Scott: "Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?"
Pearl: *watching Lizzie screaming, Grian trying to set a sleeping Martyn on fire, and Jimmy choking on air* "I don't know either."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "You took life advice from Grian?"
Pearl: "It's called hitting rock bottom, Gem!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Etho: *running towards Joel with open arms*
Joel: *moves out of the way*
Etho: "Hey, why'd you move?!"
Joel: "I thought you were going to attack me."
Etho: "I was going to hug you!"
Joel: "Why would you hug me?"
Etho: "WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian: *setting down a card* "Ace of spades"
Scott: *setting down an uno card* "+4 blue"
Pearl: *setting down a pokemon card* "Jolteon, I choose you!"
Martyn: *setting down a cards vs humanity card* "Grave robbing"
Scar: *setting down a go fish card* "Go fish!"
Cleo: "WHAT GAME ARE WE PLAYING?!?!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "You're the love of my life and my best friend. I would do anything for you"
Gem: "I want you to eat at least 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule"
Pearl: *gasp* "Absolutely not"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cleo: "If you had to choose between Scott and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?"
Pearl: "That depends, how much money are we talking about?"
Scott: "Pearl!"
Cleo: "63 cents."
Pearl: "...I'll take the money."
Scott: "PEARL!!!"
Martyn: "Damn"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Jimmy: "I'm an idiot"
*All of E2 stays silent*
Pix: "Jimmy if you're waiting for us to disagree...This is going to be a long day"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Gem have I ever told you that I love you with my whole heart"
Gem: "For the love of all that is holy, I'm not taking you and Fwhip to McDonald's! It's 2am!"
Fwhip: "Rude"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joe: *reading a letter*
Shelby: "Well what does it say?..."
Joe: "It's a conversation letter...Turns out Oli killed my pet rock"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "Ask me anything. Go ahead I'll give you a straight answer"
Scar: "Why are you so awesome?"
Pearl: *visibly very happy* "That's the best question anybody's ever asked."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian: "But what about Scar?"
Mumbo: "Don't worry about him!"
Impulse: "Me and Pearl once watched him fall 5 flight of stairs, stand up-..."
Pearl: "And keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*Hermits and empires members having a war for some stupid reason*
E2 False: "No, the is not a mess! You know what I consider a mess?"
H9 False: "Our life?"
E2 False: "I-Well yes, but-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*Lizzie, Grian, and Jimmy looking scared since they accidentally burned Pearl's Minecraft build. While Martyn was eating a cracker. And Pearl who looking like she was about to kill someone.*
Pearl: "You 3...explain right now!"
Lizzie: "It was Martyn"
Grian: "It was Martyn!"
Jimmy: "It was Martyn..."
Pearl: *grabbing her baseball bat and chasing after Martyn*
Martyn: *running away* "FUCK YOU GUYS!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian: "Did you bring Martyn?"
BigB: "No, but I brought the second best thing!" *points at Jimmy*
Grian: "Jimmy?! The next best thing would be Pearl!!!"
Jimmy: "I would be offended, but Pearl is freakishly strong"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Tango: "So Impulse, how did your first time cooking dinner go?"
Impulse: "Pretty good if I do say so myself."
Zed: "Oo! Okay, what are we having?"
Impulse: "Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato."
Zed: "A whole potato?"
Impulse: "Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!"
Skizz: "These just look like big slabs of black."
Impulse: "Because that's what they are! And then for desert, we have chocolate."
Tango: "These are just chocolate chips?"
Impulse: They sure are! And then for drinks, we have toast!" *lifts up a glass of blended toast* "Bon appetite!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?"
Gem: "wHat?"
Sausage: "I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved."
Gem: "Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees?"
Cleo: "Bees?"
Lizzie: "THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!"
Cleo: "Wait-"
*Pearl approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Impulse: "Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful soulmates..."
Pearl: "I really care about your feelings! So stop sacrificing yourself!"
Scott: "I also really care about YOUR feelings! And NO!"
Impulse: *turning his head* "...and then there's the disaster soulmates..."
Cleo: "YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!"
Martyn: "I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!"

