#EmbracingDarknessCH30

Disappointed

She's my girlfriend...

She's my girlfriend...

Kinurot-kurot ko ang braso ko at mahinang sinampal-sampal ang pisngi ko habang paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang boses ni Dark sa isipan ko. 

"You're not dreaming, Claudi, stop doing that."

Napatingin ako kay Tiara na inagaw sa akin ang stuff toy na si Spongebob na pinagpagan pa niya at inayos-ayos. 

"Grabe kang makapisil kay Spongebob, pinanggigilan mo. Kilig na kilig pa din?" taas-kilay niyang saad.

Inagaw ko muli sa kanya si Spongebob at niyakap. "You're there right? You saw it? You heard it? He asked me to be his girlfriend!"

"Yes, yes, and yes. Nandoon ako at na-witness ko kung paanong hindi ka man lang nagpakipot at pumayag na maging girlfriend niya."

Napanguso ako sa tono ng boses niya na tila hindi natutuwa. Kanina ko pa napapansin na parang wala siya sa mood. "Tiara, aren't you happy for me? I finally got what I wanted. Higit pa nga eh, hindi lang ako basta napansin ni Dark. He likes me, and now, he's my boyfriend."

Bumuntonghininga siya at seryoso akong hinarap. "You're my best friend, Claudi, more than a sister pa nga. I always wanted you to be happy kasi magiging happy rin ako if that happens. But now, I don't know what to feel, I-I can't fully support you on this one."

"W-why, Tiara? Sinusuportahan naman kita hindi ba--"

"Hindi palagi. Lalo na kapag alam mong makakasakit at makakasama na 'yon sa akin. Remember my ex? We almost hurt each other because of him. The first time we fought was because of him."

Natahimik ako at naalala ang pangyayaring 'yon. I was mad at Tiara because the guy keeps on cheating on her but she chose to forgive him. Buti na lang, in the end, na-realize niya pa rin na hindi siya ang right guy for her.

"You think Dark would only hurt me? Na makakasama siya sa akin?"

"Hindi sa ganoon Claudi, half-half ako. Nakita ko namang masaya ka sa kanya, pero siya? Hindi same iyong energy na nakikita ko sa inyong dalawa. Your eyes would always sparkle everytime you looked at him pero siya? He's cold."

Napalunok ako at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya. "Hindi lang talaga siya showy, Tiara. Believe me, he hugged me kanina when I told him aalis na lang ako dahil kay Helene. I was ready to stop this foolish love of mine but he stopped me because he likes me. Hindi man kami same pa ng nararamdaman, I know, darating din kami ro'n. Please, support me on this one. Ayokong madagdagan ang taong may ayaw sa aming dalawa na mahal ko."

She sighed and pulled my arms and hugged me. "Fine. Pero Claudi, sinasabi ko sa 'yo, hindi todo-bigay dapat hmmm? Always prioritize yourself. Magtitira ka ng pagmamahal sa sarili mo okay? Hindi dapat laging siya."

Tumango-tango ako at niyakap siya. "Yes, I'll do that, Tiara. Sinabi na din naman ni mommy sa akin 'yan. If there comes a time that he hurt me, I won't stay. I would leave. I would never beg for his love. I know when to let go."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

But you know what they always say? Promises are meant to be broken.

***

"I'm so disappointed with you, Leighrah Claudine."

"Dad, I-I'm sorry--"

"Enough. Malaki ka na. Ayaw mo naman talagang pinapakialaman ka namin hindi ba? Ang bine-baby ka. Go on and do what you want."

"Dad naman--"

"Claudi sweetheart..."

Napahikbi ako nang ang boses na ni Mommy ang narinig ko. My father doesn't want to talk to me. I ruined their vacation. As expected, hindi naman talaga maitatago kay Daddy ang balita tungkol sa amin ni Dark. Early in the morning when I received a call from him after I turned on my phone. 

He's a chairman of an entertainment network. How could I hide that from him?

"I-I'm sorry, Mommy. Are you mad at me din?"

