C H A P T E R    T W E N T Y O N E

Moments and Memories

❄●❄

                  HARRY MADE IT to Louis' flat almost two hours earlier than he got there yesterday, so he sort of expected Louis to be awake. However, Lottie answered the door and shushed him before he could say a word. With a half amused, half tired lip purse, she gestured over her shoulder. Harry looked.

                  At first, he spotted Tommy sat on an end of the sofa doing something on his phone. For a second Harry felt a mixture of surprise and pride. While Louis looked like he could at least tolerate Lottie's boyfriend by the end of the other evening, Harry didn't really think Louis would allow him over again any time soon. Louis must have liked him a lot more than he let on.

                  But then, of course, Harry finally noticed the reason Lottie had been shushing him. His favorite human with the glacial cheekbones was tucked away in his chair with the twins on his lap, both curled inwards with their fists clutching his wrinkled T-shirt. All three of them were asleep, Louis' head dipping, falling toward Ernie's. Doris' lips were parted peacefully, looking moments away from losing a string of drool, and every few seconds Louis' eyelids would flutter gently like they were reacting to a dream.

                  Harry stepped into the room and shut the door quietly behind him, allowing himself the pleasure of keeping his eyes trained on Lou and his baby siblings. It was the sweetest thing Harry thought he's ever seen, and he wanted nothing more than to capture this moment and keep it forever. He wondered if Louis would mind.

                  God, he looks so soft, Harry thought, feeling a small smile tugging at his own lips. He hoped Lottie and Tommy weren't paying him much attention anymore, because he couldn't help it and he knew it was creepy probably.

                  For a moment, Harry thought back to yesterday when he'd walked in on Louis napping with the twins. He was just...curled up, right there on the end of the bed like a fucking cat with his sweatpants tucked into his socks and no shirt on. His glasses were pressing into the side of his face, and his beanie was starting to slip off his head, but Harry was positive he'd never seen a sight more magnificent, not even the night sky back home.

                  But this...this, today, right now, might take the gold. And he wasn't even shirtless this time. Harry took a deep, steady breath and tore himself away from the picture-perfect sight to remove his jacket and hang it up in the front closet.

                  Lottie had joined Tommy on the sofa, and when Harry turned back toward them they were laughing silently over something on Tommy's phone. Harry stole away into the kitchen to make himself some of that peppermint hot chocolate that Louis always makes for him. Dashing was asleep on one of the island stools, and Harry stopped to pet him.

                  The cat's eyes opened a sliver, and he peered up at Harry with a look that made it clear he wasn't very keen on being bothered. Harry snorted and thought that Dashing might be more like Louis than even Ernie was.

                  After a second thought, Harry abandoned the hot chocolate for now because he didn't want to use the noisy microwave. Instead, he settled for a water bottle and then got situated on the stool beside Dashing, who'd promptly gone back to sleep the second Harry left him. He pulled his journal out from his back pocket and spent the next hour or so jotting down little bits of things that he might turn into something later.

                  When he heard hushed whispers coming from the other room that didn't belong to Tommy, he paused. He had no clue what anyone was saying, but he knew that Louis was awake. He stood and stuffed the journal back into his pocket to peer around the entryway. Louis was trailing behind Lottie, who had Doris – still asleep – in her arms, with Ernie, and they were heading into Louis' room.

                  Harry joined Tommy in the living room, who was still in the same spot on the sofa he'd been in when Harry got there.

                  "Did he wake up on his own?" Harry asked softly.

                  "Who, Ernie? No, he's still asleep."

                  "Louis, I meant."

                  "Oh. Yeah, he kind of freaked himself out or something. Jumped when he woke up. Scared the shit out of us," he chuckled. "The twins slept right through it, though. Takes a while, but when they're out, they're out."

                  Harry smiled in response, but he tried to imagine what Louis might have been dreaming about to cause him to startle awake like that.

                  After Lottie stepped back out of the room, Louis followed behind slowly, pulling his door shut until there was just a crack left open. Safe in the living room, he sighed and turned; when he spotted Harry, a grin broke his sleepy expression.