(Pearl and Scott aren't exactly perfect since they did hurt each other with powder snow but at least they didn't kill each other from trying to do math like someone *cough cough* Martyn *cough cough*

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: *carrying a box* "What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?"
Jimmy: "...What's in the box?"
Lizzie: "What woul-"
Jimmy: "Lizzie, what's in the box?"
Lizzie: "I think you know."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "Hey Pearl I have a question"
Pearl: *busy doing homework while being tired as hell and drinking 2 cups of coffee* "Yes I still love you. No I don't want to break up with you. No I'm not cheating on you. Yes I'd still love you if you were a worm. Yes I remember the first time we met. No I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. Yes I'd still want to be with you even if I won the lottery. Yes I'm happy with our relationship. Yes we can go out after I'm done with this damn homework."
Gem: "...Thanks Pearlie!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

E2 False: "Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing!"
Pix: "I'm sorry, have you tried pizza?"
E2 False: "Yes, and it doesn't compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend's eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate."
H9 False: "I like you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: *pointing to Joe and Shelby* "Distract him! I'll be right back!" *leaves*
Shelby: Okay!
*five minutes later*
Katherine: *returns and sees Shelby and Joe unconscious on the ground* "What did you do? I said distract him, not knock him out!"
Shelby: "There's just no pleasing you sometimes."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Oli: "I am a responsible teen!"
Pix: *raises brow*
Oli: "I am a teen."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "Do NOT offer me a big spoon if you see me with a small one. I know what I'm doing."
Gem: "May I offer you a smaller spoon?"
Pearl: "Absolutely! Finally, someone with some SENSE around here"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?"
Fwhip: "I'm a knife."
Sausage: *from across the room* "He's the little spoon."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "Good. Thanks, dad."
Hypno: "You just called Doc "dad". You just said "thanks, dad.""
Gem: "What? No, I didn't. I said "thanks, man"."
Doc: "Do you see me as a father figure, Gem?"
Gem: "No. If anything I see you as a bother figure 'cause you're always bothering me."
Doc: "Hey! Show your father some respect!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian: "Hey Pearl I have something for-"
Pearl: "A list full of crimes you've committed and now have to go to jail for, and I have to pay money to get you a lawyer and somehow tell them your innocent?"
Grian: "THAT WAS ONE TIME! But no I want to give you gummy bears"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "What's the most inspirational thing I've told you?"
Joel: ""Don't be an idiot." Changed my life."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Shelby: "I've been described as a "heartless villain" and a "little shit", but I prefer... "has alternative ways of having fun""
Katherine: "And those ways involve blowing the school up!?
Shelby: "Exactly having fun"

Background:
Sausage, Scott, Joel: "YEAH!"
Gem: "No..."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!"
Gem: "How can you still say that?"
Sausage: "Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "There's something I have to ask about you-know-who."
Joel: "Voldemort?"
Gem: "No."
Joel: "Is it Voldemort?"
Gem: "It's not Voldemort."
Joel: "You haven't mentioned wizards once this conversation, so I'm gonna have to assume it's Voldemort."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "My hobbies include being right, being gay and being a hater."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cleo: "Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve."
Martyn: "I think you mean cards."
Pearl: "They did not."
Cleo: *pulling out knives* "I did not."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Xisuma: *walking into his house* "Hello, people who do not live here."
Pearl: "Hey."
Lizzie: "Hi."
Grian: "Hello."
Jimmy: "Hey!"
Xisuma: "I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!"
Martyn: "We were out of Doritos."

(They were just visiting their father figure)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joe: "That shirt looks great, Katherine."
Katherine: "Thanks."
Joe: "But I bet it would look even better on Shelby's floor."
Shelby: "Are you hitting on Katherine... for me?"

(And the fact Shelby's asexual)

Extra:
Katherine: "But we are dating?"
Shelby: "We are?"
Joe: "Shelby did you forget you and Katherine are dating?"
Shelby: "......Maybe....."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: "We're having a baby."
Pix: "Oh, congradu-"
Shelby: *slamming adoption papers onto the table* "It's you, sign here."

(Dad is getting adopted y'all)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*Simps reactions to being told 'I love you'*
Gem: "Thanks fam!"
Shelby: "Oh no."
Sausage: *cries* "I love you too."
Scott: "Sounds fake, but okay."
Joel: "Can I get a refund?"

(Shelby is me fr. If y'all say you love me, why? Just why?)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Past~

Joel: "Hi."
Shelby: "Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell her?"
Joel: "I did."
Shelby: "And what did she say?"
Joel: ""Thank you.""
Shelby: "You're totally welcome. What'd Lizzie say?"
Joel: "She said, "Thank you." I said "I love you" and Lizzie said, "Thank you.""