"No, sweetheart. I'm not. Hayaan mo kakausapin ko ang daddy mo. Nagtatampo lang 'to pero hindi niya naman matitiis ang prinsesa niya. We'll talk kapag nakabalik na kami. Marami kang ikwekwento kay mommy," may panunudyo pa ang tono ng ina ko kaya kahit paano'y gumaan ang pakiramdam ko. 

"I h-hope you could still enjoy your vacation, Mommy."

"We will. Malay mo masundan pa ang kambal," pagtawa niya na ikinatawa ko rin sa gitna ng pag-iyak. Alam kong pinapagaan ng ina ko ang loob ko. 

Ganoon naman si Mommy. If dad was the one who's mad, she'll coax us. Vice versa. That's their parenting style. Pero kapag parehas na silang galit, then we're doomed.

"I love you, Mommy ko."

"I love you too, our Claudi."

Nang maibaba ko ang tawag ay akala ko'y tapos na ang pag-iyak ko pero nang maalala ang sinabi ng ama ko sa akin ay muling tumulo ang mga luha ko. Sinuway ko siya. He's really mad and disappointed with me.

This is the first time he has told me those words, and gosh, it hurts so much.

I never wanted this to happen, but what can I do? Every time I'm with Dark, I become oblivious to the happenings and people around me.

If someone were to ask me what one of the scariest things about love is, maybe this is one of them. Being unaware. When our world revolves solely around the person we love. It's frightening, too.

I glanced at my phone when it rang. Dark's name flashed on the screen, but with tears in my eyes, I just turned away from my cellphone.

I'm still guilty for disobeying my father.

But don't get me wrong, I still love Darky. He's still my boyfriend, but I don't have the energy to talk with him now.

Buti na lang at minor lang ang mga subjects namin ngayong araw. Kahit sinabi ko naman kay Tiara na 'wag na siyang gumaya sa akin at samahan ako sa pag-absent ay ginawa niya pa rin.

She's not the type of student who would absent unless it's life and death. 

Sinabi ko pa lang na tumawag na sa akin si daddy ay alam niya na kaagad kung bakit naging mala-panda ang mga mata ko sa pag-iyak. 

She ordered lots of food and ice cream. We binge-watched our favorite series, and we didn't even take a bath.

It's our lazy day.

Our phones are off too.

I didn't even check my social media. For now, I want to rest. It's my "me" time.

"You're such a mess, Claudi," pang-aasar sa akin ni Tiara nang kumalat ang chocolate ice cream sa damit ko dahil ang tingin ko ay nasa tv at wala sa pagkain no'n.

"Should I take a bath na?"

Tumawa siya. "Huwag na, mamaya na. It's still 5 o'clock pa lang naman. You're still beautiful pa din naman."

Hinila ko siya at niyakap. "You really love me, Tiara."

"Mygosh Claudine! You're messing me up na din!"

Malakas akong tumawa nang makitang kumapit din sa kanya ang dumi na nasa shirt ko. I'm really glad that Tiara's with me. She's really my soul sister.

Naputol ang pagtatawanan namin nang may mag-doorbell.

"That's the cleaning staff na siguro. Ikaw naman ang mag-abot ng trash natin, please."

"Really Tiara? Ako 'tong mas madumi sa atin!"

"So what, I'm so lazy to move. Please, Claudi."

Iiling-iling na pinagbigyan ko na din si Tiara dahil sa aming dalawa naman ay siya 'tong palaging nagbibigay ng trash namin. I stood up and grabbed our trash bags. 

"Wait a minute!" sigaw ko nang maulit ang pagdo-doorbell.

"Sorry Kuya, I was--"

Nabitin sa ere ang sinasabi ko nang makitang hindi ang cleaning staff ang nagdo-doorbell.

"Dark..."

"Why aren't you answering my texts and calls--"

Bago niya pa matapos ang sasabihin ay pinagsarhan ko siya ng pinto. Awang ang labi na tiningnan ko ang oversized shirt na hindi lang ice cream ang dumi. May crust and onions pa from our pizza.

Nang sulyapan ko ang sarili sa salamin ay impit akong napatili dahil sa hitsura ko. Ang dungis-dungis ko!