                  "Hey. When'd you get here?"

                  Harry forgot what he was just worried about. "An hour or so ago," he shrugged. "Nap well?"

                  Louis rolled his eyes and started toward the kitchen. "Hardly. Someone left last night after she thought Satan's little advocates had gone to sleep, but as soon as she was gone they decided they didn't want to sleep anymore. Which meant that I didn't get to sleep anymore."

                  Lottie dropped onto the sofa, her head on one of Tommy's thighs, ignoring her brother entirely. Harry followed him out of the room. "They should nap for a while then, right?"

                  Louis pulled a beer out of the fridge, but after a thought put it back and grabbed a water instead. "Hopefully. Hot chocolate?"

                  "I'd love some, thanks."

                  Louis went to work on it right away. "Hopefully they'll nap until three-ish, and then we can tire them out from then until bedtime. Mum should be here early tomorrow morning to fetch them."

                  "Is she coming before you leave for work?"

                  "Nah, she'll be here around the time I'd normally get there. School's out tomorrow; I don't have to go in until the afternoon."

                  "Then..." Harry began, approaching Louis from behind. He quickly changed his mind, brushing a hand along the small of Lou's back before leaning against the counter beside him. "I could stay the night? If you want some help."

                  Harry watched Louis' jaw flex as he stirred the drink and fought a smile. At the same time, Harry was struggling with those pesky butterflies that decided to infest his stomach. He spent the night once already, but not on purpose – they both just fell asleep on the sofa and neither remembered to make sure Harry left. But what if Louis said no this time? What if he wasn't ready for a sleepover yet?

                  Those worries didn't stop Harry from asking, of course. He's been wanting to ask for a while, and he figured this would be a good time to do it. Louis might need help, especially if Lottie is spending the night by Tommy's, though he wasn't sure if she was or not.

                  "I suppose you could stay if you want," Louis finally said, coming off as overly casual. By the way he refused to meet Harry's gaze, Harry knew Louis was trying too hard to not come off as eager. "So long as you don't mind the pull-out bed. Or just the sofa. Whichever," he shrugged.

                  Harry grinned openly because Louis wasn't looking at him anyway. "I don't mind at all. Also, that hot chocolate stopped needing to be stirred about a minute ago, so... I'll just take it, if that's alright with you, babe."

                  Like he knew it would, the skin on Louis' cheeks quickly blossomed a bright red at Harry's use of the pet name. He's never called Louis anything other than Lou or Cheekbones, and he's never really been one for babe, but he knew that Louis was already flustered and he thrived on adding oxygen to the fire.

                  Clearing his throat, Louis slid the hot chocolate over to Harry, who didn't hesitate bumping their hands together when he reached for it.

                  "Thanks."

                  Louis rolled his eyes and leaned his back against the counter beside him. "Fuck you."

❄●❄

                  "WHEN YOU'RE ALONE," Louis sang, pressing his expert fingers down on the piano to start the songs. The twins were sitting on either side of him, sippy-cups half raised like they were so shocked by their older brother that they forgot they were thirsty.

                  Harry was honestly as fascinated as they were, and he's heard Louis sing and play before. Never a full song, though. Just bits and pieces here and there.

                  "Do you think of me," Louis continued, "and my diamond rings thrown out to sea? And when you love, do you love for me? Like harmony, a never-ending dream."

                  Harry couldn't figure out what he was more interested in watching: Louis' face while he sang or the piano while he played. Both were equally incredible, and Harry found himself flickering his gaze between the two. He ended up peeking over at Lottie and Tommy eventually, but they weren't showing an appropriate enough amount of interest, so Harry became offended on Louis' behalf and decided to pay Louis extra attention.

                  Ernie crawled away from Louis suddenly to climb onto Harry's lap. From there, he went back to being transfixed on the music, and Harry only let himself be surprised for a second.

                  "Oh well, oh well. I still hope for the best. Say goodbye and send me off with a kiss farewell," Louis sang. "And I promise I'll be just as strong as I can be. Maybe you could get some sleep tonight."

