"Abby killed him.", Ellie whispered while her arm was wrapped around your body, pulling you close to her chest.

You did say anything. Just like you hadn't after she had told you so many stories about her and Joel. And Tommy, Joel's brother.

Her kinda-uncle, how she had put it.

She had told you about Sarah, Joel's daughter that had died when the infection first had started. And how Joel had taught Ellie how to swim.

How he had made her the coolest birthday present. And how he used to groan in annoyance whenever she found one of those old collector cards or comic books.

But the way Ellie told all these stories gave away that she and Joel have had a good relationship. It almost reminded you of your family before your mother had died.

Had been infected.

Again, you had to swallow hard just like so many times after the confession had left your lips.

Ellie didn't judge you. And if she did she was damn good in hiding it. Whatever she thought she didn't make you feel bad about it.

Instead, she had brought you back to the dry shelter, had put you and then herself into clean, dry clothes and was now snuggled up against your back.

Over and over again did your eyes follow along the green lines of her tattoo. A moth and a leave. Somehow those two felt familiar. The moth in particular.

Without warning you found yourself drawing along the ink with the tip of your fingers. Ellie's fingers flinched slightly as you reached the scarred spot.

A shivering breath escaped your lips. Your fingers wrapped around her arm to give it a squeeze.

Her breath caressed the back of your head, made small hairs tremble. The warmth of her lips was so close to your neck that it made goosebumps chase down your spine.

"Joel and I... kinda had an argument. Before he died.", her words scratched the deepest parts of your brain, so deep that it made your toes tingle. "I never had the chance to say sorry. I wanted everything to be... the way it used to."

You swallowed hard.

Ellie's voice carried so much emotion that you couldn't help but feel what she must have felt back then.

"He taught me the guitar.", she went on and a melancholy smile appeared on her lips.

But it quickly faded again as her fingers curled. Three fingers on her right hand. A hand she needed to play the guitar.

"It feels like... I lost everything that was connected to him.", she curled her fingers once more, trying to control something that wasn't there. "No more guitar. My switchblade. Joel... Abby took it all."

Suddenly, your eyes flinched.

"But you let her go..?", it baffled you.

She had been so close.

So. Fucking. Close.

She had been at the beach, had fought Abby. You had watched from afar a little. Ellie could have won, would have won, if only she wouldn't have let Abby go.

She could have drowned her.

Why didn't she?

It seemed as if Ellie had asked herself this same question many times after she had been saved. Her gaze was empty as she stared at the back of your (H/C) hair.

Her breathing was uneven as she sucked in a sharp breath and held it until it burned all the way up to her throat.

"I dunno.", her voice was barely more than a whisper. "There was... this boy. She cared for him. The way Joel cared for me."

"You think she and Joel are the same?", you couldn't help the confused judgement in your voice.

Ellie gritted her teeth.

"Fuck no."

You let your fingers run along hers, drew the lines, up and down and then along the side of her hand which made it twitch.

The touch was so soft that it felt ticklish.

"Then why?", if you were completely honest with yourself you didn't know what you would have done in her place.

But as someone who's never been in a situation like this before you allowed yourself some ignorance and think you would have killed her without hesitation.

A weird thought, considering that you've never killed without hesitation before. There was always this thought that lingered in the back of your mind, this childish believe that it was a life you took.

Infected or not, it was still a person below that gruesome surface. And you hated that thought.

"If you could kill someone and it would bring another person back to life...", Ellie pressed the tips of her fingers against yours, made you feel the pressure. "Would you do it?"

"Yeah.", you felt ashamed how quickly the answer slipped off your tongue.

And what made it even worse was that you knew who you'd kill in order to strike that deal.

"But reality... isn't like that...", her voice trembled. "Killing someone... you gain nothing."

You sighed.

"Unfortunately."

"Maybe. I've had... loads of time while I followed Abby. I could have killed her...", she hesitated, swallowed. "I wanted to... still... want to. But that's not..."

Her voice broke and the sound of a whimper scratched your ears. She sucked in a sharp breath, tried to fight it. But ultimately Ellie failed and had to cry.

It was an angry kind of cry, clenched teeth and burning tears. Her fingers tensed, twisted and turned into paralysed claws.

You allowed her to dig long nails into your skin. Small half moons were left behind. Together with a kind of pain that you could only describe as bitter sweet.

"You're a better woman than me, Ellie.", your voice was hoarse from frustration.

"Ha! I'm not. Not at all.", Ellie pressed her face into the curve between your neck and jaw and sucked in a sharp breath that made her lungs rattle. "I just... this boy was just like me... how I used to be. Alone. No one around."

Your eyes were empty. You felt empty.

But her words made you feel some kind of way. So you entwined your fingers and have her hand a gentle squeeze.

"You're all alone now, aren't you?", it wasn't meant to be harsh.

You just wondered.

"Am I?", she hugged you together. "I got friends... Tommy. I lost Joel. Fuck, I'm angry. But I'm not alone. I don't... want to be alone..."

You placed your free hand on top of hers, that rested along your stomach.

"You're not.", you whispered, tired. "I'm here. We're alone together."