CHAPTER TEN: OXYGEN

WAKING UP WAS SLOW, HER HEAD FULL OF FOG AND HER CHEST ACHING.

She'd had a good week — it wasn't too much of a surprise that she'd ended up with a bad day.

She only wished her body had waited until she'd returned home.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

Elise whimpered in her sleep, cuddling closer to Carlisle — having only just realized she'd somehow ended up completely in his arms. One leg over his, her arm swung over his chest, and his hand softly grazing her waist.

"You feel warm," he acknowledged softly. "Are you feeling alright?"

"No," Elise whimpered, shaking her head. Tears sprung to her eyes as a cough threatened her lungs. She just wanted to feel okay for one day. One beautiful, perfect day with beautiful, perfect Carlisle.

But she was the sick, cancer freak he was dating.

"Shhh," his lips pressed against her hairline, his arm tugging her closer. "What's wrong, my darling?"

Tears fell from her eyes. "I'm not good for you," she whispered. "I'm sick and I'm just gonna...die on you and-and you'll wake up and...and you won't even remember me one day and I'll just-just be a skeleton in the ground and—well I don't actually want to be a skeleton. I want to be cremated."

He hummed in response, gently running his fingers across her back, allowing her to continue speaking.

"I made a bet with Bella when we were teenagers," she sniffled, letting out a small, watery laugh. "That if I die first she'll get a bouncy house and have everyone at the funeral bounce with my body. And," another set of giggles left her and he pressed a kiss to her head. "And everyone will bounce with my dead body. It'll be hilarious. And then, I get cremated and everyone roasts marshmallows over my body."

A laugh left her and she ended up coughing, moving up to sit as he ran his hand up and down her back.

"And then," she added hoarsely, "they have to say "roast 'em, toast 'em, hands up for canibodism.'"

Carlisle smiled gently, watching his girlfriend. Elise let out a small laugh, which turned into a sob and she put her face in her hands, shoulders shaking.

"Oh, Elise," he breathed out, pulling her back to his chest. She sobbed against him, coughing every few breaths, her throat raw and her breathing raspy.

"I'm scared," she confessed quietly.

Carlisle didn't say anything, holding her close, allowing her time to break down.

Elise appreciated him allowing her the chance. She often felt like she smiled around everyone else and disregarded her own looming death to appease others.

But Carlisle didn't blame her — didn't cry with her and make her feel worse.

He only held her and allowed her the comfort she so desperately needed.

"What do you think comes after death?" She asked softly, nuzzling against his hard chest, relishing in the coolness his body temperature offered.

"What do you hope comes after death?" He countered.

Elise was quiet for a moment, letting out another cough and wheezing her breaths before responding.

"I wish you could be there," she confessed quietly. "Death wouldn't be so scary if it had you there."

His grip on her tightened and he let out a long sigh.

"What if you could live forever?" He asked quietly. "Hypothetically, if you could...exist on this physical plane in this body indefinitely, practically indestructible."

Elise mulled over his words. She'd thought about it before — everyone had at one point or another. But she hadn't considered it since her diagnosis.

Her answer remained the same.

"I don't want to watch everyone die," she answered. "I love my dad and my sister. And what makes my life more important than theirs? More meaningful than another person's life? Why should I have the opportunity to live forever if it's not offered to everyone?" She thought aloud. "In fact, what's to say that wouldn't be a curse?" Another cough tore through her chest. "To live as humanity evolved and..." she inhaled deeply. "Can you get my oxygen tank?" She asked shyly.

A nod, kiss to her head, and slowly, Carlisle unwrapped her from him and stood. He walked across the room to grab her equipment as her eyes closed, every breath aching.

A hissing of air and something tucking behind her ears and across her face — and then breathing was easier.

"Thank you," she whispered, opening her eyes. "I'm sorry I ruined our trip," she added, tears filling her gaze.

"Hush now, love," he sat down, smiling as she moved so he could get back under her. He adjusted her so she was on the outer side, her tank on the ground.

He chuckled, pulling her close again and pressing a soft kiss to the tip of her nose. She breathed out a smile, puffing against the tubing. "You haven't ruined anything," he said after a moment. "Every moment with you is bliss."

Elise shook her head at his words. "You're mushy."

He didn't respond, his nose against her head as he breathed her in. A rush of sadness overtook her at the idea of leaving him behind. Had she truly only known him a few weeks? It felt so much longer.

She hated the idea of leaving him behind. She didn't want to make someone else pain after she left.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together," she pulled her head back, meeting his gaze.

He didn't hinder his ministrations to her hair. "What's put that terrible thought in your mind?"

Elise shrugged. "I don't want you to suffer," she told him. "When I die."

His face twitched at her words and something darkened his gaze from golden to honey, then back again. Carlisle kissed her forehead, resting his lips there for a moment.

"I'll be yours even after death," he said after a moment.

Elise frowned. "That's what I'm scared of," she replied. "I don't want you to miss me."

A fond smile pulled at his lips. "Elise Swan, I've missed you my entire life. Whatever fraction of forever we're granted will be an infinity I'll happily indulge in, and I'll remember it every second after."

Tears pooled in her eyes, lower lip pouting out. Carlisle smiled at her expression, leaning forward and softly kissing her lips before pulling back.

He brushed back a piece of her hair, tucking it behind her ear and oxygen tube.

"I am in awe of you," he whispered. "No person has ever been this beautiful."

Elise bit her lip, nose stuffing and she rolled her eyes. "I hate cancer."

"Me too," he brushed his knuckles against her cheekbone softly. "Thank you for coming with me."

"To Canada?" Elise asked in confusion. "Carlisle, I'd marry you if you asked me," she confessed, eyes widening.

Elise knew he'd run away. They'd barely been dating a few weeks and only became official the day before. She was sure he'd be upset, or uncomfortable; embarrassed, at the least.

But it was true. There was something about Carlisle that felt so easy. She'd say it was as easy as breathing, but that was a struggle for her. So perhaps being with him was easier than breathing.

He simply smiled, surprising her and making her heart swell with adoration. "I'd ask if you'd let me," he responded softly. "My sweet girl, I think love has evaded me for years because my heart was meant to find yours."

"You're very romantic," Elise sniffled, tears falling down her cheeks. "I don't want to die. I want to grow old with you and marry you and-and have a life together," she whined.

"I know," he pulled her head to his chest. "I know, my angel. Me too."

—

they make me SOB
also if anyone is curious as to WHY he hasn't confessed or why he hasn't turned her yet...remember Carlisle really only did that if someone asked him or if they were SO close to death that they wouldn't last the night. but it's not something he's like "yeaaaah lemme make a new vampy ahh" because he doesn't really love being a vampire himself. (though he's not as dramatic as edward lord) and i think he'd want her to WANT to be with him forever, not take that choice from her.
but ohhhh boy she gonna find out soon.