                  After that part, Louis glanced up at Harry and Ernie, and some unreadable emotion flashed across his face so quickly that Harry wasn't even sure if he'd actually seen it or if he just imagined it. Doris made some kind of noise, then, and Louis turned his gaze on her. He pulled a funny face, and she cracked a brilliant grin in response.

                  He began singing again, and after that song was over, he sang another. This wouldn't tire the twins out like Louis originally planned to, but at least it was keeping them occupied and out of trouble. And damn, Harry didn't mind listening either.

                  It was halfway through the fourth song that Harry realized his lap had become unnaturally warm. He closed his eyes for a second, willing himself to be wrong about what he feared the problem was.

                  But then he smelled it.

                  "Oh, Ernie," he mumbled, sighing.

                  Louis looked up from his keyboard at the sound of Harry speaking. He raised a brow when he caught the look on Harry's face. Harry motioned for him to keep going so that Doris would remain where she was.

                  "Come on, little one," he said quietly as he lifted Ernie into the air when he stood. "Lottie, would you mind giving me a hand?"

                  Harry carried Ernie by the armpits as far ahead of him as his arms could reach. With a wrinkle of her nose, Lottie pushed herself off the sofa and followed Harry into the bathroom. Once the door was shut, Lottie made a gagging noise.

                  "Oh my god, Ernest, what did you do to yourself?" she asked, muffling the words with the hand she had pressed over her nose and half her mouth.

                  Ernie whimpered in response, clearly uncomfortable.

                  "Make sure you've got the entire diaper wipes container at the ready," Harry instructed Lottie, pulling his own T-shirt over his nose.

                  "Harry, I don't know if I can – " she started to say, but she was interrupted with a surprisingly violent gag. "I don't think I can – " she tried again to no avail, backing away.

                  "Haven't you changed loads of your siblings' diapers before?"

                  Lottie was shaking her head rapidly. "Yes, but not sh – not poo diapers. I can't do the smell, I can't – oh god." Her eyes seemed to roll back in her head as she placed a hand over her chest and worked to steady herself. "I'll get Louis. I'll just occupy Doris. I can't...oh god."

                  Harry wanted to sigh with frustration, but Lottie's inability to stomach the smell of her brother's shit diaper was a little funny. Instead, he looked down at Ernie, who was lying on the floor waiting patiently for someone to clean him up. He stared at Harry, who tightened his lips into an amused straight line and shook his head. "What are we gonna do with you, kid?"

                  When Louis' keyboard cut off, Harry heard Lottie offer Doris a treat after directing Louis to the bathroom. Ernie's eyes widened at the sound of the T word, but thankfully he must have decided there were more pressing matters at hand and didn't make a fuss.

                  Louis slipped into the bathroom and immediately covered his nose with his shirt like Harry had done. "Jesus Christ. How didn't I smell this out there?"

                  Harry was grinning, but he knew Louis couldn't see it. "I couldn't really either until I realized my own pants were wet."

                  "Shit, really?" Louis asked, his eyes dropping to Harry's thighs. But Harry was wearing black skinny jeans, so it wasn't the kind of wet spot that could be seen...just the kind that could be felt.

                  "Yeah, so...this diaper's loaded."

                  Louis dropped to his knees in front of his little brother. "I'll get you something to change into after this. Alright, Ernie. Let's see if we can destroy whatever toxic abomination decided to explode out your bum and eliminate us all, hm?"

                  Harry chuckled and grabbed the diaper wipe dispenser and a spare diaper to have at the ready. After a thought, he also reached for the garbage and set it within Louis' reach.

                  "If you open the cupboard beneath the sink, there's a box of rubber gloves, H. Could you get me a pair?"

                  Harry did as he was told, and he got himself a pair as well. "Why've you got a box of rubber gloves?"

                  "Lottie dyes her own hair sometimes here, and she doesn't like the gloves that come with the stuff I guess," Louis explained as he tentatively pulled Ernie's damp pants off each leg. He draped them carefully over the edge of his bathtub. "God, it's all down his legs. Fuck me."

                  Harry fought the urge to laugh. He also fought the urge to respond inappropriately to that. "Want me to take over?"