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Past~

Sausage: "That's ridiculous, Fwhip doesn't have a crush on me."
Gem: "Yes he does."
Fwhip: "Yes I do"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "Let me copy your homework."
Jimmy: "I was gonna copy yours."
Scott: "Well, shit."
Jimmy: "Guess I'm not doing it."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "I made this friendship bracelet for you."
Gem: "You know, I'm not really a jewelry person."
Sausage: "You don't have to wear it..."
Gem: "No, I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off."

(-Gravity Falls)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "I told Gem that her ears turn red when she lie."
Fwhip: "Do they?"
Sausage: "No."
Fwhip: "Then why did you tell her that?"
Sausage: "Because I can do this. Hey Gem! Do you love us?"
Gem: *her hands over her ears* "No."

(Gem I thought you wouldn't fall for their nonsense!)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joe: "If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?"
Joel: "Strong."
Katherine: "Weak."
Gem: "An idiot, is what you are."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Jimmy: "I just heard Lizzie call Meri a "fucking liar" because she barked like someone was at the door and no one was there."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "You call yourself my platonic soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?"
Pearl: "Making four accounts."
Scott: *tearing up* "Really...?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*at a zoo*
Shelby: "What are they in for?"
Gem: "Shelby, this isn't prison."
Shelby: "So they can leave?"
Gem: "No, but-"
Shelby: *pointing at a meerkat* "I bet that one murdered someone."

(100 bucks that the meerkat did. They look cute but that's where the most evil things are!)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Fwhip told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with."
Fwhip: "So you do agree!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "What do you have?"
Pearl: "A KNIFE!"
Lizzie: "NO!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "Wait, hold up, why you draw yourself like that?"
Joe: "Uh, like what?"
Gem: "Like with gorgeous, muscular legs."
Joe: "Uh, this is what I look like."
Gem: "..."
Joe: "THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE!"
Gem: "Okay, then I want big beefy arms. Hot ones."
Lizzie: "I wanna have a cowboy hat!"
Joe: "Okay, arms and hat." *draws them*
Joel: "Ooh, give me a cowboy hat too!"
Joe: "You can't just take Lizzie's hat idea, Joel! They thought it up all by themself like a good person! Come up with your own thing!"
Joel: "BUT I WANNA LOOK COOL!"
Shelby: "Put Joel on one of those stupid baby tricycles."
Joel: "NO!!"
Joe: "Tricycle, done." *draws it* "Katherine, want anything?l
Katherine: *making finger guns* "Pew pew."
Joe: "A blaster?! No, that's not really our style, Katherine."
Katherine: *making finger guns* "Pew pew."
Joe: "You know what, okay." *draws it* "But it's just for holding, not for shooting."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gonna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?"
Gem: "Why should I feed you if you're just gonna die anyways?"
Fwhip: "...I'll go make my bed-"

(She got a point there Fwhip)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "You need to stop swearing so much."
Pearl: "Shut the fuck up."
Gem: "Yeah, that's not how you do it."
Pearl: "Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it."
Gem: "Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine."
Pearl: "Shit the beep up."
Gem: "..."
Pearl: "SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Past~

Joel: "My hands are cold."
Lizzie: "Here, let me hold them."
Joel: "My lips are cold too."
Lizzie: *covers Joel's mouth with her hand*

(Would've worked Joel, if Lizzie knew you wanted a kiss)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Gem's birthday invitations."
H9 False: "Well, what are they supposed to say?"
Pearl: ""Gem's birthday"."
H9 False: "So, what do they say instead?"
Pearl: ""Gem's bi"."
H9 False: "...Works out either way."

(Gem coming out again)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "WHO ATE MY BREAD?!"
Scott: "I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-"
Jimmy: "I did?"
Scott: "Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Jimmy." *walks away*
Jimmy: "He's gone Sausage."
Sausage: *coming out the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth* "Twankh uh!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

False: "What is love?"
Pearl: "An emotional minefield."
Katherine: "A neurochemical reaction."
Lizzie: "Baby don't hurt me."

(Lizzie is so real for that)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in my home?"
Sausage: "They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: *pointing to Pearl's and Grian's empty rooms* "YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?!?"
Gem: "I WAS ON BREAK."

