C H A P T E R    T W E N T Y N I N E

North and News

(20 days til' Christmas)

❄●❄

AFTER A FEW hours Louis finally fell asleep, though his grip on Harry's hand never loosened, even in unconsciousness. Like even in his dreams he couldn't stop worrying, thinking, agonizing over what Harry could have possibly meant about his hometown.

Harry hadn't meant to cause him this much distress, but he figured the better the warning the better Louis might be able to prepare himself. Perhaps if he works himself up the entire way there, he'll arrive and realize it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

That was a fool's hope, Harry knew. Louis was going to hate the North Pole, understandably. He never should have brought him.

It's not that he didn't want him with. In a perfect world, he'd have probably brought Louis home a while ago. He'd have told him all about Gemma and Ed and their adventures growing up. He'd have bragged about being something of a teacher too, only to elflings instead of human children, and he mostly just taught them how to bake cookies. He would have insisted Louis bring his own mum along on a visit so that Jay and Anne could become close friends. They'd visit the North Pole all the time and Louis would be happy to be there, happy to celebrate Christmas with Harry, and totally indifferent to the fact that Harry was a half elf.

As soon as he thought these things, Harry frowned to himself. He didn't need all of that, really. He fell for Louis before he even knew a single thing about him, and the one quality that could have – should have – been a deal-breaker wasn't. Louis hates Christmas, hates it with everything he's got, and Harry doesn't care. If he had to spend the rest of his life celebrating Christmas on his own, out of Louis' way, he'd do it if it meant Louis was his for the rest of the year. He knew he would. He didn't need that perfect world because his was already perfect enough.

This is why he shouldn't have brought Louis along. Certainly there will come a time when Harry would have to bring his boyfriend home to meet his friends and family, but this shouldn't have been it. Not under these circumstances. But he was too worked up earlier to see that, to understand the potential repercussions of the decision he had made – all he knew in the moment was that he needed Louis there for him, just in case.

A lump formed in Harry's throat, and he tried swallowing it away. His mum would be fine. She must be. Ed would have told him if she was in a really bad condition. His mum. His poor mum. How could he have done this to her? Let her overwork herself like this just because he was too stubborn to go speak to the Elder Elves? He was a horrible son.

But maybe when she met Louis... Maybe when she saw who Harry has been spending all his time with, all his energy on... Maybe she'll understand. Forgive him. Harry had to believe that the woman who gave birth to him would have enough of him in her to see what he sees in Louis, to be just as charmed just as quickly.

Is that unfair, though? Unfair of Harry to hope of their first meeting? He's dragged Louis to a place he's going to hate, and now he's hoping that his presence will mostly just quell his mother's disappointment in him. To make him feel less guilty.

God. What has he done?

And worst of all is knowing that Louis is trapped there. He won't be able to leave. The express doesn't run every day; they won't be able to leave until the next time it runs, whenever that may be, and so what happens when Louis wants to leave? Which will happen. As much as he wanted to meet Harry's family, there's no way he could have known what he was about to get himself into – Harry never let on about anything involving the North Pole. Louis wouldn't have been able to guess.

Should he tell him, then? Is that the best solution? Now that he's probably fucked everything up beyond repair, would it just be best to break the news to Louis before they arrive? Or would it be better to play it off as long as possible, say nothing and hope Louis doesn't ask? Maybe if he doesn't say anything Louis will just think Harry came from a freezing, snow-covered, Christmas-themed town where everyone has a genetic mutation that makes them all have pointed ears and stunted heights.

Or maybe he's just the worst person ever and Louis should have never thought that it'd be he who ruins their relationship. It was always going to be Harry. And Harry should have known this from the start, should have never let it get this far.

Louis shifted beside him then, readjusting his body so that his head lolled away from the aisle and onto Harry's shoulder, and Harry remembered exactly why he let it get this far.

It'll come down to these next few days, he realized. They'll determine whether they're able to stay together, whether Louis will want to be with him after this. Harry already knew he'd stay with Louis if he could, if his favorite human would let him. But whether Lou will understand or not is a totally different question and could result in a totally different outcome.

Harry rested his head gently atop Louis', closing his eyes for a moment. He wasn't tired, but he had to beg whoever might be listening for their help. And it just felt right to do it in the dark.

❄●❄

WHEN LOUIS WOKE up, they were nearly there. Harry recognized the way the trees were beginning to part after only travelling through them for about an hour. Once they made it over the ocean, Harry had considered waking Louis to tell him about it, but he worried Louis would find it less cool and more disconcerting. If they're crossing the frozen ocean by train, where on earth were they going?

