Nicholas scurried off with Glenn to go talk to Deanna. To deliver her and her husband the news about their son. Eugene as well as this other guy I don't know the name of carried Tara to the infirmary. There were a few walkers outside the gate so I was just killing them with a machete that had been in the van. I knew I couldn't take on that many with my pocketknife, I was out of bullets and my boomerang was too easy. I was angry. I was well aware of the blood splatter covering my face when I walked through the gates after single headedly killing six walkers.

I walked to my house, ready to deliver the news about Noah. I walked into the room. The sound of chatter and laughter filled my ears. Sasha was sitting alone in the corner, the stone cold look on her face like usual these days. Gabriel was nowhere to be seen, expected though since Maggie heard him bitch about us to Deanna. Rosita also looked upset, she sat on the sofa with her knees pulled up to her chest, just staring at her feet. Everyone's chatter stopped when they saw me, as well as the laughter. I talked quietly and in a shaky voice. "Nicholas and Glenn's talking to Deanna. Aiden's dead, so that might pose as a bit of a problem. Eugene is taking Tara to the infirmary. She banged her head pretty good... There was a lot of blood. We don't know if-" I cut myself off. Everyone understanding what I was saying.

"Ellie, what else?" Michonne pushed.

I leaned back against the wall, dropping my machete to the ground on my right. "It was my fault." I practically whispered.

"El, where's Noah?" Sophia asked.

I looked to my feet when tears started escaping my eyes and realisation set in for everyone. I took a deep breath before looking up to them all. "How did it happen?" Rick asked, his voice thick with grief or anger.

"They grabbed my legs... The walkers... It should've been me." A sob escaped my lips as I shook my head, not being able to make eye contact with anyone. "He kicked them off me but then they grabbed him." My body started shaking. "Me and Glenn couldn't hold onto him... They dragged him and he was pushed against the glass... He looked me right in the eyes as they tore him apart." I cried, slowly sliding down the wall. "I'm so sorry."

Mum walked over to me and pulled me into her chest as I cried. I was used to grief, to losing people... But the way Noah died. It being my fault that he died... I hadn't really felt like this since Oscar took a bullet for me. Even then I was too distracted because I was kidnapped by the Governor, so I never really cried like this for him. This was practically a new type of pain. 

"It's not your fault, Ellie." Mum comforted me.

"Yea, yea it is." I nodded. I wasn't even embarrassed to be crying in front of people this time. I was too heartbroken to even care about everyone's eyes on me.

I was sitting on the front porch, taking in the night air. I enjoyed the time I had alone so I could process everything that was going on. I heard someone sit next to me, when I looked, it was Rosita. "Hi, mi amor." She spoke softly. I hummed, so she tucked a piece of hair behind my ear before talking. "What happened to Noah... As terrible as it is, it's not your fault."

"They grabbed me, Rosita. They would have taken me... But, Noah had to be a hero. He saved my life and gave his life in the process. The way he looked at me while they were killing him... It's like he knew that it should've been me. He knew that he wasn't ready to die and I was. He begged me to not let him go." I explained.

"You're not ready to die, amor. You still have so much to live for." Rosita tried.

"Really?" I scoffed. "Yea, going on runs and watching innocent people die."

"Noah didn't blame you. He was just scared." Rosita spoke softly.

"For good reason." I nodded.

She hummed. "Yea, what he went through would've been terrifying but you did not cause that. The walkers did."

"Actually is was mostly Nicholas." I muttered. "I'm gonna kill that evil son of a bitch."

"Oh, uhm... A guy's gone missing. His name's Harold. You haven't seen him have you?" Rosita questioned.

I took a deep breath. "I don't talk to these people. I don't even know a Harold." She nodded, but I continued. "Why'd you look to upset when I walked in?"

"I'm not sure now's a good time." Rosita responded.

"Please. Anything to stop me thinking about Noah." I turned to her.

Rosita swallowed thickly. "Maggie let slip about what happened with Isabella. She didn't know that I didn't know... So, I pushed her for more."

"Ah, Jesus." I sighed, looking away from her. "I didn't want you to find out like this."

"Doesn't feel like you wanted me to find out at all." Rosita stated.

"I didn't." I admitted.

"Why not? Why didn't you tell me back when it was happening? I would've saved you, taken you away from her." Rosita's voice cracked.

"Because I loved her, when I told someone I trusted they told me I was lying, it was normal to me... There's so many reasons, Rosita. I never told my dad either." I replied.

"I'm so sorry." Rosita whispered.

"I'm gonna go to bed." I said quickly, ignoring Rosita calling my name before I went up to my room.

I hadn't seen it myself, because I was in my room, but apparently Rick had a melt down and beat up a wife beater, then pointed a gun at the crowd before being knocked out by Michonne. Now, they had to have some crappy cult like meeting about it. Were me, Sophia and Carl allowed to go? No. I'm allowed to watch one of my friends get brutally mauled but don't you dare believe that I'm allowed to go watch a meeting. Me, Sophia and Carl were chilling in the living room and playing Uno. "Hah, I win!" Sophia cheered.

"Dude, that's thirteen times in a row. Are you cheating?" Carl questioned.

"I would never, Carl Grimes." Sophia put her hand over her heart. I laughed a little.

Carl cleared his throat as I started shuffling the deck for another round. "When are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" Carl asked.

Me and Sophia exchanged glances before she spoke. "You mean the fact that they know Harold's dead."

"They don't know he's dead. They know he's missing. Hopefully that walker consumed enough of him that even if they find bones they'll have no idea." I responded, starting to deal.

"And if they do find the remains and realise it's Harold?" Sophia asked.

"Play dumb." Carl suggested.

"Carl doesn't have to change his normal routine then." I smirked. Sophia laughed while Carl chucked a pillow at me causing him to laugh and Sophia to laugh even harder. "I think someone's had to much lemonade." I grinned, chucking the pillow at her.

Then we heard the porch creek and something hitting the door. "It might be Mrs Cook dropping off more shortbread." Sophia said, throwing the pillow at Carl before going to open the door. While she was away, Carl lifted up her cards to see what she got. I laughed at him before I heard Sophia scream.

She had fallen on her back trying to keep a walker from biting her neck. "What the hell!" Carl yelled, as we both got up. Another was walking through the door so Carl used his knife to stab it while at the same time, I pulled out my pocketknife to stab the one on Sophia.

"Are you okay?" I asked Sophia, pushing the walker off her and scanning her body for bites.

Sophia stood up. "Fine, just took me by surprise is all."

"I said this place is making us weak. Sophia, you haven't taken down a walker since we got here. We need to sneak out the walls and kill them more often." Carl stated.

"First we need to make sure no others got inside the walls." I responded, leaving the house and the walkers in our hall. That's when we saw Rick, covered in blood and carrying a walker over his shoulder. "Mama Rick?"

"Is everyone alright?" He responded.

"Fine. Couple walkers must have heard us inside and come to the door. Is that all of them?" I asked.

"I killed three. I think that's it. I've been everywhere else." Rick nodded, before continuing to walk.

"Dad, where are you going?" Carl questioned.

"To crash a meeting!" Rick called over his shoulder.

Sophia ran a hand through her hair. "This could go horribly wrong."