Shrub: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. 

Scott: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Pearl: Why do you look like that? 

Sausage, laying face-first on the floor: Like what? 

Pearl: Like you're dead. 

Sausage: It's because I'm dying. Leave me here to perish. 

Gem: Sausage accidentally called Fwhip "babe" in front of everyone today. 

Sausage: *sobs into the floor*

Joey, texting: Answer your phone 

Scott, texting back: Wait a minute, I can't find my phone 

Joey: Understood 

Joey, 5 minutes later: You're a terrible person. You know you're killing me. You're killing me, Scott.

Shrub: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not! 

Pearl: Shrub, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday. 

Shrub: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! 

Scott: ...It was a bug. 

Shrub: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! 

Pearl: 

Scott: 

Shrub: Stop looking at me like that!

Sausage: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

Joey, to Xornoth: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!

Scott: How many children do you have? 

Pix: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

Lizzie: The first time Jimmy opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

Xornoth: Are you trying to seduce me? 

Joey: Why, are you seducible?