(Never let Grian and Pearl hang out with each other)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage and Scott: "Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this."
Pix: "Maybe we would, if you two would STOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "Why do you act like we're three year olds?"
Gem: *exasperated* "WHY?!?" *points at Sausage* "YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!" *points at Joel* "YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!" *points at Scott* "AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!"
The 3: "..."
Gem: "AND YOU ASK ME WHY????"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: *sees Fwhip and Sausage together* "They're cute. I would put them on a boat."
Lizzie: You mean... you ship them?

(No Lizzie she'll put them in a boat)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "To everyone who has treated me poorly; I am sexier than you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pix: "You have Crayons?"
Joel: "Yes, I have—"
Pix: "You're— how old are you?"
Joel: "YES I AM AN TEENAGER AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS."

(Yeah Pix sometimes we need crayons when we don't have color pencils)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*At the police station*
Martyn: "Hi, I'm here for Pearl and Grian."
Police officer: "Who's Pearl and Grian?"
Martyn: "Ah, you must be new."

(This is why Grian and Pearl can't hang out)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!"
Joel: *Struggling to hold a seagull* "Fucking say that next time!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian: "I'm trash."
Scar: "As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?"
Grian: "You smooth motherfucker. And yes it does."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Would you slap Jimmy-"
Grian: "Yes.
Joel: "I didn't even finish!"
Grian: "Sorry, continue."
Joel: "Would you slap Jimmy for 10 dollars?"
Grian: "I would do it for free."
Jimmy: "Rude..."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian: "I've been here in jail so long I think I've lost my mind. The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. How long have I been in here now? Almost a year?"
Mumbo: "This is Monopoly."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joe: "Why are you drinking, Sausage?"
Sausage: "I don't drink anymore, so don't start with that."
Joe: *holding an empty water bottle* "So why was this under your bed?"
Sausage: WE NEED WATER TO LIVE!
Joe: "NOT IN MY DAMN HOUSE!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cleo: "We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute."
Lizzie: "No, that's not how you make cookies."
Ren: "FLOOR IT!!"
Cleo: "How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?"
Lizzie: "yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-"
Cleo: "I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!"
Big B: "DO IT!"
Lizzie: "NO-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "Be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive... urges. Addiction can be a powerful thing."
Gem: "So am I. Bow down before your new supreme overlord, bitches."

(Bow down to GeminiSLAY!! *bows*)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "It's impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A."
Gem: "Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here's one more to further disprove your theory."
Pearl: "Fuck you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*The Squad is playing Chess*
Cleo: *easily beats everyone because they know how to play*
Pearl: *doesn't know the rules, but wins anyway*
Martyn: *doesn't know the rules, and loses*
Scott: *knows the rules, but still loses to those who don't*
Grian: "Actually, you can't do that, because I said so."
Scar: "They named a board game after cheese?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Ren: "Are you busy?"
BigB: "Yes."
Ren: "Cool, listen to this."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cleo: "Die."
Scott: "Please don't die!"
Cleo: "DIE!"
Scott: "PLEASE DON'T DIE!"
Martyn: *confused* "Why are they yelling at a plant?"
Pearl: *watching while eating popcorn* "They bought it together and Scott wants Cleo to accept it as their kid."

(Cleo is like "Let it die!" And Scott's like "Let it grow!~" anyone get the reference to this?)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?"
Martyn: "No. No, Pearl, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Pearl calls Scott. Number five: Cleo gets eaten by a shark."
Cleo: "I'm Cleo, and I approve the order of that list."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: *cowering in fear* "What do you want from me?!"
Cleo: *standing in front of Lizzie. And bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen*
Lizzie: *crying* "Please...stop..."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: *looks over Pearl's shoulder at their laptop* "What the fuck?"
Pearl: *slams screen shut* "It's just research! For something I'm writing about! I swear that's it!"
Joel: "Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?"
Pearl: "It's not just "frogs", it's the Surinam Toad. And it's not "breeding habits", it's how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!"
Joel: "That doesn't change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction."
Pearl: *offendedly* "You don't know that!"
Joel: "I hear no denial."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: *in a horrible German accent* "Bill Nye is on break, I'm Bill Nein."
Gem: "Can I go to the bathroom?"
Scott: *in the same horrible German accent: "Nein!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Impulse: "Pearl, seriously, you need to sleep!"
Gem: "It's been three days! At least take a nap!"
Pearl: *sitting in a tree, clutching a pot of coffee* "SLEEP IS FOR THE STRAIGHT!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "Why is Sausage crying on the floor?"
Joel: "They're drunk."
Lizzie: "And?"
Joel: "They saw a picture of Fwhip's boyfriend."
Lizzie: "But they're Fwhip's boyfriend."
Joel: "I know."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pix: "Did you wash the dishes?"
Oli: "I thought you wanted to do that..."
Pix: *chuckles* "You were WRONG."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pix: "Who the fuck broke the toaster?"
Joe: "It was Oli."
Katherine: "It was Oli."
False: "Oli broke it."
Oli: "...yOU PROMISED-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Grian:" Hey Scott, do you have any hobbies?"
Scott: "Swimming.."
Grian: "Really? That's cool. I never expected you to-"
Scott: "In a pool of self hatred and regret."