                  "I'd never forgive myself if I put you through this. It's like a warzone down here," Louis said. "But could you adjust my shirt? It's slipping. Watch your knees, he might have some on his hands."

                  Harry leaned over Ernie to pinch Louis' shirt and pull it back up over his nose.

                  "Thanks. Hand me some wipes."

                  Before he even spared the full diaper a glance, Louis started cleaning up the backs of Ernie's legs and anywhere else the boy's poo reached. Harry checked Ernie's hands, and just as Louis had predicted, one of them was somehow smeared with it. As Louis undid one side of the diaper, Harry quickly cleaned off the hand.

                  "I swear to God, kid, if you piss on me there will be hell to pay."

                  As if he understood what Louis had just said and found it amusing, Ernie started giggling.

                  Louis' brows raised. "You think that's funny, huh? You're having a bloody great time, aren't you? Yeah? I don't trust that giggle. I don't trust it even a little bit."

                  Ernie continued to giggle, and Harry couldn't help himself from joining in. Louis shot him a look, but all it did was cause Harry to laugh harder while Louis undid the other side of the diaper. He held the top of it over Ernie for a moment like he needed to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see. After that moment was over, he mumbled, "Here goes nothing."

                  Somehow, even through Harry's shirt, the smell became worse as soon as the diaper was no longer on. Louis jerked backwards, gagging similarly to the way Lottie had been doing just a few minutes ago. Harry pressed a hand over half his face in an effort to cover his nose as quickly as possible. "Holy shit."

                  "There is nothing holy about that shit, motherfuck. How did you even produce that!" Louis shouted, gagging once more. Ernie continued giggling. "I don't know what I fed you in the last twelve hours, but I promise I will never let you consume it again. Dammit. I need more wipes, Harold."

                  Harry yanked the entire top off of the dispenser and pulled out a bunch of them. He handed Louis three at a time, and with one hand wrapped around Ernie's elevated feet, Louis attempted to clean Ernie off. He angled his face away as often as he could, but eventually he huffed a sigh.

                  "Will you fix my shirt again, Harry? And then more wipes."

Harry leaned forward, but it was harder this time with Ernie's legs in the air. He pinched Louis' shirt and went to tug it over his nose until a stream of liquid shot up directly onto Harry's chest.

                  The sound that came out of Harry's mouth was one he hoped he'd never make again, and he decided this as he flew backwards into one of the cabinets. His head smacked the knob of a cupboard hard, but he didn't even feel it; he was too worried about ripping his own T-shirt off as quickly as possible.

                  Louis was shouting things too, but they were mostly curse words as he dropped Ernie's legs in an effort to avoid the piss stream as well. But once Ernie's legs were down, there was no controlling it.

                  "The diaper!" Harry shouted, leaping forward to save Louis from the same fate he already suffered. While Louis was recovering against the bathroom door from his own fright, Harry somehow managed to avoid being pissed on again and cut the stream off by smothering the source with the dirty diaper.

                  All three of them were very still after that. Harry remained towering over Ernie, holding the diaper in place, catching his breath the same way that Louis was against the bathroom door. Harry had been staring at the floor, but after about a minute he lifted his eyes to find Louis already staring at him.

                  And then they both burst into laughter. Harry's cackle was louder than usual, and he didn't try to tame it even a little. Louis was clutching his stomach, occasionally lifting a hand to point at Harry. Ernie was the only one who wasn't laughing anymore, probably because he was confused about what had just happened.

                  Figuring it was safe, Harry let go of the diaper and sat back, still laughing. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, feeling a tear run down the side of his face and down his jaw before he bothered to wipe it away. By the time they were both done laughing, there was a knock on the door.

                  "You guys alright in there, or do I have to call someone?" Lottie asked from the safety of the other side.

                  Harry and Louis locked gazes again, and they nearly began to laugh once more. But instead Louis said, "Get your ass in here, you're doing the rest!"

❄●❄

                  IT TOOK ALMOST three hours before that entire mess was cleaned up. Louis made Lottie help him clean up the bathroom after he finished with Ernie, as there was piss everywhere including the ceiling. Harry and Tommy occupied the twins in the living room, but Harry had to avoid sitting anywhere or touching anything, really.

