*Rihan's

My eyes averted to the door. Tango ang sagot ko kay Mira na pabagsak umupo sa couch. Kasunod nya ay si Saturn.

"We went here to check you. Kamusta? May balita ka na ba?" Mira.

"Wala pa." Maikli kong sagot.

Isa-isa ko binasa ang mga papeles sa ibabaw ng desk. Nang di ko matagalan ang titig ng dalawa ay umayos ako.

"What is it?"

"Well.. We're worried." Mira

I sigh. I saw Saturn shrug.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Can't help but ask. Himala na sumama sya.

"I expect to see you hanging on the ceiling." Sagot nya.

Nailing ako sa sagot nya. If I can describe Saturn in one word. He is a bastard. Bastard than I am.

"Really? I felt the same actually." Sagot ko. I saw how he smirk and threw sign pen i left at the couch.

"Itigil nyo nga yan. Death is not a great topic if you know what I mean. Rihan ano na? Wala ka bang gagawin?" Mira

"Wala. Tapos na ang trabaho ko." I said.

"You know that's not what I mean. We came here because we're worried about you. You've been living your life as if your wife and children are not with you."

Bigat. Yun agad ang naramdaman ko sa sinabi ni Mira. Gusto ko mag salita but nothing come out from my mouth.

Its because I'm lost of words. Ano pa ba sasabihin ko kung sa ilang libong dasal ko hindi natupad na sana bumalik na ang mag-iina ko.

"Dude you have to move. Payag ka na lang na lumalaki mga anak mo na wala sayo?" Saturn.

I'm trying.

Gusto ko isagot pero wala. Sino ba makakaintindi sakin? Si Erin ang kailangan ko kausap hindi sila.

"Wag na kayo makielam. Hindi nyo al--"

Napa ngiwi ako sa suntok ni Saturn. Tangina lang. Pag haklit nya sakin ay sinabayan ng ng tuhod sa sikmura ko. Naka tingin lang si Mira habang binubugbog ako ni Saturn.

"You're wife hasn't home for five months. Tatanga ka na lang habang lumalaki ang mga anak mo na malayo sayo?"

"Fuck!" Igik ko sa sipa nya.

"Stop it Saturn. Rihan kung ako sayo hanapin mo ang asawa mo. Hindi na kayo bata para mag habulan. Ilang panahon na ang sinayang nyo para sa katangahan nyo. I'm sorry to say this but lacking one parent is difficult. No matter how kind Erin is, she can never do things that only a father can do for his children. Tama na ang pag papanggap na martyr."

Padahas akong binitawan ni Saturn. I felt my eyes heated but I tried not to show any tears. For fucking five months i didn't cry.

Yeah. Limang buwan na silang wala.

Hindi naman sila nag tatago. Its easy for me to find them but I chose not to. Totoo. nang umalis sila sa puder ko ay trabaho, bahay lang ang inatupag ko.

Hindi ako nag lasing, umiyak o nagwala. Hindi din ako nanghingi ng tulong sa kanila dahil gusto ko pag balik ni Erin ay okay ako. Maayos ako.

Na ako yung Rihan na maayos ang buhay. Na hindi puro katarantaduhan lang ang alam.

"Ang iresponsable mo Ri." Saturn

"Don't talk like you knew it!" Sigaw ko.

My voice si quivering but i chose to get a hold of it. They don't know how painful it is. Na hayaan mawala ang pamilya mo dahil alam mo na mas maganda na mawala ka sa buhay nila kesa panatilihin nahihirapan sila. I gave up being a father not because i don't love them. Its because i fucking love my family that i know I'm not good enough for them.

They don't know how much I miss my children. My wife! Ang sakit na wala sila sakin pero alam ko na mas makakabuti iyon.

"Wala kayong alam. Hindi nyo alam kung gaano kasakit na gabi-gabi iniisip ko na pag gising ko kasama ko na sila. Hindi nyo alam kung gaano ako nag sisisi. Na halos lahat sa mga anak ko di ko naalagaan ng maliit pa sila. Na sana ngayon naranasan ko na ako ang sasandalan ng asawa ko sa bunso namin! Wala kayong alam." Pag amin ko.

"Then why are still slacking around? Hanapin natin ang mag-iina mo." It was Saiu this time.

I quiver as I saw what he's holding. Its a picture of Rihana. I immediately catch it when he threw the picture and kiss it as tears pours down to my eyes. I miss her.

I miss my baby so much. All of them.