That wasn't a question Harry felt he could answer just yet.

So he didn't say anything, even now that Louis was awake and gazing past Harry out the window. Lou must have realized by now that they'd been travelling for a long time, yet he never once asked how much longer it'd be or how much farther they had to go. In fact, he hasn't said anything at all since Harry apologized in advance earlier. Harry was certain, on other trips, that he's talked to himself more than Louis has said to him tonight. This is perhaps the quietest trip Harry's been on yet.

They did eventually arrive, the express coming to a halt in a place that must look like the middle of absolutely nowhere to the human beside him. Louis had let his head fall back onto Harry's shoulder, though he wasn't asleep, so Harry nudged him softly to prompt him to stand up.

The fourth sector looked exactly the same as it always has, even at night. Harry tried to remind himself that it hasn't been so long since he was last here, but it felt like an entire lifetime ago. Like the first time he returned, so much has changed in just a few short months – mostly good things. As they exited the train, Harry caught a glimpse of Louis' profile and admired the edge of a cheekbone, the delicate curve of his nose, the outline of his lips against the dark, wintry backdrop of Harry's home.

Yeah. Mostly good things.

Gus waited outside at the open door, thanking them for riding the Polar Express as they exited. He caught Harry's attention as soon as he stepped onto frozen earth behind Louis. Thankfully the elf's ears were covered by his hat and the thick, messy tufts of salt-and-pepper hair sticking out from beneath it.

"Hey, boy, how's Anne doing?" he asked.

Harry recognized the concerned dip of his brow and knew this wasn't his usual how's-the-family query. Before he could respond, he felt Louis return to his side from wherever he had gone off, sliding a newly gloved hand into Harry's and squeezing once.

Harry said, "I'm not sure yet. 'S what I'm here to find out."

Gus nodded like this was the answer he'd expected all along. "Well, give her my regards, won't you?"

"Of course. Thanks for picking us up."

And Gus tipped his head, back to business. He climbed onto the train where Harry and Louis had just exited before they even had a chance to turn away. Once they did, another face was there to greet them; Harry couldn't remember spotting him when they first arrived and wondered when he'd popped up. And...okay. His hat is on and his ears are covered.

"Hey, mate," Ed said immediately, throwing his arms around Harry like it's been years since they've last seen each other. There was an odd somberness to him that Harry wasn't used to, and it sent a flicker of nerves throughout him, making him wish he didn't have to let Louis' hand go in order to hug his old friend back.

When they parted, Harry reached for Louis' hand again. "This is Louis," he said, trying to gauge Louis' reaction to everything so far but coming up blank; his expression was completely unreadable. "And Lou, this is Ed."

Ed held a hand out, letting his warmest smile transform his face into something less sad. "It's very nice to finally meet you face to face. Harry never shuts up about you."

As they shook hands, Harry cut in, hunching his shoulders as he was surprisingly a little embarrassed. "That's...an exaggeration."

Before Louis could get a word in, Ed reached for his suitcases. "It's not. Anyway, I hear we have a lot in common. What kind of music do you write?" As he spoke now, he was turned away, leading the pair toward a horse-drawn carriage that's been waiting for them.

"Um," Louis began, clearing his throat, glancing quickly up at Harry and then away to Ed's back. "All kinds, really. My mates like a more acoustic sound usually, but occasionally we stray from that. What about you? And you don't have to carry those, they're heavier than shit. I feel bad – "

Ed scoffed. "Please, I insist. You're Harry's guest here. And I didn't see him carrying them for you, so – "

"Sorry, if only I had a few extra limbs to carry to my own luggage plus Louis'." Harry rolled his eyes, but he was content for now.

"Always one for excuses."

"Says the one who could give at least ten reasons for every time he skipped classes or training without batting an eye."

"Would you shut up, Harry?" Ed laughed. "I've yet to answer Louis' question." He turned to meet Lou's gaze, an amused but apologetic smirk on his face. "I'm so sorry your boyfriend is like this. But anyway, we must be even more similar than Harry let on. Acoustic is all I do." And then he turned around completely, walking backwards, tilting his head as his eyes zeroed in on Harry. "No wonder you fell for him. He's basically a better me."

"A much better you. So much better, in fact, there's hardly a resemblance."

And then they'd reached the carriage, and Harry helped Ed load their things into the luggage compartment. When the flaming menace disappeared for a moment, rounding the horses in order to speak to their driver, Harry approached Louis, who was staring at the carriage with a grimace that Harry knew could only spell bad news.