(Same Scott same...I need to get all these high schoolers therapy...But I don't have the money sooooo- KEEP THE TEENS TRAUMATIZED!)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Tango: "When's the last time you slept?"
Pearl: "Uh... a few days ago, I think."
Etho: A few- how many?!
Pearl: "Uh..." *starts counting on fingers* "I need more fingers..."
Tango and Etho: "What you need is sleep!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it."
Cleo: "Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side."
Pearl: "YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*Cleo teaching Pearl to drive and taking Martyn along for the ride*
Cleo: "That's a pothole. To the left!"
Pearl: "Take it back now y'all" *Drives into pothole*
Martyn: *sticking their face into the front over the center console* "Cha Cha real smooth."
Pearl: "I don't think that's how the song goes."
Cleo: *crying and gripping the handle* "Please just take me home."
Pearl: "Country Roads."
Martyn: "To the place."
Pearl and Martyn in unison: "I Belong!"
Cleo: *crying harder* "What the fuck?"

(This is what happened before the events of chapter 90 and why Cleo refuses to let either of these two to drive)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill!" *looks around* "....Should I keep it?"
Mumbo: "Joel, just do the right thing."
Pearl and Bdubs: "And put in your bag."
Mumbo: "No—"

(I would honestly keep it cus finders keepers but fr I do that when I find coins on the floor)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "Don't go to the kitchen."
Pearl: "Why?"
Scott: "I saw a spider."
Pearl: "Well, did you kill it?"
Scott: "It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair..."

(Pearl killed it for him luckily. The Aussie ain't afraid of no spider)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Shelby: "Kathy, do you love me?"
Katherine: "Of course I do!"
Shelby: "Would you still love me if I did something bad?"
Katherine: "Well, of course I... would..."
Shelby: "I mean something really, really—"
Katherine: "Shelby, what did you do?"

(Probably blew the school up again with the other Simps)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Tommorrow's garbage day."
Gem: "I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

H9 False: "I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night."
Pearl: "All I drank was coffee"
H9 False: "How many?"
Pearl: "Eighteen."

(Pearl's a coffeeholic but so is False...Both Falses...)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Jimmy: "Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours!"
Lizzie and Martyn: "Six? We only got three!"
Grian: "You guys got sleep?"
Pearl: *comes stumbling out of her room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying* "What year is it??"
Lizzie: "2024 sis...2024..."

(Well...Who's gonna tell Pearl she needs sleep bc I'm not. No one else in this book would cus she'll just shrug it off...)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: *sneaking in through Gem's window since he didn't check if it was his window*
Gem: *turning in her chair and flicking the light one* "You want to tell me where you've been all night?"
Fwhip: "I was with Sausage and Pearl?"
Sausage and Pearl: *coming in Gem's room after listening in* "Wanna try again?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Cleo: *calling Gem* "Hi, who's this? Pearl changed all of my contacts."
Gem: "What's mine?"
Cleo: "Shortie."
Gem: "SHE'S SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!"
Cleo: "Oh, hey Gem."
Gem: "FUCK!"

(Gem was sitting down on the floor which is why Cleo couldn't see her)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "Happy birthday Katherine! I'm your gift!"
Katherine whispering to Gem: "Did you get the receipt, or do I have to keep him?"

