"

She breaks her gaze from me and picks up her teacup. "We always were."

What? I thought we hadn't been speaking for a while. Weird. I can't understand Wu Mei. 

And then there's tonight to worry about. I don't know what to do. I'm basically giving myself up, and it hurts. 

----

The party is over. The Emperor allows me to hold his arm while we walk together to his room. The guards told me what to do. All i have to do is let him do whatever he wants to me, then I leave and go back to my quarters. Basically the Jade Building. Wan En, my servant, will escort me back. 

The Emperor dismisses everyone. Wan En gives me an encouraging smile before leaving as well. Panic rises up in me. I'm alone.

The Emperor is half drunk already because of the wine he drank earlier. He pulls me not too gently to the grand bed that's on the other end of his room. It's huge. Then he throws me down, and I choke back a scream. 

This is my fate. I can't do anything.

I feel like I'm in another body, watching myself. I feel nothing other than pain. I ache for Liang Wen, who would never let another guy touch me.

Too soon, it's over. The Emperor falls into a deep sleep. Shaking, I put on my dress and leave quietly. It's like I was never there in the first place. The guards outside his door nod to me, looking extremely bored. But one guard tries to catch my eye, and when he does, he smiles slightly. It isn't a mean smile. He pities me. 

Somehow, that makes me even sadder. I'm just a useless woman who was brought in for the Emperor to turn to when he's bored.

Wan En hurries up, appearing from the darkness. "My lady, let's go."

I grab her arm and we leave the area. It's quite dark, but there are some lanterns that are lit around the paths. A single tear trickles down my cheek. I feel dirty.

We make it back to the Jade Building. Everyone is asleep, Wan En and I slip in after the guards check our identity. 

"Go and sleep," I tell Wan En, letting go of her arm. She nods. Before she hurries away, she gives me a concerned glance. "I'm fine." I tell her.

I curl up on my bed miserably and look at the leaf Liang Wen gave me. I love you, it says. No one else in this palace will ever give me the same love Liang Wen had for me.