"Hi," he said softly, stepping closer than usual in an effort to both share with Louis some of the heat that radiates off him and to hopefully distract him from whatever he might be thinking about.

His blue eyes flickered up to Harry's, and the grimace dissolved, though a question lingered, probably on the tip of his tongue. "Hi. Ed seems nice."

"He's a pain, but aren't everyone's best mates?"

This thankfully earned him a soft chuckle. "I suppose. So, what's with the carriage? Is it a holiday thing?"

Suddenly Harry felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He wasn't prepared for this conversation yet. "What?"

Louis lifted a shoulder. "You know. Like in bigger cities sometimes around this time of year, they crack out the horse-drawn carriages and parade people around for money. Is that what this is?"

Oh. Oh, thank God. "Right. Um, sort of. The terrain is a little rough out here for vehicles usually, too, so...people like the carriages and horses and stuff."

"Ah."

Ed returned, then. "Well, lads, shall we?"

Harry nodded almost too eagerly. "We shall. Mild night tonight, isn't it?"

Anything to change the subject. Although, it was a relatively nice night, as far as the temperature was concerned. A little less biting than usual. He still didn't feel the need to put on his gloves.

"Mild?" Louis mumbled, surprised, as Ed opened the carriage door for them. "'S fucking freezing here. And I thought London was bad."

"You're cold? You can have my hat if you – " Ed began.

"No!" Harry blurted, stopping Ed mid-reach for the knitted blue cap he's had for years. "No. Keep your hat, Ed. I packed one for you, Lou, I'll, uh...get it once we're there. It'll be warmer in the carriage."

And though Louis was clearly suspicious of Harry's little outburst, he didn't say anything about it. Harry was pretty certain that his silence had a lot more to do with his general reaction to the North Pole so far and a lot less to do with how weird Harry has been since they arrived. Harry is probably the least of his concerns right now.

Ed gave Harry a look as he climbed into the carriage behind Louis, but not ready to face his scrutinizing glare just yet, Harry looked away.

They travelled mostly in silence – Louis seemed to have fallen back into that wordless slump he was in on the train, and Ed looked to be calculating what Louis did and didn't know from the way Harry had acted about the hat ordeal. He kept throwing accusatory glances Harry's way, but dodging those kinds of glances from his best mate had become Harry's specialty over the years, and so he was able to brush them all off by the time they finally reached the hospital.

The hospital sat on the edge of the second sector, nearest the different elfling school houses. This meant that they only really had to go through the third sector, and all there was to see there were stables upon stables of reindeer, and in the distance, the training arena. By this time of night, the reindeer would have been tucked away safely inside their stables rather than roaming around in their pens, which meant that Louis wouldn't have seen a thing. At most, he'd see the colorful fairy lights that lined all the school houses at a distance, and that won't look very different from the houses that lined the streets of Doncaster.

What might be a problem, however, was the hospital itself. Because of course it was also decorated. Why didn't Harry think of this beforehand?

The three boys exited the carriage with a promise to the driver of returning, and when they entered the giant building before them, the first thing Harry saw was Gemma waiting for him by the front desk.

And for a second, he forgot to worry about how Louis might be responding to the enormous Christmas tree in the lobby, surrounded by dozens of wrapped gifts and shiny bows and covered with countless homemade decorations – decorations that Harry sometimes helped the hospitalized elflings make. He forgot to worry about the garland lining every edge, the glittering fake snow that covered almost every surface, the flickering lights around the windows and the glass snowflakes dangling from the ceiling. He forgot, because in that split second, he was just a young boy again, entering a hospital because his mum was sick, maybe dying for all he knew, and his big sister was there waiting for him.

He snapped out of it, of course, but not before a lump lodged itself in his throat again. Somewhere right behind him Louis was muttering something about taxi cabs – for once, Harry wasn't really paying attention.

As he approached his sister, who was walking much faster than he was to greet him, he kept his eyes peeled for her ears. But somehow, by some stroke of luck, her hair had grown longer and appeared to be thicker and was completely covering them. Satisfied, he allowed her to pull him into an embrace once they finally reached each other.

She smelled like home, as she always has. Sometimes she smelled even more like home than his mum did. Something in his stomach twisted as he pulled away.

"Uh, Gem, this is Louis. Louis, this is Gemma," he said as he stepped aside, his voice shaking so noticeably that Ed clapped a hand on his shoulder.

