{ E v a n ' s   P O V }

Click clack click clack

I let out a shaky breath as I took a step.

Where did I leave it? It was in my bag this morning! What am I supposed to give Dr. Sherman?!

If you didn't know what is happening.. let me explain;

My therapy letter is missing.

Here's the thing, I started going to therapy ever since I was nine. And when I went to therapy, I was told that I have to write letters to myself. It's weird but honestly, it helps. Even though most of them are lies. I was happy. My mom was happy because of the 'improvement' that I made up.

I guess I couldn't let that go.

So I kept on writing letters to myself.

For as long as I can remember.

I saved every letter, you wrote me.. from the moment I read them, I knew you were m-

"Hello? Mom?" I answered my phone.

"Sweetie? Hey, I'll be back late tonight. Are you home?" She asked. I heard people talking in the background. She must be really busy.

"Y-yeah I am-"

"Nurse Hansen, we need you here stat!"

I heard a voice say. She must be in the ER.

"Yes yes! I'll be there in a minute!- sorry sweetie, I gotta go. See you later!"

"O-okay, bye" I said before hanging up.

Just a few more block until my house.

I've always liked the peaceful sound of leaves swaying with the wind. But not right now.

I still don't know where my letter is.

I need it back.

But where in the world is it?

I stopped at my tracks.

It couldn't be with someone is it?

Oh no, what if it is?

I started to think paranoid thoughts.

What if someone reads it?!

What if it got thrown out the trash?!

W-wait..

I could always make a new one.

Right?

Right.

Y-you're fine, Evan.

Don't worry... you're fine.

¤¤¤

Once I arrived at my house, I quickly went to my room.

I took a piece of paper and started writing the words I originally wrote.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is going to be a great day and here's why..

Because today.. at least you are you and that's enough.

Why do I keep lying to myself?

Today wasn't that great. Some kids were making fun of my stuttering.

I had a hard time trying to talk too.

I took another piece of paper and wrote.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all.

Or in all honsetly, this isn't going to be an amazing week, or even a year.

Cause.. cause why would it be?

Oh I know, because there's Zoe! And all my hope is pinned on Zoe whom I don't even know!

And who doesn't even know me... but y'know.. maybe.. maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her then maybe.. maybe nothing would be different at all.

I wish everything was different. I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone.

I mean, face it. Would anyone even notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely your caring and most dearest friend,
Me.

"That's a nice letter"

"AGH!-" I fell of my chair. I looked up to see...

"-JARED?! H-HOW D-D-DID YOU G-GET IN HERE?!" I got up.

"Through the window" he casually said.

"W-wha- why a-are you here?" I tried to hide my letters away.

"Oh y'know, ordering some pizzas for you since you can't do that by yourself" he started to dial the nearest pizza place.

"Yeah, hello? Mhm, yeah, I'd like to order two pizzas, yeah. Cheese and pepperoni please. Yep, okay. Thanks" he hung up.

"You're not allergic to dairy are you?" He asked.

"M-me? No n-no of course not" I stammered as I fixed my desk.

"That's good to know, the pizza will be here in a few. Hey, do you have video games, maybe?" He started to look around.

"I-I have a few, d-do you want to play?" I asked him. I don't really play that much video games, but when I do, it's probably Overwatch.

"Sure, I'd like to hang for a bit" He chuckled.

"Y-you d-don't mean hamging from the ceiling r-right?" If there's one thing I should know, it's that Jared tried to kill himself once.

"What? No! No I'm not doing that! I've stopped self-harm, dude, check my arm" he showed me his arm which had no signs of cuts anywhere.

"O-okay.. sorry"

"It's okay" he smiled dearly.

"A-anyways, what game do you want to play?" I changed the topic.

"Anything" he sat on my bed while I searched for a good game.

"I-I k-now this guy w-who told me to play this one" I showed him my game. It's the apocalypse of the damned. It's a good game, but it's scary.

"Oh cool, let's play"

"Okay"

{ C o n n o r ' s    P O V }

"Hey kid, we got a delivery, see if you could get it there in time" the manager called for me.

"Sure, what's the address?" He handed me a thin piece of paper.

I grabbed the pizza boxes and rode my motorcycle.

Other than smoking pot in my basement or my room, I also deliver pizza. I mean, how else am I supposed to get money for drugs? Ask my parents? Hell no. I make my own money by working part-time. And to be honest, this job pays off. The salary isn't that expensive but also not that cheap.

I swerved past the cars that blocked my way. I can't be late while delivering these. If I was, then the person who ordered it would get it for free. And that's not a good thing. At least for the pizzaria.

I reached my destination after a few minutes.

"Not too shabby, Connor" I spoke to myself. I took off my helmet and tied my hair in a bun.

I grabbed the pizza boxes and knocked on the door. This place is familliar. The paint is chipping off. There's probably an old guy living in here.

The door opened.

"That'll be thirty dollars" I spoke in a monotone voice.

The guy looked up.

No way.

"No freaking way.."

"J-jared? Who's at the door-"

"Connor Murphy?!"

"Jared Fuckman?!"

"Evan Hansen?! W-wait that's me" The guy in the blue striped polo spoke.

"Do my eyes decieve me or is the emo king of the school wearing a Domino's uniform?!" The bathbomb cronching idiot laughed at me.

"I suggest that you pay me thirty dollars now or you'll feel pain in a few minutes" I glared at him.

"Wow I always knew that uniform was tight but I didn't know it was that tight to get your panties in a twist" he laughed even more.

"I'm warning you Kleinman" I gritted my teeth.

This is a waste of my time.

He just laughed.

I raised my hand into a fist to puch him until someone went in between.

"H-h-h-here! T-thirty dollars!" He waved the green paper in front of me.

He looked like he's about to explode. His face was red. He was sweating. He looks like he's going to cry.

I looked at him. Ignoring the fact that Jared was still laughing a bit.

"Are you that guy that I pushed this morning?" I asked him.

His eyes widened.

He looked bothered.

"Sorry" I took the money and handed him the pizza boxes.

He didn't take it immediately.

"Uh.. do you want your pizza or-"

"I'LL TAKE IT!- sorry! I-I mean, please.. let me take it" he said.

That was weird.

I waited for him to grab the boxes. When he did, our fingers touched a bit.

"T-thank you" he stuttered and closed the door.

"Weird"

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