Kabanata 6

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only person who screams multiple 'what the effs' in their mind when someone tells you that they like you. Agad na kumuyumos ang aking mukha habang tinitigan ang sarili sa salamin.

"Anong nagustuhan n'ya sa 'yo? Para sa isang patatas, ikaw na 'yata ang pinaka-plain sa lahat."

I scolded myself infront of the mirror. Inisa-isa ko pa ang bawat imperfections ko para maging panatag na hindi ako nagkakamali sa hinala ko na baka trip lang talaga ni Gio na maging paasa.

Albeit, not being the prettiest girl in the world — naranasan ko na rin naman ang maligawan at masabihan ng maganda. Pero sa tuwing akala ko ay totoo ito, I would be replaced easily with a prettier and much more better love interest.

That was the usual scenario. I was constantly being replace with someone who's prettier, more talented, more brainy and just someone who's better over all.

Kaya naman pakiramdam ko ay hinuhukay ko ang sarili kong bangin na pagkakahulugan kung sakali na maniwala akong crush ako ni Gio. He was the unattainable person that I'm avoiding!

"Paulene, kakain na. May dala akong palabok," Mila knocked on my door before entering. She was barefaced but her pointy nose and almond shaped eyes are enough to make her look beautiful.

Partida ay wala pa siyang make up. I admire girls who know how to put make up on their faces. It makes them feel more confident and I wished I was more like them. I wished I could wear make up and feel good about myself. Hindi ko iisipin ang mga iniisip ng iba tungkol sa akin at kung bakit gusto ko gumamit ng mga make up.

"Favorite ko!" I beamed and she smiled back. Bumaba na kami para kumain ng dala n'yang palabok. She unwrapped the bilao and served me with servings of palabok. We also had a quick conversation about her entire day. She met a few artists and some even asked for her number.

"Ikaw? How was your week?" Mila asked while twirling the noodles on her fork. She looked up to me.

"Someone confessed to me," I almost gagged. "Pero wala naman 'yon. That's pretty usual for you, right?"

Mila has tons of admirers. Iba pa ang mga fans n'ya. Madalas siyang pinapadalhan ng mga regalo na mamahalin at lahat ng luho n'ya ay natutumbasan ng kan'yang mga tagahanga. She is well loved. She deserves it. Pero hindi ko maiwasan ang isipin na sana ako rin. Even for a minute, I would like to experience to be on her shoes.

"Sino?" she asked, putting down her fork. Kumuha siya ng orange juice upang uminom at hindi inaalis ang tingin sa akin.

"Hindi mo 'yata kilala," I chuckled, nervously.

"Hm? Edi kikilalanin ko," Mila simpered which made me feel uneasy.

"Kaklase ko lang at b-baka na-turn off na 'yon sa akin."

"Who wouldn't like you, Paulene? I'm sure he still likes you." Mila surmised and playfully tucked some strands of hair behind her ear and proceed to resting her chin on her palm.

The thing is, I know, that I'm not that bad. Hindi ako sobrang ganda pero kahit papaano ay hindi rin naman ako sobrang pangit. Hindi ako matalino pero pumapasa ako. Hindi ako talented pero may mga kaya naman akong gawin. Hindi nga lang sapat para piliin ako.

I simply just don't stand out.

Dumating ang lunes na para bang hindi umamin sa akin si Gio, he didn't seem to mind while I'm going crazy thinking why would he like someone like me. It makes me wonder and ponder on his reason for liking me instead of LJ who's pretty, Zafirah who's smart or even Melanie who had a humorous and positive personality.

Bakit ako pa?

"Parang ewan ka, Gio." Melanie hissed as she waits for Gio to pick a paper. "Pare-pareho lang naman 'yan! Mga papel din naman 'yan pero namimili ka pa!"

Kailangan namin mag-check ng papel ngayon at hindi magkasundo si Melanie at Gio dahil ang tagal ni Gio pumili ng papel.

"Nahanap ko na!" Gio beamed, agad siyang umupo sa kan'yang upuan matapos makuha ang papel at manghiram ng gel pen kay Zafirah.

Akala ko nakalimutan na ni Gio ang feelings niya para sa akin. I thought it was all over. Pero hindi ko inakalang pati ang simpling papel ko ay pagtitripan ng lokong 'yon!

Disbelief registered in my face as I read my returned paper. Halos mapunit ko 'yon sa sobrang kahihiyan. I read every comment and doodle that he did on my paper!

1. A — B-b ko dapat ang sagot :(

2. D — VERY GOOD. FIVE STARS. TAMANG-TAMA. KAYA AKO AY SA 'YO!

3. C — Mali 'to, Pau. Pero para sa akin tama ka :(

4. A — CORRECT. GALING-GALING NI BABY

5. B — D-di ba talaga tayo pwede? :(

INIWASTO NI:
FUTURE ATTY. GIORGION SAN PEDRO, CPA AKA Kahit future mo na lang, okay lang din!

Tinago ko agad ang papel ko. I was hiding my blushing face from my blockmates, I covered my entire face using my hands. Nahihiya ako na malaman nilang crush ako ni Gio. It's because far-fetched! Mabuti na lamang at pinapasabi lang ni Ma'am ang score namin, hindi ko kasi kakayanin ang kahihiyan kapag nabasa pa ito ni Ma'am!

I shot him a glare. Gio seemed unfazed. Kumurba pa nga ng isang ngiti ang kan'yang labi. He acted oblivious and it made my head boil more.

