track⁰·¹; explanation + notes  :

Hello there! I am Maits, as you may or may not have guessed and even though I have tried to keep my poems as easy as possible to understand, we'll be going through each of them in this chapter for all those who didn't quite understand how it matched with the theme.

If you are confused as to what exactly is the theme, I suggest we have another look at the description.

A collection of thoughts and memories, marking the journey of a teenage poetess, all sewn up together to be patterns in this book of embroidered dreams.

It's a journey through poems, is what we take away, first of all. And then comes the metaphor and description, etc. However, one does wonder, what exactly makes it a journey. And that's what this chapter is about, to point out how every poem literally marked certain points in my life.

Let's begin!

~

━━ TEMPTATIONS

       the first poem in the collection, this was also the first time i delved into a style quite unlike my previous childish ones (which were very direct and sober). it is a bit whimsical and made several eyebrows wiggle. it literally talks about temptations and i’m sorry to say it wasn't about my wet dreams (that comes later) but rather about how distracted i had become. i wrote it when i was fourteen, a time when my most crucial academic years had begun and it was a task to remain concentrated on a thing for more than an hour (it later reduced to a mere ten minutes).

here, i aimed for something that wasn't only singular in description, or to the point about what exactly it was. hence the line my eyes, ears, lips, skin, nose, all crave you was added, to show that all my five senses were prone to its charms. hence it could be something i liked watching, or something i enjoyed eating, something i enjoyed doing (sleeping, cuddling), etc. basically, i did anything but focus and that is exactly what temptations are for.

━━ SIGHS OF A SCHOOL-GIRL

      this was written when i was in my final year of school, all nostalgic. i had less than a year left to bid adieu to my alma mater of twelve years and it staggered me how much of my life and time i had spent there. i wrote this when i was fifteen (almost sixteen) and i did realise that i was very close to closing a chapter in my life.

here, i feel, i am at my most relatable state. i mean, it's not a day if i didn't have drama in my house and at the same time in my school. and drama, my darlings, is not always mean girls' worthy, unfortunately. drama can also be the teacher kicking you out of the class because you forgot to carry a textbook and you were a chronic nerd. yes, that's drama.

hi i am a goody-two shoes, stop judging me.

━━ A HYPOCRITICAL RAY OF HOPE

       it does not exactly describe my personality as a whole, but it does describe a time in my life when i was heavily desperate to be appreciated and was forever in the pits of self-pity. it was written a few months before my board examinations and i had written it when i felt that my (then) close friends didn't regard me in the same light as they regarded each other. and it did sting, i have to admit. but then again i was in a self-pity stage and it was a vicious cycle that i somehow managed to step out of (sometimes the residue of that past show up).

the first two lines speak of a wise old man, who was none other than the one and only Roald Dahl. his motto for life was,

'My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night
But ah my foes and oh my friends
It gives a lovely light'.

and that is what inspired me to write the poem. he was my favourite author in my pre-teen days and for those who haven't read his books, you have missed out on a huge part of your life tbqh.

━━ BEYOND THE BOUNDARY

      even though this particular poem was written after the two poems that succeeded it, i felt that i had crossed a certain barrier already after writing those two poems. the two poems i am talking about are all for you and the perfectionist. and those two poems were a major milestone in my poetry career (wow that sounds cheap).

beyond the boundary, originally written as the editorial piece for my school magazine, deals with the topic of taking risks. i loved to play safe (still do) in every thing in life, including my writing. beyond the boundary (after lots of heavy editing with the help of my teacher and editorial team) marks my journey in delivering not raw, pure pieces but solid, finished poems.

i tried out new styles in not just writing poems, but even my books. one of my books, utopia, shows a significant change in writing style from the tenth chapter onwards. instead of the limited method i used before, i had begun to explore more, experiment more. and that is what this poem wishes to convey: to soar beyond the finite, to challenge oneself.

━━ THE PERFECTIONIST

       this one is a poem that i am very happy and proud of. i had hosted an awards called the bangtan poetry awards in the last months of 2018 (i am not sure when). it was a prompt-based award show, with various challenges besides the usual prompts given.

the prompt for this one (if my memory is not too faded) was as follows:

write a four-stanza poem in free verse, underlining the meaning behind the given sentence, without directly mentioning it:

'you showed me i had reasons to love myself'

you are forbidden to use similes.

it was kinda tough and i went super relaxed with the judging (it was a small affair) for it was only the first round. most of the entries were brilliant and you can check out who won that round and what their entry was in the HALL OF FAME | BANGTAN POETRY AWARDS book on the profile.

i guess i wanted to see how my poem would turn out if i had restrictions on me, a good practice for all the poetry contests i took part in later lmao.

━━ ALL FOR YOU

       another attempt at solving my own prompt and it turned pretty well, in my not-so-humble opinion. this was the second round and i was more stringent with the marking here. the prompt was as follows:

write a poem in couplets (maximum five, minimum three) conveying the message behind the given words, without directly mentioning the sentence in your entry:

'i buried my voice for you'

you are forbidden to use simile and personification.

this was comparatively tougher to write since you had to rhyme and it had to make sense too (cause some rhymes can go horribly bad). i hope it conveyed the message as well as the winner. again, you can check out their entry on the same place as the first round's winner.

━━ ELLA & ROSELLA

       this was written around the time i had started becoming more open about my sexuality and it occured to me that i had never written a poem about this touchy topic.

although i am not wholly satisfied with the result, it wasn't a badly turned egg. most of my readers (offline readers, I mean) weren't so optimistic and gave harsh reviews. but i don't know why i felt like it was perfect just the way it was and didn't need too much editing.

could describe what i wanted to convey. maybe i should have searched harder.