                  Once the bathroom was finished, Lottie ran a bath and washed the tots up while the three guys had a beer together in the kitchen. After the twins were clean, Louis found Harry a pair of his longest sweatpants and one of his loose tank tops to change into after a shower. Harry found himself having to bite his tongue to keep from making a joke about showering together since Louis planned to shower as soon as Harry was done.

                  When Louis was finished with his shower, he tossed all of the twins' dirty clothes as well as his and Harry's into the washer, and then he joined everyone in the kitchen where Lottie and Harry had made dinner again. They seemed to work well together slaving away over a stove.

                  This meal was simple, though. Harry fried bacon while Lottie made toast and sliced tomatoes. The four adults had BLT's while Lottie fed the twins buttered toast, bits of bacon, and bits of tomato. After dinner, it didn't take long for the twins to settle down. Though they had napped as long as Louis hoped they would today, it must not have been enough to make up for what little sleep they got the night before. By eight, Louis and Lottie were carrying them into Louis' room again.

                  Harry was sitting in Louis' chair, comfortable in Louis' clothes and hoping that nobody else noticed how often he dipped his head or lifted a shoulder in an effort to smell Louis on him. He smelled a bit like Louis himself anyway, as Cheekbones had been kind enough to share his deodorant (and shampoo and conditioner technically).

                  "I work in the morning," Lottie was saying as she and Louis rejoined Harry and Tommy in the living room. "So I'm sleeping by Tommy's again. We're probably going to head out."

                  "Mum wanted to see you tomorrow," Louis told her with an arched brow.

                  Lottie sighed and shrugged. "I'll go visit her next weekend. Tommy's place is closer to the salon, so it's easier this way."

                  "Call her tonight at least."

                  "I will. Did you feed the cats today?"

                  Harry admired Louis while everyone else seemed distracted enough. His hair was extra fluffy after the shower, whispy over his forehead and a bit messy due to Louis' habit of running his hands through it in different directions every couple minutes. He was wearing his glasses and a tank top like the one he'd given Harry. In fact, they matched for the most part. Louis was also wearing sweatpants. He looked so small and gentle and soft, and Harry was getting that kitten vibe all over again. He smiled.

                  The looseness of the outfit made it impossible to find Louis' curves, but Harry knew they were there. He knew the shape of Louis' silhouette well enough by now that if he wasn't shit at art, he could probably sketch him out pretty accurately. He felt his cheeks and stomach warm as he realized he wanted to trace Louis' curves with his own finger, every single last one of them.

                  But here and now was neither the time nor the place, so he forced himself to stop staring. He spread himself out in the chair to distract himself, sinking just a bit and resting his arms on both armrests. He stretched his legs out, cleared his throat, and then tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling instead.

                  Lottie fed and watered Charming and Dashing before she and Tommy left, but once they were gone, Louis went into the kitchen. Harry figured they'd end up in the living room again anyway, so he stayed put.

                  Louis returned with another beer for each of them. Harry wasn't so sure he wanted one, but he figured they'd be going to bed soon anyway and didn't protest when Louis handed it to him. But to his immense surprise, the little lad sat himself right there on Harry's lap without a second's hesitation.

                  Harry accommodated him right away, of course. He wrapped an arm around Louis' back to keep him in place and wrapped the other arm – the one with the beer – around Louis' curled up legs. Then he greeted Louis with his usual smile. "Hello, there."

                  "Harold," Louis said, lifting his bottle before taking a sip of it. "What a long fucking day."

                  Harry chuckled. "You can say that again."

                  Louis lowered his bottle to the floor on the side of the chair before letting out a tired sigh and rolling his neck until it popped a couple times. When he was finished, he tilted his head and stared openly at Harry. With their faces as close as they were, Harry found it hard to believe that Louis was making eye contact for so long. He found it hard to believe that they were sitting like this at all. They've cuddled on the sofa before, sure, but there's a lot more room on that piece of furniture. On this chair, there isn't really anywhere either of them can go unless Louis decides to get off.