Extra:

Gem whispering back: "He didn't have a receipt in the first place"
Katherine mumbling under her breath: "Damnit"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "Sausage! What did I tell you about lying?"
Sausage: *looking down* "...That it only works on Jimmy."
Pearl: "Exactly and here you are lying to Keralis"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself."
Lizzie: *Picks up Fwhip*
Lizzie: "I've only befriended Fwhip for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then my self."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?"
Fwhip: "What? Like J F K W S Q X-"
Sausage: "No, like, U R A Q T."
Fwhip: "Awwww!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "You know, sometimes I really think I can be too straight despite being bi"
Shelby: *covered in bi merch and sipping an iced coffee* "Sucks to be you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scott: "Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack."
Sausage: "That's the truest statement I've ever heard."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: *chokes on something*
Pix: "Jeez, Lizzie, don't die on us."
Lizzie: "Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "What does "take out" mean?"
Scott: "Food."
Joel: "Dating."
Sausage: "Murder."
Shelby: "It can be all three if you're brave enough."

(Real Shelby)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Past~

Katherine: "Come on, Gem. Nobody actually believes that Shelby is in love with me."
Gem: *to The Squad* "Raise your hand if you think that Shelby is helplessly in love with Katherine."
*Everyone but Katherine raises their hand*
Katherine: "Shelby, put your hand down."

(Even Jimmy knew Katherine and he's a bird brain)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Impulse: "Gem! My dearest friend, the legendary Geminislay herself, my most favorite hermit—"
Gem: "What meme do you need me to explain this time?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

False: "Nice rock."
Sausage: "Thanks, Shelby gave it to me."
Shelby: "I threw it at you!"
Sausage: "Aren't they the sweetest?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*While planning to break in somewhere*
Pearl: "Hey, let's do "Get Help!""
Scott: "What?"
Pearl: ""Get Help.""
Scott: "No."
Pearl: "C'mon, you love it!"
Scott: "I hate it."
Pearl: "It's great! It works every time!"
Scott: "It's humiliating. "
Pearl: "Do you have a better plan?"
Scott: "No."
Pearl: "We're doing it!"
Scott: "We are not doing "Get Help!""
*A Minute Later*
Pearl: *carrying Scott* "Get help! Please! He's dying! Help him!" *throws Scott at guards, knocking them out*
Pearl: "Ahh, classic!"
Scott: *gets up* "I still hate it. It's humiliating."
Pearl: *laughing* "Not for me, it's not."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Jimmy: "If I die first, promise to wait up for me, okay, Lizzie?"
Lizzie: "Oh, Jimmy. When I die, I'm taking you with me."
Jimmy: "I can't tell if that's a threat or a compliment."
Lizzie: "I'd think of it more as a grim inevitability."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Shelby: *brainstorming ideas for pranking Joe* "How much could a serial killer mask possibly cost?"
Katherine: "Well it's hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it'd be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don't know if I'd be very successful."
Shelby: "Huh, that's pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that?"
Katherine: "...I am very passionate about Halloween, Shelby."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pix: "What's worse than a heartbreak?"
Lizzie: "Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry."

(Same but for me personally a puppy/dog)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

                                   E2 Class

Goblin: "Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys."
Dad: "Blocked."
Goblin: "Sometimes, they're good girls!"
Dad: "UNBLOCKED!"

(Agree)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "I think I just figured something out. I got to go."
Scott: "Aren't you forgetting something?"
Sausage: "Uuh..." *hesitantly kisses Scott's forehead before running out.*
Scott: "No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?"

(I mean Sausage didn't have a father in his life and his mother died. But Eddie raised him Scott)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pix: "Father, I have sinned."
Scott: "Daddy, I've been naughty."

Extra:

Pix: "Please no"
Scott: "What? Same thing basically"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us."
Fwhip: "If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Hey Pearl, I've got an idea for how to solve this."
Pearl: *pulling out a shotgun* "Yeah?"
Joel: "Wh- No! That's not the idea, Pearl!"

(Who gave Pearl a gun?! Why the hell does a teen have a gun?!)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Tango: *looking over Pearl's redstone blueprints* "Well your calculations look like chicken scratch but as far as I can tell they're all perfect"
Pearl: "Haha thanks"
[Later, at Pearl's base]
Pearl: "I think they're onto us, mathmachicken"
Mathmachicken: "Bgawk?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Come on Fwhip, do it for our relationship. You can't put a price on that..."
Fwhip: "Yes I can. Five dollars."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

False: "This plan has a 38.5% chance of success."
Jimmy: "What? This was your plan!"
False: "Well, without my plan your chance of success would be close to 0%."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: "Oh our first mission as a couple!"
Shelby: "Why not?"
Sausage: "Hey guys, I think I discovered a new drug. It's called your relationship and I'm high on it."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Oli: "Don't worry! Fwhip and I are going to take great care of you. It's your turn to lean on us now!"
Gem: *starts crying*
Oli: "...why are you crying?"
Gem: "BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE IN CHARGE AND THAT REALLY SCARES ME!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: "You're ruining my tough guy image."
Shelby: "Who's a good girl?"
Katherine: "MEEEEEEE!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "Fwhip, don't bully Jimmy."
Fwhip: "I mean, someone has to-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Oli: "Would you slap your best friend for a thousand dollars?"
Shelby: "I would slap Joe for free."
Joe: *tearing up* "I'm your best friend??"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joe: "I'm confused. Not about being bisexual, I just don't know what the fuck is going on."

