I'm slowly loosing myself.

I don't feel like myself, I feel like a shell of my former self. I feel like I'm being dragged off. I feel like I'm falling and no ones there to catch me. I feel as though I'm dead.

Depression took me, and left a broken former me. It broke me, I can't function right, I can't smile, and all I feel like I can do is cry.

I can't hold myself together anymore. I'm breaking more and more within each day. And I'm trying to fix myself, I really am trying. And I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I don't want to worry anyone, yet here I am. Writing something no one will probably read.

I can't play as my act anymore. I can't play as something I'm not at the moment. I can't put on a fake smile and pretend I'm fine. I can't do it anymore. I'm breaking down, and I can't stop crying.

I'm at my lowest point, I'm at my breaking point right now. And I'm lost, I'm broken, and I can't fix myself or find my way back to my old happy perky self.

I'm broken, useless, a waste of space and air, I'm ugly, stupid, selfish, I'm too short, I'm fat, I'm better off dead, everyone would be happy without me here, I hate myself, and I deserve to die. All things the voices tell me, things I tell myself, things I believe.

Depression does this to you, it breaks you down till you're at your lowest point, till you're at your breaking point. It slowly eats you from the inside out. It does this till you either find a temporary cure or end it all in a bittersweet ending. 

Oh sweet depression.
Oh how I love you so.
You fuck with me and my emotions.
You fuck me up for a good while.
Then there's a bittersweet ending.
Oh depression.
Oh how I love you so.
You're my best friend, you never leave. In fact when I'm feelin' lonely and in the dark, you come running for me.
When I need help you're there to hold me close.
When I'm crying out for help, you're there to chain me up and slowly torture me, more like slowly killing me.
It's a nasty disease. A nasty illness that never seems to leave. It clings to you, like some child. It slowly eats you away, like some parasite.
But in the end, I love you so fucking much depression.

I'm loosing myself, and no one is helping me. I'm slowly slipping away, and no one is there to hold onto my hand. I'm slowly wanting to grab the nearby blade, and graze it across my skin one last time, but no one is there to yell at me or even ask me to stay away from it. I'm slowly breaking, but no one is there to help me build myself back up. I'm slowly feeling as though everything is crumbling down.

I can't breathe, I can't stop crying, I can't hold myself together any longer. I can't play as my act anymore, I can't play pretend, I can't.

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.

I'm loosing myself.

"Why don't you stay, stay cause I could really use the friend.
Stay, please stay cause my heart really needs a mend.
Somewhere somehow I guess I lost it all.
Stay, stay here with me..."

- Stay Here With Me ~ Loving Caliber

 "I'm always sad.
And I'm always lonely.
But I cant tell you.
That I'm breaking slowly.
Closed doors.
Locked in, no keys.
Keeping my feelings hidden.
There is no ease.
I need it to stop.
And I want to be able.
To open up, but...
My feelings are fatal.
My feelings are fatal."

- My Feelings are Fatal ~ mxmtoon

"And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head.
I know nothing at all."

- Say Something ~ A Great Big World

 "Little do you know.
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep.
Little do you know.
I'm still haunted by the memory.
Little do you know.
I'm trying to pick myself from piece by piece.
Little do you know.
I need a little more time.
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside."

- Little Do You Know ~ Alex & Sierra