Maybe if I'll reject him, he'll stop? Napakagat ako ng aking labi. Pero hindi ko alam paano ang tumanggi sa isang tao! I have never rejected anyone before.

Napalunok ako.

I have to find someone so that Gio would see that I'm not for him. Hindi kami bagay. Masyado s'yang nasa tuktok. I'm not supposed to climb a mountain! Hanggang sa ibaba lang dapat ako dahil kapag masyado akong umakyat baka malaglag lang ako at walang sumalo.

I decided to visit Philomena Gracia, sa mga panahon na naguguluhan ako ay sa kan'ya ako nakakakuha ng mga magagandang advice. She's full of wisdom. Sa kan'ya ako kumakapit kapag pakiramdam ko ay hindi na magiging tama ang mga desisyon ko.

I strutted my way to the HUMSS building. Kitang-kita ko ang mga estudyanteng naglalakad na may hawak na yellow paper, may kinakabisado 'yata. I couldn't hear them too well but I heard numerous republic acts being recited.

Nakapunta na ako sa HUMSS 1. I gulped as I touched the doorknob. Sinilip ko kung nasa loob si Philomena pero mukhang wala 'yata. Kakaunti lang ang nasa loob ng classroom nila ngayon.

"Good morning," bati sa akin ng isang lalaki. Agad akong napalingon dito.

He was tall, moreno and had a cute smile on his face. Medyo napaigtad ako dahil mukhang papasok sana s'ya sa classroom nila.

"Sino hanap n'yo?" he asked.

"Si Philomena Gracia," I answered briefly.

"She's having her lunch break. Baka nasa cafeteria."

"Ah, okay! Thank you. Uh, Paulene nga pala." I extended my hand. Bigla kong napagtantuan na bakit ko sinabi ang pangalan ko?

He chuckled and accepted my hand. Mainit ang mga palad n'ya, it brought a certain electricity to my skin.

"Jeremy," pagpapakilala n'ya.

My lips pulled apart from each other as I smiled. I think I just found the one.

Agad ko ito kinuwento sa mga kaibigan. I was giddy whenever I remember Jeremy from the HUMSS strand. Kaklase pa s'ya ni Philo, it just means I could visit Philo and Jeremy at the same time!

"Strand trip ka ba? TVL now, HUMSS later?" Amber nudged me upon knowing that I have a new crush. "Ang landi naman n'yan, Paulene!"

"Araw-araw nagpapalit ng crush, napaka-pokpok naman Pau." Brittany added, chuckling.

I only laughed because that's supposed to be funny, right? Dapat akong matawa hindi ba?

I laughed once again, almost choking on my own laughter.

Some friends joke about it. Natatawa naman sila madalas. Kaya dapat siguro ay matawa rin ako. Biro lang naman ito at malayo sa bituka pero malapit sa puso.

I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. Takot ako na baka lalo silang mapalayo sa akin. I was afraid that if I oppose to their beliefs, they would leave me and no one will be there for me anymore.

Kaya naman kaya ko tiisin ang ganitong trato basta ba't meron akong mga kaibigan. As long as I have friends to go to, I don't mind the det​ri​men​tal jokes. This was better than being alone.

I could feel my pulse racing because of Gio. Napalingon kasi s'ya sa akin at agad na kumunot ang noo n'ya. He was staring at me oddly.

"Okay ka lang?" nilabi n'ya. Agad na napaawang ang labi ko dahil sa tanong n'ya.

"Huh?"

"Okay ka lang ba?" ulit ni Gio sa mas malakas na tono. He looked at us as we were going back to our seats. Nasa teacher's desk s'ya ngayon at mukhang may announcement.

"Oo naman," I smiled. "Bakit mo natanong?"

"Your smile is fading," he answered even demostrating a cheerful smile on his face.

"Nakangiti naman ako, ah?"

"Hindi ka naman masaya?" Gio shot back. "You're just smiling though, it doesn't mean you're happy."

I walked towards my seat and inhaled sharply, trying to calm myself. Gano'n lang talaga si Gio sa lahat. He's worried for almost everyone. Hindi ka espesyal, Paulene.

Gio can read people well. Isa sa mga napansin ko sa kan'ya dahil madalas kapag may problema ang isa sa klase namin, he's the first one to know and the first one to help them solve their problems.

It makes me wonder if Gio has his own set of problems too? At kung meron man, kanino n'ya ito sinasabi? Of course he needs an outlet for him to feel relieved. Hindi na pwedeng s'ya palagi ang tapunan ng problema.

"Gio," I called him after our class. Agad na umaliwas ang mukha n'ya. He seemed to be happy.

"May crush ako sa HUMSS. . ." I gulped and averted my gaze. "Can you like someone else?"

"Akala ko TVL?" Gio asked, he didn't even sound offended.

"HUMSS na ngayon."

"Sino?"

"Si Jeremy," I retorted. "I want you to find someone else. Ayoko kasi sana na isipin ni Jeremy na hindi ako available."

"Jeremy?" Gio frowned at my statement. I didn't entertain him anymore. Sana lang talaga ay tigilan na ako ni Gio. I feel like I could fall but I don't want to. It's hard to contain the blossoming feelings.

Ayoko sa gano'n. I'm already contented with liking guys who won't like me back. Kumpara sa mga nagbibigay sa akin ng pag-asa pero sa huli ay iiwan din naman ako.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪보라해❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