(Not bisexual but I'm always not understanding what the fuck is going on)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Do you think... That I have the capacity to be a father?"
Hermes: "I mean, you bought me this sandwich. That seems pretty paternal. I think."
Sausage: "That is true, I did bring you a sandwich"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Why are there little handprints all over the walls?"
Lizzie to Hermes: "Why are there little handprints on the walls?"
Hermes: "Because I have little hands."
Lizzie: "Because he has little hands."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our friendship."
Lizzie: "These are handcuffs."
Fwhip: "Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "With how often Fwhip talks about rules I would think he'd be more upset with this."
Jimmy: "Oh please, Fwhip only learns the rules so he can break them more efficiently."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: "It costs nothing to be kind!"
Joel: "Shutting the fuck up is also free."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Shelby: "I fight demons every day... And by demons, I mean gay thoughts."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine about Shelby: "Release my girl! She did all that but I don't care! She looked good while doing it."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: "I feel like we're forgetting something."
False: "If we can't remember it, it wasn't important."
Pix: "We left Oli at the store."
Sausage: "Like False said it's not important."
Pix: *long sighs*

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joe: "What's wrong with you?"
Shelby: "Off the top of my head, I'd say: low self-esteem, a lack of parental figures, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety."
Joe: "...Shelby you need therapy"

(I ain't paying for your guys therapy Joe, I said this before I'm broke)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel about Lizzie : "I miss my girlfriend, Sausage. I miss her a lot. I'll be back."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "Fwhip, if you're lying, so help me god... "
Fwhip: "I'm not lying! Oli saw it too."
Gem: "Oli is easily led."
Oli: "Thank you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: *talking about whatever*
Shelby's mind: "Bla bla bla... proper name... place name... backstory stuff..."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: *laying facedown on the ground and groaning*
Pixlriffs: "Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own bedroom."
Sausage: "No, I like the attention."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Past~

Katherine & Shelby: *holding hands "as friends"*(In Katherine's eyes at least)
Joe: "I don't approve of this"
Shelby mumbled to Joe: "Wow I thought you were bi?"
Joe: "THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AND YOU KNOW IT!"

(Chat he's not homophobic he's nature wives-phobic

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~At Sausage's Tavern~

Sausage: "Woah, you two look like you need a drink. I say that to all my customers but this time I mean it."
Shelby: "No, thanks. That's just gonna make me sadder. And then happier. And then sadder."
Joe: "Me and Shelby both had our hearts broken."
Sausage: "Wow, you two are really hurt, huh?"
Joe: "..."
Sausage: "Noice! I don't wanna miss this!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joey: "I know we've had our differences..."
Shelby: "We tried to fight each other!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Jimmy: "Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby."
Fwhip: "What baby?"
Jimmy: *crying a bit* "Me."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Oli: "Jimmy told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued."
Katherine: "You probably were."
Oli: "Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Shelby: "How does one turn their emotions off?"
Sausage: "Okay, so first go to settings."
Sausage: "I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first."
Shelby: "No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pix: "Just wondering, did you get any sleep?"
Sausage: "Did I get any... leap?"
Pix: "What...?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