As comforting as the gesture was, it was even more comforting to see Louis' face genuinely light up as he went to hold out a hand for Gem to shake. But she threw her arms around him instead, and he wasn't put off in the slightest. "Hi, Louis," she was saying. "I'm glad we finally get to meet."

Harry wasn't sure why Louis seemed so delighted to meet her, especially considering the mood he's been in all night and his lackluster-in-comparison response to meeting Ed, but any part of him that might have gone hold since entering the hospital became warm at the sight. He'd have to ask him about it later. What would his response be when he met Anne?

Anne. Mum.

"Yeah, it's really nice to meet you," Louis said when they finally pulled apart. He was looking at her like he was in the presence of a celebrity; Harry found himself desperate to know what had Lou so starstruck.

If Gemma noticed, she didn't let on. Instead, she gestured past her, towards an elevator, and said, "Let's go up, yeah? She's on the third floor."

"How is she?" Harry asked, unable to wait any longer. Though his voice had stopped shaking, Louis slid his hand into his own once again, and Harry was grateful.

Gemma let the other three crowd into the small space with her before she responded. "Alright. She's tired. Waiting for you."

"But so, she's like...okay? Like is it bad, or will she – "

"H," she said gently, easing him into silence. Harry hadn't even realized his pulse was hammering in his temples until his sister's voice calmed him. "She'll be okay."

And this was enough for Harry to let out the breath he'd been holding and practically slump into Louis' side. The smaller boy, bless him, bore the extra weight until the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. All four of them stepped into a new hallway, led this time by Ed.

Immediately, Louis bristled. Harry felt it the second his own eyes landed on all the holiday décor. This floor was different than the lobby, which looked put together and organized, and sure, very Christmas-y, but nothing Louis hasn't seen before anywhere else around the holidays.

This floor, however, was decked out so intensely that even Harry was in awe. It was like the embodiment of most humans' false claims about how the North Pole actually looked. The staff weren't in regular scrubs – they wore as close to a stereotypical elf costume as they could get, red and white striped leggings beneath a short green jumpsuit, the edges of the sleeves and pants lined with gold pseudo-fur. They all wore hats that thankfully covered their ears, but the hats matched the suits, and it was...overwhelming, even for Harry.

Beyond that, the ceiling was lined with leafy garland, and more glass snowflakes dangled from it, as well as candy canes and red and gold baubles. Fairy lights lined both sides of the hallway, and on one end to their right Harry spotted a snowman that must have been made from fake snow somehow, and he noticed all of this in the split second it took for Gemma to speak up behind them.

"You'll get used to it all." Harry wasn't sure who she was talking to. "This is the children's ward, so everything's a little...extra."

"Why is Mum in the children's ward?"

Because Louis most definitely would not get used to it, Harry attempted to rub soft circles with his thumb on the top of his hand, over his knuckles. It wasn't enough for Louis to un-hunch his shoulders or to meet Harry's gaze.

"She requested to be moved here," Ed chimed in, taking them down another hallway that was still over-the-top, but at least a little less than the previous one.

"So that she could read to some of the kids," Gemma added.

Of course.

They reached a waiting room that was, according to Ed, two doors down from Anne's room. Harry turned to Louis, lifting the hand he'd been holding, gripping it with both of his, and pressing it against his chest as he spoke. "Will you wait here with them while I go see her? I just don't want to overwhelm her right away with a new face." And make sure her ears were out of sight.

"She won't be overwhelmed, Harry," Gemma said, looking between the two. "She's very excited to meet him."

Louis looked first to Gemma and then Harry, and thankfully – somehow – he must have realized that Harry needed to see his mother alone first. Though he still wore an expression that bordered on disgust after walking through the halls here, he didn't appear to be upset about this. He understood. "It's okay. I'll wait for you here."

And although he was grateful, he felt bad all over again for dragging Louis here in the first place. He lifted Louis' hand now to his lips for a moment in thanks before turning away, afraid his own expression might give too much away. There was a lot he would have to say to Louis – probably tonight, really – but...he just couldn't say those things right now. And he couldn't afford for Louis to ask him the wrong questions.

He paused outside his mum's door, his breath hitching for a second. Telling himself that crying was useless didn't seem like it would help, but he tried it anyway. Gemma said she was okay. But she never said whether she looked different or not. Sometimes heart attacks can drastically change a victim's appearance, and...well, what if he doesn't handle that well? Could his mum still be his mum if she didn't look like herself?

Shaking it off, he cleared his throat and knocked three times.

Through the door, he heard, "Come in!" and it was all he could do to restrain himself from breaking down the door.