━━ A LIMERICK TO A LONG-LOST FRIEND

       i don't think that this one needs too much explanation. i wrote this when i was sixteen and i had just met an old friend who i used to play with ever since i was four.

she was a big, big bully but honestly she was one small step in my life to be a bit thick-skinned and not as sensitive as i was - i was super sensitive back then, and a huge cry-baby.

the very next day, my english professor (i was in college) gave my class a surprise prompt to do which was, as you may guess it, a letter or a poem to a long-forgotten or out-of-touch friend. i remember thinking about her then and the words came automatically. it was also my first time writing a limerick.

and that's how my classmates realised i could write poems (i got an applause after reading it out to all of them). i thank her for making me so gutsy.

━━ THE ANTAGONIST'S STORY

       i was ruminating about the plays i had acted in and realised that i had, in some way or the other, always played a villain or a negative character in every one of these. so i thought, why not a poem from the villain's point of view?

i had to edit this a bit and my critics (parents and friends) helped me a lot with their opinions. i, of course, had to include this. i was still sixteen when i wrote this, which makes me realise that a lot of my poetry was written when i was sixteen.

food for thought, eh?

━━ WHAT MATTERS? WHAT DOESN'T?

       i don't know what coke i had sniffed that day but i was feeling super philosophical after talking to some friends about different types of personalities and how unpredictable things were.

and i suppose things weren't really going well for me then and i honestly was having a tough time regarding studies. so instead of trying to concentrate i wrote a poem about how unpredictable life was.

━━  OF VICTIMS AND EELS

        for this poem, i will have to admit that i wrote this when one of my dearest friends was going through great pain and i am not exaggerating when i say this. it made my heart bleed to see her suffer so and i spoke at lengths with my mother to ask her for advice and i tried everything i could.

honestly, this was kinda my message of hope for her to tell her that even though i couldn't assure her whether things would be alright, i would always be there for her.

━━  THE MUSINGS OF AN ADOLESCENT

        i wrote this when i was feeling particularly - well - attached to my crush. i mean, our talk and everything was pretty innocent but i just felt so shy and so affected by every little thing. i suppose it was also because i was on my periods then, since i can be very "hormonal" during those times.

since i didn't know what else i could do to express myself, i wrote a poem. let's be honest: i wrote a poem when i was feeling very sexual.

━━  NOT THAT PURPLE, I'M AFRAID

       it was written during a time when i realised that i was putting my crush on a pedestal. i realised that the many times i was so disappointed in some of the decisions all my crushes took, was maybe because i turned them into this perfect individual with no flaws. i refused to believe that they had faults.

and when they let me down, i would portray them as some villain and try to hate them. like i and many others believe, "hate is just love gone wrong". the true opposite of love was apathy and it was only when i stopped caring a damn about them did i know that i no longer loved or held any attachment to them.

━━  MY WINDFLOWER

       although i admitted i took inspiration from the song windflower by mamamoo, the meaning behind the song and my poem differ vastly. while the song is about love that did not flourish, my poem is about a dear, close friend.

i wrote it when i was at my weakest and i am still proud of the poem, despite it many mistakes. it is raw and exposes my naked heart, stripped off all pretences. i won't expose too much detail, but it basically talks about my fear of losing my friend, because of her one, rash decision.

━━  A LITTLE EMPATHY REQUIRED

       not my first poem on empathy but still one that i hold dear to my heart. it is short, but covers just about every domestic argument i have endured and participated in.

it speaks volumes about how things should actually be dealt with, but unfortunately that never happens. it's not like we all crave for war and vengeance, we all want peace in the end. but peace is difficult to attain when there isn't mutual understanding.

the title is inspired from the popular phrase "a little assembly required". it speaks about messy argument and how one wishes to have them resolved.

━━  DESOLATION THE DICTATOR

       again, a poem written when i wasn't feeling very inspired and i was going through what one might call "writer's block". i honestly believe that it's a myth. i find it hard to believe that one can ever run out of inspiration, when there are just so many things right before your eyes that can spark a current of creativity. however, one does find it difficult to express oneself when they lose the will to hunt for inspiration.

it was this very lack of willpower that made me feel so desolate, so useless. i tried so hard to hunt for fresh thoughts, to dig for feeble sparks of fire and failed every time. i had taken a rather long break of writing (three months, if i'm not wrong) and even my once in a month updates of books had stopped.

i managed to pick myself up after a positive event. i believe that a little positivity can stimulate a lot of much needed willpower to push yourself to your limits.

━━  A DRY BOTTLE

       even though it somehow manages to ring a similar tune like its predecessor, this poem signifies the end of a journey. however, this journey ends to embark on another. it is acceptance of the fact that there is nothing more that can be done to prolong the journey and is finally at peace with whatever it has managed to ooze out of itself.

it feels like a conclusion to this entire anthology and i couldn't think of a better way to end it.

~

And here we are, at the very end. I originally intended to end it when I was eighteen but I ended it when I was seventeen, instead.

I'm eighteen now, after revamping the book.

However it's been a wonderful two years put into compiling each poem (since the first poem was written in 2018!) I hope that this chapter wasn't too long to endure and hopefully covered every point. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to drop a comment!

Also, the number that followed after my pen name in each poem is the word count of that poem.

Goodbye and see you in another work, maybe?

~maits¹⁸

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