"Mabuti walang basag mukha mo." Sai.

Hindi ako sumagot. Tinitigan ko yung litrato. It is obviously a stolen shot. Someone tap my shoulder. Pag lingon ko puting papel ang nakita ko.

"Address." Keira answer without blinking.

Tumango ako bilang sagot.

My heart is pounding hard. Malamig din ang kamay ko. I don't want to do this. No. I can't do this.

Akmang hahakbang ako papuntang pinto ng umikot ako pabalik sa sasakyan. Pero may humaklit sakin.

"Hoy san ka pupunta?" Saiu. Alanganin akong ngumiwi.

"I can't do this. Let's go." Sagot ko.

"We're here. Bakit aatras ka pa?" Saturn.

"Are you scared of what she's going to say? Face it Ri and fix everything. May moral support ka na galing samin." Mira. He even swallow while saying it. Moron!

To think that all of them looked tensed also. Kanina ko pa napapansin na aligaga sila. Except Keira of course. But for Saturn? The fuck! It gives me cold feet too!

Lahat kami namutla ng marinig and door bell. There. We saw Keira pressing the bell. Nag tutulukan kami kung sino mauuna when I felt all my senses washed down to my feet.

The next thing I know is I almost dropped down to the floor and went blank.

*Erin's

Pag bukas ko ng pinto ay ngumiti ako. Nilakihan ko yung pag bukas ng gate. Tinignan ko sya mula ulo hanggang paa bago kumaway.

"Gail?" Bati ko.

"Hi."

Pinapasok ko sya saka giniya sa sala. Gail seems calm today unlike the other days. Nag rereklamo sya tungkol sa bago nyang katrabaho. Masyado daw itong masungit ay pinakikielaman lagi sya.

"Do you want juice? Coffee?" Offer ko habang inaayos ang apron na suot. "Kamusta ang trabaho? Mukhang nasa mood ka ngayon." Naka ngiti kong bungad parin.

"Juice. Can I also have blueberry cupcake? Kung may natira." Sabay tawa nya.

"Syempre naman. Wait lang."

Pag kuha ko ng pagkain at juice ay bumalik din ako sa kanya. Naka kunot na ang noo nya habang naka tingin sa isang pinto. Bumuntong hininga ako saka tumabi sa kanya.

"Hindi pa sila lumalabas ng kwarto. Clooney seems happy to be with the twins kaya ayaw nila mag paistorbo." Sa kwarto ng kambal iyon.

"I left them for three hours di pa ba sila nag sasawa?" He said massaging his temples.

"I guess they won't get tired. Ihahatid mo ba sya sa mommy nya?" Ako habang kumukuha ng cupcake na ginawa ko kaninang umaga.

"Yeah. Where's Rihana?" He said looking everywhere. Nang di nya makita si Rihana ay salubong ang kilay na tinignan nya ako. Tumawa lang ako saka tinakpan ang mukha. "What?"

"Ang sungit mo talaga lahit kelan. Rihana is with her nanny. They went to park to stroll around. Babalik na rin sila mamaya."

He rolled his eyes as he rest his head on the couch. It gave me access to stare at his face. He really is handsome. His eyes is in deep ocean blue color. He has this don't-talk-to-me presence that everyone will think he's a snob.

I'm thankful that Gail is with us. He didn't leave our side kahit na alam nya na di ko maibibigay yung pag mamahal na gusto nya. Pero minsan mas naiisip ko na sana si Rihan na lang ang kasama namin. But until now di nya pa rin kami hinahanap.

Naiisip ko ang tanga ko para umalis dahil di din nya pala kami hahanapin. But the mere fact of he got all the access to find us is sort disappointing.

"Thinking about him again?" i flinch to his word. "Lucky bastard."

"Ewan ko sayo." Sabay hampas sa braso nya.

Tumayo na ako para katukin amg mga bata nag magsi labasan ito mula sa kwarto. Clooney immediately went to his uncle. Later on dumating na rin sila Rihana. We had dinner togther Gail played with them for a little while bago sila nag paalam na aalis na.

It is passed seven o'clock in the evening when i received a text from a certain someone. When i open it my heart pound so hard to the point of loosing my balance.

I replied the word 'okay' and turn it off. The kids are already on their bed. I went to my room and take a shower. Matapos iyon ay nag ayus ako.

Nakita ko kung paano pumungay ang mga mata ko habang naka titig sa sarili wearing my red body hugging dress.

I will never regret it.. I know i won't.

Maybe its time for me to enjoy.