False: "You guys worried about Gem?"
Katherine: "Totally!"
Sausage: "Yeah, she called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?""
False: "And what'd you say?"
Sausage: ""I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno.""
Katherine: "..."
False: "She's lucky to have you as a friend."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Gem: "If you got arrested what would be the charges?"
Scott: "Theft."
Sausage: "Disturbing the peace."
Joel: "Aggravated assault."
Shelby: "Arson."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Jimmy: "How do you connect with a fictional character?"
Pix: "What?"
Gem: "What?"
False: "What?"
Scott: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* "I'm glad you asked."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Katherine: *on the phone* "Hey Shelbs, do you know my blood type?"
Shelby: "Of course, it's B-."
Katherine: "Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Shelby: "We either die free, or die trying!"
Gem: "Are those the only choices?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "Sausage is not allowed to violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays."
Fwhip: "No matter how many times you say please, Sausage. We won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*The SIMPS is learning CPR on a test dummy*
Scott: "So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?"
Gem: "No, Scott. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs."
Scott: "No, that's not part of it—"
Gem: "Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?"
Sausage: "I would want to live with no legs."
Gem: "How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Sausage. You don't do anything."
Scott: "All right, well, let's get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him."
Gem: *pumps frantically*
Scott: "Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute."
Gem: "Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?"
Shelby: "How's that gonna help you?"
Gem: "I will divide and then count to it."
Shelby: "Right."
Joel: "Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?"
Gem: "Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: *reading off of a paper Joel gave her* "Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Joel is? Because Joel is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can't 'legally' be a lawyer if your license is 'cut out of a cereal box'."
Gem: "Wow, who would've thought?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Middle School~

Shelby: "That dude threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?"
Joel: "He threw a peanut butter sandwich at you! I stopped it. With my head"
Shelby: "Joel, your a good friend"
Joel: "Awww. Dude I'm your only friend"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "How would you guys deal with a toxic friend?"
Katherine: "Tell them how you really feel."
Lizzie: "Slowly distance yourself from them."
Pearl: "Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose they have to stop being toxic or pay the price."
Sausage: *being handed a sword:* "...well heck."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

~Past~

Shelby: "Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off?"
Katherine: "What? No, I—"
Joe: *enters room*
Shelly: *jaw clenches*

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Joel: "Lizzie and I are so close we even share a toothbrush."
Lizzie: "We what?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Tortoise: *walking into Shelby bedroom in the middle of the night* "I had a bad dream."
Katherine: "What was it about?"
Shelby: "No, don't ask him that!"
Katherine: Why not?
Shelby: "Cause he'll answer!"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

*Scott falls over*
Lizzie: "Scott! Are you alright?"
Scott: "Is that you, God?"
Lizzie: "What?"
Scott: "It's just, you sound a lot more like Lizzie than I expected."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "You think that's cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Fwhip."
Fwhip: "Hey, fuck you."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Fwhip: "You know, there's something weird going on with your face?"
Pearl: "What?"
Fwhip: "You're smiling! I didn't know you could do that?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Pearl: "I'm having salad for dinner!"
Jimmy: "..."
Pearl: "Well, fruit salad."
Pearl: "Actually, it's mostly grapes."
Jimmy: "..."
Pearl: "Okay, it's all grapes."
Pearl: "Fermented grapes."
Jimmy: "..."
Pearl: "..."
Jimmy: "..."
Pearl: "It's wine."
Pearl: "I'm having wine for dinner."
Sausage: "And I'm having alcohol for dinner!"

(I haven't made it explicit but all these teenagers may or may not drink...)

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

False: *answering the phone* "Hello?"
Joel: "It's Joel."
False: "What did he do this time?"
Joel: "No, it's me, Joel. It's actually me."
False: "What did you do this time?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Lizzie: "Joel! I thought I told you to wear an actual costume!"
Joel: "I am."
Lizzie: "You're just wearing a trash bag! Are you seriously going as trash for Halloween?"
Joel: "That's close, but actually no."
Joel: "I'm going as Jimmy."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Sausage: "Is there another word for "horny", but not in a sexual way?"
Sausage: "Like, I'm horny for Halloween, but I don't want to fuck a pumpkin."
Gem: "...you mean "excited"?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Scar: "Thank you for inviting me to G's wedding today, Mumbo."
Mumbo: "Yeah no problem, man"
Scar: "This is probably a stupid question, but who is Grian marrying?"
Mumbo: "You. You're the fiancé. This is your wedding with Grian!"
Scar: "Wait, what?"
Pearl: "Scott's your officiant. This is your wedding ring. I suggest taking him somewhere far, far away for your honeymoon."
Pearl: *mumbles to herself* "Somewhere far away where I don't have to his screams..."
Bdubs: "For a week!"
Gem: "Here's some money, make it two!"
Grian: *walking in* "Oh! This is beautiful! Who's having a wedding today?"

Author's Note: What the fuck have I been spending my time on...This has been rotting in my notes for months...Anyways one more chapter until the hundredth chapter!

Who's that Hermit?

It's _________!

And

Who's that MCYT-er?

It's _________!