                  Harry hoped he wouldn't.

                  "Want to see me do something super confidently and totally on my own?" Louis said then.

                  Harry raised a brow, wondering where this behavior was coming from. He felt his pulse quicken. "Definitely."

                  Again, without any hesitation, Louis reached for Harry's face. He cupped both sides of it with his hands, and after a bit he brushed his thumbs along Harry's cheekbones. Harry swallowed.

                  "Want to see me do something else super confidently and totally on my own?" Louis asked again, this time with a softer voice. He never broke eye contact, and Harry didn't think he could either even if he wanted to.

                  "Definitely," Harry whispered.

                  With his hands still on Harry's face, Louis exhaled through his nose only once before saying, "Don't interrupt."

                  Harry nodded, though just barely. Just enough for Louis to see that he understood.

                  He continued. "Every once in a while I have nightmares. They aren't always about the same thing, because I've got a lot of memories to have nightmares about, but I had one today. This one was about my fourth birthday. Christmas Eve, as you know."

                  Any smile that had been on Louis' face had disappeared entirely, and Harry was pretty positive his was gone as well.

                  "Everything was fine all day. My father brought the right cake home from the shop. Mum had the house clean in time for family who stopped by. I got my first miniature football and two little orange cones to make a goal out of. But then after I'd been put to bed, they got into another screaming match...they were having a lot of those at the time. This time seemed different somehow." He snorted. "It's been how many years, and I can still remember this night like it happened sometime last week."

                  His eyes were tormented. They were like a storm, and Harry felt like it was his job to get himself and Louis to safety. But he promised not to interrupt.

                  "He came into my room sometime after midnight. Merry Christmas to me. He was throwing all of my clothes into a suitcase, telling me I was going to go somewhere with him. That we were going to go on a trip together, just the two of us, and I was actually excited about it. Then Mum was there, crying so hard she could barely speak. She was yanking my clothes out of the suitcase as fast as he was packing them, and then she was pushing him away. He was just...ignoring her. Like she'd already stopped existing to him long ago and he'd grown accustomed to seeing through her completely.

                  "The worst of it came when he took my wrist and helped me out of bed. He already had a pair of my shoes and he was trying to put them on me while Mum... Basically, he realized it was useless, and rather than continue to fight her off he just... He kinda just kissed my forehead, told me he loved me, and without a single glance in Mum's direction he just...left. Haven't seen or heard from him since."

                  Louis was still staring at Harry, still holding onto his face. It was probably Harry who looked the most torn up of the two; he felt his jaw hanging a little slack, felt his brows tilting inwards. His own hands had somehow found their way to Louis' wrists, and he was gripping them so tight that as soon as he noticed, he loosened his hold a bit.

                  Before he could react to the story, Louis suddenly continued.

                  "All my Christmas gifts were in the trunk of his car, too. Asshole."

                  Harry let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, and Louis must have thought it was some sort of strangled laugh. That wasn't what it was at all, but Louis's lips tightened and he nodded, letting his hands slide down to Harry's chest.

                  "God," Harry tried, but it wasn't the right word. "Fuck." That wasn't the right one either. Maybe there wasn't a right word.

                  Louis nodded stiffly. "Yeah."

                  "Is that why you hate Christmas?" It was only after he'd blurted it that Harry decided he probably shouldn't have asked that.

                  But thankfully, it didn't set Louis off. "It was the first domino. Many more came after it. Guess I'll tell you about them sometime, but I'm about to run out of that confidence. I suppose there's enough for... Well, want to see me do one more thing super confidently and totally on my own?"

                  Honestly, Harry wasn't sure what he wanted right now. He couldn't sort out his thoughts or make his brain and mouth cooperate or figure out how to respond properly to all of the new information Louis just willingly gave him, and he didn't know if he was ready for whatever Louis was about to lay on him just yet. He might need a minute.

                  But yeah, that issue with his brain and mouth cooperating caused him to say, "Definitely," once more.

                  And then Louis' hands were on Harry's face again.

                  Harry suddenly knew what was about to happen.